time to cancer up

DC Council Smart Alecks Vote To Legalize Medical Marijuana On 4/20

Hmm, this creature is clearly in fine healthHappy National Marijuana Day, hippies, because you will soon be able to get marijuana legally if you’re all fukk’d up and dying: “The D.C. Council unanimously approved a bill Tuesday to allow chronically ill patients to receive a doctor’s prescription to use marijuana and buy it from a city-sanctioned distribution center. Under the bill, which passed without debate, a patient who suffers from HIV, glaucoma, cancer or a ‘chronic and lasting disease’ may receive a doctor’s recommendation to possess up to 2 ounces of marijuana in a 30-day period.” Make your picks now for which congressman will pick up the ol’ penny on the sidewalk and pretend to try to block this for a few days. [Washington Post]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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51 comments

  1. Bearbloke

    What if you have a bit of a dry cough, or perhaps a ‘chronic and lasting’ disinterest in not being high…?

  2. slappypaddy

    every person on this planet is chronically ill and dying, it is the major fact of life (you can look it up). and jeez louise, mary jane is a fucking weed, you can grow it yourself, it’s not hard, never mind having to buy it from some “city-sanctioned distribution center” — how commie socialist fascist nanny state is that?

  3. Dave J.

    Utah Rep. Jason Chaffetz is my guess; he’s the one who pulled that asshole move the last time DC tried to do something.

  4. Berkeley Bear

    Claim you have chronic colitis (from the GOP being such a bunch of assholes). That ought to work.

  5. I Heart Accuracy

    [re=560822]Crank Tango[/re]: Yeah, those goddamned fun-haters. They’d block child labor, too, which is awesome when it’s laundry day, I must say.

  6. Dustin de Wynde

    Umm, given all the shit that gets chronicled on these pages, I’ll take the words:

    ‘the bill, which passed without debate…’

    As a glimmer of the faintest hope that some people in our Nation’s Capitol don’t have their heads perpetually shoved firmly up their asses.

    It’s not much, but as a start, I’ll take it.

  7. Cicada

    [re=560821]Dave J.[/re]: Yeah, that totally worked out for him too. I guess being on the subcommittee overseeing D.C. postal workers isn’t as powerful a position as you would think.

    Bring it on, Chaffetz.

  8. sati demise

    [re=560820]slappypaddy[/re]: ’cause growing a plant is ‘manufacturing’ in most states, and they can take your frekin’ house and all your valuables if you are caught. Simple possession is a misdemeanor in most cases. it is teh suck. and fuels the blackmarket moneys.

  9. Words

    [re=560838]sati demise[/re]: Wait, I thought it was ‘agriculture’. What, the cops don’t go for that?

    Also, poor DC. .. they’ll never get a repres. in Congress.

  10. Katydid

    [re=560820]slappypaddy[/re]: Anybody ever shoot anyone with a pot plant? Just wondering. We need a goddamned weed amendment.

  11. Aurelio

    Anyone can see, by comments of the many dope fiends in this thread, the terrible damage marijuana wreaks on its self-stupifying users.

  12. Extemporanus

    [re=560851]Extemporanus[/re]: Hahaha, “Death Row”, dude! “Death Row!”

    I am SOOO fucking chronic and lasting right now…

  13. sati demise

    [re=560856]Extemporanus[/re]: yea, why the hell should people on death row, exclusively, get to enjoy some fine legal bud?
    Discrimination of healthy people, thats why. pure discrimination.

  14. JimmysDad

    Stupid Alexandria. I knew we should have rented across the river with the brown people…

  15. Neilist

    Boy, D.C. really is improving. First guns, and now all the Wacky Tabaccy.

    Makes it hard to aim, though. Better make sure you’ve got a full auto or plenty of mags before you go down to the local schoolyard.

  16. GoinGreen

    I’m just gonna say – as a child of 60′s hippies, I don’t really need a sacred day to smoke out. However, the kids at UC Boulder and several other smaller UNIV’s in Colorado have used this day to seriously change the local opinion of what pot can do for the infirm (Colorado is #2 in growth of medical pot). Here is the funny part – most of the kids that are really making a difference AREN’T smoking at the smoke-outs. They are the ones that are making a difference by understanding the value of anything that works. They also point out that there are FAR more people addicted to hillbilly heroin (Oxycontin/Vicodin) than have been addicted to pot – EVER. The sea change is taking place as we speak – as the wonderfully insane Jesse Ventura so eloquently said on Bill Mahr (paraphrasing) – “the best way to control something is to legalize it!”

  17. GoinGreen

    [re=560871]tal415[/re]: If zombie = flesheater and Jeebus = zombie??? Do you think…?? No!…

  18. Flanders

    [re=560838]sati demise[/re]: But is Seattle, simpel pot possession is not longer prosecuted. Step in the right direction.

  19. southern mark smith

    [re=560882]Pandy[/re]: The fax, which included a graphic of an American flag adorned pickup truck

    Does he mean like this one? The faxer’s just opposed to deficits, is all. That whole “NIG**R SH*T SMELL” thing is just some necessary background, so that we may understand the fax in its proper context.

  20. Pandy

    [re=560887]southern mark smith[/re]: Oh, okay, thanks. It’s just been so long since I’ve heard those words, with me living in the librul south and all. Can’t we all just be gud cristyuns and play nice.

  21. El Pinche

    [re=560882]Pandy[/re]:
    “..HE IS BRAVE ENOUGH TO KILL OUR UNBORN..” For unborn Palinites…one can only wish. I’d supply the hangers since clinics are too socialistic.

  22. the problem child

    Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. Or, if like me, the stuff is 2 years old and in the freezer, defrost and make freezer burn brownies. Christ, I used to be chronic. What happened?

  23. Radiotherapy

    [re=560882]Pandy[/re]: It’s not really off topic if I take a few bong hitteroos before clicking on the link. Click bic. Bubble bubble bubble. Ffhhuuuhh. Exhale. X 3.

    Whoa. Buzz kill dude.
    The only thing worse than Palin is a Palin supporter.

  24. Words

    [re=560903]the problem child[/re]: Nothing worse than freezer burn.

    You should live in a Republican stronghold neighborhood. They never suspect (a supposed) one of their own.. Husband has a “photo developing lab” w/padlock… :-)

  25. SayItWithWookies

    The council will have to vote on it a second time next month. But it will likely be at least several months before the city’s medical marijuana program gets off the ground.

    By about mid-August someone should realize they’ve approved the bill once a month for the past year. Then they won’t be able to find the minutes of the previous meeting to check. And then the next meeting they’ll spend the entire time doing an extended jam of “Street Hassle” and then they’ll findally get around to setting up those grow centers. But if someone mentions pizza all progress could come to a screeching halt.

  26. obfuscator

    [re=560919]SayItWithWookies[/re]: the motion to “find some fuckin’ foooooood” will be pass without debate.

  27. Radiotherapy

    [re=560925]obfuscator[/re]: Or “suffer from a chronic condition”. Bubble bubble bubble, Fhffuuuhh.

  28. LowerdPeninsula

    [re=560912]Potater[/re]: Dude…you just totally blew my mind. You’re like all out in the ether and some shit! Wait, that’s cannibalism; weed smoking weed, right? OMG! We’re all gonna’ die!

    Just heard some comedian on Craig Ferguson’s late night show that said that “smoking pot for 20 years is like being kicked to death by a rabbit.” Is this true?

  29. Sharkey

    Before(?) this thread dies, let’s not forget what happened in 1998. There was a marijuana legalization referendum – Initiative 59. Lots of people (myself included) voted to legalize. “…an exit poll by a group supporting the initiative showed 69 percent of voters supported the measure.”

    “It turns out that Congress, which controls the inner workings of district affairs, squelched the release of the results after one of its most conservative members did not like the smell of the medical marijuana measure.

    The results of a district referendum that very likely passed are now a government secret. The final printed tally is sitting off-limits at the D.C. Board of Elections, the numbers covered from prying eyes.

    Rep. Bob Barr, a conservative Georgia Republican, got wind of the D.C. referendum and won an amendment to the city’s appropriations bill that prohibits the district from using federal funds for any ballot initiative that lessened the penalties for marijuana.

    That was 13 days before the election — not enough time to take the question off the ballot.

    The situation underscores the unique — some say dysfunctional — relationship between the district and Congress.

    Because the city has only limited self-government, it is subject to sweeping congressional oversight that allows lawmakers from far-flung states to influence its day-to-day affairs.”

    So yeah I’m thinking Congress is gonna fuck this up again. Sigh.

Comments are closed.