WHY DID OBAMA PERSONALLY PUT A MICROCHIP IN THIS LADY’S ANUS? Here is a lady testifying before the Georgia legislature about banning microchip implantation in humans, which she claimed the Defense Department did to her: “I’m also one of the people in Georgia who has a microchip… Microchips are like little beepers. Just imagine, if you will, having a beeper in your rectum or genital area, the most sensitive area of your body.” Oh yeah that would only be SO AWESOME ALL THE TIME? [TPM]
SHE SAID 'RECTUM' 5:13 pm April 20, 2010
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{ 95 comments }
So now the government is wasting money inserting vibrating butt plugs into random hicks in the South?
a Microchip in my anus??? what!!! Hell no…Size Queen! bring on the Mega Chip!!!! amirite? amirite?
pics or GTFO. and then GTFO.
Would mine just beep, or would there be some kind of a vibrational hum to it? It makes a difference…
Based on what I’ve seen on Wonkette this week, all I can say is OMG, we need public mental health care in this country NOW! Maybe we could start with a little Valium in the drinking water. Something, The crazy has become a national emergency.
And it’s only Tuesday.
Watt, watt, in the butt.
Wait, didn’t Nadine make these exact same claims?
Lady, you got the wrong culprits; it was the aliens who implanted the microchip in your hoo-ha.
I do hope the Georgia legislature will consider my bill against requiring cybernetic Borg implants.
Usually it’s aliens kidnapping and inserting with these people, but elect a black man to the White House…
Didn’t Timothy McVey think the Army had put a microchip in his arse, too?
I thinketh that the lady doth protest too much and knoweth not that is a really a teeny weeny webcam broadcasting her privates all over the Internet. That’s what you get when you wurk fur de bad ole defense department in the diversionary porn brigade. Honestly, I know this for a fact. I learned all about it talking to a teabagger at a rally or something. Gotta go. Gotta go cash my social security check before the govment goes broke.
On a positive note, this technology could help Rush Limbaugh’s liasons find his willie.
Rectum?
Hell, damn near killed ‘em…
“I’ve not done any of this backroom thing that people are talking about,” he said.
There were no comments over at TPM. I guess there is nothing to be said.
“Vaginal-rectum area”? Pity her poor ass-babies.
Do you know the importance of a TaintPager?1
Her beeper’s goin’ off like Don Trump gets checks, yo!
It gets even more wacko — she was saying her co-workers were triggering the implant with their cellphones, to intimidate her. Also, apparently the number to call was being put on local billboards.
When I wake up with an itch in the most sensitive areas of my body, my first thought is also that it’s from being violated by the Department of Defense. And the twenty on the night table is also from them.
*Shakes head*
I feel like Calvin’s elementary school class after Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbs fame) states Bats = Bugs.
Lady, Microchips aren’t bugs.
As a member of a maligned and Apsergers filled profession with some actual experience with those microchips you speak of, I have to state that said lady needs to readjust her tinfoil hat and up her meds.
And this was the sanest witness they could find.
Today, we are all buttplugged lunatics.
The beeper in the genital/rectal area, I can understand. It’s a simple matter of national security. But having the beeper number displayed on billboards all over the city…..that seems like it might be an invasion of privacy to me. Anyone could dial you up and give you a beep in the middle of the night! The beeper numbers need to be kept in a big book in the county clerk’s office. I think that makes more sense.
Ok, here’s what you do.
A big plate of Okra with some Taco Bell or White Castle food and wash it all down with a Steel Reserve tall boy.
It’s like a speedball for the digestive system. Yeah Boyee, it will fuck your shit up!
She’ll be on ClusterFox within the next few days. They’ll let anybody on to say anything.
On the positive side, now we know where Orly Taitz was last week…
How did this woman even get in front of the legislature? What the hell are they doing down there?
Too bad she doesn’t live in Minnesota — she could give Michele Bachmann (who has no excuse) a run for her money. Otherwise, pathetic and sad. Even more so that the bill passed.
I have one, (volunteered) and the number has been posted all over town, still no calls. What’s wrong with me?
Heh, heh. I’ve heard it called a lot of things, but a MICROCHIP! Now, that’s inventive! Might also explain why Sarah Palin’s voice is so high and squeaky. I’ll bet Andrew Sullivan can implant a microchip all night long; according to him, anyway.
[re=560679]chascates[/re]: can’t stop laughing at this.
But I think she just left her Pocket Rocket up there one night and now it’s a gubbment ‘spiracy to get her off…her land.
Not surprising really. I mean it’s not surprising that Georgia “lawmakers” can tell a paranoid schizophrenic from a normal person. They LIKE Sarah Palin.
[re=560710]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Lady, Microchips aren’t bugs.
As we say in the software industry, they’re features.
As a member of a maligned and Apsergers filled profession with some actual experience with those microchips you speak of, I have to state that said lady needs to readjust her tinfoil hat and up her meds.
Also too, does this mean you are confirming her story? In other words, what’s up your arse?
It’s important to have the occasional schizophrenic testify before the Georgia state legislature. The legislators get so lonely otherwise.
This really has to be the right-wing loonosphere story of the season. The Georgia Legislature could even brag that it was being responsive to important public-policy concerns its severely mentally-ill constituencies if it didn’t sound so much like SOCIALISM!
Please, the preferred nomenclature is ‘bung hole,’ per our esteemed late president LBJ.
[re=560718]engulfedinflames[/re]: I think you’re too hot to handle.
[re=560679]chascates[/re]:
Obamar’s an ALIEN. A SPACE ALIEN!!! OMG, he’s a gray!
[re=560688]Noonan[/re]: Shocker!
[re=560685]Tommmcatt[/re]: It doesn’t rattle & hum when you insert it, but it does wriggle around enough to get your attention.
[re=560710]ManchuCandidate[/re]: So what you’re saying is, it’s a feature, not a bug?
I mean, if it’s in her rectum or her hoohah, can’t she just pull the fucker out? Or does she enjoy it too much? I’m reminded of the episode of Ab Fab, when Patsy borrows Eddie’s phone, which is set on vibrate.
So, I guess when she farts she goes, “Beeeeeeep!”
[re=560723]Katydid[/re]:
Last time I checked, poo.
[re=560728]Extemporanus[/re]:
Haha. Yes.
[re=560710]ManchuCandidate[/re]: hat? sounds like she needs a tinfoil merkin.
Sweet Jeebus. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT click on the definition of “urban muff mole” on urbandictionary.
Perhaps she meant to say that she had a potato chip in her vagectum.
Sign her up for a career in squirt porn.
Is she sure they aren’t gerbilbots?
Did the aliens let her talk to Elvis?
Wait, now, there’s hope for the Great State of Georgia. From Arnold in the comments: “The Republicans have their next VP candidate.”
Beeping would be a serious upgrade from my “warmer/colder” method of sexual feedback.
Look at the bright side of this. If some bright guy invents a life-saving medical device that has a microchip as part of the implant, nobody in Georgia will be saved. Eventually, the problem with Georgia’s Legislature will solve itself.
[re=560732]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Either then or when she queefs — she’s not quite sure… Apparently she hasn’t looked down there in a while… I’m imagining she looks a lot like the NH lady’s description of anal sex as “wriggling around in a rectum”
[re=560741]Extemporanus[/re]: I think the potato chip is stuck in the habitrail tube.
And happy 420. 30 minutes late.
[re=560709]AxmxZ[/re]: They’ll spend a million dollars on a toilet seat, but one lousy blowjob and its all “fiscal responsibility.”
[re=560685]Tommmcatt[/re]: There’s an app for that.
nice to see the georgia legislature has its priorities straight.
She needs to call Roto Rooter to clean out her bunghole-cooter.
Voted person most likely to get shot in the butt with a tranquilizer dart in junior high.
So what’s the number?
What’s this ladies number? I want to beep her anus right now.
[re=560756]TicChiracTac[/re]:
HAH!
[re=560718]engulfedinflames[/re]: Maybe you’re trying to hard.
‘Tain’t so without pics.
1-800-ASS-BUZZ
She sounds like the perfect interview for Glen Beck.
[re=560743]weejee[/re]: Or — god forbid! — a DEMON HAMSTER!
[re=560752]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Patrick Bateman, is that you?
[re=560767]TimeCubist[/re]: [re=560769]TheCoolestGuyInTown[/re]: 867-53ASS9
“Why doesn’t he ring? Why doesn’t he call?”
[re=560732]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Also, that could come in handy when her fat ass is backing up.
Microchip in My Anus.
70′s Punk Band or Republican Talking Point? We report, you decide.
[re=560716]Roger Williams hates your ways[/re]: You just come down to the Capitol, go to the committee room (schedule’s on line) and sign up to speak. She is by no means the wackiest person I have heard address the Ginrul Simbly. There are actual legislators who make less sense.
I’m still waiting to see if the gun nuts are going to allow concealed carry in the Capitol during the session. If they do, I am TOTALLY renewing my CCW and going down there, just to fuck with them.
[re=560717]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It’s a stupid bill, but it’s one wingnut law that hurts absolutely nobody. No one is currently being microchipped, and this blissful state will continue without anyone having to spend a dime beyond printing costs for the bill. Considering all the other stupid shit they come up with, I am THRILLED that they took the time to pass this idiocy. Idle hands and that.
[re=560721]Ducksworthy[/re]: Hey, paranoid schizophrenics vote, too.
This is what happens when the DoD goes out on a bender. Some beer, some Jager, some tequila…next thing you know they’re microchipping vaginal-anal cavities all over town. The first step is admitting you have a problem, Department of Defense!
[re=560688]Noonan[/re]: Best YouToobz EVAR!!!11!!
If Rep. Weldon were any kind of a true Southern gentleman, he would plucked that micro-thingee from the lady’s moist vaginal-rectum area (the “Taitz”) right then and there. Where have our manners gone, sirs?
Anyone want a microchip?
[re=560778]Extemporanus[/re]: Hey, you know I was joking about your avatar(s), right? I actually liked the ‘POOP’ one, even upside down.
What’s the frequency, Kenneth?
The updated headline tommorrow: TV REMOTE LOST IN A FAT ASS VAGINA FOR FOUR YEARS
Here is the videotape of the testimony from the Georgia House of Representatives Judiciary Committee, beginning at roughly 43 minutes in.
Windows Media Video, 563MB. Apparently you can stream it without downloading it.
[re=560763]I Heart Accuracy[/re]: Not as bad as being voted “Girl most likely to be found unconscious in a Marine barracks” though.
Though I’m still confused as to why the Georgia house needed to pass a law banning microchip implantation in humans. Are they about to pass a law legalizing slavery but didn’t want to take a chance that some smarty pants would modernize that holiest of institutions?
[re=560832]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Even if you weren’t, I was getting bored of the three-day PedoPoopBoobBear routine myself, and just about ready to violently 86 it.
And in case you skipped the link, the “Patrick Bateman” remark was in response to your [re=560752]habitrail tube comment[/re], and a reference to a certain scene in American Psycho involving a tube, a starving rodent, and a naked woman (literally) nailed spread eagle on the floor.
I do not actually think you are Patrick Bateman — I remain undecided, however, as to whether you may indeed be a voracious vagina rat.
they put a microchip in my peter but the lord heeled me
Did John Nash father a female child in Georgia, while he was on a DoD assignment?
TAINT TRACKER!!!
Please, Sinclair Lewis, be reborn — and include this testimony verbatim. Mebbe Charles Portis could handle it. The video is must-see TV.
As an, engineer, I really have to say, multicore. Hidden cores can be unlocked. Also, lego robot plays tetris all IT admins in danger iPhone 4G loser clone. Scottish single malt rules.
1) Is a pacemaker considered a microchip?
2) Is microchip what they call Ben Wa Balls in Georgia?
The vaginal-rectum area or, as we ornithologists call it, the cloaca. Since when can fowl testify before the legislature? This is just a slippery slope for the Muslin Socialists to utilize. Next thing you know, monotremes will be testifying, then the cephalopods, then the crinoids and the Irish! Free the Kraken!
[re=560864]Extemporanus[/re]: I saw that movie awhile ago and didn’t immediately get the reference.
P.S. I’m a Virgo rat, not a vagina rat. Get it straight. Hmmph.
[re=560855]justthisonce[/re]: The Georgia House (GAH) debate on forehead barcode tattoos scheduled to begin next Tuesday will resume in the past on June 6, 2006.
And yet, not a word of complaint about RFID tags on every item she buys at Walmart. (A good Suthrun company!)
DARPA, the NSA and FEMA implanted a microchip in me 25 years ago, and I haven’t had any probl—ROGER THAT, CHARLIE, YOU’RE CLEARED FOR LANDING AT ANDREWS OHOURHUNDRED HOURS; THAT CODE IS OBVIOUSLY RUSSIAN; LET’S SEE THE PLANS FOR THAT NEW STEALTH AIRCRAFT–ems with anything.
They listened to this crazy person. And then they PASSED the bill. I fear for this country.
Forget fluoride, it’s time to put anti-psychotics in the water, I fear!
So, the nurse asks the doctor, “Doctor, why do you have a rectal microchip behind your ear?” “Because some asshole has my CPU,” he says.
Dear Teabaggers,
To a first order approximation, you all sound like this woman to us.
Sincerely,
The Reality-Based Community
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