WINGNUTS LOVE FIRIN' FOLK  4:15 pm April 20, 2010

Why Is Extreme Conservative Bob Bennett Going To Lose His Senate Primary?

by Jim Newell

Liberal clothes, tooUtah’s “junior senator,” the elderly three-term Republican Bob Bennett, is a 150% conservative monster who hates poor people almost as much as he loves his state’s official god, the Mormon Space Jeebus. So why is he losing so miserably going into his state’s Republican nominating convention?

He is not a gay orange person who one time took a photo with Barack Obama, like Charlie Crist, and he’s not Mexican, like John McCain. The problem is basically that he’s from Utah, and he’s in the Republican party of Utah, and his fate will be determined by a handful of people from the far right wing of the Republican party of Utah. “The far right wing of the Republican party of Utah” is perhaps the scariest group of people to have ever walked the face of the earth.

Amid all the reports of how dire Bennett’s situation looks, not many are really explaining how this came to bear. Here’s something, at least:

Most of the resistance to Bennett has centered around his support for the federal bailout of the financial industry. But Bennett’s opponents have also criticized him for his unwavering defense of earmarks, which send taxpayer dollars to projects in lawmakers’ districts outside the competitive process required for other federal spending.

He voted for TARP and he likes earmarks. Are you fucking kidding me? Does he also breathe oxygen? Is he in favor of the sun rising in the morning? (We’re not, for the record, but no one will listen.)

Here’s more, from a recent debate:

Bennett, considered a moderate in Utah, told about 130 delegates and more than 100 others at Utah Valley University that eliminating earmarks wouldn’t reduce the deficit by one cent. That would only give President Barack Obama, a Democrat, more power to decide which projects get funded, he said.

Bennett added that his earmark requests have always been transparent.

“I’ve not done any of this backroom thing that people are talking about,” he said.

Attorney Mike Lee, thought to be one of Bennett’s most credible challengers, called for a one-year moratorium on earmarks. He also subtly criticized the senator, saying the recently passed health care bill is unconstitutional because it includes a mandate to buy insurance.

Ahh, here’s what we’re looking for. This is the reason, or one of them. That “subtle [criticism]” is in reference to the Wyden-Bennett health care reform bill, one that he WORKED WITH DEMOCRAT RON WYDEN to produce. The bill, if you are unfamiliar, would basically eliminate the employer-based health care system, then require employers to make up some of those costs in the form of raises to employees, who could then purchase individual insurance on exchanges. To keep costs down, of course, it would include… AN INDIVIDUAL MANDATE! It was a pretty good bill to work with, but would never go anywhere. If you thought it was hard enough to reform the system without really changing the employer-based market and its hundreds of millions of basically satisfied insurees, well…


The Club for Growth has given a lot of money to his opponents’ campaigns for this reason, and now mandate-lover Mitt Romney — “the state’s most revered politician” — will have to come in to try and later fail to save the communist Bob Bennett, the most conservative person in history, the end.


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chascates April 20, 2010 at 4:18 pm

He’s managed to escape the Fashion Police for decades at least.

Tommmcatt April 20, 2010 at 4:19 pm

What the hell kinda suit is that supposed to be? Seersucker? What’s with the lapels?

Liberal indeed.

snideinplainsight April 20, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Looks like the love child of Irving R. Levine and the Pepperidge Farms guy -

Aquannissiwamissoo April 20, 2010 at 4:21 pm

When did Brian Eno get elected to the U.S. Senate?

snideinplainsight April 20, 2010 at 4:22 pm

“They’re crunchy little crispy little fishy critters.”

Buzz Feedback April 20, 2010 at 4:23 pm

That shit looks like shit on teevee.

SayItWithWookies April 20, 2010 at 4:25 pm

He’s got a few months before the election — he could round up at least one fifteen-year-old girl to go hot-tubbing with in that time.

Katydid April 20, 2010 at 4:27 pm

“I’ve not done any of this backroom thing that people are talking about,” he said.

What is he talking about? And that sounds like the lead to me.

El Kabong April 20, 2010 at 4:29 pm

he has teh gay with that suit – utah style

Aguacatero April 20, 2010 at 4:29 pm

“perhaps the scariest group of people to have ever walked the face of the earth”

Except for the right wing of the Republican Party of Idaho, as exemplified by the creature from post before last. They’re like Utah Republicans, but with less Mormon nice and lots more ammo.

germansteel April 20, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Bob Bennett and James Carville: Separated at birth.

At least, though, he has a birf certificate, uhh, doesn’t he?

mustardman April 20, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Are the snuggie people making suits now?

JohnnyMeatworth April 20, 2010 at 4:31 pm

nice fucking jacket–i hope the Music Man auditions go well for him….

JMP April 20, 2010 at 4:31 pm

And the Night of the Long Knives (extended remix) continues. Before the teabaggers are done, I wouldn’t be surprised if even Bachmann is drummed out for being too liberal. Thanks for marginalizing your party!

You’ve got to admit, diagonal stripes go well with magic underwear.

schvitzatura April 20, 2010 at 4:32 pm

[re=560595]Tommmcatt[/re]: Global climate change is being caused by the passage of Kolob juxtaposed with Planet X and the dwarf star Wormwood…it’s a warm spring so this Washington semi-old timer breaks out the sartorially-obligatory seersucker.

Moiré effect makes Bennett look like he is wearing a Japanese rock garden…should have gone for the light tan poplin, Bob.

Potater April 20, 2010 at 4:32 pm

“‘The far right wing of the Republican party of Utah’ is perhaps the scariest group of people to have ever walked the face of the earth.”

And there’s more of ‘em every nine months.

MMS April 20, 2010 at 4:34 pm

The big problem with that article is the cliche “centered around.”

How does something center around something. It’s either center or its around, but it can’t really be both.

Otherwise, mega dittoes.

Come here a minute April 20, 2010 at 4:35 pm

He also likes to watch women in high heels crush small mammals.

Tommmcatt April 20, 2010 at 4:35 pm


Carville is much sexier than Bennett, although now that I am thinking about it either of them make me want to vomit in that regard. Still, Carville makes me want to vomit less vomit for a shorter period of time, so I stand by my original statement.

Cajun dirty talk, though. Bleh.

Red Zeppelin April 20, 2010 at 4:37 pm

It’s like the observation (I think by Orwell, but too lazy to Google or Wiki the fucker) that the extreme left and the extreme right meet up somewhere, maybe in the men’s room at the Minneapolis airport.

TGY April 20, 2010 at 4:37 pm

But what of his underpants? Are they magic enough?

Aquannissiwamissoo April 20, 2010 at 4:37 pm

In this image, I see priests, long sweaty Boy Scout camping trips, wine coolers and crotchless pantaloons.

Woodwards Friend April 20, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Fun fact: the guy All The President’s Men who told Robert Redford that Howard Hunt had worked for the CIA was this Robert Bennett.

progressiveinga April 20, 2010 at 4:41 pm

He blinded me with seersucker!

PortlandSmartAss April 20, 2010 at 4:43 pm

One or two FLDS dads gets you an electoral juggernaut in Utah

SayItWithWookies April 20, 2010 at 4:44 pm

In the haze of the morning
Utah sits on eternity
And the meth labs and Mormons sell
Dreams to skinhead fraternities

In the blue distance the
World is so liberal

Utah, my Utah
I’ve wandered around and you’re still here
Your desert enclosed you, has
Kept you insane for hundreds of years
But there’s something I must tell you –
All the young boys they are
Dressing like Adam Lambert

magic titty April 20, 2010 at 4:45 pm

That suit can trade slaves like the dickens!

Oldskool April 20, 2010 at 4:46 pm

These guys are hilarious in a bad zombie movie kind of way.

bitchincamaro April 20, 2010 at 4:46 pm

Circular firing squad continues to cull the weak from the feeble minded. Carry on.

crapshooter102 April 20, 2010 at 4:47 pm

Put a fence around Utah and do no allow any more imported suits in. He would look so much more up to date in an Orange Jumpsuit.

qwerty42 April 20, 2010 at 4:49 pm

So now Bennett is a gay Democrat? At least he hasn’t ended his career as a sad lesbian cat lady, though that could still happen!

carlgt1 April 20, 2010 at 4:50 pm

that’s a Moire pattern suit he’s wearing to hypnotize liberals into submission?

Aquannissiwamissoo April 20, 2010 at 4:52 pm

This photo of “Bob” Bennett is still not as frightening as the sidebar Wonkette ad where Ben Stein is suggesting he can insert three fingers and his entire bald head up my rectum.

June Cleaver 2.0 April 20, 2010 at 4:53 pm

How can Mittens be for Rubio and for Bennett, one for club for growth, the other against club for growth. How can he be for healthcare in MA, but not for the same kind of healthcare in the rest of the states? In 2012, how are the GOP going to be able to nominate someone who doesn’t look and sound crazy to the average citizen? I mean, really, what could be the strategy?

Clancy_Pants April 20, 2010 at 4:55 pm

I wanted to say “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” then I looked at Bob’s picture again and the visual made me sick.

PlanetWingnuta April 20, 2010 at 4:56 pm

if he dipped that suit in bedazzled bedazzlers he would look like Steve Martin in Leap of Faith.

WIDTAP April 20, 2010 at 4:58 pm

[re=560595]Tommmcatt[/re]: Ladies and gentlemen – I give you the 12th Doctor Who.

PlanetWingnuta April 20, 2010 at 4:58 pm

By the way is this a Larry Craig type of Admission “I’ve not done any of this backroom thing that people are talking about”, you know like Larry did back in the 80s when no one was even thinking he was fucking his pages.

Cause I know I’m not the only one who uses the term backdoor for that …AMIRITE? AMIRITE?

I Heart Accuracy April 20, 2010 at 5:00 pm

[re=560645]bitchincamaro[/re]: Yeah I’m not seeing anything but a good outcome here.

Keep on yapping, creepy farmer-dude-from-Chinatown-that-bangs-own-offspring.

PineyWoodster April 20, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Mister Peppermint?!?!?

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 20, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Orville Redenbacher called, Bob, and wants his suit back RIGHT NOW.

Mr Blifil April 20, 2010 at 5:04 pm

“You look so nice in your cocksucker suit…”

Red Zeppelin April 20, 2010 at 5:06 pm

[re=560667]PineyWoodster[/re]: The Emporer of Ice Cream, I think.

Tommmcatt April 20, 2010 at 5:07 pm


I’m going to have to start rooting for the Daleks.

Extemporanus April 20, 2010 at 5:10 pm

[re=560606]Buzz Feedback[/re]: As a nasdat Bob Bennet once observed — and clearly now forgotten — “It’s funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.”

cheeto_jeebus April 20, 2010 at 5:22 pm

Wow, John Malkovich got old.

sweetfancymoses April 20, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Wow. Matlock looks like hell.

JMP April 20, 2010 at 5:27 pm

[re=560661]WIDTAP[/re]: So they’re going back to the comically ancient men?

Ducksworthy April 20, 2010 at 5:31 pm

[re=560629]Red Zeppelin[/re]:
Yep. You need to take a wiiiide stance when dealing with them suckers.

Tundra Grifter April 20, 2010 at 5:34 pm

I’ve seen better jackets on a baked potatoe.

GOPCrusher April 20, 2010 at 5:41 pm

It’s the Cryptkeeper or John Clayton.

Wanderlust April 20, 2010 at 5:49 pm

He’s not wearing a suit. THAT IS HIS SKIN.

proudgrampa April 20, 2010 at 6:03 pm

[re=560615]germansteel[/re]: I think he was born before they had birth certificates.

Norbert April 20, 2010 at 6:11 pm

I’d hit it.

S.Luggo April 20, 2010 at 6:26 pm

Jim Dandy to the rescue:

mustardman April 20, 2010 at 6:54 pm

So Hunter Thompson never really died. He just went undercover as a Utah white wing nut job.

whiterabid April 20, 2010 at 6:58 pm

Has the rapture come early?

Long Form Def Certificate April 20, 2010 at 7:19 pm

Romney is Utah’s most esteemed politician? He’s never been elected to anything in Utah, & has hardly lived there. Yes, he’s a Mormon… But so is Orrin Hatch, a veritably Music Man. Where’s the Orrin Love, people?

What Fresh Hell is This? April 20, 2010 at 9:39 pm

Tucker Carlson is certainly not aging well

Surfeit O'Hubris April 21, 2010 at 12:38 am

The time to try the backroom thing is in college, when lots of people experiment.

But that guy looks like he went to college in about the 1870s. Probably too many classmates were experimenting with absinthe.

Aurelio April 21, 2010 at 12:52 am

This story makes me want to go lie down.

LowerdPeninsula April 21, 2010 at 1:59 am

“Bennett, considered a moderate in Utah…”

That is all that needs to be said.

The Republicans wanted to snuggle up to the Fatal Attraction-esque Tea Party, and they will now face the consequences.

Dixon, Mason April 21, 2010 at 10:35 am

“The far right wing of the Republican party of Utah” is perhaps the scariest group of people to have ever walked the face of the earth.

Really? If they drink the cool-aid, they only hurt themselves. Hmmmmm…backpacks filled with IEDs or plastic cups filled with a healthy dose of suicide?

ShortShadey April 21, 2010 at 12:30 pm

It’s a corrugated aluminum suit. Pairs up well with the tinfoil hat.

desertwind April 21, 2010 at 3:04 pm

Look out when he gets up on his Penny Farthing.

Troubledog May 8, 2010 at 8:58 pm

[re=560696]cheeto_jeebus[/re]: I also vote for Malkovich.

Pooperazzi May 8, 2010 at 10:00 pm

Hey hey hey… lay off the seersucker suit. I’m wearing one right now. I feel good in it, kind of cool and breezy when it’s hot outside. Also, when I fart no one smells it.

villageatrois May 9, 2010 at 2:11 am

[re=560595]Tommmcatt[/re]: “hat the hell kinda suit is that supposed to be? Seersucker?”

No. He bought it in Dallas, at Koch’s. It’s a Koch’s sucker suit.

lawrenceofthedesert May 9, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Given his future, what is the past tense of seersucker?

zhubajie May 9, 2010 at 5:35 pm

[re=560646]crapshooter102[/re]: I’ve often thought we should pay Mexico to take it back!

yellowerdog May 10, 2010 at 10:46 am

On to South Carolina. YEEHAW!!!!

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