did jesus kill his dinosaurs with volcanoes?

Remember the Idiot Republican Bobby Jindal Mocking ‘Volcano Monitoring’?


It’s unfair to blame only Bobby Jindal, the boy exorcist of the bayou, for this asinine response to Barack Obama’s first State of the Union address. Why? Because the entire national GOP leadership shares the blame for this dumb bullshit. But doesn’t Bobby look smug while he consults his illustrated Bible for proof that American manufacturing, high-speed trains and geological disasters are all simple tricks of the Devil?

Wow, $300 million to buy American-made cars for the American government’s fleet of cars? And $8 billion for high speed rail projects in America, when China has spent $170 billion on fast trains in the past decade and will have invested $300 billion by 2020? (“Disneyland” is apparently what Jindal thinks is the real name for “Los Angeles,” which is actually the nation’s second largest city and not some tiny swamp suburb like Baton Rouge, and the only California high-speed rail project ready to build connects LA/San Diego and San Francisco/Sacramento, the two population centers of America’s most populous state.)

But, chuckle chuckle, the *real* outrage is spending $160 million on the monitoring of active volcanoes in the United States. Ha ha, what kind of science nerd thinks volcanoes even exist? Was Jesus pooped out by a *volcano*? Exactly. [TPM via They Gave Us a Republic]

Related

Sponsored Video

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

93 comments

  1. Bostoprov

    I just love the “Where are they now” segment of Wonkette. I remember that guy! Isn’t he the presumptive Republican nominee for 2012? Who won that election anyhow?

  2. ManchuCandidate

    If Brown (but not THAT BROWN) Bobby and his gang of Morans were in charge, he’d declare war on Geology, kill every Geologist he could find, blow up every Geology dept in US America and then nook every volcano within range of the US Nookular Missils.

    If that failed, he sacrifice every virgin he could to appease the non-Xtian volcano gods. Might be the best use of abstinence pledges ever.

  3. weejee

    Booby, you have millions more in hurricane monitoring cuz you have a major city located below sea level and you’re droning about volcanoes?

    Were you sleeping during St. Helens, which fortunately is far from major developments but sacked Eastern Washington but good. How’s ’bout C’Addle & Mt. Rainier, which could present some problems for developments in the Kent Valley.

  4. Terry

    Sadly, though, does the average person CARE if the facts are wrong as long as GOP person gets in a few zingers?

  5. Katydid

    Instead of spending the money, why don’t we just throw Bobby Jindal into a volcano, and see if that don’t appease the gods.

  6. JMP

    Someone should explain to Jindal that the government only lets a foreseen natural disaster hit without lifting a finger to mitigate the damage when his party is in charge.

  7. Johnny Zhivago

    “for something called volcano monitoring”

    It almost sounds as if Jindal had never even heard of a volcano before.

    By the way, when the winds shift (and the ground warms up more) and the Katla supervolcano finally blows, it will probably dump 6 trillion tons of ash on the US. It’s a good thing we’ve done such a fantastic job on investing in passenger rail, or else we would be in a heap of trouble.

  8. Litlebritdifrnt

    I think the money would be best spent by paying all the republicans to stand on the side of each volcano holding a little thermometer with the instruction “here monitor this if it gets hot, call us”. Win win if you ask me.

  9. Autoo

    In fairness to Bobby, didn’t the Icelanders Icelandics Icelandians Ikes just invent volcanos last week?

  10. yargisbargis

    [re=560144]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Makes a great excuse not to fly out and visit the in-laws in Minnesota: “Sorry, Janet, the volcano is stopping us. Now if we had more volcano monitoring we’d be sitting down to your salad loaf right now.”

  11. Zadig

    [re=560119]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Plus, teens will now have an insanely strong incentive to fuck.

  12. snideinplainsight

    [re=560132]Crank Tango[/re]: Of course you can fix your own printer, because AMERICANS CAN DO ANYTHING!

  13. Catholics4Condoms

    Like he had a chance at the Republican Presidenttial nomination. Although he is a christian with Hindu ancestry, some wingnut will just move the “d” after the “a” then take the “l” and overlap it with the “n” …and his name is “Bobby J!h@d”

  14. Jim89048

    If Iceland had done a better job of keeping an eye on Eyjafjallajokull it never could have erupted like that, so maybe Piyush is right.

  15. rambone

    oooh oooh! Got any clips of GOPers mocking FEMA pre-Katrina?

    Hop to it Layne. I got my lotion and box of tissues all ready for that one . . .

  16. Crank Tango

    [re=560152]Katydid[/re]: hahahaha–it’s just a pet peeve of mine since they closed my tucson call queue and sent it to india years ago. but don’t cry for me argentina, I took my severance package and went to france like i was planning to do anyway. I went in to work one day thinking I needed to give two weeks’ notice, and BAM! they sent us all home with pay for the whole day and several weeks thereafter.

    [re=560157]snideinplainsight[/re]: we have that special spirit, small businesses, mom and pops, teen pregnancy, retard baby, todd snow machine, drill baby drill.

  17. Aflac Shrugged

    [re=560146]blader[/re]: More recent research suggests that our proximity to repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is the primary cause, aggravated by the continuing popularity of Girls Gone Wild videos.

  18. PabaBritannica

    The boy in the ill-fitting suit and Michael Steele are the GOP’s only shots at diversity and, well, we see how those are going.

  19. JMP

    [re=560155]Zadig[/re]: But nerds have a hard enough time in high school as it is, and one of the few things to pull them though is the knowledge they’ll do well as adults; replace that with a sacrifice to the volcano gods and things just get depressing.

  20. Katydid

    [re=560168]Crank Tango[/re]: I hear you. I work in IT, and the job market and outsourcing situation has me so crazy I was getting really annoyed with Dell the other day because they outsource nearly everything. What you wrote was hilarious, btw, although it took me a second to get it. And I was kidding, I know you from ’round these parts.

  21. Aquannissiwamissoo

    Lose-iana doesn’t have volcanoes because back in the 1930s they hung a bunch of them from trees to teach them a lesson.

  22. Cape Clod

    It’s clear that volcanoes are “God’s Wrath” and should not be monitored. Wrath is something that God get’s to spring on us by suprise like a birthday party, only with less liquor and music and infinately more explosions, flying lava and choking ash clouds.

  23. Aquannissiwamissoo

    A quarter of Bobby’s ancestral homeland, India, is made of the Deccan Traps, which is the largest volcanic outflow recorded in Earth’s history. But that happened when the baby Jesus was just starting to walk around with the dinosaurs so it doesn’t count.

  24. gertrudis

    [re=560146]blader[/re]: I know! Why do the wingnuts want to bomb Iran? Their understanding of the natural world and God’s plan is so eerily similar to the wingnuts’ own!

  25. x111e7thst

    [re=560190]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: “volcanic outflow” sounds suspiciously like science. You will rot in hell if you keep that sort of thing up.

  26. Crank Tango

    [re=560187]Cape Clod[/re]: you raise a very good point. since volcanoes are God’s wrath, it would be better to monitor the root causes of said wrath, such as promiscuous women and the gays. I suggest a lesbian themed bondage club? Or was it a lesbian-themed bondage club? eh, whatevs.

    [re=560183]Katydid[/re]: : )

  27. Starrigavan

    Ah, such refreshingly arrogant ignorance. It’s what fuels the GOP and the Tea Baggers. Just fill in the blanks:

    Obama is spending money on studying __________ . I don’t know anything about __________. It’s stupid!

    If it’s not about them it’s stupid. If they’ve never heard of it, it’s stupid. They’re the idiots in class who don’t think they should have to learn anything unless the teacher can absolutely show that they will use it some time during their narrow, ignorant lives. Being ignorant is one thing, but being proud of it is stupid.

  28. Advocatus_Diaboli

    Bobby’s right. It’s a matter of personal responsibility. Everyone should have their own volcano mon’tor and not depend on gubbmint.

  29. geminisunmars

    [re=560178]PabaBritannica[/re]: How’s that Bobby-Steeley thing workin’ out for ya?

    [re=560170]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Hahaha – way to stay on topic.

  30. GeneralLerong

    Apropos of nothing, my favorite volcano name is El Reventador, in Ecuador. The name sounds as if it should be a double entendre, or something. “BOOMER!” ??

  31. jus_wonderin

    VOLCANOES (when tossed into an anagram generator return the results listed below). I kindly added punctuation for emphasis.

    SAVE COLON!
    NOVA. CLOSE!
    AS CON LOVE (if only I could buy another S, Pat)
    SAC LOVE, NO?

    There ya go “Bobby”. Chew on a couple of those!!!!!!!!!

  32. comicbookguy

    Real Americuns don’t visit Europe anyway, it fell to the secular socialist fascist forces years ago.

    Except for Poland. Our #1 best ally in the world.

  33. jus_wonderin

    [re=560214]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: LOL. Actually, I was working on a personal pocket volcano monitor. Well, that is until Mom caught me and warned me that it might make me go blind.

    I intended to market it under the name – iPyro.

  34. ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=560127]weejee[/re]: I don’t know about the second-cousin side of Washington, but I can say that I caught more than a mouthful of cinders and sand in St. Johns, North Portland, Oregon in May 1980. Mt Hood’s been thinking of going off for a while now, which would mean turning PDX into a muddy flooded swamp… and that would really fuck up the coffee.

  35. finette

    No but really, you know what the worst part is? The guy was a pre-med and biology double major at Brown. He was a Rhodes scholar. His dad was a professor. His wife is a chemist. He knows, without a doubt, the value of scientific research and monitoring, but he has sold his soul not only to the Catholic Church but also to the GOP.

  36. gjdodger

    Volcanoes don’t kill people. People who monitor volcanoes kill people. If they hadn’t been monitoring Eyeforaneye or whatever, we’d have never heard anything about it, and Bobby would be Preznit.

  37. Ninong

    “Bobby” Jindal is an idiot. He rejected $100 million in stimulus money to fund unemployment benefits because he said businesses would be stuck paying the higher rates after the federal money ran out. He refused to apply for $300 million in stimulus money to jump-start high-speed rail in Louisiana because he said the state would be stuck with future maintenance costs.

    I can’t wait for the Republicans to start inviting Jindal to speak at their campaign functions. Can you imagine what a hilarious collection you would have with Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee and “Bobby” Jindal all on the same stage?

  38. JMP

    [re=560241]finette[/re]: Even in college, though, he believed in demonic possession and exorcism, which shoes a distinct lack of understanding of neurobiology. It’s amazing how religion can destroy otherwise intelligent minds. Beliefs in silly magical shit also seems a lot more common among the applied sciences, like medicine and engineering, than among scientists.

  39. mustardman

    As long as we do not make God angry by aborting fetuses and giving Americans real Healthcare that does not bankrupt them then we do not have to worry about Volcanoes. It’s just so simple. Why do you libruuuls not understand that!

  40. Pop Socket

    Why do we need to monitor volcanoes? It’s pretty tough to miss them once they erupt. Just ask a million stranded travelers.

  41. TGY

    Yeah, Jindal looks like a schmuck, since we have a desperate need to know when to make human sacrifices to prevent a volcano from blowing.

  42. steverino247

    [re=560119]ManchuCandidate[/re]: That’s why you shouldn’t have your daughters sign those abstinence pledges! In case of a volcano erupting in your town, the black helicopters will deploy, seize your daughters and drop them into the lava belching mouth. Registering virgins is exactly like registering guns.

    A little off-topic, but now we know how to conquer Iran. We just draft about a battalion’s worth of pretty girls with nice breasts and air drop them into each major city in Iran. Our demand: Give up your nuclear materials or we order those titties exposed and shaken! The threat of mammary-induced earthquakes will overpower them. Plus, we can put it on pay-per-view and bailout California with the proceeds. Done.

  43. carlgt1

    Is Bobby possibly the dumbest Indian alive? The Repukes like Jindal hate geologists because it offers proof that the earth is more than 6000 years old. The horror!

  44. GOPCrusher

    [re=560324]steverino247[/re]: Someone call Joe Francis! Girls Gone Wild-Tehran Vacation!

  45. GOPCrusher

    [re=560132]Crank Tango[/re]: He doesn’t work at Kwik-E-Mart? Meh, they all look the same to me.

  46. steverino247

    [re=560387]GOPCrusher[/re]: No, no, no! It’s a military invasion. Operation Titty Quake. T Hour is 0200 hours. The troopers will be air-dropped and assemble around the mosques in the objectives which will be known as “Titty Cities” in OPLAN 38DD-24-36. It goes rapidly downhill from there.

  47. schvitzatura

    [re=560261]JMP[/re]: i n = i n mod 4?

    Xtian Volcano Disbeliever: WTF?!?

    You have to show them the really teeny tiny slices of a circle to let them know how integrals work, too.

    Newton and Leibniz thingee, for the lulz!

  48. weejee

    [re=560399]schvitzatura[/re]: Jingle Jungle Jindal is an imaginary modulus?? i yi yi, who knew?

  49. Neilist

    [The Saga Continued!]

    Jindal Din!

    The foot inside his mouth
    Lacked “soul,” there was no doubt,
    But our little Hindu pol was not deflated!
    Volcanic ash may fill the air, and even Bobby’s hair,
    But our Bayou Babu’s faith is not abated.

    He’ll ignore volcanic cones, high speed rail,
    And coastal zones: Who needs “science” when
    You speak to Jaysus daily?
    Keep your faith up to the fore, just like back in Bangalore
    Where you worshiped cows instead of making gravy!

    [Chorus]

    Jindal, Jindal, Jindal!
    What the HELL you doing now?
    Did you sacrifice yourself to Goddess Pele?
    Do your burning on the ghat! Iceland’s ash
    Will mix with that red dot upon your forehead daily!

  50. Sparky McGruff

    [re=560127]weejee[/re]: To Jindal, Washington is the problem. Doesn’t matter if it’s Washington DC or Washington state. There aren’t any volcanoes in Louisiana, so who cares.

  51. One Yield Regular

    $140 million for volcano monitoring sounds like an incredible bargain given the current volcanic event resulting so far in $1 billion+ already lost by airlines alone, the $500 million estimated economic losses to Britain alone, and $250 million in lost tourism revenue for New York City alone.

    But this is how Republicans roll: Decry spending for science-y, preventive-maintenance kinds of things, and then demand to know how the Democrats got us into huge financial messes.

  52. whiterabid

    With inside information from the volcano monitors, the property owners at Mammoth Mountain could sell out and make a profit faster than a hedge fund manager with friends at Goldman Sachs.

  53. blader

    [re=560132]Crank Tango[/re]: lol!! i feel like such a fucking tearon for taking this long to get it

  54. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Bobby Jindal has a point. Do you know how many virgins to plug up Volcanoes you can buy for $160 million?

    Well, David Vitter does.

  55. RogueDC

    [re=560573]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: That’s not a fair comparison, Diaper Dave gets volume discounts. Of course, if you want virgins for free, just announce a Ron Paul Rally atop one

  56. ladymacbeth

    all fun and games until someone spends four nights on the floor of the marseilles airport.

Comments are closed.