Texas has arrived! Just look at the Newsweek cover, which blasts the state’s new marketing slogan, “Don’t Mess With Texas,” and features a picture of America’s oldest teenaged runaway, Rick Perry, showing off his indigenous footwear. (Free snake farm tickets for anyone who can decipher the boot hieroglyphics.) Inside there’s a bunch of articles about Texas, like this one about the wingnut-deluxes who always try to remove all the brown people from the social studies textbooks, and another that says everyone is moving to Texas now because it’s become America’s Camelot, MINUS state income taxes and PLUS independence. “‘I’m willing to tell anyone that will listen that the land of opportunity still exists in America, and it’s in Texas,” Newsweek reports Perry as saying all the time.
Newsweek also includes a Q&A with Perry, but the Texas Tribune’s expanded version (Tribune top dawg/Newsweek contributor Evan Smith is multi-tasky) comes with a set of Tea Party motivational tapes in which Perry talks about nabbing all the border-crossing sneaks using the flying machines of his fantasies, the predator drones. But he can’t get any drones because the Beltway jihadists/federal government won’t secure our borders, just like they won’t read the 10th Amendment, it’s not in the Koran. Meanwhile at home, people are reading the Constitution to make better protest signs and also to “get this country back,” because it’s missing. And Texans don’t want some government managing their health care from a million miles away, because Texans don’t want government to manage anything.
That’s about it from new celebrities Rick Perry and Texas, defenders of rugged individualism. [Newsweek]