MAKING FOX NEWS LOOK SMART  8:49 am April 20, 2010

CNN Idiot Rick Sanchez Thinks Iceland Is ‘Too Cold’ For Volcanoes

by Ken Layne


Rick Sanchez is so stupid that other teevee anchor people are embarrassed for him. Here’s CNN’s most comical idiot saying that Iceland is “too cold” for volcanic eruptions, because of course volcanoes depend upon the surface air temperature to heat the lava and ash deep below the Earth’s crust. That’s why “long words” like Hawaii — with just one more syllable than “Iceland” — have so many volcanoes all the time, it’s just so warm! [YouTube]

 

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{ 87 comments }

norbizness April 20, 2010 at 8:52 am

It’s still smarter than anything Erick Erickson will ever say on a CNN-related program.

Can we airlift CNN headquarters and drop it in the crater in order to stop the release of the volcanic ash? I realize it has virtually no chance of succeeding, but consider the positive side effects.

Monsieur Grumpe April 20, 2010 at 8:59 am

Please tell me that Rick is not a creation of our public schools.

the problem child April 20, 2010 at 9:00 am

Oh well, if Rick thinks it’s too cold, then I guess it really should not be happening at all, right? Someone is elaborately staging some kind of news hoax, like the moon landing.

Mild Midwesterner April 20, 2010 at 9:02 am

I guess this explains why things are always exploding in Iraq.

DoktorZoom April 20, 2010 at 9:03 am

Fuckin’ volcanoes–how do they work?

ManchuCandidate April 20, 2010 at 9:03 am

I think Rick is proof that getting tasered is bad for the brain.

TicChiracTac April 20, 2010 at 9:04 am

We don’t pay him to be smart, we pay him because he looks good on TV. Same reasoning why Sarah Palin hosts nature shows on Discovery, and why we keep Rush on the radio.

Chernobyl Soup April 20, 2010 at 9:05 am

It gets pretty hot during the summers here in Arkansas. I better call my State Farm agent and ask about a volcano policy.

slithytoves April 20, 2010 at 9:06 am

Well, this is the guy who thought Hawaii was off the coast of Chile.

BaconTime April 20, 2010 at 9:06 am

The fact that he talked about a cold place named Iceland without saying “AL GORE AMIRITE??” is actually a step forward for our esteemed news media.

DDD April 20, 2010 at 9:08 am

What’s the white stuff? Cotton candy?

chascates April 20, 2010 at 9:11 am

All children have now been left behind.

4tehlulz April 20, 2010 at 9:16 am

Note to self: Don’t huff nitrous before going on the air.

Terry April 20, 2010 at 9:17 am

[re=560023]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]:

I’m thinking he must have been homeschooled.

Katydid April 20, 2010 at 9:17 am

Slightly OT, but I like how last night’s Daily Show showed a mashup of anchors trying to pronounce the volcano’s name. Stewart’s not stupid; he called it “Kevin.”

Also too, do My Trusty Wonkette editors know that Comedy Central’s Indecision Forever page (blog?) has a Blog Roll link to My Wonkette? And, do My Trusty Wonkette editors even care?

WIDTAP April 20, 2010 at 9:17 am

So Redoubtedly there would be no volcanoes in Alaska either (ha, see what I did there).

Texan Bulldoggette April 20, 2010 at 9:20 am

[re=560036]Terry[/re]: You mean ‘homescholed’…

J.Robert Oppenheiner April 20, 2010 at 9:23 am

If you Youtube some old “In The News” episodes, you’ll find that the news aimed at 9 year olds in 1977 was way more intelligent than most CNN programming today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXvRY_g0NwU&feature=related

mumblyjoe April 20, 2010 at 9:29 am

[re=560034]chascates[/re]: Today, we are all children who have been left behind.

JMP April 20, 2010 at 9:29 am

Damn, someone forgot to tell the mid-Atlantic ridge that Iceland’s supposed to be cold. Someone should tell Sanchez about submarine volcanoes and hydrothermal vents; that really ought to blow his mind.

4tehlulz April 20, 2010 at 9:30 am

[re=560043]J.Robert Oppenheiner[/re]: I remember those. Sad but true.

Norbert April 20, 2010 at 9:32 am

My least favorite part of this clip is in the last few seconds when Mr. Sanchez ejaculates: “whoa!”. I prefer a newsreader who articulately and dispassionately delivers a summary of the events of the day and then shuffles a few papers while the credits roll.

I have no quibbles with Mr. Sanchez’s science, however; I’m not going to find fault with other people’s perspectives.

Monsieur Grumpe April 20, 2010 at 9:33 am

[re=560036]Terry[/re]:
Home schooled by his TV.

Up To Here Again April 20, 2010 at 9:37 am

So, when is he doing a Palin interview?

All the REAL journalists are TOO HOT FOR HER!

Oldskool April 20, 2010 at 9:42 am

Everyone in his studio should have a taser for this reason. A couple of zaps every day would keep him on his toes.

Berkeley Bear April 20, 2010 at 9:43 am

The screen grab is just perfect – Tragedy on the other monitors and the ticker, Sanchez smiling like a drunken Eric Massa in a cabin boy’s stateroom. Man, is he a dope.

In related news – the GOP has embraced this line as supporting its views on global climate change, and has asked Palin to establish a safe colony in the (not so) permafrost to save humanity from killer volcanoes.

Johnny Zhivago April 20, 2010 at 9:43 am

Hmmm, taking this one step further, maybe global warming is causing the volcano to erupt…

Up To Here Again April 20, 2010 at 9:44 am

[re=560037]Katydid[/re]:
The Capitol is : Reykjavík

The Volcano is: WreakHavoc

Sparky McGruff April 20, 2010 at 9:50 am

[re=560035]4tehlulz[/re]: He picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

National Turkey April 20, 2010 at 9:55 am

I can’t help but invoke ‘Anchorman’ when I watch this. “Stupid panda-jerk!” For the record, Rick Sanchez is both a jerk and a panda, in real life.

Lazy Media April 20, 2010 at 10:01 am

[re=560037]Katydid[/re]: Yeah, I read a phonic transliteration of it, and STILL couldn’t wrap my head around how to say it. I like Kevin.

Olive April 20, 2010 at 10:03 am

Of course it’s too cold, sillies!
Duh, that’s how we know the volcano is caused by immoral women…or if you prefer the Christian idiot view, it’s all Obama’s fault. Stupid health care bill!

Hello Sunshine April 20, 2010 at 10:05 am

Work won’t allow me to watch the YouToobs. Does he actually say that volcanoes only happen in hot places? If so, does he also have velcro shoes and go to school on the special bus?

Nyana45 April 20, 2010 at 10:05 am

I guess this doesn’t surprise me, but I guess it’s okay because he’s simply a newsreader whose only real function is to look good while spouting nonsensical propaganda.

Way Cool Larry April 20, 2010 at 10:09 am

Sad, I always thought Sanchez and Gupta were the smart ones on CNN….

magic titty April 20, 2010 at 10:10 am

He does know that volcanoes exist deep underwater too, right? Where it is also, uhh, *cold*. He does know that, right?

Oh. Guess not.

Pete-O April 20, 2010 at 10:14 am

Executive Hair and a nice row of teeth go a long way in this vapid, image-based country.

snoidoid April 20, 2010 at 10:14 am

[re=560038]WIDTAP[/re]: Huh, you made a funny wise-Krakatoa.

x111e7thst April 20, 2010 at 10:15 am

[re=560037]Katydid[/re]: Yes but it’s right below the link to “Women for John McCain”
Anyway shouldn’t that be “Supid Cunts for John McCain”

Numbat Dundee April 20, 2010 at 10:17 am

They managed to burn Njal. Wasn’t too cold for that…Only saying…

Pete-O April 20, 2010 at 10:17 am

[re=560068]magic titty[/re]: It is cold down there? Are you sure? I’ve seen the documentary “The Little Mermaid” and Ariel and her pals did not wear jackets and they were smack down on the bottom of the sea. Looked pretty warm to me!

Not calling you a liar or anything, but who should I trust – YOU or a successful multi-billion dollar company like Disney?

nappyduggs April 20, 2010 at 10:18 am

No surprise that every morning when he calls a town car to come and pick him up for work, a short bus arrives.

Formerly Preferred April 20, 2010 at 10:19 am

[re=560068]magic titty[/re]: That’s unpossible. Water is wet. Everyone knows that wet puts out fire. That’s why I keep a big, full jug of water next to me when I change light fixtures. Just in case there’s a fire.

bureaucrap April 20, 2010 at 10:20 am

And let’s not forget Mt. St. Helens, in Washington state, where it is also generally cooler. Perhaps it can be explained because even though the weather was cooler, the volcano was simply drinking too much hot coffee, which caused it to explode. God knows, it’s happened to me.

CivicHoliday April 20, 2010 at 10:20 am

California is too warm for Earthquakes. Didn’t you know the earth’s crust cracks like ice when it gets below freezing?

bureaucrap April 20, 2010 at 10:24 am

[re=560068]magic titty[/re]: Actually, if you watch Spongebob Squarepants, which I understand is a totally accurate documentary about life under the sea, it seems quite warm there. So warm, in fact that the sun shines and fires burn. Also, contrary to logic, drinks aren’t diluted by ambient sea water, it has its own underwater beach with its own waves, and there is a large squirrel who lives down there in a diving suit with no oxygen supply. Truly the undersea world is a miracle of nature.

GeneralLerong April 20, 2010 at 10:24 am

[re=560058]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Oh yeah. No volcanoes in Alaska.

http://www.avo.alaska.edu/pdfs/mp123_pagesize.pdf [I'd convert this to some snappy phrase if I could be arsed to learn how]

JMP April 20, 2010 at 10:31 am

[re=560068]magic titty[/re]: Preposterous! Next thing you’ll be claiming that there’s giant balls of super-hot gas in space, when space is cold, so that’s unpossible!

snideinplainsight April 20, 2010 at 10:40 am

Greenland has ice, and Iceland has green. And Falkland has fins, and Finland has, uhhh…

K.C. April 20, 2010 at 10:40 am

Terrifying to think that Mr. Sanchez has bred.

mercure April 20, 2010 at 10:41 am

“While some people claim that a volcano erupting near Iceland is the cause of all of the ash and dust that has brought European air travel to a sudden halt, others allege that Iceland is cold and therefore could never have volcanic eruptions. Who will ultimately be the winner in this 21st century clash of scientific ideas? We’ll just have to wait and see, back to you Bob.”

Hoplight April 20, 2010 at 10:44 am

Yay, we’re CNN! We Bring the Stupid.

A conversation with Rick Sanchez is like a conversation with your institutionalized 97 year old grandfather, who on top of being senile, is also hard of hearing.

Hoplight April 20, 2010 at 10:47 am

[re=560031]slithytoves[/re]: Hawaii IS off the coast of Chile, in so much as Japan and New Zealand are also off the Chile.

magic titty April 20, 2010 at 10:47 am

[re=560073]Pete-O[/re]: [re=560075]Formerly Preferred[/re]: [re=560081]bureaucrap[/re]: [re=560084]JMP[/re]: You all make reasoned and salient points. Maybe I’ve gotten some bad data – from the blogs probably – about this underwater volcano phenomenon. I will re-Google and get more info.

TubeCity April 20, 2010 at 10:56 am

Bobby Jindal was right. We don’t need to, tee hee, “monitor” volcanoes. When they rip, they let you know.

And Eric the Red, notorious slayer of neighbors, their kin and cattle, named it “Iceland” as a meme to keep their vengeful cousins away. Except for the huge glaciers, it’s more like “Moonscape-with-Winds-Land.” The place is moss-covered volcanic rock. Chilly, but mostly not ice, mostly wind and volcanoes.

Flanders April 20, 2010 at 10:58 am

Washington State is waaay too rainy for volcanoes.

Doy!

Berkeley Bear April 20, 2010 at 11:00 am

[re=560065]Hello Sunshine[/re]: My son loves velcro shoes and has ridden the special bus (when we had the bus take him instead of walking or getting a ride with Dad). Trust me – Rick Sanchez is waaaay stupider than my son, who knows quite a bit about plate tectonics, earthquakes and volcanoes.

Berkeley Bear April 20, 2010 at 11:04 am

[re=560082]GeneralLerong[/re]: How dare you rely on .edu sites for your data? Everyone knows educational institutions are hopelessly biased in favor of liberal agendas like “global warming” “women’s rights” and other fantasies. Everyone also knows the free market drives all, and Rick Sanchez is a highly successful competitor in the well coiffed cable anchor market. Therefore he knows best and Sarah Palin can safely go forward with the plans for her human sanctuary.

Potater April 20, 2010 at 11:08 am

Unholy Hell that is a punchable face.

twoeightnine April 20, 2010 at 11:14 am

Am I hearing him right? You think of Hawaii and other long words like that?

Hawaii
Iceland

JMP April 20, 2010 at 11:20 am

[re=560027]DoktorZoom[/re]: That ICP song is so unintentionally hilarious.

[re=560101]magic titty[/re]: Some scientists make this silly claim that some creatures live in vents made by these alleged underwater volcanoes. Shows what they know, when it would be hot enough to kill us, and therefore nothing could live there! Dumb scientists, with their talk of cameras and specimens and weird fancy Latin words.

Anonymous Office Zombie April 20, 2010 at 11:27 am

[re=560027]DoktorZoom[/re]:
It’s a miracle, man. Magic everywhere in this bitch.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 20, 2010 at 11:28 am

Iceland has no forests and we all know that forest fires = heat = ground melts = volcanoes.

Formerly Preferred April 20, 2010 at 11:30 am

[re=560101]magic titty[/re]: Make sure to check Conservapedia and Michelle Malkin’s blog. Not sure you really need to look at anything else.

Formerly Preferred April 20, 2010 at 11:32 am

[re=560092]snideinplainsight[/re]: Peter Falk?

edgydrifter April 20, 2010 at 11:41 am

Sanchez also finds fish “as a concept” bewildering and hilarious. On one hand, they can’t possibly breathe underwater because they’d drown, right? On the other hand, he once watched an aquarium for twelve hours straight and never saw them surface for air. It must be magic!

ttommyunger April 20, 2010 at 11:49 am

Serves me right for jumping in late, my zinger has already been zung! So… Is that Sanchez guy dumb, or what?

Mr Blifil April 20, 2010 at 11:53 am

Next you’ll tell me we’re burning dinosaurs in our cars.

SayItWithWookies April 20, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Sure, science is amazing — but can it find a quarter behind Rick Sanchez’s ear like that magician fellow did? Then shut up, science.

iburl April 20, 2010 at 12:27 pm

Maybe a few more tazer shocks between the eyes would help Rick? Cattle prods? Couldn’t hurt.

armoredbore April 20, 2010 at 12:38 pm

The Cleveland Volcano in the Aleutians of Alaska.
Mount St Helens in Washington.
Mount Damāvand in the snow-covered peaks of Iran’s Alborz Range.
The Fourpeaked Mountain of Alaska, almost completely covered by a glacier of the same name.
Olympus Mons on the cold, dry planet of Mars.
The Tvashtar Paterae region on Io, one of Jupiter’s many moons.

…yeah, Rick. How the fuck do these cold-weather volcanoes exist?

RoscoePColtraine April 20, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Please don’t show him any pictures of the snow atop the Hawaiian volcano. It’ll blow his mind.

bluevelvetelvis April 20, 2010 at 12:40 pm

[re=560027]DoktorZoom[/re]: Fucking magnets, how do they work?

armoredbore April 20, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Wait, I forgot. This is the same guy who mistook the Galapagos Islands for Hawaii. You remember that place, right? The place where some mean old guy spent a month staring at lizards, turtles, and birds before losing his mind and declaring that Jesus was a monkey?

doxastic April 20, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Rick Sanchez has got to stop talking about natural disasters. It always ends in tears.

populucious April 20, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Dear Rick, it has gotten too warm for us in these warm places, because of global warming, so some of us are moving to cold places. Sorry we didn’t let you know our change of address sooner.

Sincerely
Most of the World’s Volcanoes

Beanz on Toast April 20, 2010 at 1:29 pm

Doesn’t Sanchez know we have volcanoes everywhere because of those fucking Iranians (well, the women anyhow)?

GOPCrusher April 20, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Some how, this has to be Al Gore’s fault.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 20, 2010 at 2:13 pm

You mock Rick, but why else was Hawaii moved off the coast of South America and on to the Equator if not for the tourist industry?

sanantonerose April 20, 2010 at 2:19 pm

He’s been tasered and waterboarded senseless.

bitchincamaro April 20, 2010 at 3:13 pm

For a guy who’s as dumb as he is, you’d think he’d be a lot better looking.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 20, 2010 at 3:38 pm

[re=560377]sanantonerose[/re]: Good point. Further proof that people will say anything if tortured.

aflurry April 20, 2010 at 4:01 pm

[re=560027]DoktorZoom[/re]: To be fair, he doesn’t want to talk to a scientists, because them motherfucker’s lyin’, and gettin’ him pissed.”

Rotundo April 20, 2010 at 5:04 pm

Next on CNN, Rick will marvel at the fact that his asshole doesn’t slam shut when he is done pooping. Fun, merriment and hijinks aplenty at Amurka’s source for news!

One Flew Over the Wingnut April 20, 2010 at 6:20 pm

Well…a couple of responses here, I think Rick Sanchez might be the single dumbest ass in the media…okay, Beckers has him by a large margin, still. Seriously, Iceland is TOO COLD for volcanoes? Iceland may be next to Indonesia the most volcanically active country in the world. I’ll bet this asshole would br irrevocably mind fucked into a shaking, fetal position stupor if someone reminded him that Antartica has active volcanoes…Ala-ska, al-so.

It’s funny but everytime a talking hair piece like this or well…any Republican/wingnut for that matter (Palin especially) begins jabbering about scholastic or intellectual subjects while trying to sound educated the song lines “don’t know much about history, don’t know much biooolllogggy, don’t know much about science books, don’t know much about the French I toookkkk” just runs through my head ad nauseum. These people are the standards by which all other competing intellects are to be judged.

One Flew Over the Wingnut April 20, 2010 at 6:21 pm

[re=560266]armoredbore[/re]: You forgot Mt. Elbrus in Antartica and the various Kamchatcka volcanoes as well. Just thought I’d add that in to sound extra geeky.

babsinbuffalo April 20, 2010 at 7:51 pm

Rick Sanchez … isn’t he the genius who thought Hawaii was located somewhere in the vicinity of the Easter Islands??? I know a lot of smart people who have lost their jobs … why does this doofus still have a job. (According to spell check, I misspelled “doofus.” Maybe I’m not as smart as I think I am?)

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