rumors on the internets

Why Can’t the Government Just Send All the Unhealthy People To Bagram and Leave the Rest of Us the Hell Alone?

  • South Korea was a simple place, a happy place. Then South Korea was introduced to the Internet, and also Starcraft. And now South Korean people want to kill themselves. [Matt Yglesias]
  • John McCain does not want to be called a trail-blazin’ maverick: “The Spirit of America” will suit him just fine, thank you. [Think Progress]
  • Americans are very distrustful of Obamacare, because how does government-run health care protect us from terrorism? We miss the days when there was less government, when the government was too busy wiretapping our Twitter accounts to worry about our health. [Daily Intel]
  • Why is it that modern Twilight vampires are all enormous vegan metrosexuals? This is why: [The Daily Dish]
  • There are at least three good reasons to legalize pot. (But c’mon people, do you really want the government taxing the brownies that are in your freezer?) [Hit & Run]
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About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

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40 comments

  1. ddenby

    And when is “Rumors” going to be posted in the morning. This is time creep. Even though the Red Sox are playing (and losing) before noon doesn’t give my Wonkette free license to post this wicked early and then scamper off to the bar at 12:15.

    Or maybe it does. Whatever. Do interns get to drink?

  2. ddenby

    Also “The Spirit of America” is what is on the bottom of Communist Massachusetts’s license plates. So John McCain is a Communist with health care. Come on, Hayworth, you know you want to make that comparison.

  3. JMP

    Having known many Korean-Americans, I blame South Korean mothers. They can put Jewish mothers to shame in inflicting guilt and making their kids think they just aren’t good enough.

    John McCain doesn’t consider himself a maverick, but does consider himself the most awesomest Senator in US history, and would like people to call him that.

    Pot legalization would be good, but pleases, Reason, do not help, you are a bunch of Randian douchebags.

  4. freakishlystrong

    When is Riley going to go and stick flowers in the muskets of the patriots gathering in Virginia? And we want want pictures. We’re Wonkett subscribers after all.

  5. ManchuCandidate

    [re=559363]JMP[/re]:
    Exactly. It takes an “awful” Korean to not be a “perfect” child who studies hard and dates only Koreans. Plus we’re also kind of krazy.

    Thanks mom!!!

  6. bitchincamaro

    I always thought it was “Bagram”, but I understand your aversion to the “bag” word, Riley.

  7. bureaucrap

    If he’s calling himself the “Spirit of America”, is he going to dock himself at the SW waterfront so that people can take nightly dinner cruises on his back?

  8. Long Form Def Certificate

    Why is it noted spokesman for the RNC Chris Wallace is less prone to slurping WALNUTS! than the supposed speaker of truth to power David Gregory?

  9. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Although I consider myself a vegetarian, I would still happily choke on Robert Pattison’s penis. For Jeebus and for PETA.

  10. mumblyjoe

    But aren’t the Twilight vampires written by a Mormon? So isn’t it more likely to be White Christian/Protestant guilt-about-sex, rather than White Liberal guilt-about-privilege?

    On the other hand, Joss Whedon sort of revived mainstreamed the whole “Angsty Metrosexual Vegan Vampires” thing that Vampire: the Masquarade started in the first place, with Buffy and Angel, so fuck you, Joss Whedon. And V:tM. Also.

  11. Come here a minute

    John McCain doesn’t care what you call him, as long as you don’t call him late for dinner, or Sarah Palin’s former running mate.

  12. SayItWithWookies

    Geeze, do critics really need to come up with a sociological reason that modern vampires don’t kill people? How ’bout this: Stephanie Meyers is too much of a sissy to write about anything that defies her precious Mormon values, so random murder and seduction are out? Granted, that’s not a two-part tedious diatribe that Andrew Sullivan finds worthy of note, but then again, neither are a lot of obvious things.

  13. PsycGirl

    They forgot an important fourth reason for legalizing pot: it would allow me to clearly win an argument with my stepmother.

  14. Oblios Cap

    You can have my brownies when you pry them outta my cold, freezer-burned fingers!

    I guess I’ll have to switch to tea with no bags. Or tea.

  15. coolcatdaddy

    Hmm… John McCain …

    Maverick? … no …

    metrosexual? … nah …

    vegan? … probably not…

    vampire? … likely….

  16. the problem child

    [re=559441]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]:

    “© 2010 David Reinstein. All Rights Reserved.”

    Well, not exactly…

  17. the problem child

    [re=559441]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]: For the shorties, you can use http://tinyurl.com/ or if you use firefox, install an add on like TinyURL Creator (there are lots of options for this) from the Mozilla site. And that’s enough earnest sharing for today.

    Trucknutz!!!!

  18. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=559465]the problem child[/re]: Weird. Click on his ‘home’ button and you’ll see he’s mirroring the content of Wonkette, only w/o the ads or comments.

    Who needs the dumb old comments anyway, they always suck!

  19. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=559441]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]: Here’s the tag I use to do it:

    [A HREF="some.htm"> Click here to go there </A]

    -Replace the open bracket with the less than sign (capital comma) and the closing bracket with the greater than sign (capitol period).

    - Put the web address of what you’re linking to between the quotes, and replace ‘Click here to go there’ with whatever words you want to appear in the brown type.

  20. TGY

    Modern vampires are tame because we have Joe Liberman and Dick Cheney to scare us, now. We don’t need fictional monsters.

  21. the problem child

    [re=559478]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Including content that our Wonkette has not yet shared concerning the arborial habits of first ladies.

  22. JMP

    [re=559478]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: People who comment on blogs are just a bunch of loser nerds anyway.

  23. ArugulaTeleprompterz

    [re=559472]the problem child[/re]: [re=559489]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Thanks! Next time I find an internet vampire I’ll be sure to link more better.

    Wonkette, are you going to order a cease and desist? Threaten to beat him about the head and neck with your dildo mallet?

  24. the problem child

    [re=559508]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]: I think this qualifies as a “tip”. You found it, so take credit, operative Arugula!

  25. Extemporanus

    [re=559372]ManchuCandidate[/re]: My drug dealer is a friendly, unfailingly polite Korean kid who’s available 24 hours a day and still lives at home, so his eomma must be doing something right.

  26. sarcasticusername

    “i prefer great american.” seriously?!? what the hell is wrong with this guy? who says something like that?
    can you imagine the insanity that would’ve ensued among the villagers if a democrat had said that, or better yet if the gayest hippie america hater of all ie. faux war hero john kerry’d, had the gall to say that out loud? you’d have felt the ground move from the sheer magnitude of the resulting eruption of crazy.

  27. Mr Blifil

    [re=559441]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]: Don’t be so easily taken in. Who do you think is honestly copying whom?

  28. Mr Blifil

    [re=559535]sarcasticusername[/re]: Don’t rag on McCain’s rustic self-deprecating “humor,” designed to make all right-thinking men chuckle in appreciation. If you take that away from him, all that’s left are the forced bi cuckolding sessions that Cindy wrote into the prenup.

  29. Oblios Cap

    [re=559554]Mr Blifil[/re]:

    Wonkette is David Reinstein? The fellow that has “Instrumental sax and flute new age jazz music featured on The Weather Channel”?

    The horror, the horror!

  30. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Sadly, as is true for all Libertarian arguments, the same three arguments in favor of pot can also be used in favor of allowing priest to molest collies.

Comments are closed.