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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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130 comments

  1. Manos: Hands of Fate

    [re=559196]frailamerica[/re]: I’m guessing he used his Social Security benefits to get this bitchin paint job.

  2. Texan Bulldoggette

    Whew, I kind of figured that truck owner lived in TX. Just missing the NObama bumper sticker.

  3. BOOBIES!

    Everything I needed to know about the anti-federalism militia movement I learned on April 19, 1995.

  4. Monsieur Grumpe

    Ford’s Redneck package is kind of racist. I’m surprised he didn’t get the Trucknutz option.

  5. BigDupa

    Computer, could you zoom in on the decal sharing window space with the Rebel Flag? I want to see what other organizations this asshat endorses or what trailer park he/she has parking privileges.

  6. you cannot be serious

    And everything he learned about darkies and their War of Northern Aggression is proudly displayed in his rear window.

  7. JMP

    Too bad the photographer didn’t get the fronts or side; the truck’s got the hatred of black people and Muslims down, so I’m sure there’s stuff against Mexicans, Jews, Gays, and Asians there too.

  8. J.Robert Oppenheiner

    That’s a Sons of Confederate Veterans plate. That makes the driver, like, 110 years old?

  9. bored with gravity

    [re=559208]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I have seen a Calvin decal pissing on an Obama decal on a truck here in Texas. We so classy.

  10. weejee

    You gets the handicapped parking if you is teatarded brain dead? Virgina again leads the nation.

  11. Dolmance

    [re=559223]taylormattd[/re]: I saw it in a Tarantino movie and bought it at an auction to help orphaned pit bulls.

  12. norbizness

    [re=559225]bored with gravity[/re]: Calvin needs to pee on that Twin Tower fire to put it out.

  13. taylormattd

    I like how this tard sees zero contradiction in being outraged at an attack on New York, and wistfully supporting a treasonous attempt by southern states to overthrow the United States government.

  14. Aflac Shrugged

    Usually when I see somebody driving an extended-cab Ford pickup, I have to imagine the driver hates Negroes, Muslims and fuel economy.

    If I worked with this guy, he’d have a fresh marriage equality sticker or magnetic pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness waiting for him at the end of every weekday.

  15. pub_option

    That 9/11 scene looks like a photograph. So, either the redneck paid a very good artist a lot of money for the mural; someone is producing tailgate-sized decals of the scene; or it’s a photoshop job.

  16. Dashboard_Buddha

    I enjoy reading Wonkette…I really do, but DAMN…not a day passes where I think, “well, I can’t be anymore appalled than I already am”. Then Wonkette proves me wrong…again.

  17. AxmxZ

    Everything I need to know about Christianity I learned during the Crusades, the extermination of Cathar heretics, the Spanish Inquisition, the destruction of the Indies, Pius XII’s concordats with the Nazis, and about two millenia of misogyny and child-rape.

  18. 4tehlulz

    “Everything I ever need to know about Christianity I learned in 1099

    -The Entire Islamic World

    “Everything I ever need to know about Christianity I learned in 1945

    -The Jewish People

  19. freakishlystrong

    That’s a big fucking truck. I wonder how many gallons of Islamic oil he uses to fill that thing up.

  20. The Silver Fox

    While I’m not one to excuse Bob McDonnell for his general douchbaggery, we may have an explanation for his Confederate History Month resolution neglecting to mention slavery. This guy driving his car through the front door of the governors mansion in Richmond with guns drawn, shouting racial slurs, demanding government approval of his bigotry. Oh Virginia.

  21. Redhead

    Can he even see out the back of that thing to drive? Or is it just for show, something you park in your yard to look pretty since you can’t actually drive it ever (kind of like a Landrover).

  22. Long Form Def Certificate

    [re=559251]freakishlystrong[/re]: Biodiesel. Ol’ Boy figures, if it’s good enough for Willie, it’s good enough for him.

  23. fruitjunk

    I’m disappointed. That truck-bed could easily tote around at least one burning effigy or cross.

  24. bureaucrap

    Just another variation on that classic bumper sticker, “I’m a [proud, self-identified, militantly ignorant] Moron, and I vote!”

  25. JMP

    Everything I needed to know about Confederates, I learned on April 5, 1865; and everything I needed to know about the neo-Confederates, I learned on April 4, 1968.

  26. ManchuCandidate

    And this is why Hooter and Cooter of US Ameriduh don’t do well with insurgencies like the Brits did.

    The Brits knew that they had to learn the locals culture, their loves, their hates, their food and drink, and customs so they could KILL THEM.

  27. Grayskies

    [re=559266]4tehlulz[/re]: Yeah the 14 and 88 mean this guy has issues way beyond what most of you are thinking.

  28. chaste everywhere

    The foreground looks like a closeup of the new Double Down from KFC–which premiered on the anniversary of Fort Sumter (coincidenza)?

  29. Oldskool

    Whatdya bet that poor slob could wallpaper his house with the tickets he’s gotten from minority cops.

  30. nappyduggs

    I fear that when the owner finally does get some TruckNutz, they will be of the real, severed-from-a- human variety.

  31. Terry

    …and you wonder WHY I’m calling for barbed wire and check points on the Potomac River bridges?

    You folks who moved to Northern Virginia or Charlottesville, if you think you balance out the rest of the Commonweath/State, you don’t. All you do is pay the lion’s share of the taxes to underwrite the retardedness that is Richmond and the rest of the state.

  32. WadISay

    [re=559266]4tehlulz[/re]: [re=559284]Grayskies[/re]: Either that or this guy hit the white racist license plate jackpot:

    14 = The 14 words = We must secure the existence of our race and a future for our children.

    CV = Confederate Veterns

    88 = HH = Heil Hitler.

    Where’s the 666 license plate when you need it?

  33. BitterPolitico

    It’s also missing the Robert E. Lee license plate that the Virginia DMV kindly offers you as a choice.

  34. mumblyjoe

    So, for those of you playing the home version, and haven’t seen the comments on Gawker/Reddit, take quick look at the license plate: it’s a vanity plate full of wonderful white supremacist secret code: 14 and 88 are significant numbers to white supremacists, and CV apparently means that he’s a “Son of Confederate Veterans”, though most insurrectionist loser states have special vanity plates for that.

    But, hey, guys, don’t forget that that Confederate flag and also the nostalgia for “Confederate Veterans” nestled between “Heil Hitler” and “Kill all the darkies” aren’t in any way inherently racist symbols. They’re just symbols that racists happen to really really like

  35. nappyduggs

    [re=559248]4tehlulz[/re]: [re=559245]AxmxZ[/re]:

    And I learn everything I need to know about Xtianity from Old Testament spoutin’, pulpit-thumpin’, God-fearin’, bottom-feedin’, chicken gropin’, mouth breathin’ ignorant douchebaskets like this one here.

  36. Zadig

    He had TruckNutz on the trailer hitch, but they were removed so the photographer could get the “Handicapped Parking” decal in.

  37. doxastic

    [re=559248]4tehlulz[/re]: “Everything I ever needed to know about anti-intellectualism I learned in 1975
    –Cambodians with glasses

  38. LittlePig

    [re=559300]mumblyjoe[/re]: though most insurrectionist loser states have special vanity plates for that.

    But you can’t get special numbers on “theme” vanity plates – he got a plain one so he could get the full neo-Nazi experience on it.

  39. Nappied Hypotenuse

    [re=559243]pub_option[/re]: You can get a custom decal wrap for your car cheap–I think you can cover a whole smartcar for $100.

  40. Tundra Grifter

    [re=559296]WadISay[/re]: Here in California anyone can contact DMV and object to a vanity plate in poor taste…

  41. Rich Tanguy

    Needs more crying eagles. Also I guarantee this hick has uttered the phrase “those east coast elitist libruls” before.

  42. Rusty Shackleford

    God-dammit! I can’t even go to the goddamn Food Lion without some librul assclown jacking my freakin’ Truck Nutz, again!

  43. Barry White Zombie

    Thanks to everyone who pointed out the Neo-Nazi code and provided the links. That formed the basis of the complaint I just sent to DMV. The graphic on the tailgate is moronic, but it’s the state-issued Nazi code plates that bother me.

    PS When the Nazis get my VA home address through a FOIA request and come to string me up I’m telling them that my Wonkette made me do it. And I will offer them some trucknutz to not kill me, which I anticipate will work nicely.

  44. steverino247

    [re=559346]Tundra Grifter[/re]: You can do that in Virginia, too. Somebody call them up and complain.

  45. Crank Tango

    needz moar flamez, like seriously someone should set that fucker on fire. hahaha kidding!

  46. mumblyjoe

    So, Neo-nazis aside, and snarkoff for a second, for an open letter, as a New Yorker, to wingnuts/teabaggers/SarahPalingenicNationalists everywhere:

    Dear assholes:

    Unless you live in the Greater New York Metro Area, Washington, DC, or “Fake Virginia”, or you had friends or family who died in the attacks or got sick in the aftermath, Shut. The Fuck. Up. About 9/11. It’s not your tragedy, it’s ours. We, whom you spend every goddamn moment of the rest of your lives heaping scorn on as “East Coast Liberal Elitists” until it’s pratically a verbal tic; we, who remain every bit the bunch of blackhomocommieliberalabortionists we were the day before; we, who had to wait until the LITERAL cloud of dust had settled before we could go on with our lives; and we, who can still see the scar the attack left in lower Manhattan, the whole it left in our sky. While we were making frantic phone calls to our friends and family to see if they were still alive, you were busy blaming the attacks on all the homos that live in New York. While we were still coming to grips with our losses, when dozens were sacrificing their own health to pick through the rubble for survivors, you were already using our tragedy as a rallying post for your own bigotries. When you pushed us into a pointless war of aggression, thousands of us gathered in our Central Park, to protest. And then you have the gall to say that it’s your country being taken away from you.

    Go fuck yourselves.

    Sincerely,

    Mumblyjoe.

  47. pub_option

    Someone told the truck owner that murals on vehicles look Mexican, so the Confederate flag and the racist license plate were added.

  48. Way Cool Larry

    can’t really see the nutz area, actually– if anything I see a large shiny ball in that area

  49. Katydid

    [re=559361]Rich Tanguy[/re]: I was gonna say, East Coast lbrl ur doing it wrong.

    On my elitist map VA is on the coast, but what do I know?

  50. Minnie Mean

    At 1st glance all I saw was I SLAM and the flames. I thought this was a warning that the driver of the truck would slam on his/her breaks and there would be a firey crash. Upon further study of the photo, I think this is a very good idea. Also!

  51. GOPCrusher

    [re=559499]Poochie[/re]: That and it looks like a 2 wheel drive. Real men only drive 4 x 4′s.

  52. aflurry

    Everything I needed to know about this asshole I learned from his stupid fucking truck… dork.

  53. Allyson

    [re=559322]Jim Demintia[/re]: Dude, save me a seat on that bus: heck, I’ll chip in for expenses. And let’s not forget our friendly violent hippies in the SF Bay Area as well…

  54. doxastic

    [re=559359]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: Perhaps this is why he is parking in a handicapped spot.

  55. lumpenprole

    Shouldn’t there be the carcass of a middle aged, black cripple lashed to the bumper? Maybe he needs a fresh one?

  56. Katydid

    [re=559454]mumblyjoe[/re]: Thank you for that. As a native New Yorker, whose brother works in lower Manhattan, as someone who made those awful phone calls that day, as someone who has friends who lost family and friends, cops and firemen and a 21-year-old Wall Street employee, as someone who bursts into tears every time she drives past that now-empty skyline, as someone who is JUST AS MUCH AN AMERICAN as anyone else born here….what you said needed saying, and much more often.

    I’m sorry, I won’t do this anymore. Mumblyjoe’s right. This shit has got to stop.

  57. desertwind

    Please, let’s get our PC librulz on here. He (or she) is not “handicapped,” but “mentally challenged.”

  58. Redhead

    [re=559454]mumblyjoe[/re]: You know, I’ve always wondered about the “traumatized” people who have no connection to 9/11 whatsoever. I mean yes, if you live/d there, if you had family in it, even if you had family who lived there at the time (but were fine), then yes, that’s horrific, I’m so sorry for you. But if you didn’t… I mean if you didn’t think something like that was potentially possible, then you’re either an idiot or 5 years old.

    Combine that with the fact that most of these people act like it’s THEIR great big tragedy and loss while blaming the people who actually endured the trauma and crying about how REAL MURIKA and her pet bald eagles are crying because of the attack on… evil Washington and evil, gay, liberal, hippy NYRC?
    meh. I guess I should stop being surprised by the contradictions.

  59. Katydid

    [re=559404]Barry White Zombie[/re]: Why would they need an FOIA when your name is right there? Duh.

  60. Alex_P

    Everything I need to know about people who write “14″ and “88″ on their license plates I learned WHEN THE GUY WHO MADE UP THAT SHIT WENT TO JAIL FOR BEING A FUCKING TERRORIST.

  61. JMP

    [re=559454]mumblyjoe[/re]: That rant there should be saved for reposting every time the “Real Americans” act like they were victims on 9/11, or they need protection from the threat of terrorist attack on Bublefuck, Missouri.

  62. NYNYNY

    [re=559224]J.Robert Oppenheiner[/re]: Actually, there may be a lot of sons, step-sons around. Do you know the literal last confederate widow died a couple years ago? The husband had been in war as a teenager, married several times and then in his 80s married a girl who was 18.

  63. Poopoo the Clown

    I wonder if he learned everything he ever needed to know about explosions on 9/11, too. I bet not.

  64. weejee

    Qwestion for you Virginians:

    Does your DOL give a rat’s ass what you put on vanity plates? I mean would OMGGOP or OMFGGOP or KMAGOP fly? How’s bout ESADMF? I’m sure the Jeebus poleeze would put the kybosh on any triple 666ers except maybe a Mittensesque one like LDS666. Out her in Warshington the DOL is rather careful on that shit. When they blow it, and some neighbors piss and moan, then the DOL requires the licensee to surrender the offending plate and they all tries again.

    Could all you folks from Virginia try pissing and moaning to the VA DOL?

  65. Sgt. Lincoln Osiris

    everything i ever needed to know about NOT GOING TO SCHOOL i learned on THIS GUY’S TRUCK

  66. heathenish

    It’s always amazing how these people LOVE LOVE LOVE their Second Ammendment-but seem to just skip right over the 1st Ammendment where it talks about freedom of religion. Dumb redneck fuckers.Guess it only applies to Christian religions.

  67. Hemp Dogbane

    [re=559499]Poochie[/re]: Bed liner and tarp, to hide his wife’s NPR tote bag full of groceries.

  68. snideinplainsight

    Why are muslins blowing up a big Ford sign? Don’t they know that quality is job 1?

  69. ja

    oh Peaches i ‘ve just found the new paint job for the Camry.
    It should go wonderful with my carbon offsets bumpersticker.

  70. notanaturalblonde

    [re=559607]Redhead[/re]: Your post reminded me that on the actual 9/11, the only person in my department in our offices (located on the opposite coast) who stayed home cringing and crying instead of, y’know, sucking it up and coming in and doing her fucking job, just happened to be the only Bush-lovin’ Republican working there.

    And when the first theatrical 9/11 film came out a few years later–that piece of crap with Nicolas Cage–the only people I know who went to see it were rageaholic Repubs who walked out of it refreshed and invigorated with a renewed sense of xenophobia and hatred.

    Another angerbear I knew went to see Michael Moore’s “Fahrenheit 9/11″ in the movie theater specifically so he could pick a fight with any random liberal attending. Which he did, arguing with and eventually punching the GIRL he was sitting next to.

    Why are so many Republicans such terrified, pants-wetting assholes, is I guess what I’m asking.

  71. lumpenprole

    That’s not bad presentation, for a wingnut. It’s better than competent work. I’d zero in on “EVERYTHING … ISLAM” too. Good balance, love it. It’s a retarded thing to say, but it’s well put together.

    I just hate those long-winded, preachy bumper stickers that you can’t read. WTF is THAT FOR?

  72. zhubajie

    [re=559248]4tehlulz[/re]: Everything I know about Xty I learned growing up in the US, and it was more than enough.

  73. Iam

    [re=559296]WadISay[/re]: I’ve always considered myself to be up to date on the the latest bullshit terminology, but I obviously wasn’t up to date on this shit. I said to my 18 year old Texan son, “did you know that 88 = Heil Hitler?” and he basically says, “duh, mom.” The conversation proceeded from there, and it turns out, these southern repressive small-minded ass-holes have completely encrypted a whole racist dialog. Seriously, I am disturbed to know my kids have been raised on this shit and I was oblivious. WTF.

  74. 8-Man

    Yea, the Wapo just told us all.

    14 = David Lane’s 14-word motto: “We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children.”
    CV = Confederate Veteran
    88 = Heil Hitler

    Nice.

Comments are closed.