Congressman Todd Akin of Missouri is kind of stupid and we can prove it. In a very serious press release titled “Akin Against Ceding Low Earth Orbit Capabilities to Russians,” Akin (meaning his communications person, but let’s pick on the top guy anyway) writes: “The decision by the Obama administration to gut NASA’s manned flight program does more than jeopardize the long term goals of solar system exploration, the cancellation of the space shuttles replacement will effectively leave the United States reliant upon the Russian Federation to grant us access to low earth orbit. As a member of the Armed Services Committee I am very concerned with that possibility, and as an American I am disappointed by the prospect.” USA! USA! ONE PECULIAR TIDBIT, however: when this release came out yesterday, it didn’t say “Russian Federation.”
An operative sent us this screenshot of the release last night, as it was at the time. Notice anything different with a certain country’s name?
It was funny, because after he declared that we are ceding ground to the Soviet Union, he wrote, “As a member of the Armed Services Committee…” Whoops! Do you feel safe under the protective wings of Todd Akin, America?
He should’ve just stayed with “Soviet Union,” for the cheap fear-points.
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We should keep an eye on Austria-Hungary as well.
So, he obviously has found NASA-Jesus for only one reason: Pork.
Or, put differently, he’s “Akin for the bacon.”
[re=558463]Tommmcatt[/re]: And let Upper Volta slip beneath the radar?! Ougadougou to you!
Is this by any chance the same guy who played the comatose mother in “Goodbye, Lenin”?
It’s hard to see Russia from your house when you live in Missouri.
[re=558463]Tommmcatt[/re]: Wasn’t it the Ottoman Empire that attacked us on 9/11, though?
I can see the Russian Federation from my front porch. Soviet Union, not so much.
Istanbul, Constantinople, its nobody’s business but the Turks.
Congressman Akin apologizes for the error — he just recently returned from a trip to Czechoslovakia with John McCain and he’s a little jet-lagged. He’ll be okay after he has his hot water bottle.
You should’ve seen the first draft, which featured the words “Brezhnev” and the “Mike Eruzione”.
Fucking political correctness. Used to be you could call’em Reds and be done with it.
[re=558474]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:
The Cathars, I think. Dammed dualist heresy!
I bet he gets cold sweats worrying about Nobamar getting cozy with the Prussians, too.
Dammit, this Cold War nostalgia is getting out of hand.
He also said this will hamper exploration of all nine planets in the solar system.
Why should I struggle with my current demanding job, when I can just move to a Red State, run as a Repub shouting stupid shit, and live the good life forever? New career change.
Polish-Lithuanian Condominium invades Bessarabia! News at 11!
As a huge fan of Star Trek, I’m totally OK with the Federation having control of low earth orbit. Just seems proper to me.
Maps iz HARD.
Spoken like a true Talosian.
[re=558485]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Be practical. The self-loathing might make it less fun than you think.
[re=558476]Prommie[/re]: Dear Congressman Akin, If you have a date in Constantinople, she’ll be waiting in Istanbul.
[re=558481]Tommmcatt[/re]: The Dragovitsans were dualists. Cathars just believed you could do whatever the fuck you wanted as long as you said “yeah, sorry about all that” really sincerely before you croaked.
[re=558478]magic titty[/re]: This is good news for Josip Broz Tito!
“Akin Agrees USA Should Be First To Investigate Rings Around Uranus”
“To boldly go where no hairpiece has gone before!”
[re=558491]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Caitlin Upton would second that opinion, for sure.
Pst.
Todd.
Two words.
Sharks, lasers.
Nuff said.
Todd, please turn off your teeth; you’re blinding me here.
Where does Idi Amin stand on this issue?
[re=558502]user-of-owls[/re]: His Wiki picture is the gayest thing since RuPaul’s Drag Race.
[re=558478]magic titty[/re]: Remove the ‘the’, idiot.
DUNN DUNN DUNNNNNNN http://www.vbox7.com/play:76c72309
[re=558516]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: More better: The Dogs with Bees in Their Mouths so When They Bark They Shoot Bees at You.
If I were Todd Akin, I’d be more worried about my giant, giant forehead than the Russkies (how did get that way? what’s it hiding? is it a tumor?). But that’s probably why I’m not on the prestigious Armed Service Committee.
From an industrial base perspective, this decision could have some daunting ramifications. NASA and the Department of Defense share a strategically important industrial base, which are large-scale rocket motors (SRMs). If cancellation of Constellation and Ares 1 and Ares 5 occurs, it will be the first time in 46 years that we do not have any DoD or NASA production to sustain this vital defense and space industrial base.
Imagine his conundrum if the United Auto Workers found a way to organize the plants that make parts for these large-scale rocket motors!
Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll find some way to fellate your defense contractors with my taxes, Todd. Calm down.
[re=558477]SayItWithWookies[/re]: What? No stop-over in Yugoslavia? Tito is gonna be hurt.
[re=558524]magic titty[/re]: Oh god, I hadn’t seen it. Who knew Paul Lynde’s brother went into the Yugoslavian dictator business?
Dude, you need to go back to the rug store and look into getting a new one. Next time, don’t ask for the “Richard Shelby”.
I’m sure some of these guys would happily chip in toward a “Soviet Union Restoration Project”. It’s important to have someone you can aim your nukes at.
Show me where the Constitution allows the government to create a “space program”? You know who also liked rockets? Hitler.
That forehead is screaming for some unicorn-themed blingee.
Missouri has been compromised.
Soon the Hanseatic League will be up to their old tricks as well.
So Gubmit doing the work instead of private companies is now bad? Check!
Also, Congressman Akin is still terribly worried about stability in Assyria and whether or not the U.S. pulling out too soon will affect the long-term fate of the Mesopotamians.
This man is my representative. Seriously. He represents a bunch of middle-class St. Louis suburbanites who, for the most part, care more about keeping their big lawns green and what so-and-so’s wife wore to church last week than they do about the intelligence of their elected officials. I think I’m going to go pass out in a lawn chair and piss of the neighbors for awhile…
[re=558464]user-of-owls[/re]: Yeah, he’s on the Akins diet – bacon but NO CARBS ! ! !
[re=558524]magic titty[/re]: Hahahahaha. [re=558536]user-of-owls[/re]: Paul Lynde’s brother? No no. The correct answer would be Diana Vreeland.
[re=558533]Aflac Shrugged[/re]:
Exactly.
Missouri: Home of Boeing or the formerly known as McDonnell Douglas Division and their space (!) division.
Won’t someone PLEASE think of the Minoans?
[re=558572]Pete-O[/re]: The Akin Diet – all Victoria Jackson but no carbs!!
Congressman Todd “Butt” Akin.
I hear Ishmaelia’s nuclear sub fleet is a threat.
Today, we are all Spartans.
Soviet Union/Russian Federation. Separate but equal.
I don’t know why we turn a blind eye to the Ottoman Empire for that matter.
And keep an eye on those devils from Siam while you’re at it!
[re=558477]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That is a hell of a jet lag. Side jag to Burma for a shave?
[re=558550]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: Tim Curry Satan, also.
Whoops! [Sic.] As in “two whoops and a holler”? It’s “Oops.” After this, I give up. If people keep spelling it this way, pretty soon it will actually be correct, so why not?
In Soviet Union manned flight pogrom gut YOU…
It’s only a matter of time before Hannibal’s space-elephants touch down unless we stop them RIGHT NOW!
Kind of extremely stupid, really.
You forgot Poland!
Oh, I guess it’s part of the Soviet Union.
What the hell is in low orbit over his head? Wait, I meant, “Whoops, what the hell is in low orbit over his head?!”
[re=558653]Aurelio[/re]: Two hoots and a holler. I swear, where do you people get your idioms, Boston?
Was he the one who issued a press release last week saying Missouri should join the Confederacy?
We’re now at the mercy of the Klingons to get into low earth orbit.
Wait, the guy is from Missouri and he’s not familiar with the folks at the X – Prize Foundation?
It is a private foundation funding private enterprise’s attempts to launch space vehicles, among other things, and only paying for successful results. He ought to be wetting himself over that sort of thing.
Meanwhile, in Southern Rhodesia, Mugabe continues to reign unfettered. And when will our president admit where he was truly born: British East Africa?
Akin & Sarah “Wasilla Peron” Palin will keep America safe when Kruschev Brezhnev Andropov Lex Luthor Bill Ayers Sauron rears his head over the horizon.
Sarah can see Mordor from her backyard, you betcha!
[re=558758]lulzmonger[/re]:
*EPIC STRIKE TAG FAIL*
“How do I shit Web?”
[re=558730]BeWoot[/re]: Hoots are for chimpanzees. It’s whoops. Click the link and be enlightened.
I wonder what Akin thinks about the unrest in Transalpine Gaul.
[re=558519]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Those teeth are Rhodesian Ivory. Just like Johnny Dangerously’s.
Troy wasn’t sacked in a day, y’all.
[re=558549]Woodwards Friend[/re]: winz
[re=558464]user-of-owls[/re]: He’s akin to Porkbutt for Brains.
[re=558549]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Walt Disney’s Werner von Braun, also.
Give the boy a break, the Soviet Union only ceased to exist 19 years ago. It takes a while for news to soak into the Heartland from the Coasts.
[re=558481]Tommmcatt[/re]: Now THAT was a crusade. Rules of engagement: Caedite eos! Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.
[re=558485]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Get good health care, too.
It’s the mud. Pulling thoughts out of the mud of ideology.. sometimes you lose a shoe while you do it.
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