CNN’s Experts have done it again: they have split another very difficult difference! You say the First Amendment says this, but I say free speech makes me sad sometimes! Who is more right? No one, duh! 50-50 FOREVER! PERFECT COMPLACENCY! EVERYBODY IS RIGHT AND WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING, FA LA LA LA LA!
This is one of the strangest opening sentences we’ve ever read:
(CNN) — Letting disgruntled citizens vent is important to national security, experts say, but some messages emanating from angry Americans in recent weeks have pressed the boundaries of free speech.
Another rule of CNN: “…is important to national security” is a Very Serious and Respectable take on anything, especially when Experts say it.
- Letting people buy KFC Double Down Fat Sandwiches to escape their terrible, sad lives for a brief moment is important to national security, experts say, but some local reports suggest that this new sandwich presses the boundaries of healthy food.
- Letting people take poops when their tummies feel real big and weird is important to national security, experts say, but some recent data suggest that maybe pooping all the time is smelly.
- Mr. Potatohead is important to national security, experts say, but sometimes Mr. Potatohead goes too far.
Etc etc.
Anyway, what else… oh! Do you want to know wherein lies the paradox for a country like the United States?
Therein lies the paradox for a country like the United States, where free speech is guaranteed. It’s healthy to allow groups to vent, experts say, but not to the point that they incite violence.
If only we could understand the Harvard+Yale combined legalese of these Experts. We think they’re trying to say that you can’t threaten people with violence and stuff. Or maybe they’re trying to say that you can do that? 50-50!
[CNN]
{ 84 comments }
Direct that angry rhetoric against the life of the President and watch how fast you are reminded of your Fifth Amendment rights.
Next on CNN, “Is evil really bad? We decide and tell it to YOU!”
Is this like a “gray area”?
Yes, I agree. Fuck, fuck, shit. Obammar has big negro ears, the better to listen to you when you masturbate. Then he’ll tax your semen, either by weight or by volume.
Oh, yeah…almost forgot: The pope sucks little boys’ dicks, then kills them so they won’t run home to their mamas, who are lesbian whores.
Am I still okay here? I’ve got a few more.
No one listens to me but the Double Down has 200 less calories than the Big Mac…Which says something about something..dangit I am just depressed, need a Monster Burger from Hardees.
Motherfuck! I almost forgot: Kill Whitey, all of them.
Next on CNN; “Is the President an uppity Negro or just a Negro”?
Only CNN could see this as a “paradox.”
Next on CNN: The paradox of wine – it’s OK to appreciate a nice 2003 Brunello di Montalcino, but you can’t get shitfaced on it and drive a school bus full of third graders off a cliff.
Free speech is not free.
Mr. Potatohead says “burn it. Burn it all.”
This is quite a literary gem:
“It’s a familiar scene on the political landscape: Christians, Muslims, unions, gun owners, environmentalists, seniors, conservatives and liberals help compose the gamut of voices clamoring to be heard in Washington. Experts say it’s best to let everyone have their say.”
Goodness no, I say replenish those gamuts with double down fat sandwiches. That’ll keep em quiet.
Can we bring back impaling? Can we, can we??????
Who are these mysterious, nebulous “experts”? Do they have physical form? Are they human? From whence comes their wisdom? Do they even really exist? CNN won’t tell us, it seems.
[re=558125]ManchuCandidate[/re]: No, next on CNN is “Canprayer be unconstitutional?”. No, really:
http://newsroom.blogs.cnn.com/2010/04/16/can-prayer-be-unconstitutional/?iref=allsearch
They’re actually talking about the court decision that the National Day of Prayer is unconstitutional, but the headline makes it sound like the court just outlawed praying; sort of like how the rulings against forced prayer in schools gets twisted as if it means no prayer in schools.
Well we already know that the limits of free speech stop when you tell people that war is likely to kill you — This is what Oliver Wendell Asshole said when he sentenced Eugene Debs to prison for protesting World War I. Threatening the lives and safety of census workers and black people though? That’s iffy, apparently.
[re=558137]yargisbargis[/re]: Wow, I skipped over the sentence “Experts say it’s best to let everyone have their say,” which is good, because then I would’ve been laughing too hard to write the post.
[re=558131]Scoops McGee[/re]: AAAHHHMMM gonna git me a shotgun and kill all the whiteys AAAHHH seee!! AAAHHHMMM gonna git me a shotgun and kill all the whiteys AAAHHH seee!! AAAHHHMMM gonna git me a white woman wearin a light blue sweater!!
Allowing priests molest young boys is important to protect the church, but sometimes they go too far by allowing people outside the church to find out.
Solution? If you were molested by a priest, you must become a priest yourself. And maybe pope. Whatever it takes to keep you quiet.
[re=558132]freakishlystrong[/re]: Let’s consult his census form for the answer.
CNN has hit upon an important fact about Murkins that makes them run the stories they do, and that’s that many, many of our fellow citizens enjoying the right of free speech have leaky brain pans.
I think there’s a 50/50 chance CNN’s ratings will not recover. I didn’t make that up, that’s Las Vegas odds people.
What happened to the good old days when fighting words were not considered protected speech? Must have been them activist judges in Brandenburg v. Ohio. Damn per curiam opinions.
Here’s one: Let’s bring down the United States government, preferably with violence. See? I am advocating the violent overthrow of the US government!
After that’s done, we’ll elect, uh, anarchist leaders. Wait a minute. I’m getting confused here.
Anyway, go back to Kenya you fucking commanist!
I know, why don’t CNN get some turkey ass rapper to lay down the dichotomy flow?
Snappin’ beatz and epistemology y’all.
FauxNews doesn’t spend a lot of time with this “on the one hand, on the other hand” debate and their numbers are through the roof. Since Fox appeared on the scene, CNN has tortured itself with the “righty/lefty debate” to no avail. MSNBC is tied in knots since it ultimately reflects on the Mothership, but CNN could easily just say “These teabaggers are inciting people to blow up federal office buildings aren’t they?” and be done with it. My right wing parents explained to me that Fox New is not “fair and balanced” in an of itself…it exits to balance “all the other networks”.
[re=558140]JMP[/re]: They put it that way to get people upset with atheists and increase ratings. If they actually covered the story, people might go “Oh, I guess that makes sense.” But if you say “Can prayer be unconstitutional?” you get the stupid all worked up real quick. Then you have additional news to cover when the stupid behave stupidly, politicians make statements supporting the rights of the stupid to speak to their invisible friends, etc. Like the creator of the universe would give two shits about your test scores…
Kent Brockman “Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it’s time for our viewers to crack each other’s heads open and feast on the goo inside?” Professor “Yes I would, Kent.”
Where do you get one of these ‘experts’ gigs?
While I definitely take the Double Down as a sign that Uhmerka is definitely BACK, I can’t believe that un-sandwich has only 540 calories. I’d guess it to be about 1500.
BHO: Dangerous Marxist or Cunning Fascist?
[re=558154]Scoops McGee[/re]: Needs moar tree branch.
[re=558143]Jim Newell[/re]: The reporter responsible for this also blogs on subjects he is passionate about….
http://behindthescenes.blogs.cnn.com/2010/01/04/sources-tell-story-of-how-dry-toilets-could-be-answer/
[re=558143]Jim Newell[/re]: It’s best to have your say – IF you are a teabagger and believe that the only way to get your country back is to overthrow your democratically elected government and replace it with … um … U-S-A, U-S-A!!!
Most experts agree that most experts are indecisive morans.
[re=558169]yargisbargis[/re]: SOIL. Teeheehee, I get it. I think they should’ve named their outfit “Preservation Of Our Planet (POOP)”.
Let’s not forget that commerce is speech as well. This is why I have set up a concession stand for the purpose of selling nigger cunts. For every person repelled, another one is attracted! If we can’t enjoy our inalienable rights, we may as well just let the Pope rape us whenever.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that Barack Hussein Obama is a U.S. citizen.
These “experts” remind me of “polls”, which is to say, “Who the hell are these people?” I never get called or polled, who do they poll? Olds that are home during the day with landlines?
So, is it OK to yell “FIRE” in a crowded theatre so you can get the seat you want?
As dead-on as your “let’s debate everything” analysis of CNN is, the rare times I’ve gone to CNN’s website the past year (and I stopped about 4 years ago once it became a relatively less sad joke) it’s become a right winger’s wet dream. It’s like CNN can simultaneously prove non-partisanship is somehow worse than partisanship, then have a partisan website even worse than its non-partisan network.
Letting CNN vent is important to national security, experts say, but some messages emanating from CNN have pressed the boundaries of free speech.
[re=558166]edgydrifter[/re]: Each is 50% correct.
[re=558182]Mr Blifil[/re]: Fake plastic, or the genuine variety?
“It’s a familiar scene on the political landscape: Christians, Muslims, unions, gun owners, environmentalists, seniors, conservatives and liberals help compose the gamut of voices clamoring to be heard in Washington. Experts say it’s best to let everyone have their say.”
It’s even better if you have Dick Cheney listening to every word they say, monitoring all their incoming and outgoing email and keeping track of their bowel movements.
[re=558185]GOPCrusher[/re]: Yes, but you must be focused. Such as: “Fire in the 5th row, center!”
[re=558137]yargisbargis[/re]: Experts agree that the political landscape is positively lousy with a gamut of clamoring Muslims.
Why doesn’t CNN take their cue from Newsweek? Their screaming, authoritative, bold-face
liescover stories, are the last word in know-it-all journalism.[re=558190]BOOBIES![/re]: Only if Dick has to eat all those bowel movements. “Freedom (to spy on American citizens) is not free, Mr. Cheney.”
I bet that the experts say these things just to impress CNN newshotties.
[re=558145]comicbookguy[/re]: Experts say child molestation is bad, but others say they were asking for it
[re=558184]freakishlystrong[/re]: I got “polled” the other day at home. After about 45 seconds it was clear I was being push-polled. Clues were: “How do you feel about Pelosi, Ried, socialism, communism, etc, etc?” One second after I told her to fuck herself, I regretted not toying her for an hour or so and skewing the entire interview. Next time.
[re=558185]GOPCrusher[/re]: Well, it’s not ‘okay’, it’s definitely ‘bad’ and ‘disturbing’, but experts also say that the right to yell FIRE in a crowded theatre is important to our national security.
[re=558191]Scoops McGee[/re]: If someone in the movie show
Yelled “Fire in the second row
This whole place is a powder keg!”
You’d notice him
Some serious journalists work for CNN, but experts say they stare at their shoes in embarrassed disbelief every day.
“Experts say it’s best to let everyone have their say”. CNN: journalism at its finest, experts say.
[re=558209]bitchincamaro[/re]: You know, you are far more likely to have gotten a message poll commissioned by the democrats, than a genuine push poll. Candidates, and parties, message test their opponents’ attack messages, so they will know which ones to look out for, which ones have “traction” as we jargon-loving assholes like to say. This goes on constantly, and even if you are being asked leading questions alleging terrible things, like “which of the following scares you most about congressman Smith: a. he molests collies; b. he supports mandatory devil-worship in the public schools; c. he blows goats and swallows their goaty-semen,” the fact is, this poll is more likely to be Congressman Smith’s poll, and he is legitimately trying to gauge his weaknesses. Push-polling is a ridiculously expensive way to speak to a relatively few people. Its more a myth than reality. Unless you got a machine, then it could be.
Put all the experts in FEMA death camps. Problem solved.
Somehow this makes my head explode with rage, but the article is worded in such a staid and reasonable tone that my ‘spodyness makes me ashamed.
CNN is the Nurse Ratchet of cable news.
I like that opening sentence structure. It’s so malleable:
Letting Erick Erickson tell teabaggers to shoot census workers is important to national security, experts say …
Letting Sarah Palin tell bigoted violent psychopaths to “Lock and Load” is important to national security, experts say …
Giving free rein to Tom Paine cosplay fetishists is important to national security, experts say…
.
MA TRUCK NUTZ IS ANGRY BUT DISTURBING TOO MRS. CNN!
WHO GUNNA PROTECT MA NUTZ!??? GIMME EXPERT!
it’s important to let cnn equivocate on political issues as a matter of national security, but can the chattering class talk around the issues TOO MUCH? we report; you decide!
[re=558185]GOPCrusher[/re]: You may yell, “FIRE” in a crowded movie theatre provided you are an expert on fires and/or movies, experts say.
[re=558209]bitchincamaro[/re]: I got “polled” the other day at home, too. Only it was more like “poled”. Very different circumstances.
Letting self-important morons broadcast their half-baked drivel is important to national plutocracy, experts say, but some messages emanating from cable news channels in recent weeks have pressed the boundaries of tolerable idiocy.
Sometimes Madlibs can still be fun.
It’s healthy to allow groups to vent, experts say…
ACTUAL EXPERTS ACTUALLY SAY THE OPPOSITE OF THIS, BECAUSE ACTUAL EXPERTS ARE FAMILIAR WITH THE CAUSAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN “VENTING” AND ESCALATION.
Requiring that Friday be “clothing optional day” is important to national security, experts say, but sometimes optional clothing should not be optional.
Their latest slogan:
“CNN: We follow the false controversies so we don’t have to bother ourselves with the real ones!”
Woodchucks chucking Wood is important to national security, woodchucks say, but how much wood would a wood chuck chuck is open to debate.
[re=558274]mumblyjoe[/re]: Thanks for that. Actual experts beat one another with Bataca encounter bats, say actual experts, while increasingly fantasizing of beating one another with actual baseball bats.
National security will survive without your ALLCAPS RANT.
Wolf, Fail, Blitzer
“God vs Devil. Who should you listen to. Our panel of 10 Repuke shills and 2 eye rolling Dem strategists will discuss when we return from commercial”
[re=558140]JMP[/re]:
An “ex” is a has-been, and a “spurt” is a little drip under pressure.
[re=558141]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yikes. By my calculations, if the earth is only 6,000 years old, and older time is more compress than newer time, they Eugene Debs was alive during the American Revolution (but not the dinosaurs) and that means that a Socialist was a USA founding father. I did not learn this in school.
One of their experts is this obnoxious teabagging lady: http://www.carolmswain.com/index.html
[re=558209]bitchincamaro[/re]: Oh, man. NEVER pass up the chance to mess with a push poller.
The last time Washington (state) had gays-related initiative on the ballot, I got a guy from Focus On the Family ‘polling’ me about gay civil unions, gay teachers, gays in the army etc., and as the interview went on, the questions, of course, got more and more about buttsecks and how gross it is, obviously trying to vote against and hate the gays. I’m starting to get, all “Well, there must be something to it, if they all want to do it,” and “You sound like a nice, interesting person. We’d have a lot to talk about, lets get together for coffee..” when the poller hung up on me.
[re=558274]mumblyjoe[/re]: As a self appointed representative of United American Paranoid Schizophrenics if have to say that songs about “there’s a communist in the white house” are not particularly helpful. And in the many free red states where being a Paranoid Schizophrenic does not disqualify you from exercising your Gawd given 2nd amendment right to carry an assault rifle, it can even be slightly dangerous.
[re=558250]sezme[/re]: Or, if you are a corporation, it is OK to yell “fire” in a movie theater to get the seat you want. Or whatever else you might want.
[re=558237]JGabriel[/re]: “Letting Sarah Palin tell bigoted violent psychopaths to ‘Lock and Load’” I’ve been watching the new HBO miniseries “The Pacific” and during scenes when the marines are heading toward some beach, we hear the commanders yell “Load and Lock”. It makes sense to load the ammo into your weapon before locking it. How can you load it after you locked it?
Read more at Wonkette: http://wonkette.com/414888/cnn-scoop-secret-amendment-one-discovered-at-end-of-constitution#more-414888#ixzz0lI7naCwi
free speech makes unicorns cry
[re=558166]edgydrifter[/re]: Cunning Linguist?
I learned to mistrust “experts” the day that my Mom’s ex-therapist (ex because the lady flashed my mom her cooch… long story) ended up as a marriage counseling “expert” on Oprah.
CNN. Feh. BBC. AlJazeera. NHK. All the way.
Yeah, even David Gergen started acting stupid. It’s as if someone told him to stop admiring Obama. I haven’t watched CNN in days. Would rather watch Olbermann’s repeat.
[re=558276]An Outhouse[/re]: “Requiring that Friday be “clothing optional day” is important to national security, experts say, but sometimes optional clothing should not be optional.”
Requiring dress-down Friday is important to national security, experts say, but sometimes it leads to a lazy day of ugly, bummy-looking clothes. (Especially when some teachers compete with 8th graders in their tight, inappropriate jeans. Now back to CNN.)
[re=558166]edgydrifter[/re]: A cunning fascist is important to national security, experts say, but some policies emanating from BHO in recent weeks have pressed towards “Juan Peron” style fascism.
If you are not, like my girlfriend, a woman in deep denial about Anderson Cooper’s sexuality, CNN’s really got nothing for you.
Once upon a time, in June of Ought-Six I believe, Harper’s Magazine published a piece examining the limits of the First Amendment. In said article, author Ben Metcalf expressed the following sentiment, and I quote:
Experts say this article deserves careful scrutiny.
Comments on this entry are closed.