Welcome to Narnia! We arrived at the FreedomWorks Tax Day Tea Party last night just as the Christian lion Admiral Ackbar was gettin’ the crowd all hot and bothered, about socialism, between their trips to the Fried Dough and Porta Potty lines. No just kidding, the speaker was maybe Neal Boortz or somebody else. “They’re trying to smear you all as racists!” he said, to a pretty indifferent reaction.
This guy, an evil liberal (he probably knows — or is at least gay-married to — Obama) was parked on the corner of 15th and Constitution, arguing with a couple dozen teabaggers at a time for much of the evening. His sign was poorly drawn and said that the teabaggers were all basically Klansmen. This led to a shouting match over abortion. Why do you love abortion so much, liberal? Why did you support a health care bill that legalized it for the first time?
See, here he is, the liberal abortion monster. That’s his mother with the flowery backpack to his left. How do we know of their relationship?
Because this Hero in the white shirt carrying the white bag, after joining his fellow pro-lifers to yell about how much they hate abortion, said to the liberal, “Your mom should’ve aborted you.” And then his mom said, “Hey, I am his mother,” and he kind of sputtered “Uhhh… you are both murderers?” See? Everyone was having a good time at the FreedomWorks Tax Day Tea Party.
We’ll give them this: conservatives are so much more lenient with press access at these events (unless Palin’s there). The organizers and volunteers? Very friendly people, very accommodating. Wonderful people. Liz Glover just walked into press area and said something like, “Hey can we have two press passes, we’re with the blogs,” and bada-bing. Thank you, Dick Armey minions!
Got some coal miners up there — bought on the Internet? — to yell about cap-and-tax and how it’s socialism. They were Real Americans. Now the plan would be to retrain coal miners to work in alternative energies if those ever came around (they’re not), which would save them from maybe not dying all the time while digging coal out of the center of the earth and then having the earth fall on them. But “plans” have a well-known homosexual bias, so you can’t blame them for being angry at the Kenyan from Kenya trying to force cap-and-tax down their terribly deregulated throats.
One of the very patriotic Real American speakers working the crowds with “USA! USA!” chants was… “Lord Monckton,” an actual Lord of the Aristocracy from England who speaks in an Aristocratic English Lord’s accent. Got it?
There was a rapper, too! He rapped about taxes and saving the country and Freedom. When your editor asked wingnut expert Dave Weigel, who was of course at this thing and furiously scribbling his little notepad notes like a nerd, whether we were actually witnessing a conservative rapper doing a conservative rap song before a crowd of predominantly elderly white people, he said, “Yeah, but this isn’t his best song.” Man, Weigel needs to get a new beat.
USA USA! That’s all they say, the teabaggers. They say “USA USA!” just like that for hours. It’s pretty annoying. Not just the repetition, but the need to be so selfishly territorial with the name of a 300+ million person country. These few thousands, desperately wanting to enclose themselves within the few hundred acres of lawn at the Washington Monument, mark it off with chain-link fences, declare it a sovereign nation, and call that nation the “United States of America” — just so they’ll be able to whine another few days about how the name’s been taken.
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Jim ventures into the belly of the beast to create this report. He’s a real American hero!
“We’re with the blogs”–Liz Glover
Great line–should work for all kinds of access, free drinks, other neat stuff.
“Laid back with my mind on my money and my money on my mind”. Yeah I can see it.
Dick Armey’s Dick Army in all it’s flabby glory (holes.)
[re=557940]donner_froh[/re]:
But not in Austin at the SXSW festival.
The teabaggers do love shouting this country’s name, almost as much as they hate the actual country and most of the people in it.
It’s gratifying to see Lord Monckton forced to confront George Washington’s massively erect monument towering over him, ready to split his rectum fully in twain. So here we have somebody whose ancestors were the ones trying to tax the tea. Someone who still claims the lofty titles of his forebears, loyal subjects to King George. Showing up to demonstrate solidarity with the unemployed uneducated grifters celebrating their “freedom” from Knifecrime Kingdom. I’m sure that made implicit sense to all who congregated.
God, Mom, quit embarrassing me at the counter-protest. Jeez!
Now that’s a grassroots populist uprising if I ever saw one. I know this because every grassroots event I’ve ever been to had jumbo-trons, huge bandstands, and bused-in coal miners. Dick Armey sure is generous for providing all that out of pocket because I’m sure he’s too principled to take money from special intersts to pay for it.
You might think that these One Big Idea people would get tired of themselves and quit making asses of themselves in front of the whole county pretty soon but you would be wrong because they are only capable of thinking one thought and they are asses, so there’s that.
Because everyone loves the banjo and conservative white rappers.
If by “conservative rapper,” you mean “white guy who owns a baseball cap,” then yeah, I guess so.
[re=557940]donner_froh[/re]: I believe the appropriate quote should have been “We are with the blogs and we are here to snark you.”
How do we get one of these things in New York City? You guys are so lucky down in DC to have these traveling freak shows do their Meta performance art live every few weeks. Come on, please, I really want to go and take pictures of these guys and witness the insanity. I guess I just have to go to a Renissnace Fair or something and watch a Worlock battle it out with a Wookie or Harry Potter or something.
Now the plan would be to retrain coal miners to work in alternative energies if those ever came around…
Ha ha — have a good time mining the sun, beeyotches!
Ahem, this gentleman in your pictures is in fact a Viscount, above a Baron, but below an Earl or Count. Rubbish to you, inferior nobility! I demand at least an Earl next time!
And…WTF, American rally with OBSOLETE BRITISH NOBILITY? Would South Africa celebrate the World Cup by inviting some wealth white landowners to raise a cheer?
[re=557940]donner_froh[/re]:
In general, try the line “I’m on official business”. You’ll be surprised how many places you can get into saying THAT.
Not to demean the cause, but if that conscientious activist mother were willing to leave her non-aborted grown son fetus for a half-hour or so- to maybe, say, go chase down that aggro-choad that was verbally accosting her boy, and brain said choad with his heavily taxed plastic bag-o-cheese-flavored snack bacon- I would have been more than happy to tap junior’s ass. Right thinking is sexxxay!
[re=557940]donner_froh[/re]: It does – for Liz Glover
[re=557948]Cicada[/re]: What kind of guy brings his mom to a street riot? Maybe he had to let her come because he needed a ride downtown.
And from news from around the nation:
*****
Employer Suspends Bongo Playing, Free-Love Beatnik, Hebe, Alinskyite, Tea-Baggery Infiltrator After Patriots Complain about Birth Certificate
http://tinyurl.com/y82xwx4
[re=557945]JMP[/re]: Only Teabaggers are America. Everybody else in this country is part of Canada or Nazi Russia or something.
[re=557960]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Last time my fiancee was home seeing the folks in WV, there was already a bilboard up protesting a wind farm project in the area. See, with coal, there’s always stuff to dig out, but with wind you just put that thing up and it spins and you’re done! AND WHAT ABOUT WHEN THE WIND DOESN’T BLOW ON TOP OF THEM MOUNTAINS WHERE THE WIND IS CONSISTENTLY BLOWING, MORANS?
Speaking of a wing nut bat shit crazy parade cum lecture circuit of the teabagger vanguard, what on earth ever happened to John Gibson? He was my favourite wing nut, fusing a Bachmanite psychopathy with a post-Rovian creepiness, what with his yellow filed teeth and what not.
His Lordship should have worn a period costume and powdered wig for effect.
yay, I got $600 back from the govvmint! How many abortions can I get with that?
Anybody know who manufactures poster board? I wanna buy some stock.
[re=557960]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And if the coal miners did all get jobs in alternative energies, how would their employers crush them to death?
[re=557971]Tim[/re]: He still has a radio show, that John Gibson. It comes on the 2nd tier talk radio stations (the ones with Michael Medved instead of Rush) at midnight on weekends.
Okay, I’m confused. Why was “Lord” Monckton there in the first place? Was he trying to boost sales of his massive collection of Sudoku-winning strategies?
wow, a whole lot of fapping goin’ on
Not so sure about those miners. They have that tan, well-fed look of washington lobbyists. They might be wearing white hard hats, but the closest they’ve probably ever come to a coal mine is a 25 lb bag of charcoal briquettes.
OO-SA
OO-SA
[re=557954]peeno nwar[/re]: He’s from the rough LA ghetto called Pasadena.
I really want an explanation for why the Dick Army is parading around with the 5th Viscount of Whatever. It’s like a Mark Twain story waiting to happen.
That crowd in the 1st pic looks like the crowd at Barry’s inauguration – the crowd for the porta-potties, that is. I think ol’ Barry should pick a pretty day this spring and just plan a little speech on the lawn and show these fuckers how to get a crowd to cum!
[re=557962]PabaBritannica[/re]: Regardless, one is still equired to address Lock Monckton as “Your Pranciness”. It’s a rule.
Gee. I wonder i those miners know their signs were paid for by Don Blankenship? Maybe Don could ship his pal Dick some actual dead miners to the next event.
Did you guys get to hear Victoria Jackson singing “There’s a Communist in the White House”? I’ve looked for it on I-Tunes but I can’t find it.
Also, Hannity got yelled at by his bosses for trying to do his show at a teabagger rally in Cincinatti.
http://crooksandliars.com/john-amato/fox-news-scolds-then-pulls-sean-hannity
[re=557940]donner_froh[/re]: And would seem from the earlier photo she didn’t have to wear teabags in her hair. Haz a sad she didn’t pin bunny ears on MB.
Try reading the other posts before commenting, dumbass.
[re=557991]Cape Clod[/re]: Victoria’s managed to become unintentionally a lot funnier in real life than she ever was on purpose on SNL (although she was great in UHF).
I’m looking around for Jonah Goldberg’s Tea Party speech. A fine shiny copper to anyone who can find a clip or something.
Is that Snow singing ‘Informer’?
A licky boom boom down?
You know Coal Miners, I like you but… Chinese Coal Miners have the best casualty rates on the job ever.
His Pranciness, via Wikipedia;
“Monckton is a liveryman of the Worshipful Company of Broderers, an Officer of the Order of St. John of Jerusalem, a Knight of Honour and Devotion of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta, and a member of the Roman Catholic Mass Media Commission. He is also a qualified Day Skipper with the Royal Yachting Association, and has been a Trustee of the Hales Trophy for the Blue Riband of the Atlantic since 1986.[2]
Although he has asserted that as an hereditary peer he is “a member of the House of Lords, though without the right to sit or vote”, the House of Lords has stated that “Christopher Monckton is not and has never been a Member of the House of Lords. There is no such thing as a ‘non-voting’ or ‘honorary’ member.”[3] ”
I find it hard to believe I would need to write a punchline, after that -
O.K., the teaparty’s over.
Got some coal miners up there . . . you can’t blame them for being angry at the Kenyan from Kenya trying to force cap-and-tax down their terribly deregulated throats.
Their soot-encrusted throats.
Their tracheotomized throats.
Down their throats.
O Superman.
O mom & dad.
Oh, brother!
He’s just an average Joe with an average flow
Doing average things with average hoes
[re=558019]snideinplainsight[/re]: Joe the Royal Noble Peer Duke Count Lord Baron
Monckton is a “Day Skipper”? Maybe he’ll agree to debate that other dude all publically-like.
[re=557970]PabaBritannica[/re]: Yeah, but when the mountain-top-removal coal companies get done, there won’t BE any mountain tops for your gay-ass wind turbines, so, um… What was the point, here, again?
[re=557980]bureaucrap[/re]: Probably coal-company middle managers who spend all day deep inside the inky bowels of a coal company office building, shooting the face of their spreadsheets with verbal dynamite.
[re=558006]magic titty[/re]: That’s what i say when my cat licks his ass – “Oh look at the cat! Licky boom boom down!” For some reason teabaggers make me think of cat-ass-licking…
[re=557974]Mostly_Harmless[/re]: Infinity. They’re free.
These guys say they aren’t racists, but it’s becoming clear that they cannot articulate what they’re upset about, so it’s gotta be racism that’s getting them all worked up. It blows my mind, but the tiny minority of the wealthiest in this country led by their communications director Rupert Murdoch, are using the media to stir up the inherent racism in the souls of ignorant white trash to get another republican in office. And that is America at it’s finest.
[re=557967]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: He was hoping to jump back into her womb if things threatened to get violent.
[re=558035]Come here a minute[/re]: mad props for the Laurie Anderson quote!
Last year’s teaparty here in Austin TX was a robust group of 3000 or so rabid Merikins shoutin’and testifyin’. This year, the teaparty maxed out at a pathetic 200-300 people shuffling around at the capitol holding the standard lame signs and looking constipated. Seems the party is dying from the prolonged lack of oxygen to the brain.
Though, to be fair, it was really rainy yesterday and many of the Texas teaparty klan are so sweet they’d just melt right away in the rain…
[re=557947]Mr Blifil[/re]: And so it’s as though irony were meth. Come and see the irony inherent in the teaparty system! Mmmm, that’s good irony. But then our irony receptors become dull so the baggers have to keep upping the ante or doubling down so that we, the libtards, can get ever stronger more toxic doses of irony. It’s a vicious cycle that can only end with a Palin/Bachman win in 2012 at which time the teabaggers get, ironically, exactly what they’ve been wishing for.
Was there anyone there that wasn’t an outside agitator?
[re=558019]snideinplainsight[/re]: So why was this Lord Count Duchy of Dukes Monckton, Third Peerage to the House of Synjin Smith-Smyth Smith speaking at a Tea Bag Party if he’s not even as much as a lawmaker? This is confounding me.
I swear this guy must be the modern equivalent of the Duke and the Dauphin from Huckleberry Finn.
[re=557947]Mr Blifil[/re]: The average, salt-of-the-earth Reel Merkin has so much in common with a dude whose literal, actual real name is “Christopher Monckton, 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley”. They can just sit around and reminisce about all those times Bob Bobson’s cousin, Robert, of Bumblefuck Pennsylvania got black lung and died, and C-Monck can talk about that time that his dinner wasn’t served at precisely 6:13 PM, and that other time the help accidentally put the salad fork where the dinner fork was supposed to go.
[re=558107]PabaBritannica[/re]: Forget thee not the Queen and the Downskid.
[re=557970]PabaBritannica[/re]: Here in Iowa, we have windmill farms. Big ones. I was informed by someone from Oklahoma that these windfarms were going to adversely affect the migration patterns of waterfowl.
And he said it with a straight face.
Thank goodness for brave bloggers like you…this was so much nicer than actually attending a Tea Party rally.
Maybe these miners should spend less time protecting us from science and UMW union thuggery, and more time protecting miners from mines.
[re=558147]GOPCrusher[/re]: This objection always confuses me. Suddenly Republicans are environmentalists?
Somebody was telling me (my teatard granddad, I think it was) that windmills couldn’t work because birds would get caught in them and break the turbines. Immediately I countered with a shit-ton of low-tech solutions that wouldn’t hinder the flow of wind, but would stop birds/debris from clogging up this shit, not least of which was, you know, fuckin’ nets. Or not exposing the turbine. His riposte? “It… It just wouldn’t work.”
We live in a day and age where I have near-instantaneous access to the bulk of information and people in the world through a 2″x4″ pane of glass that needs no wires to operate and sits comfortably in the palm of my hand. And people exist who are telling me that we can’t get a reasonably efficient power source from windmills, a mechanical-energy-harvesting technology that has existed for nearly two thousand years.
This is the future, people. Science has got this shit covered.
If Eazy-E was here today, I think he would have been a teabagger. A small businessman, he hated governmental authority and was all about making and keeping his own money.
RIP Eazy
[re=557960]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That’s really what they’re worried about. But really, we still need people to service these turbines and panels and such, not to mention build them, so there would be an insane number of blue-collar jobs available in the renewable energy sector, if energy companies and the federal government made a real push to overhaul the grid.
Jimbob Bobjim of Dog Fucker, West Virginia can have plenty of fun cussing at the busted axle of a wind turbine or wiping the birdshit off of a solar panel, instead of getting black lung and dying in a mine detonation that causes his town to burn forever. Probably get paid better, too!
I’d like to cap and trade the fat ass in the white pants.
That first pic reminds me of the wide angle shot of Saddam’s statue being torn down. You know, the one they never show you.
[re=557940]donner_froh[/re]: [re=557956]WIDTAP[/re]: “They’re not gonna catch us. We’re on a mission from blogs.”
If Hasn’tAny’s boss was able to keep his employee from speaking in Cincinatti, why weren’t Bachmann’s employers able to make her shut the fuck up in DC?
Also, bumper sticker seen on a miner’s truck, next to the trucknutz: “Earth First. We’ll mine the other planets later.”
[re=558101]Minnie Mean[/re]: Springfield had a rally last year. This year, in a supposedly safe GOP district that should be all for this crap – nada. Front page of the paper today – $5 billion in socialist style spending for roads and a story about old churches.
The AP does claim 2k or so showed up in Chicago at a midday rally, but that was probably mainly confused tourists thinking it was a colorful ethnic festival and asswipe business types who live 2 hours out in the burbs but like yelling about crap in the city that let’s them make a ton of money.
[re=558101]Minnie Mean[/re]: [re=558348]Berkeley Bear[/re]: I noticed a big ‘enthusiam gap’ in my town, too. Last year we had all the crazies out with funny signs and t-shirts, and I was thinking, “Damn, I wish I had my camera with me so I could be a Wonkette operative, too and also.”
Yesterday, I took the long way to work, past the county courthouse, past the Safeway, past the corner of 1st and Lincoln, Front and Lincoln … nada. Not one damn protester. I reversed the route on a lunchtime errand to the post office … nothing. At rush hour, same route, all the usual places where the protesters do their thing … ZERO.
AND I HAD MY DAMN CAMERA WITH ME THIS TIME!!!!9!11!!
Somebody said three hundred or so showed up for the one here. Talking to the national media made Mark Skoda hoarse… or so he said.
[re=558175]Zadig[/re]: But you’re forgetting these people don’t believe in Science. They certainly don’t think it should be taught in schools. But then they bitch about the You-Ess-Ay losing its manned space program to the Soviet Union. I mean the Russian Federation.
[re=558175]Zadig[/re]: Not to get too far off topic, but the biggest challenge with wind is that you can’t control when and where it blows. For example, there’s lots of wind in West Texas but there aren’t many people to use the electricity it generates. Since electricity can’t be (easily) stored or transferred with our current technology, we can’t harness that wind energy to get to, say, Dallas, which really needs it. BUT there are tons of companies working on this technology, and we’ll get there.
In a bird v. wind turbine battle, wind turbine wins every time. A flying ostrich couldn’t clog a wind turbine.
[re=558412]LiveFromSinusCity[/re]: I’ve never been successful in my many attempts to skod a horse, but I was only using local reporters. Thanks for the protip!
The New York Times poll forces the mainstream media to admit it: They’ve been building a story line about this grassroots movement based on their prejudices, not the facts.
Many of the comments here simply make the case for the tea party attendees.
[re=558555]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]: Well, of course. I didn’t mean to imply that alternate energy was a trivial problem, just that it’s a solvable one.
First off, Mr. Pussy, Fox News is also a part of the mainstream media- just getting that out there in case you’re a fan, because you know, building story lines based on prejudices goes both ways.
Secondly, we all know that the mainstream media is in a sorry state, but that particular collective was never at these rallies calling Congresspeople horrible names and threatening violence, nor are they spending their time and energy crafting impressively worded signs comparing the current, legally elected POTUS to one of history’s greatest villians for trying to save this sinking ship- or, on a more succinct, original note, a jungle entity of some sort. Awesome. So, assuming that you are one who bags tea, perhaps you should direct some of these objections to the derelicts who go out to these hootnannies and insist on reducing to the lowest common denominator issues that they are ostensibly informed about, take seriously, and wish to change.
Well, my show is over, and I’ve got to go greet the public and then blow all of my and my daddy’s munnies on blow and Marxist ‘zines. Laters, chump.
[re=558746]nappyduggs[/re]: Hitler was legally elected, by the same logic-obessed crowd that now comprises
the baggers. Be afraid.
United morans of the confused state.
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