They seem so excited about this, is the strange thing. Well, we’ll see how happy they are when they have to lug the entire Twitter Machine up a flight of stairs, dropping scraps of retardation along the way. [Sigh]. Your Wonkette is no longer special. [Twitter via NYMag]
Library Of Congress To Record Entirety Of Global Retardation
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SOCIALISM
This is a shitty way to celebrate National Library Week.
LoC = New suicide capital of the world in 3…2…
So, like… that’ll be … what? A blu-ray at absolute, improbable most?
Are they just gonna like make a copy of twitter’s ISM files or something?
Holy crap, why?
This means Meg McCabe’s ta-tas are preserved for posterity?
All those witty, thought provoking and insightful comments I made here on the staid pages of Wonkette ca. 2004 election season have been horribly sullied by this.
I haz a sad.
Ya know, it makes filling out my taxes just a bit more demoralizing knowing that this is where they are going (plus the wars and Holy Joe’s paycheck, natch)
Damn. I thought for sure that all of those initial “how embarrassing is it when a fart turns into a shart? U-S-A!” tweets were gonna stay between me and my peoples. Such is the nature of public disclosure.
Now posterity can also wonder if Keith Olbermann’s tweeting about Martha Stewart so much because he’d like to … ew, I can’t even finish the thought.
Here’s one from user EMassa:
@sexondabeach Boi u look cute in dem jean shortz lol!
Where does that relegate the projected compendium of all bathroom graffiti?
My cousin works for the LoC. I hope they don’t put him in charge of teh stupid.
What, was the line to just cold rape Melvil Dewey’s rotting corpse up the ass with a card catalog drawer too long or something?
The only way this makes sense is if the Library of Congress is anticipating ADHD to be so rampant in the future that we won’t be able to read anything over 140 long. Wait, what was I commenting on?
Hear! Hear! I think Riley needs to take a CD containing all of our illustrious, insightful and witty cultural/political Wonkette comments over to the L of C forthwith!
There is a computer program that would easily sort our observations into truknutz, buttsecks, and “other.”
First, they came for my Tweets …
Too late, Library of Congress! The Internets already haz them all.
Who knew the Library of Congress was a nosy ex-girlfriend?
Can we get a Congressional “Saucy” section, Please! Please!, cause I really don’t care about the other 8 Bagillion.
An expenditure akin to NASA; only less so.
Wait, why is Google getting to digitize all books, but the Library of Congress is getting … Twitter?
I hate living in the future.
Did…I…did I just hear Chuck Grassley cum?
Sad and stupid. There’s more long-term relevance in documenting rail car graffiti.
“Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said ‘time to delivr on healthcare’ When you are a ‘hammer’ u think evrything is NAIL I’m no NAIL.”
Really, LoC? Really?
If I had known that this would be the end result, I would not have been so quick to poo-poo the Twitter thingy as just a passing fad. Think of all the pearls of wisdom that now will be preserved for future American scholars.
This far-sighted initiative will provide thesis topics for graduate history students in the next century. Although after peak oil renders computers inaccessible, they will have to consult the tweets on 4 x 6 index cards, or possibly microfiche with the aid of a magnifying glass and a candle.
Thank god the Library of Congress wants to curate erudite gems like
dICEONTOP RT @Jetzfool: #realniggas are listening to #kushandorangejuice & #bitchniggas … hate.
lovingly preserved on acid free paper, I would imagine.
Now I’m really glad I never opened a Twitter account. Less evidence to be used against me at my trial.
[re=555986]Extemporanus[/re]:
Would that particular maneuver be called “The Decimal?”
I guess this means the Smithsonian will get the entire history of Facebook status messages.
I’m drunk!
I’m drunk and single!
I’m drunk and single and alone!
I’m drunk and single and alone and blinking back the tears while playing Farmville!
first fascism, now this! Goddamn that Obamar!
the collected mass of tweets will implode into a singularity of idiocy.
Twitter. Where you get to see tweets like this, within minutes of each other, from the same guy — enough to make your head spin:
I love being back in New Orleans. Weather is awesome, people are great, and the city is still beaming.
and, shortly thereafter:
I wish people in New Orleans would stop killin each other. There is too much love in this city for all that violence. How can we stop it?
Courtesy: @drewbrees.
[re=556000]Snarkalicious[/re]: Either that or someone outside your window was trying to hand-crank a flooded Model T.
[re=556021]Troubledog[/re]: consider yourself unfriended
[re=555986]Extemporanus[/re]: Duh. The Library of Congress uses the Library of Congress cataloging system, not that ol’ xenophobia racist Dewey System.
Wow, now my detritus is preserved for future de-generations!
[re=555985]pirate king of the Jews[/re]: Me! Me! Me! I’ll do it. Maybe now they’ll finally hire me!
on the plus side, this means that “Shit My Dad Says” will be forever preserved, for America.
[re=556014]nappyduggs[/re]: No, “The Decimal” is when one grabs any hardcover book in the 100 range (“Philosophy and Psychology”) off the shelf, slowly tears out half of its pages one by one, takes a big, soft, steaming “number 2″ right on the table of contents, carefully closes the cover, and then uses the book to mercilessly tit-slap a ball-gagged librarian bound shibari-style to a book return cart until her glasses fly off and her bun falls out.
Think “Goody Two Shoes”, only with more tears, cum, and fecal splatter.
(I have no idea what [re=555986]that other thing’s[/re] called…)
How do I get rid of this
annoying Mattress Firm ad?
It is prohibiting me from seeing
all the glorious snark.
I bet that won’t format right.
[re=556042]Gregoire[/re]: All “Twitterature” will be filed under “D” for “Detritus–Human”:
— by country
— By Subject matter
— Sex
— Miscellaneous
— By level of stupidity Evinced
— 100+ IQ
— 99 IQ
— 98 IQ
etc.
[re=556000]Snarkalicious[/re]:
Prolly, but you most definitely just heard me vomit.
By 2012 all the books will have been pushed out of the library by the awesome Twitter Machine. Instead of burning them, they’ll recycle and print out the Twit Machine’s ravings in hard copy. It’s part of the Republican Resurgence.
[re=556008]Norbert[/re]: WIN! Also, I shudder to think of those master’s theses. Theses!
[re=556038]Chumley[/re]: The idea of raping Dewey’s corpse up the ass with a Library of Congress card catalog drawer rather than a standard card catalog drawer is so disgustingly abhorrent that I can hardly believe a psychologically sound human being would’ve even thought of it, let alone shared it with the group.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Ooooh…I can hardly wait to find out which famous people “just ate a taco”.
[re=556066]Extemporanus[/re]:
Oh. Oh, yes. I’ve simply got to renew my library card.
Might be useful. Next time we decide to remake some hapless foreigners in our image, we can haul out the old Twitter archives and remind ourselves just exactly why that’s such a bad idea.
Next up, Fox announces it’s new reality show-”Ow, My Balls!”
Oh great. Now my descendants, when they’re researching the family history, will be able to reconstruct a complete account of the progress of draining the pus out of my blister in July of ’09. Thanks, LoC.
I guess this means the Kim Khardashian/Demi Moore twit fight over the use of the word pimping will now forever be recorded for posterity. Yay us!
[re=556127]GOPCrusher[/re]: I thought that was yesterday’s Fox ‘n’ Friends?
You mean Twitter saved all that stuff I wrote? Oh Crap!
I refuse to catalog all of this crap.
And don’t fret about wasted resources. LC uses data-compression algorithms that can store the entirety of Twitter’s content in 0 KB.
This bodes well for my 12 volume “History of Farmville” saga.
You’ll have to burn the Library down in order to save it….
I’m already in the LOC for that shitty book chapter I co-authored years ago about…something library related. This is a step up for me! My tweets are marginally more worthy of saving.
Too soon, Library of Congress, too soon.
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