Remember the great Congressman Eric Massa? The disgusting grope-y Democrat resigned last month because everybody finally got tired of him trying to hump every man he saw. Massa’s brief time in Congress was basically an endless attempt to fuck young dudes, mostly his own staffers forced to live with him in a Washington townhouse. His entire congressional existence was dedicated to getting male staffers alone with him in a hotel room, so he could grope them and beg for sex. But this is not even the most disgusting thing about Eric Massa, because lots of sad old fat slobs beg youngsters for sexytime and plenty of awful bosses sexually harass their employees. No, the foulest part of this tale involves a dead American soldier.
The Washington Post has already won the 2010 Pulitzer for this lewd, shocking tale of lewdness:
The incident that eventually lead to Massa’s resignation occurred at a funeral reception on Feb. 2 in Hornel, N.Y., for Lance Cpl. Zack Smith. The 19-year-old Marine had died in an explosion in Afghanistan. Massa struck up a conversation with a young bartender serving at the informal wake.
Four days later, a local blogger alerted the congressman’s office that someone had posted an anonymous comment on his site accusing Massa of soliciting sex from the bartender, according to an e-mail obtained by The Post.
[Massa's cheif of staff Joe] Racalto said he also received a voicemail message from the bartender asking why Massa wanted to meet him in Buffalo, 85 miles away, for dinner. Racalto said he confronted Massa, and the congressman said he was trying to give the man a law school reference. “Mr. Racalto told the Congressman he did not believe him, and informed the Congressman that he was going to report his conduct,” Racalto’s lawyer wrote. Racalto, snowbound in New York, said he called Hikel in Washington, and the two discussed the need to alert House leaders.
Way to honor the dead troops, asshole. Ugh, congratulations, Eric Massa: You were even too fucking gross for the House of Representatives. [Washington Post]
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I don’t understand the outrage on this one.
That screen shot is chock full of the look of luv.
Eric Massa is being groomed for the priesthood. You read it here first.
“to give a man a law school reference.” So, is that what they’re calling it these days?
He’d make a great Priest.
[re=554762]Mahousu[/re]: Dammit, beat me to it.
I’m shocked — the Post still hyphenates email?
“Psst. Hey, young male bartender. There’s more than one stiffie at this funeral”
Next person to make a priesthood reference goes up against the wall.
Today we are all trolling for buttsecks at funerals.
[re=554773]ArkansasFred[/re]: It’s funny because it’s true.
[re=554758]Sussemilch[/re]: I’m with you on this one. What, have we become Fox News analysts – feigning outrage every time someone in Washington gets a boner? Who among us hasn’t sat at a friend’s funeral and thought, “how long does it take til it’s cool to try to bang his hot little piece of ass wife?”
I’ll get my coat.
[re=554775]clientnumber8[/re]: I don’t think the priests would want me up against the wall. I’m way past puberty.
It’s just like “Harold and Maude” but without the redeeming social and artistic value. And also, it’s gay.
[re=554762]Mahousu[/re]: [re=554769]facehead[/re]: [re=554770]Lazy Media[/re]: Naah. Massa been hittin’ on grownups, not kiddies (so far as we knowz). Just someone lost in the closet, although hittin’ on the bartend at a wake is a bit OT.
Mom, where’s the MEATLOAF?
It appears that GOB Bluth sold the (non animation) rights to Mr Banana Grabber to Massa.
You know who doesn’t turn down anal? Corpses. Try them on, Massa.
Hey, this is nearly “caught with a dead boy” territory.
My condolences to the Smith family, but I have to admit that cats are cool as hell. You had a professional bartender at your son’s wake! I’m raising a Smithwick’s to the Smiths at happy hour tonight!
It is clear from those opposed mugs that Massa has just laid his junk on the table and Beck is deciding whether or not to call his bluff, or just start crying now.
But, seriously, since when is it against the rules to troll for ass at a wake?
I for one, blame the Jews and the Freemasons for this mess.
[re=554781]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Garrrhh…man, you gotta be fast around the Wonkett.
[re=554784]GoinGreen[/re]: [re=554758]Sussemilch[/re]: Of course it’s silly. That’s why we are feigning outrage.
Dear Eric Massa:
On behalf of gay men everywhere, JESUS CHRIST ON A UNICYCLE, STOP IT. Believe it or not, your behavior is NOT HELPING.
Go die in a ditch, you reprehensible scumbag.
QAE v 2.0
He’s just playing the odds! Don’t you all remember the end of “Wedding Crashers”?
Where’s the law school, on the Appalachian Trail?
[re=554785]Sparky McGruff[/re]: badump, CCHHH!
[re=554775]clientnumber8[/re]: … to be double teamed by Eric Massa and a priest.
[re=554799]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Exactly.
I’ll go home and get my panties,
You go home and get your scanties,
And away we’ll go, ooooooo
We’re gonna shuffle shuffle shuffle off to Buffalo!
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland
Massa must be part mick.
In related news, later that evening Mr. Massa had a tickle fight with the late Lance Cpl. Smith.
Interestingly, not one person has ever admitted to giving in to Eric Massa’s advances. To a man, they’ve all been repulsed. Does he have some weird sexual hang-up where he as a closeted gay man only ever comes on to straight men. Or is he just that ugly. My money is on the latter.
[re=554820]sezme[/re]: Oh hey, if you’re going to ask questions, try using question marks. MOran!
[re=554758]Sussemilch[/re]: Me neither. He may be a little sleazy, but he’s done nothing criminal. I suppose he was just another closeted congressman, but at least he wasn’t a closeted congressman actively fighting against gay rights.
Awww, I thought this post was about necrophelia. Imagine my disappointment — but I do like that idea about having a bartender at the next family funeral.
Hey, he didn’t want the day to be a total loss.
[re=554820]sezme[/re]: Um, I’d double down on the latter if I were you. Looking at the photo above, that man could turn me off from sex for life…
“Massa struck up a conversation with a young bartender serving at the informal wake.”
I’ve was at a wake once where a tipsy aunt was actually trying to hit on the priest. So what’s yer point?
Besides, it was INFORMAL. Even Miss Manners would give this one a pass.
I think his skeevieness trumps his gayness.
And how do we know that this wasn’t just some big misunderstanding, when Massa said to the bartender ‘I’ll have a sex on the beach’? hmm?
Wow. I can’t decide which is grosser: Massa trying to get a date at a funeral, or a proposed tryst in glamor-hub Buffalo. Screw Milan, forget Miami – we’re going to get blowjobs in Western NY!
[re=554843]Joshua Norton[/re]: You’re aunt is 13, wow.
[re=554843]Joshua Norton[/re]: What is an “informal wake”? Does everyone wear business casual?
The fact that Eric Massa is Catholic calls to mind the fact that priests are also Catholic, and because both Eric Massa and Catholic priests have been accused of forcibly touching young men in their swimsuit areas, this story will become even more trenchantly amusing when Eric Massa is named as Pope Benedict’s successor, and assumes the title of “Pope Alberto Gay Delvecchio II”.
Eric Massa’s the same as a Catholic priest, you guys!
How come no one else mentioned this?!
Having grown up in Buffalo, I have to say that it’s not at all worth the effort to drive 85 miles there just to have some sordid tryst with a gross congressman.
Also, while my chances of dying a war hero are remote, I hold out hope that there will be sexy bartenders at my funeral.
[re=554763]Egregious[/re]: “Hiking the Appslachian Trail” = Man/Lady sexy time. “Giving a law school reference” = Man/Man sexy time. “Driving to Lubbock” = Lady/Lady sexy time.
[re=554820]sezme[/re]: I concur. The remarkable thing about Eric Massa’s decades-long and very troubled hookup scorecard is that it’s solely populated by people who turned him down.
[re=554784]GoinGreen[/re]: Depends on whether it’s an open or closed casket service. Open – wait until after the interment. Closed – you’re good to go as soon as the eulogy is done, up to and including, doing it on the casket itself.
[re=554852]Aurelio[/re]: I’m thinking that’s it. And no finger bowls.
[re=554773]ArkansasFred[/re]: that was so, so very wrong. l.o.l.
[re=554879]Troubledog[/re]: if anyone actually did hook up with Massa, they are never, ever going to admit it while they are alive.
Yawn.
Let me know when he gets to the point of azz raping the corpse.
I’m saving my outrage.
Just a steaming heap of who gives a f(&k???
It is creepy for a married member of Congress to try to get sex out of a disinterested bartender, but how is this a breach of Congressional Ethics? I’m confused.
Am I the only one old enough around here to remember when using your term in “Congress [as] basically an endless attempt to fuck young dudes [or ladies]” was the whole reason you ran for Congress?
Needs more tickle fights
[re=554973]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: It’s in the dictionary! Second definition (from Webster’s New World College Dictionary):
con·gress (käŋ′grəs, kän′-) noun
1. a coming together; meeting
2. sexual intercourse
3. social interaction
4. an association or society
5. an assembly or conference; specif., a formal assembly of representatives, as from various nations or churches, to discuss problems
6. any of various legislatures, esp. the national legislature of a republic
[re=554799]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Baitbus DC, you heard it here first!
[re=555002]Maus[/re]: do they drive them out of the beltway then do that running after the van gag…cant ever believe i was naive to believe it was real at one point….then i had to realize hmmm they need to have signed releases for this….then the gay porno guys started showing up…yeah…[re=554874]McDuff[/re]: you bastid
i was about to say something like that. good going.
[re=554811]Ken Layne[/re]: “Double-teamed…” Jesus Christ man, I’m eating lunch here.
Of course, I probably should’ve known better than to read Wonkette while eating lunch.
[re=554879]Troubledog[/re]: That or the ones who said yes are deeply, deeply ashamed and refuse to admit it. If I went snorkeling with that dude, I know I would be.
I can’t believe someone went through all the trouble of finding the bartender with the lowest standards in NY just to set up Eric Massa! Have you no shame, Rahm Emanuel?!
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