Wonkette operative “Polly M.” was just hanging out at her local AutoZone parking lot in Austin when she saw America’s Most Shocking Set of Truck Nutz. The Skittles, the chrome rims, the weird soccer-ball bumper testicles, what does it mean? It means America is back, babies.
BOMB TEXAS FROM SPACE
April 13, 2010
{ 63 comments }
Or that America is handicapped.
Taste the rainbow.
Truck nutz on the ground, truck nutz on the ground. You’re lookin’ like a fool with truck nutz on the ground.
Are you sure those aren’t truck boobz?
Skittles? They look more like Sno-Caps.
the nutritional information is a nice touch. Teabaggers should take note.
Never let your sac drag like that. Never.
Yeah, sure, yuck it up Libtards. This is Ford’s latest green vehicle. It runs on Skittles and the only things coming out of the tail pipe are rainbows and the sweet sweet smell of artificial raspberry. Rumor has it that the Ford Unicorn gets 32 MPFB (Miles per 48Oz Bag)
When I try to think about Texas my vision gets blurry and my ears ring. Is this a common problem?
Should I be concerned?
Is that rig sportin’ them hubcaps that keep on twirlin’ even when the car has come to a complete stop? Or, is that the new official snack wagon for the tea party express? Please, someone, tell me.
That actually looks like an erect penis buggering that car.
Since when is having balls that big a handicap?
Confession here: Wonkette is not only funny as hell, it’s also educational. I had never heard of Truck Nutz before I found my beloved Wonkette, as I live in
tightassoh-so-proper Connecticut. And I’m better for knowing, I’ll tell you that.Actually, we’re not that proper here, as the former grand high poobah of the KKK lives in CT, so there is that.
[re=554481]Limeylizzie[/re]: What do you expect? It’s a fuckin’ Ford.
Hey Sarah! How would YOU like to be teabagged by those medicine ball-sized
testies! You betcha, bitcha !
[re=554484]Katydid[/re]:
I have seen exactly ONE set in RL on a tricked out pickup truck driving in a DC inner suburb area that I’d call an ethnically diverse working class neighborhood, but that some might call the ‘hood. These things have wide appeal, supporting the idea that guys are guys regardless their backgrounds.
Are we sure those aren’t Homestar Runner’s feet?
This is an obvious rouse. What has happened here is that some poor albino giant has been given a bag full of Roofies disguised as Skittles and is now in that trunk, his poor nards thrown to the ground in haste for lack of space, and he will be sold in some sort of Messican Mucha Lucha black market operation. Sad. But yes, America is back, also.
Elephantitis of the truck nutz.
[re=554495]nappyduggs[/re]:
A ruse is what it is.
TruckNutz for furries.
I think the car may be suffering a hernia. Turn your wheels and cough, please.
The sexytime, it is awe-inspiring.
Not so subtle marketing ploy: high fructose corn syrup gives you giant, giant balls (to counteract the steroids). Go USA! Fat asses and testes abound!
[re=554490]Terry[/re]: What’s RL?
CT is a tightass state, to a degree, although I do love living here [said through clenched teeth]. I was being facetious about never seeing Truck Nutz in CT, and while I have seen the occasional set of tennis balls in a pair of stocking-like material bouncing off the back of pickups, I didn’t know they had a name. And I didn’t actually know people sold them, or that they came in plastic, or in giganto size.
My friend’s husband’s balls are actually the size of tennis balls, or so she says, which is not really related to this conversation, but I’ve been dying to tell someone, and who else can I tell but my fellow Wonketteers?
[re=554471]Diana Davies[/re]: Exactly what I thought. Maybe “skittles” is a new term for nipples.
If ever you can taste a rainbow, you’re probably having a stroke.
Teeth Whitening SHOCKER! Pris from Blade Runner, who apparently is also a mom, has learned the trick dentists don’t want me to know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qKWMeWZtc4&feature=player_embedded
Go and see the Tire Lady.
[re=554545]Flanders[/re]: I have also been informed by moms’ representatives on numerous websites that there’s no trick to weight loss, it’s just a simple trick. And Strom Thurmond telling me that it’s time to refinance.
Holy Shit!!! I drive by this car like 5 times a week! It’s just a few blocks from my house, in the parking lot of our usual grocery store. BTW, the nutz are now bi-colored (white and blue, yes, blue). I think they are basketballs encased in duct tape. Keep Austin weird, indeed.
Murica!
Hey Ken, thanks for pixelating my license plate! Notice my proper use of white for my nadsack? If you climb under my car, you’ll notice I continued with the racially correct theme by taping a vienna sausage to tha gas tank.
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
[re=554536]Katydid[/re]: You would have seen a pair of camouflage truck nutz on a black Pathfinder in central Connecticut (Cheshire/Meriden area) last summer, because I bought them for my friend Marc’s truck and I gave them to three of the SUMMER INTERNS to attach. Sadly, the interns couldn’t find any “twine,” so the truck nutz were left in a desk drawer in the office. They disappeared and have not been seen since.
Fucking interns.
[re=554536]Katydid[/re]: What color are they?
[re=554552]Moonbatting_Average[/re]: Run! Now! Get Out!
Taste the asshole.
[re=554536]Katydid[/re]: i would think that tennis ball sized testicles would be noticeable with the naked eye, or from space even. Does he appear to have said giant nads?
When did Father O’Leary get the new rims?
Well you’d have to be pretty handicapped to put truck nutz on their vehicle.
I take back everything I said yesterday.
[re=554555]GoinGreen[/re]: “racially correct theme”? I’ll have you know sir or ma’am, that Truck Nutz are beyond race.
Sorry driver, neither TRUCK NUTZ! elephantiasis not Skittles can make that car look cool.
[re=554536]Katydid[/re]: RL usually means ‘real life’ in netspeak.
Your friend’s husband should probably go see his doctor.
And teh Wonkett encourages this.
REMINDS ME OF MEGS.
Sara arrived in Texas is what you’re saying, right?
God damn, I love my town.
[re=554468]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: this statement works on so many levels that one would have to write an entire book to explain the various depths of meaning, layer upon layer, to plumb the psyche of the American soul.
Those aren’t even REAL Truck Nutz. POSER!
So meta. It’s like some Japanese kid found the one college in Texas that teaches Semiotics and is trying to parlay that into some action. Unfortunately I don’t think knowing about Levi-Strauss, Barthes or deconstruction will get you laid even in Austin.
Insane.
Yep, that’s my town. The funny thing is that the driver doesn’t even work for Skittles, he’s just a big big fan.
Must be one of those geeks in town for South-by-Southwest. It’s called the “biggest party in the world where you won’t get laid.” Maybe Mr. Skittles was trying to remedy that.
The car has testicular cancer. I can haz legal weed now?
[re=554497]Beef Supreme[/re]: Elephantitis? WIN
If that car’s ever ridin my ass, the very least it could do is pull my hair!
I’m reminded of the last level of “Portal”, in more ways than one:
I’m being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Skittles will never taste the same again.
This is actually the second Skittles donk I’ve seen believe it or not.
Yesterday in Santa Clara (CA) I saw a home-made pair: Appeared to be a pink plastic grocery bag with two softballs in it. Funny prank or cheap pervert?
That’s James O’Keefe’s get out of jail present. It doesn’t have a license plate, either. He probably rolled up to the DMV – rocked that handicapped spot too – and said: “License this, socialist!”
somewhere over the rainbow…
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