it's morning in america

Michelle Obama: Should She Be Allowed To Go To Mexico By Herself?

  • Thumbs Up in Spanish is 'Oh dang we are all being killed by Drug Lords/Soldiers.'Famous organic farmer Michelle Obama is off to Mexico all by herself for an Official White House Journey! What will she do “south of the border,” and doesn’t she know it’s totally unsafe these days for Americans to party Mexican-style? Well, it turns out that Michelle is following many recent first ladies in their attempts to go someplace and say something and not be upstaged by their big-shot husbands. Mrs. President Obama will speak to “young people” in Mexico City about their “various problems.” [Washington Post]
  • World leaders at the Nuclear Weapons Summit in Washington were told that everyone will soon die when the Terrorists start nuking everybody. Prepare to give twenty blowjobs before you’re allowed on any plane ever again, for security reasons. [BBC News]
  • Henry Kissinger “canceled a warning against carrying out international political assassinations just days before a former Chilean ambassador was killed in Washington, according to a newly released State Department cable.” [Telegraph]
  • Robert Gibbs thinks White House reporters are idiots and he can’t wait to finally get a Policy Job and not have to stand there answering jackass questions from jackasses. Would you like to read a couple of thousand words about this? [Washington Post]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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48 comments

  1. Katydid

    Butt, butt, butt, as my new hero, John Derbyshireofwicketuponhamptonheathandtehmoors would say, in the aggregate, Michelle Obama is not good enough, not smart enough, and doggone, people just don’t like her, as she is teh black, and teh Madame, and should not vote also.

  2. ManchuCandidate

    Why Mexico? Why not Canada City? Does Michelle hate polite white people who really like her hubby more than US America white people do? I guess that is what happens when you win in the Olympics at a sport no one outside but (mainly) frostbitten white people actually give a shit about. Damn you Sid Crosby and your gold medal winning goal (not really)!!

    Well, good for Mexico. *Sniff*

  3. Bz

    As a member of the press, I have to agree with Robert Gibb’s reservations about the general smarts of journalists.

  4. cheeto_jeebus

    the bridge tolls to get out of New Jersey. any idea how many BJs that’s gonna be? or am i extrapolating this pre apocalyptic scenario too far?

  5. Potater

    By “various problems” do they mean “finding their father’s decapitated heads on the stoop”?

    Because that’s a total buzzkill.

  6. Katydid

    [re=554455]Bz[/re]: Not to mention their dickishness, present company excepted (possibly as you’re a Wonketteer). I say that as a former journalist, and a (still) massive dick.

  7. charlesdegoal

    He gets us nuclear disarmament, health-care for all and economic recovery, and shoots three pointers from downtown. What more do people want? Obama in 2012 and beyond.

  8. Jim Demintia

    Mexico would be totally fine if they just let ol’ Henry K fix things with some assassinations, military coups, and disappearances.

  9. Terry

    So, did Kissinger call up a few of his closest South American dictators and say have at it? Did he suggest killing the Chilean former ambassador in DC or was that a bit of an F you to him from those dictators?

  10. Jim Demintia

    [re=554463]Terry[/re]: When you find yourself even thinking it possible that Kissinger was not involved somehow in engineering a political assassination, Nixon has already won.

  11. Aflac Shrugged

    I think Michelle’s visit is really a snap inspection of the drug labs she and Barack inherited from the Clintons as Democratic occupants of the White House.

    I clear Fox News in advance to repeat this allegation without attribution or proof – you know, standard operating procedure.

  12. Lazy Media

    [re=554460]Katydid[/re]: Another (semi-former) reporter here. Reporters are not always dicks, but they are mostly annoying. All they do when they get together is bitch about work, which is why I have very few journalist friends.

  13. gurukalehuru

    [re=554474]Lazy Media[/re]: Hey, you know what teachers do when they get together? Bitch about work.

  14. Hemp Dogbane

    A quick stop in Texas to make the First Lady Walking Down the Street Taking Off Her Clothes video.

  15. Katydid

    [re=554474]Lazy Media[/re]: Nah, we’re all dicks, admit it.

    I was just kidding (partially), but, honestly, to be a good reporter, sometimes you have to be a dick. I’ve stared down the CEOs of billion-dollar companies, which made me a dick (in their eyes), but that was the only way to report the real story, esp. when they were trying to hide malfeasance or incompetence.

    If more reporters were dicks at the right time, the press would be doing its job. **puts away soapbox**

  16. Terry

    [re=554463]Terry[/re]:

    I hold out hope that if Kissinger did order assassinations, that he didn’t order them be done in DC. It’s the old theory of don’t sh%t where you eat.

  17. gurukalehuru

    It’s too late to throw Henry Kissinger in jail. At most he will serve a year or two and then drop dead, and the public will get as little satisfaction as they do out of Bernie Madoffwiththemoney.
    I suggest a clown suit, a bar with a hinge that can be knocked out by a baseball, and a large tub of seriously, seriously cold water. Chickenwire optional.

  18. JMP

    When wignuts complained about Obama’s Nobel (along with Carter’s and Gore’s), it’s always good to point to the truly undeserving Kissinger, a truly nasty man who did everything he could to undermine peace throughout his career.

  19. Barry White Zombie

    [re=554491]Terry[/re]: You are going to love Hitchens’ book “The Trial of Henry Kissinger” – he limits himself to things that are prosecutable as war crimes (and have ample public evidence), and that bombing is in there.

  20. chaste everywhere

    [re=554480]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: She isn’t anywhere near boring enough to spend Spring Break in May-he-co.

  21. user-of-owls

    [re=554492]gurukalehuru[/re]: I disagree on the jail option. I would derive great joy from watching Kissinger do a full-Pinochet, with his final years/days filled with public scorn, shame and humiliation. A feeble old criminal exposed to the contempt he richly deserves.

    I imagine the souls of the untold thousands of victims of his atrocities would likewise take small comfort in seeing Kissinger slowly rot in his fetid disgrace.

    Um, that wasn’t very funny, was it?

  22. V572625694

    [re=554455]Bz[/re]: Does that include Chip Reid, who asked Gibbs where Obama got the balls to criticize Cheney? That guy’s gotta be smart; he went to Vassar!

  23. Surfeit O'Hubris

    [re=554509]V572625694[/re]: I’ve had JUST about enough of your Vassar-bashing, young lady.

  24. JMP

    Henry Kissinger
    How I’m missing yer
    You’re the Doctor of my dreams
    With your crinkly hair and your glassy stare
    And your Machiavellian schemes
    I know they say that you are very vain
    And short and fat and pushy but at least you’re not insane
    Henry Kissinger
    How I’m missing yer
    And wishing you were here

    Henry Kissinger
    How I’m missing yer
    You’re so chubby and so neat
    With your funny clothes and your squishy nose
    You’re like a German parakeet
    All right so people say that you don’t care
    But you’ve got nicer legs than Hitler
    And bigger tits than Cher
    Henry Kissinger
    How I’m missing yer
    And wishing you were here

  25. donner_froh

    [re=554493]JMP[/re]: His co-recipient in 1975, Le Duc Tho, didn’t show up at the award presentation and wouldn’t even acknowledge his joint win with Kissinger.

    Nice of the Nobel committee to give Henry the chance to wash the blood off his hands before handing him the prize.

  26. red sky

    [re=554493]JMP[/re]: Guess what, Nixon’s back from the dead, so to speak. His Grandson is running for the NY First Congressional District (Eastern Long Island, the Hamptons, North Fork and parts of Eastern Suffolk) as a “fiscal conservative”. The Horrors, the horrors….

  27. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Shorter Robert Gibbs: Man, the White House Press Corps are nothing but a bunch of whiny, simpering nancies who need to collectively STFU.

  28. JMP

    [re=554549]red sky[/re]: The twelve-year-old in me is hoping that he’s from the Cox side of his family.

  29. carlgt1

    haha Kissinger is just so odious and typical of the right-wingers — which makes all of their “Obama Hitler” screechings so funny. As if moderate healthcare reform is akin to endorsing assassinations…

  30. Mr Blifil

    Michelle is apparently under the misapprehension that she is a character from the mini-series “Traffic.”

  31. Crankenstank

    Michele Obama going “south of the border” all by herself? Well, it does speak well to her flexibility.

  32. sezme

    [re=554453]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I’ve always wondered, what’s with “Canada City”? Are you referring to the country as a whole or a particular city? Ottawa? Toronto? I live in Toronto and have never heard anyone outside Wonkette refer to anywhere as Canada City.

    But yes, anyway, Michelle is welcome to come here anytime and “help me with my various problems.”

  33. Seek

    [re=554503]user-of-owls[/re]: That would be just about perfect. As to not being funny, were this to happen I would certainly laugh long and hard about it.

  34. Zorg

    [re=554489]Katydid[/re]: For the most part, reporters are not nearly dickish enough. This has to do, especially in D.C., with cultivating sources. But, over the years, I don’t know how many stories I’ve read that after the fact explain some nefarious scheme or slow-motion train wreck and wonder, “Why wasn’t this ever brought up before the whole thing totally exploded?” My first experience was reading about arrests at a break-in at the Watergate Hotel by Republican operatives, about a two-inch wire service item in the San Francisco Chronicle. My first thought was that Nixon had just lost his re-election bid with that story. Then, total press silence for several years, until an FBI agent hand-fed leads to Woodstein. And so on.

  35. Gumboz1953

    Dear God,

    Chuck Jones and Mel Blanc are dead, and Kissinger is still alive? How can that be? I know you’re God and all, but could you take an old asshole every now and then, instead of all the old fun people?

    Thank you,
    Gumbo

    PS I am not an old asshole.

  36. JMP

    [re=554734]red sky[/re]: Sometimes I wonder if Tricia had an Electra complex, since her dad was a Dick and she married a Cox.

    (Sorry, too easy, I know).

  37. mustardman

    Re: Beltway ‘journalists’ upset over Gibbs treating them like moronic immature children…What exactly is their point?

  38. MsQuasimodo

    If we will have to start giving twenty blow jobs before boarding a plane ever ever again, then I want to work for TSA. I want my share of blow jobs. Girly blow jobs, that is, since I have lady parts, not a (literal) dick.

  39. ManchuCandidate

    [re=554779]sezme[/re]:
    Comes from South Park’s Terence and Phillip. Canada is called Canada City in that. It’s stuck.

    I figure if I’m taking shots at US America, Canada, er, City is fair game.

  40. sezme

    [re=555616]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Oh, guess I should watch more South Park. Thanks for the translation!

  41. sezme

    [re=555616]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Even funnier is that when I Google “Canada City” and “Terrance and Phillip” one of the top hits is you explaining the same thing to someone else like two years ago.

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