america's biggest liberal

Scott Brown Once Again Supports Lazy Jobless People Who Lost Their Jobs, Because He Is a Communist

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Good jerb, teabaggers.Senator Scott Brown stiffed Patriot-Americans yet again on Monday by voting to consider a “temporary extension of unemployment benefits.” This does not sit well with wise cat-hording grandma Tom Coburn, a licensed medical professional from a real state and one of the nation’s leading experts in PRIORITY SCIENCE.

“We refuse to do the same things that families across this country do every day, and that’s make a choice about priorities,” said Senator Tom Coburn, Republican of Oklahoma and primary advocate of covering the costs of the benefits through cuts in other benefit programs.

Those things that senators refuse to do, but which “families across this country do every day” include working full-time without health benefits — not usually a “choice” so never mind!

Handsome nudist Scott Brown doesn’t care if unemployed flunkies take all their ObamaCash and mindlessly blow it on cold appetizers and little outfits for their dogs and fancy resume paper. He’s too busy with his elitist plan to “change the tone in Washington.”

Brown’s reliably evil coven of anti-American Republicans once again joined the Quest To Ruin America: Olympia Snowe, Susan Collins and Ohio weirdo George Voinovich, because he’s retiring soon and supports the deadly sin of Sloth. [New York Times]

About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

View all articles by Lauri Apple


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ph7

    I thought we all paid unemployment insurance with every paycheck. Isn’t Tom Coburn like an insurance agent who says he won’t pay for your car after it is totaled in an accident, because the insurance company has other priorities for your premiums?

  • MLHencken

    Librul, also.

  • V572625694

    It’s pretty clear that unemployment benefits make people too lazy to work. That’s why it’s at 10 percent. The longer we keep paying the benefit, the longer we’ll have high unemployment. What part of this relentless logic don’t the libtards understand?

  • JMP

    Sen. Coburn should know why the government refuses to do what families across the country do every day: because it’s the fucking government of the United States of America, not a family, and rules struggling families should follow are not ones a national government should.

    This seems pretty obvious, but a lot of Republicans keep making the analogy about their sudden pretend concern for the deficit, despite the fact that it is an inherently stupid one.

  • Aflac Shrugged

    If cars could run on bullshit and homes could be heated by fake outrage, Tom Coburn would single-handedly make employment unnecessary for most Americans.

  • steverino247

    Well, let’s see, who sent all those jobs overseas in the first place? Having people making your products for a bowl of rice a day entitles you to shit loads more profit than having Americans make them for three bacon cheeseburgers a day. Or making them here with the labor of scared people who will do whatever you say out of a fear of being deported.

  • SayItWithWookies

    When I saw Coburn’s lead in about refusing to do what families do every day, I figured the other half of that was “Make sure people they’ve never met are able to have food and shelter.” But ha ha — that’s what that hippie Jesus woulda said.

  • weejee

    Michelle is really in Mexico trying to give Tejas back to Santa Anna’s spore. She’s even offered to include Oklahoma as a deal closer, but teh Mezakales skeeeed in their best Debra Saunders “no way, Jose!”

  • red sky

    Maybe those sneaky massholes aren’t as stupid as we thought they were, just maybe, just throwing it out there….Nahhhh, they are that stupid, we just got lucky. But it does prove an old axiom, a North Eastern Republican is pretty much a southern Democrat (you know a modern one, not the old lynchy Dixicrat ones).

  • donner_froh

    Laurie Apple? A stealth addition to the Wonkette masthead of the delightful artist from Chicago?

  • freakishlystrong

    Even though the nude Senator will not be showing up at the bag people rally, he’s with them in spirit; considering they’re almost all on unemployment and those teabags and sharpies don’t buy themselves, folks.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Seriously, Heck of a Job Brownie

    Awww, poow fat deluded lazy ass teabaggers. Who’s your nude god now?

  • Beck Licks Seer Stones

    Every day, families across the country must gather consensus among at least 60 people before being allowed to make any purchases. Also, if the families can’t make that super-majority agree on where to prioritize their budget, the jobless who will be denied money. And every family worries about cutting from the Pentagon because every other family on the street will unleash attack ads labeling them a traitor. I just hope families across the country know how to pitch bribes like Senator Coburn, maybe someone can be bought.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Is it wrong to say I’m starting to like this guy? First he dumps on Snowbilly’s Boston Tea Party event & now he is actually doing something half-assed positive for the little people. Pretty soon the Fox chryon will be putting a ‘D’ behind his name…

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=554538]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Oh, would also prefer to see Scottie naked than shriveled up old Tom Coburn.

  • GoinGreen

    [re=554532]freakishlystrong[/re]: No, I think Sen. Staplefold Schlong was REALLY a Refucklican until he got to Washington – then the ghost of St. Teddy shimmied up his asshole when he sat in the chair and now, all’s right with the good Senatah from the nawtheast!

    [re=554530]red sky[/re]: You need to clarify which part of Southern – Florida and Texas Dems may be as liberal as the ones from up north, but I can’t understand what they are saying on Telemundo.

  • WadISay

    [re=554532]freakishlystrong[/re]: This ties in with his plaintive cry, “C’mon, people, my daughters aren’t going to bone themselves.”

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Cue screams of enraged teabaggers to IMPEACH SCOTT BROWN NOW in 3…2…

  • Katydid

    “It’s a question of whether we pay for it or we simply say, put it on the tab for our kids and grandkids to pay for it,” said Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona, the No. 2 Republican. </i.

    Not to worry, Kyl’s got it covered. See, when “our kids and grandkids” (and I’m using the term “our” very, very loosely) die from lack of food, shelter and health care, those hardworking patriotic Americans who still have jobs will benefit, because they are better and more patriotic than the unemployment cheats who got unemployed in a massive Depression by being lazy unemployment cheats. The rich win, the poor lose, what’s more Merikan than that? Huzzah.

  • Simba B

    Didn’t George Voinovich somehow annoy the teabagger set a few years ago, before they were called teabaggers? Anyway, I’m kind of surprised he’s still a Senator from Ohio, and I’m originally from Ohio.

  • 4tehlulz

    The ragefest at the tomorrow’s Gathering of the Wingtards in Boston is going to be epic.

  • JMP

    [re=554535]Beck Licks Seer Stones[/re]: To be fair, many families across the country have screeching babies who won’t stop crying whatever you do, and doddering useless old senile men who still think whatever they say is important, even though it’s actually nonsensical.

    [re=554541]WadISay[/re]: But they can do so with the right toys. And film it and put it online…

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    We refuse to do the same things that families across this country do every day

    That’s true. Most families don’t put a quarter of their budget into buying weapons.

  • BlueStateLiberal

    So, if I can run my family just like a country, can my family invade the family next door to me? Because some of them give me dirty looks, and also, they have nicer clothes and cars than me, and I would like to have them. Thanks.

  • chascates

    As an unemployed American I salute Scott Brown. And his daughters.

  • Sussemilch

    He’s a radical nudist, trying to disrobe America by making people too poor to afford clothes.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    @BlueStateLiberal: You must be the exception to the weapons rule.

  • Zadig

    [re=554530]red sky[/re]: Eh, southern dems can still get a little lynch-y sometimes. Hell, Mississippi’s Confederate Memorial Day holiday was passed under a Democratic state legislature.

    But yeah, teabaggers are so batshit dumb, they will single-handedly carry to victory (according to them, anyway) a candidate who doesn’t actually agree with very many of their ‘policy’ positions. BUT HE DRIVES A TRUCK!!!

  • JMP

    [re=554559]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Coburn’s from Oklahoma; they probably do there, along with Texas and the rural South.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    [re=554568]JMP[/re]: I concede your point.

  • red sky

    [re=554540]GoinGreen[/re]: I see your confusion, I consider the “South” as ending at the Florida border and Texas border. I never considered Florida or Texas part of the “South”. Both are truly their own little worlds, for good and bad.

  • ArkansasFred

    “We’re gonna drive a rusty old Ford right up the bunghole of unemployment!” would be a great re-election slogan.

  • Sue

    Could Coburn and his ilk stop pretending that “families across this country” every day don’t decide to fill the gaps with credit cards?

  • Jumping Jim

    For the Teabagger:
    A soldier gets shot on the battle field. Do you:
    a) Leave him there to die because he probably it will take a lot of time and cost for him to get better and he may never fight again anyway
    or do you
    b) Take care of him and get him back to help and safety?

  • PsycGirl

    [re=554570]red sky[/re]: Northern Florida and the panhandle are really extremely south Georgia and Alabama.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    @Sussemilch: Dammit, don’t make me a Scott Brown supporter.

  • Darkness

    [re=554559]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: I bet the Hutaree did.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=554567]Zadig[/re]: Plus, our benighted guvnor apparently thinks that niggers African-Americans should just get over their past already.

    *Warning: predictably racist remarks ABOUND in the comments section*

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    @Darkness: Okay, okay. Non-teabagger families don’t spend a quarter of their budget on weapons.

  • GoinGreen

    [re=554570]red sky[/re]: There has been a true identity crisis the whole time I have lived in Texas. When Gov. Ann (now with little baby Jesus) was in office, we were kinda “southern” or maybe even had a little southwestern flair – but when fucking W and his little piss ant, Perry conquered us, we almost instantly became one of the reddest of the red midwestern states. Save for Austin and the more ethnically diverse regions of Houston, Dallas and Ft Worth – there are no dems left in this state!

  • Buttery1000

    Why don’t we just euthanize all of the Baby Boomers? That would create a TON of jobs. Either that or legalize pot and prostitution. But let’s be realistic about our options here, people.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=554567]Zadig[/re]: But yeah, teabaggers are so batshit dumb, they will single-handedly carry to victory (according to them, anyway) a candidate who doesn’t actually agree with very many of their ‘policy’ positions. BUT HE DRIVES A TRUCK!!!

    Yeah, at this point I think they’d be happier if Croakley had won the deal. Then at least they wouldn’t have had the shame of having helped elect a person who tends to support reasonable legislation.

  • donner_froh

    [re=554583]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: “Barbour, a Republican who helped campaign for McDonnell last year, said Sunday on CNN that slavery was bad but a fuss over McDonnell’s original proclamation “doesn’t amount to diddly.”

    Haley Barbour, a true son of Mississippi

  • AxmxZ

    [re=554591]GoinGreen[/re]: I thought the demographics have been shifting all the metropolitan areas in TX Democratic, and the only pockets of true red Republicanism were in the countryside anymore?

  • Gramps

    Liar, perhaps…?

    Brownie cajones… yes!

    This is very cool… Scotty Brown shunned a recent tea bagger rally with Sarahcuda in the deep blue state of Massachusetts with a reelection contest for him, just two years away.

    Mr. Rubio in the purple state of Florida hasn’t been requesting any help either…?
    Ms Palin has been making some rather, come hither, overtures to him [Marco] over at the Shark Tank…Hehehe…!

    “I Love Marco Rubio!”…Hehehe…

    Maybe Brownie’s cajones aren’t as large as his better judgment with respect to political realities.

  • arclight

    We don’t call him the Naked White Obama for nothing!


    [re=554512]ph7[/re]: “I thought we all paid unemployment insurance with every paycheck.”

    Uh, no. href=’’>Unemployment insurance is a separate tax paid by employers and only on the fir $7,000 of wages paid per employee, not every week on all salary paid, as you implied. Also, unemployment insurance is also a planned benefit insurance, not an unlimited liability insurance, so once the benefits runs out, it’s over. Congress is considering funding additional benefits. Colburn says we should pay for the added benefits. Others say that we are in the effects of an economic emergency, with unemployment being a lagging effect of the recent troubles.

    So, it’s the same as what you said, only different.

  • GoinGreen

    [re=554611]AxmxZ[/re]: Did I miss a metropolitan area of Texas? Maybe San Antonio, but I think I hit all the rest.

  • gjdodger

    I am going to form a band called “The Reliably Evil Coven of Anti-American Republicans.” We will perform
    rap songs about Will Keith Kellogg
    . If she’d like, Susan Collins can play the tambourine.

  • Lazy Media

    Hey, nice non-folk-art post there, Lauri Apple! But needs moar Lauri Apple art.

  • artpepper

    It’s funny, I was just looking at my “to do” list today.

    – Adjust Federal Reserve rates.

    – Force local bank into receivership.

    – Extend unemployment benefits.

    – Milk, shampoo, Q-Tips.

  • AnglRdr

    [re=554625]WIDTAP[/re]: Yup. If you are an adult, get to know what your checkstub is telling you. Honestly, people.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=554625]WIDTAP[/re]: As the guy who does payroll at my place of business, I assure you, I take out unemployment taxes from each and every paycheck I write, without exception, and with no $7000 annual limit. It goes to the state, not the feds.

    The First-$7000-limit is the federal tax, which in my small business, I pay once a year, and is a tiny portion of the taxes I pay. State unemployment, workers comp and especially revenue taxes are the big ones.

  • Zadig

    [re=554583]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Oh lawd!
    FTA: “The War Between the States was fought for the same reasons that the tea party movement today is voicing their opinion. And that is that you have large government that’s not listening to the people, there’s going to be heavy taxation,” Fayard said Monday from his home in Duck Hill, Miss. “And the primary cause of the war was not slavery, although slavery was interwoven into the cause, but it was not the cause for the War Between the States.”

    Let’s zoom in on that first sentence, there. “The War Between the States was fought for the same reasons that the tea party movement today is voicing their opinion.” Wow, this part is actually correct! Just, not for the reasons Mr. Fayard thinks. Both movements hinged on the question of whether black people had the same rights as white people (the right not to be a piece of property, the right to be president, etc).

  • AxmxZ

    [re=554635]GoinGreen[/re]: Well, yes, but if like 2/3 of Texas lives in a metropolitan area, and the metropolitan areas have been voting increasingly Democratic, that’s hardly a sign “there are no dems left in this state.”

  • GoinGreen

    [re=554652]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Only Alaska, New Jersey and Pennsylvania have EMPLOYEE unemployment tax, the remainder of the states have EMPLOYER taxes. It is illegal to deduct these taxes from your employees’ paychecks in most states, as it is on the federal taxes you pay. Here in Texas, my reimbursement rate is .72% this year to the state (changes annually to reflect any payouts you had the year before) – that is of my entire payroll with no ceiling (excluding my draws against profits).

  • Gramps

    ” Let’s zoom in on that first sentence, there. “The War Between the States was fought for the same reasons that the tea party movement today is voicing their opinion.” Wow, this part is actually correct! Just, not for the reasons Mr. Fayard thinks.

    Hey…what’s that? I’ve always been under the impression it was The War of Northern Aggression without any redeeming grace, whatsoever…!


    [re=554652]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Your right. State taxes are different, and cover other things like disability. I thought that might go to people like those miners who were injured in West Virginia, who probably don’t need the unemployment because they are dead or injured.

    My mistake. I thought that the subject was federal programs and federal funding. I was confused because I thought Scott Brown was as US Senator, not a State Senator.

    So sorry.

  • Zadig

    [re=554667]Gramps[/re]: Wrong! As a southerner (and therefore the second-most authoritative voice on the Civil War, after the Southern Racist), I must correct you. The true name for the conflict taking place in the mid-19th century is “The Late Unpleasantness.”

  • rocktonsammy

    Lauri Apple, best name ever.

  • Baldar T Flagass

    [re=554635]GoinGreen[/re]: El Paso’s pretty blue, but it’s really part of New Mexico, not Texas.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=554673]Zadig[/re]: I thought it was “That Recent Unpleasantness” since, as Faulkner said, “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.”

  • sati demise

    [re=554559]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: oh snap! (of the whip) ouch

  • GOPCrusher

    We refuse to do the same things that families across this country do every day

    Does Sen. Coburn think that the chances of a Republiklan comeback in 2010 will be greatly enhanced by forcing your constituency out of their homes to live in cardboard boxes and under bridges?

  • Mr Blifil

    Wow, after this news, there’s no way his daughters will allow him to continue to molest them now. I mean a line has to be drawn somewhere.

  • GoinGreen

    [re=554660]AxmxZ[/re]: Here is my last defense of my statement (don’t want to bore the Wonketteers with our little seccessionist state’s trivia):

    Pres election – 56% (R) – FUCKING WALNUTS, for christ’s sake
    Gov – (R)
    Lt Gov – (R)
    Atty Gen – (R)
    RR Commis – (R)
    US Senate – (R),(R)
    US HOR – 19 of 32 (R)

    Pretty bloody water, if you ask me. I would LOVE to see a trend to the contrary, but I just don’t see one in the near future. (Statewide/National elections)

  • Zadig

    [re=554697]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Don’t even pretend that that’s a Faulkner quote, because I see two periods less than 20 characters apart.

  • GOPCrusher

    I welcome the Teabaggers’ referencing their cause to the Southern states seceding from the Union and starting the War Against Northern Aggression. Someone should remind them how that turned out the last time.

  • Hooray For Anything

    I think it was Yglesias who pointed out that when a Republican is President, the Bagger types are all “America, love it or leave it” and “criticizing the government is un-American and unChristian” while the whenever a Democrat is in charge, especially a non-Southerny type, they’re all “take our country back!”, joining militias, and singing about how they wish they were in Dixie-hooray, hooray!

  • Gumboz1953

    [re=554603]donner_froh[/re]: In Tupelo, they spell it “Barbor.” The other way is too, well, furrin.

  • Jim89048

    I reserve comment until I hear from Baby Maddie.

  • Gramps

    [re=554726]Zadig[/re]: Ain’t that the truth…Jimmah could spin a run on sentence with the best of ’em; including me.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    [re=554559]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: “That’s true. Most families don’t put a quarter of their budget into buying weapons.”

    That is, unless you’re from the South. Amerite?

    [re=554535]Beck Licks Seer Stones[/re]: You fine sir or madam, receive five whore-diamonds for that beauty of a post.

    [re=554562]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: That’s a four whore-diamond post.

    [re=554670]WIDTAP[/re]: Oh, so you’re just going to be a dick-prig, then? Oh well.