FUNNY PICTURES  4:00 pm April 12, 2010

This Is How Dennis Kucinich Gets His Babes

by Jim Newell

Wonkette Muscle Beach Operative “Jim B.” sends us this hot sexy photo he took in Venice Beach over the weekend, where the communist Dennis Kucinich and his Elfin Queen, Liz, were vacationing during the “why does this even exist?” two-week Congressional recess. Look at this super-cool ruff rider, with the shades and popped collar. “I will steal your hottest ladies with my powers,” he is saying, maybe.

“Step off, asshole.”

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Hola wonkerados.

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tbogg April 12, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Jeez, Dennis has the whitest neck this side of a sparkly vampire.

chascates April 12, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Cute looking lesbian couple.

gizmo1204 April 12, 2010 at 4:04 pm

um, when did Dennis K. become a lesbian?

Norbert April 12, 2010 at 4:04 pm

Cleveland, as the saying goes, rocks.

Mac W Cheese April 12, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Butch lesbian and femme.

ManchuCandidate April 12, 2010 at 4:06 pm


HedonismBot April 12, 2010 at 4:06 pm

Is it just me, or does he look a lot like Kim Jong Il in these pictures? I guess that’s what teh socializum does to you.

4tehlulz April 12, 2010 at 4:07 pm

Worst Elvis impersonator ever.

MysteriousHoatzin April 12, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Where’s my complimentary blingee?

Gorillionaire April 12, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Thanks, “Jim B”, you could have been snapping away and sending us many desirable pics of Elizabeth at the beach, but no.

canadasteve April 12, 2010 at 4:08 pm

[re=554084]HedonismBot[/re]: Kim Jong Il is a lesbian?

Shadowfax April 12, 2010 at 4:09 pm

Fuck you Wonkette! Never post a picture of Kucinich without a shot of his thoroughly gnawable and lickable wife. How dare you make me look at him and speak of his wife without giving me a picture of her with which to occupy the next ten minutes of my humdrum… oh… wait… there she is. Thank you. ((Ziiiiiip)) I love you Wonkette. You never disappoint.

Ducksworthy April 12, 2010 at 4:11 pm

Can hobbits mate with normal women? Are the offspring fertile or sterile hybrids?

Smoke Filled Roommate April 12, 2010 at 4:12 pm

He kinda has some Mom jeans goin’ on there.

DoktorZoom April 12, 2010 at 4:12 pm

I’m a bard! My familiar is a purple snow leopard! Did I mention my wife is a totally bangin’ dryad with 20 charisma?

HedonismBot April 12, 2010 at 4:13 pm

[re=554084]HedonismBot[/re]: Way to misspell “soshulizim,” dumbass.

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 12, 2010 at 4:13 pm


Buzz Feedback April 12, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Fukkin midget.

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2010 at 4:13 pm

I’m sorry sir, the auditions for the all-midget production of Risky Business are down a block.

bitchincamaro April 12, 2010 at 4:14 pm

[re=554082]Mac W Cheese[/re]: In the West Village they are lovingly referred to as “quail”.

Oldskool April 12, 2010 at 4:15 pm

It’s a safe bet they both set off geiger counters the next day. Been there.

the problem child April 12, 2010 at 4:16 pm

What is KD Lang doing with Mrs. Kucinich?

One Yield Regular April 12, 2010 at 4:16 pm

I may have to vote for this Kucinich character some day. Anyone who’d go to Venice Beach for a *vacation* gets special merit in my book.

Red Zeppelin April 12, 2010 at 4:17 pm

So their kids would be halfelven?

Extemporanus April 12, 2010 at 4:17 pm

Well, now we know what the “K.D.” in K.D. Lang stands for.

[HINT: "Kucinich, Dennis"!]

Also, I hope Julianne Moore’s wearing like SPF 1000 sunscreen, or she’s totes gonna burn. And trust me, nothing spoils the mood of happy clam bump faster than nipple blisters and crotch peel.

HedonismBot April 12, 2010 at 4:18 pm

[re=554087]4tehlulz[/re]: Yeah. Rod Blagojevich is WAY better.

Tommmcatt April 12, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Twelve, maybe even fourteen inches at least. Gotta be. How else?

Crank Tango April 12, 2010 at 4:20 pm

[re=554109]SayItWithWookies[/re]: and besides, tom cruise got cast in this version as well?

Extemporanus April 12, 2010 at 4:21 pm

[re=554116]the problem child[/re]: [re=554120]Extemporanus[/re]: DAMN YOU AND YOUR FAST CHILD FINGERS!

RoscoePColtraine April 12, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Hey Dennis, take off your shirt or GTFO.

RoscoePColtraine April 12, 2010 at 4:25 pm

[re=554123]Tommmcatt[/re]: It’s the only logical explanation. But still….even size queens have to draw the line somewhere.

JMP April 12, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Old men trying to look cool never turns out well.

By the way, is it just me, or does Dennis look kind of like a lesbian there? Maybe even K.D. Lang specifically? I bet no one else has made this wacky, original observation yet!

the problem child April 12, 2010 at 4:26 pm

[re=554129]Extemporanus[/re]: Yours was funnier, though.

Poochie April 12, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Dennis abides.

ella April 12, 2010 at 4:27 pm

He looks like a used car salesman, and not like one selling gently used Saturns. Like one with a lot full of Kias and pickup trucks and a big sign that says Buy Here, Pay Here!

TubeCity April 12, 2010 at 4:29 pm

“Is that a pencil in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”

RoscoePColtraine April 12, 2010 at 4:31 pm

It’s the power and fame, obvs.

bitchincamaro April 12, 2010 at 4:34 pm

My nipple-ring detectors indicate “yes” in that second pic. On Dennis, you morans.

Extemporanus April 12, 2010 at 4:35 pm

[re=554087]4tehlulz[/re]: [re=554103]DoktorZoom[/re]:

“Well, it’s one for the Wisdom,
Two for the Strength,
Three to get Charisma,
Now roll, cat, roll!

But don’t you step to my blue dragon,
You can LARP anything, but stay off of my blue dragon…”

JMP April 12, 2010 at 4:36 pm

[re=554144]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Hell, even someone who looks like Henry Kissinger was able to use his fame and power to get girls in DC; the ultimate aphrodisiac indeed.

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2010 at 4:41 pm

[re=554126]Crank Tango[/re]: Yeah I did one of those “oh, right” head thumps just after writing that. Of course, Tom’s pretty busy right now, what with militating against psychology and plotting revenge against that dude who apologized for writing the Battlefield Earth screenplay.

grendel April 12, 2010 at 4:48 pm

[re=554091]canadasteve[/re]: I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought he looked like Kim Jong Il

MsNicky April 12, 2010 at 4:48 pm

I’d hit it.

Way Cool Larry April 12, 2010 at 4:59 pm

Yeah, go veggie!

Not_So_Much April 12, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Tiny Elvis is adorable!

GOPCrusher April 12, 2010 at 5:01 pm

The man has got to be sporting a 14 inch long penis. Or a nine inch tongue. There is NO other logical explanation.

Mojopo April 12, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Now imagine kd kucinich with that lesbian Tom Coburn.

Mad Brahms April 12, 2010 at 5:11 pm

[re=554216]GOPCrusher[/re]: So Gene Simmons crossed with a racehorse? Yeah, looks about right, though a little short.


Mojopo April 12, 2010 at 5:11 pm

[re=554148]bitchincamaro[/re]: Maybe he has really long nipples, like Kim Cattrall or something?

Mr Blifil April 12, 2010 at 5:16 pm

Why is she carrying a sign declaring “Description” and “Size?” What the fuck kind of seminar were they giving demonstrations at?

Extemporanus April 12, 2010 at 5:19 pm

[re=554136]JMP[/re]: Oh my god! Now that you mention it, he does kinda look like a k.d. lang! I can’t believe no one else said that at the exact same time as each other before you did!

Hey, speaking of men who look like old lesbians, I bet no one here has seen this hilarious new website:

LOLOLOL! ROTFLMAO!!1 Amitrite??!

TGY April 12, 2010 at 5:20 pm

She’s in it for teh lulz, obvs.

Extemporanus April 12, 2010 at 5:20 pm

[re=554227]Mr Blifil[/re]: That’s the box Dennis came in — she’s holding on to it in case she ever needs to return him.

Crank Tango April 12, 2010 at 5:24 pm

[re=554235]Extemporanus[/re]: to be quite honest, I was going to point out his resemblence to kd lang too, but I scanned the comments, refreshed, and then, d’oh!, as it were.

neoplatonic April 12, 2010 at 5:25 pm

I once saw EK on the Metro. Stunning.

Allyson April 12, 2010 at 5:28 pm

In this photo, he looks like one of those guys who would actually buy one of those trashy “I’m not a gynecologist, but I’ll have a look” T-shirts that trashy stores there sell…

bstampy April 12, 2010 at 5:42 pm

He needs that Captain America T-shirt to the right on his cool dude sunglasses.

BeWoot April 12, 2010 at 5:43 pm

I’d hit that. The wife, too.

El Pinche April 12, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Laugh it up ,but I heard Dennis is the Dolph Lundgren of DC.

Barbra Sinister April 12, 2010 at 6:09 pm

Dear God, what is wrong with you people? How could so much pasty-white hotness be contained in such a compact bundle? Oh, Dennis… you had me at “single payer”.

frumious_bandersnatch April 12, 2010 at 6:20 pm

I never knew it until now, but I totally dated Dennis Kucinich. Her name was Gina, she drove a red truck, and her dog’s name was Bonzo. She worked in construction and she always tasted, oddly, of parchment. Her parents wouldn’t speak to her. I don’t remember her mentioning health care even once, that fey tease.

richardwb1 April 12, 2010 at 6:23 pm

[re=554240]Extemporanus[/re]: “That’s the box Dennis came in —”
What kind of pizza topping you talkin bout?

schlock and flaws April 12, 2010 at 6:24 pm

Neo has *not* aged well at all whilst in ‘The Matrix’, has he?

fromhils April 12, 2010 at 6:29 pm

Holy cow in that second shot he is somehow coming off as a butch lesbian… maybe its the hair product

Aurelio April 12, 2010 at 7:19 pm

This is how cornballs from Cleveland dress up when they come to L.A. No offense, Dennis.

marioninnyc April 12, 2010 at 8:41 pm

[re=554084]HedonismBot[/re]: Yes! Thank you! Exactly!

Flanders April 12, 2010 at 8:49 pm

[re=554295]frumious_bandersnatch[/re]: She had two golden retrievers, didn’t she?

mirrorball April 12, 2010 at 8:50 pm

He’s 6’5, with the Afro 6’9″.

Eric Cheney April 12, 2010 at 10:44 pm

[re=554073]tbogg[/re]: The popped collar reflects the sun’s rays directly into his neck wrinkles where Dennis is incubating thousands of tiny alien fetus liberals.

Hemp Dogbane April 12, 2010 at 10:53 pm

[re=554216]GOPCrusher[/re]: Day off from the grueling Kiss tribute show.

ShortShadey April 12, 2010 at 11:29 pm

Love the wife eater t-shirt.

Smoke Filled Roommate April 13, 2010 at 1:03 am

[re=554247]Crank Tango[/re]: Even though k.d. has already been referenced, Rob Schneider is all go..

Neoyorquino April 13, 2010 at 2:10 am

Pimpin’ aint easy.

gurukalehuru April 13, 2010 at 3:40 am

[re=554103]DoktorZoom[/re]: Epic mega +gazillion point win, dude, but you already knew that. Seriously, can’t wait to see the movie.

fortunitos April 13, 2010 at 10:06 am
snoidoid April 13, 2010 at 11:02 am

[re=554091]canadasteve[/re]: Kim Jong Il is a “has”-bian (to wit).

arclight April 13, 2010 at 11:31 am

It’s really too bad that’s not a better pic of Elizabeth because she is HAWT HAWT HAWT!!!

Dennis used his special vegan powers and the positive rays and moonbeams directed from his 2004 primary campaign volunteers to channel her hawtness in his general direction.

ttommyunger April 13, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Yes, you guessed it, TOMMYCAT! Underneath those “Expanded Fit-505 Levis” lies a tightly coiled goober the size of a quart beer bottle, when angry. don’t believe it? Ask John Boehner, he saw it in the Congressional Crapper one day; actually turned white! Newt did too, he turned green, (with envy) though. They don’t call him “turtle head” for nothing.

shibby1 April 15, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Dennis! You are officially the man!
electronic cigarette

shibby1 April 15, 2010 at 2:39 pm

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