funny pictures

This Is How Dennis Kucinich Gets His Babes

Wonkette Muscle Beach Operative “Jim B.” sends us this hot sexy photo he took in Venice Beach over the weekend, where the communist Dennis Kucinich and his Elfin Queen, Liz, were vacationing during the “why does this even exist?” two-week Congressional recess. Look at this super-cool ruff rider, with the shades and popped collar. “I will steal your hottest ladies with my powers,” he is saying, maybe.

“Step off, asshole.”

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. HedonismBot

    Is it just me, or does he look a lot like Kim Jong Il in these pictures? I guess that’s what teh socializum does to you.

  2. Gorillionaire

    Thanks, “Jim B”, you could have been snapping away and sending us many desirable pics of Elizabeth at the beach, but no.

  3. Shadowfax

    Fuck you Wonkette! Never post a picture of Kucinich without a shot of his thoroughly gnawable and lickable wife. How dare you make me look at him and speak of his wife without giving me a picture of her with which to occupy the next ten minutes of my humdrum… oh… wait… there she is. Thank you. ((Ziiiiiip)) I love you Wonkette. You never disappoint.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    I’m sorry sir, the auditions for the all-midget production of Risky Business are down a block.

  5. bitchincamaro

    [re=554082]Mac W Cheese[/re]: In the West Village they are lovingly referred to as “quail”.

  6. One Yield Regular

    I may have to vote for this Kucinich character some day. Anyone who’d go to Venice Beach for a *vacation* gets special merit in my book.

  7. Extemporanus

    Well, now we know what the “K.D.” in K.D. Lang stands for.

    [HINT: “Kucinich, Dennis”!]

    Also, I hope Julianne Moore’s wearing like SPF 1000 sunscreen, or she’s totes gonna burn. And trust me, nothing spoils the mood of happy clam bump faster than nipple blisters and crotch peel.

  8. Crank Tango

    [re=554109]SayItWithWookies[/re]: and besides, tom cruise got cast in this version as well?

  9. Extemporanus

    [re=554116]the problem child[/re]: [re=554120]Extemporanus[/re]: DAMN YOU AND YOUR FAST CHILD FINGERS!

  10. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=554123]Tommmcatt[/re]: It’s the only logical explanation. But still….even size queens have to draw the line somewhere.

  11. JMP

    Old men trying to look cool never turns out well.

    By the way, is it just me, or does Dennis look kind of like a lesbian there? Maybe even K.D. Lang specifically? I bet no one else has made this wacky, original observation yet!

  12. ella

    He looks like a used car salesman, and not like one selling gently used Saturns. Like one with a lot full of Kias and pickup trucks and a big sign that says Buy Here, Pay Here!

  13. bitchincamaro

    My nipple-ring detectors indicate “yes” in that second pic. On Dennis, you morans.

  14. Extemporanus

    [re=554087]4tehlulz[/re]: [re=554103]DoktorZoom[/re]:

    “Well, it’s one for the Wisdom,
    Two for the Strength,
    Three to get Charisma,
    Now roll, cat, roll!

    But don’t you step to my blue dragon,
    You can LARP anything, but stay off of my blue dragon…”

  15. JMP

    [re=554144]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Hell, even someone who looks like Henry Kissinger was able to use his fame and power to get girls in DC; the ultimate aphrodisiac indeed.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    [re=554126]Crank Tango[/re]: Yeah I did one of those “oh, right” head thumps just after writing that. Of course, Tom’s pretty busy right now, what with militating against psychology and plotting revenge against that dude who apologized for writing the Battlefield Earth screenplay.

  17. grendel

    [re=554091]canadasteve[/re]: I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought he looked like Kim Jong Il

  18. GOPCrusher

    The man has got to be sporting a 14 inch long penis. Or a nine inch tongue. There is NO other logical explanation.

  19. Mad Brahms

    [re=554216]GOPCrusher[/re]: So Gene Simmons crossed with a racehorse? Yeah, looks about right, though a little short.

    Also, GAZEBO!

  20. Mojopo

    [re=554148]bitchincamaro[/re]: Maybe he has really long nipples, like Kim Cattrall or something?

  21. Mr Blifil

    Why is she carrying a sign declaring “Description” and “Size?” What the fuck kind of seminar were they giving demonstrations at?

  22. Extemporanus

    [re=554136]JMP[/re]: Oh my god! Now that you mention it, he does kinda look like a k.d. lang! I can’t believe no one else said that at the exact same time as each other before you did!

    Hey, speaking of men who look like old lesbians, I bet no one here has seen this hilarious new website:

    LOLOLOL! ROTFLMAO!!1 Amitrite??!

  23. Extemporanus

    [re=554227]Mr Blifil[/re]: That’s the box Dennis came in — she’s holding on to it in case she ever needs to return him.

  24. Crank Tango

    [re=554235]Extemporanus[/re]: to be quite honest, I was going to point out his resemblence to kd lang too, but I scanned the comments, refreshed, and then, d’oh!, as it were.

  25. Allyson

    In this photo, he looks like one of those guys who would actually buy one of those trashy “I’m not a gynecologist, but I’ll have a look” T-shirts that trashy stores there sell…

  26. Barbra Sinister

    Dear God, what is wrong with you people? How could so much pasty-white hotness be contained in such a compact bundle? Oh, Dennis… you had me at “single payer”.

  27. frumious_bandersnatch

    I never knew it until now, but I totally dated Dennis Kucinich. Her name was Gina, she drove a red truck, and her dog’s name was Bonzo. She worked in construction and she always tasted, oddly, of parchment. Her parents wouldn’t speak to her. I don’t remember her mentioning health care even once, that fey tease.

  28. richardwb1

    [re=554240]Extemporanus[/re]: “That’s the box Dennis came in —”
    What kind of pizza topping you talkin bout?

  29. fromhils

    Holy cow in that second shot he is somehow coming off as a butch lesbian… maybe its the hair product

  30. Eric Cheney

    [re=554073]tbogg[/re]: The popped collar reflects the sun’s rays directly into his neck wrinkles where Dennis is incubating thousands of tiny alien fetus liberals.

  31. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=554247]Crank Tango[/re]: Even though k.d. has already been referenced, Rob Schneider is all go..

  32. gurukalehuru

    [re=554103]DoktorZoom[/re]: Epic mega +gazillion point win, dude, but you already knew that. Seriously, can’t wait to see the movie.

  33. arclight

    It’s really too bad that’s not a better pic of Elizabeth because she is HAWT HAWT HAWT!!!

    Dennis used his special vegan powers and the positive rays and moonbeams directed from his 2004 primary campaign volunteers to channel her hawtness in his general direction.

  34. ttommyunger

    Yes, you guessed it, TOMMYCAT! Underneath those “Expanded Fit-505 Levis” lies a tightly coiled goober the size of a quart beer bottle, when angry. don’t believe it? Ask John Boehner, he saw it in the Congressional Crapper one day; actually turned white! Newt did too, he turned green, (with envy) though. They don’t call him “turtle head” for nothing.

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