Meet the Wonkette Catholic Pedobear!

  terrifying art

An artist who wishes to remain anonymous has painted this very fancy painting just for your Wonkette, as an upgraded version of the standard Pedobear, copies of whom are spreading throughout Italy as a means of calling the Pope a disgusting Nazi sex monster. We will call him Father Pedobear of Rapechildrenland, and you should plaster his image on the spires of your nearest Catholic church, for laffs. Thank you, very generous anonymous artist!

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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56 comments

  1. LittlePig

    And moot said: “Thou wilt knowest the pederast by the sign of the bear, as certain as the sign of Prada shoes on Hitlerjungen”

    From the book of /b/, Chapter III, verse 12

  2. SayItWithWookies

    He’s wearing monastic robes though — shouldn’t that be Friar Pedobear? And what’s that thing he’s touching with his left paw? I’m guessing it’s either a scorecard or maybe some kind of advent calendar for little Timmy’s thirteenth birthday.

  3. JMP

    This vicious assault on the image of the Holy Pontiff by an internet meme is nothing but rampant anti-Catholic bigotry in action; because of course any anger towards the Church leadership for specific actions they have taken is exactly the same as hating every member of the Catholic faith just for being Catholics; why it is worse than the Holocaust.

  4. ManchuCandidate

    [re=553898]Prommie[/re]:
    Ha. No wonder the Forrest Moon of Endor seemed a creepy place.

  5. Zorg

    I believe that thing he’s touching is the screen in a confessional booth. He fishing for leads…

  6. Cranky Little Camperette

    [re=553899]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Guessing you’re not Catholic? Anyone who’s done time “in the box” would recognize that rectangle as the grille that separates the confessor from the confessee in an old-school confessional.

  7. bureaucrap

    What relation is pedobear to South Park’s “Sexual Harrassment Panda”? Are they the same person? Perhaps that’s why you never see them at Nuclear Summits together.

  8. I-man

    What, What, how can you accuse Father Pedo Bearé of such mild things? He is much more of a monster than we can dare imagine.

  9. Autoo

    [re=553899]SayItWithWookies[/re]:And what’s that thing he’s touching with his left paw? I’m guessing it’s either a scorecard or maybe some kind of advent calendar

    Get thee unto a confessional, o faithless heathen. That’s the little mesh screen that separates the lamenting sinner from the, uh, priest.

  10. JMP

    [re=553911]Zorg[/re]: Speaking as a former Catholic, I always found the confession booth to be somewhat creepy; especially since the Church focuses on any non-Church-approved sexual acts as “sins”.

    You’ve got two anonymous people sitting in a dark, cramped little room separated by the screen, and the priest leans back and says to “tell me about your sins. Your sexy, sexy sins. Oh, you did what? Oh yeah, that’s a good one.”

  11. BOOBIES!

    This is why the Chinese kidnapped our Butterstick. They were afraid Pedobear would get his grimy, greasy paws on him.

  12. Extemporanus

    [re=553901]norbizness[/re]: Old habits die hard.

    [re=553902]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Looks more like PedoBearbloke to me.

    [re=553915]bitchincamaro[/re]: All first year Catholic seminary students learn how to hide their pedoboners with a technique known as the “Friar Tuck”.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    [re=553913]Cranky Little Camperette[/re]: My parents were both Catholic, but for some reason it never took. I credit my grandmother, who calmly explained to me (whenever she had the opportunity) that I had to take a lot of utter nonsense seriously if I wanted to get to heaven. If anything, religion has made eternal life look like a completely repugnant option.

  14. GoinGreen

    My wife, who chooses not to allow my non-believing ways to drag her and the children to Hell with me, took my little darlings to a friend’s church this weekend. When they got home, my wife was preparing lunch for the family and our Jesus freak guests, when my son made me so proud. He asked if the “preacher” was one of those people who hurt children. My wife explained to him that he was an Episcopal priest, not a Catholic priest and that not all priests hurt children. My son retorted with something he had almost CERTAINLY heard from dear ol’ Dad, “yeah, but he had on one of them child raper uniforms.” Since I knew I was already in the shitter anyway – I started drinking early.

  15. Bowdoin

    Is this an iteration of “Is a bear catholic?”?

    The original Ratso looks ever so much more sinister.

  16. Crank Tango

    [re=553942]Bowdoin[/re]: hmm like does a catholic bear shit in the woods after raping little boys?

  17. the problem child

    [re=553941]GoinGreen[/re]: The only way that kid doesn’t turn out well is if he also starts drinking early.

  18. weejee

    You put your wee wee in,
    You put your wee wee out,
    You put your wee wee in
    And you shake it all about.
    You do the Hokey Pope-eee
    And you turn yourself around,
    That’s what it’s all about.

  19. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=553928]JMP[/re]: As another former Catholic, I think the mandatory-confession thing turned me away from the church as much as anything.*

    I was an absurdly well-behaved child, almost neurotically so, and really had nothing to confess. The first lie I actually remember telling, was to a priest, when I made up a sin to fulfill my confessional requirement so I could celebrate my first communion.

    Leaps of (irony and) faith.

    *(Or maybe it was wrapping my emerging intellect around the implied cannibalism behind transubstantiation.)

    _____

    [re=553941]GoinGreen[/re]: You should send that story to the guy who draws The Family Circus. Or maybe Dennis the Menace.

  20. springfield_meltdown

    As a Catholic I am offended by this image. There should be a whiskey bottle somewhere in the picture. Other than that carry on.

    [re=553952]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Who hasn’t lied during confession? Really at age 7 what sins do you have? I think I repeated the same two (being mean to my brother and talking back to my parents) until I quit going at 14 when I actually started having interesting things to confess.

  21. Oblios Cap

    I’ve seen the Hair Bear and the Care Bears, I guess it was a matter of time before I ran across the Scare Bear.

    Are you sure it’s not a Rat? Kinda looks like Splinter.

  22. GoinGreen

    [re=553955]prizepig[/re]: Your blingee leads me to a question for all you Catholics – do you allow little girls in church? I never hear of priests “frocking around” with little girls, only little boys. What gives?

  23. bitchincamaro

    [re=553955]prizepig[/re]: Yep. That’ how I remember it. With a thousand or so Hail Mary’s.

  24. JMP

    [re=554036]GoinGreen[/re]: There have been some cases of priests raping little girls, but not as many; it’s probably because the Church only allows altar boys, not altar girls, and in general little boys are in close contact with priests a lot, while girls being female are at most an afterthought, so the priests have a lot more opportunities to victimize boys.

  25. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=553967]springfield_meltdown[/re]: I still totally dig Jesus, BTW. I don’t even care whether or not he actually existed, it’s frankly not an important issue to me, he just totally rocks.

    We could use a few more ‘love thy neighbor’ types setting a good example here on earth, and fewer of the type that hide behind him to get away with doing vile, unChristian things.

    [re=554036]GoinGreen[/re]: Good question. It may be lack of opportunity. When I was a lad, altar boys were strictly boys (no girls allowed) and we spent quite a bit of time alone with priests. No priest I served with ever touched me, or any boy I ever heard of, inappropriately. That didn’t happen in our parish until I was long gone. By that time, they did have altar girls, but the incidents that eventually happened at our parish were strictly priest-on-boy, IIRC.

  26. GOPCrusher

    [re=554134]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I would have to imagine that if Jesus did exist and he returned, one look at the modern Christian faith and there would be some Old Testament type of punishment going down.

  27. LowerdPeninsula

    [re=553941]GoinGreen[/re]: My son retorted with something he had almost CERTAINLY heard from dear ol’ Dad, “yeah, but he had on one of them child raper uniforms.”

    “child-raper uniforms,” eh? Bless his honest, little heart. Where are you guys from, BTW? I ask, because I noticed the use of the word “them”.

  28. hoosiermama

    [re=553941]GoinGreen[/re]: Good. I’m glad my old man isn’t the only one damning his son to a life of smart-assery.

  29. LowerdPeninsula

    [re=554404]hoosiermama[/re]: Blessing, hoosiermama; blessing. Think of it as a blessing…until they become teenages, at which point it will defintely have been a damning.

  30. Smoke Filled Roommate

    “Heyyy, what can I do ya for, little man?”
    “Father, I’ve sinned. I took some money from my brother’s piggy bank.”
    “Aww, s’ok. Ya wanna make some money–enough to put back and then some?”
    “Yes father.”
    “See this tiny hole, here?”

  31. libwakman

    Used to stick my tallywhacker in a snowbank on Sundays..
    So’s Father could enjoy a cold one after Mass..
    Hahahaha..now I’m going to hang myself!
    Oh, the hilarity of kiddie diddling.

  32. GoinGreen

    [re=554397]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: I am a child of 60′s hippies – so, I am from all over the US (wherever the pot and Acid were the best, man), he is from Texas – and I don’t actually recall if he used the word “them” or “those”, but it sounds funnier if you use “them” – so I may have applied a little artistic license. And, since I won’t allow him to read Wonkette until AT LEAST his 10th birthday, I doubt he’ll sue me over my transgression.

  33. President Beeblebrox

    It’s always so charming when Sully discovers an old Internet meme. It’s like finding the New World all over again. Next thing you know he’ll post something about that cool new “All Your Base” Flash video.

    I will, however, say that the combination of Pedobear and Ben the 16th is pretty fucking funny. In case anyone wants to see the graffiti, here it is. Pedobear and the Pope, or Ewoks and Emperor Palpatine?

    [re=554124]JMP[/re]: No, teh New Katholic Church (ie, post-Paul VI) does indeed allow altar girls.

Comments are closed.