TERRIFYING ART  2:10 pm April 12, 2010

Meet the Wonkette Catholic Pedobear!

by Jim Newell

An artist who wishes to remain anonymous has painted this very fancy painting just for your Wonkette, as an upgraded version of the standard Pedobear, copies of whom are spreading throughout Italy as a means of calling the Pope a disgusting Nazi sex monster. We will call him Father Pedobear of Rapechildrenland, and you should plaster his image on the spires of your nearest Catholic church, for laffs. Thank you, very generous anonymous artist!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 56 comments }

chascates April 12, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Looks like he has the Nazi Youth Party in his past. Or in his…something.

thesheriffisnear April 12, 2010 at 2:16 pm

I’ll never eat Super Sugar Crisp again.

4tehlulz April 12, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Nice bird’s feet.

LittlePig April 12, 2010 at 2:18 pm

And moot said: “Thou wilt knowest the pederast by the sign of the bear, as certain as the sign of Prada shoes on Hitlerjungen”

From the book of /b/, Chapter III, verse 12

Prommie April 12, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Thats no bear, its a fucking ewok. StarWarstards.

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2010 at 2:19 pm

He’s wearing monastic robes though — shouldn’t that be Friar Pedobear? And what’s that thing he’s touching with his left paw? I’m guessing it’s either a scorecard or maybe some kind of advent calendar for little Timmy’s thirteenth birthday.

Come here a minute April 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm

You may be wondering if this is awesome. Does the Pope shit in the woods?

norbizness April 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Does one really smoke a cigarette by sticking it halfway down one’s throat?

Monsieur Grumpe April 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm

This is kind of how pictured Naked Bunny with a Whip would look.

JMP April 12, 2010 at 2:21 pm

This vicious assault on the image of the Holy Pontiff by an internet meme is nothing but rampant anti-Catholic bigotry in action; because of course any anger towards the Church leadership for specific actions they have taken is exactly the same as hating every member of the Catholic faith just for being Catholics; why it is worse than the Holocaust.

ManchuCandidate April 12, 2010 at 2:21 pm

[re=553898]Prommie[/re]:
Ha. No wonder the Forrest Moon of Endor seemed a creepy place.

4tehlulz April 12, 2010 at 2:23 pm

[re=553899]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Oh, just a little record keeping. Gotta keep track of the flock, don’t you know?

Zorg April 12, 2010 at 2:24 pm

I believe that thing he’s touching is the screen in a confessional booth. He fishing for leads…

freakishlystrong April 12, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Those eyes. Larry King eyes…

Cranky Little Camperette April 12, 2010 at 2:24 pm

[re=553899]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Guessing you’re not Catholic? Anyone who’s done time “in the box” would recognize that rectangle as the grille that separates the confessor from the confessee in an old-school confessional.

obfuscator April 12, 2010 at 2:25 pm

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/comment/7/2010/04/f95173e653e8fb1bbe94c73cd1f8a811/original.jpg

moat arts… in deference to ice-tea, i substituted a bowl for the wonkette-preferred bag.

bitchincamaro April 12, 2010 at 2:25 pm

Where’s the boner?

Buzz Feedback April 12, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Olympic Mascots Gone Bad.

bureaucrap April 12, 2010 at 2:26 pm

What relation is pedobear to South Park’s “Sexual Harrassment Panda”? Are they the same person? Perhaps that’s why you never see them at Nuclear Summits together.

I-man April 12, 2010 at 2:28 pm

What, What, how can you accuse Father Pedo Bearé of such mild things? He is much more of a monster than we can dare imagine.

Crank Tango April 12, 2010 at 2:28 pm

[re=553899]SayItWithWookies[/re]: or PedoBrother?

Autoo April 12, 2010 at 2:29 pm

[re=553899]SayItWithWookies[/re]:And what’s that thing he’s touching with his left paw? I’m guessing it’s either a scorecard or maybe some kind of advent calendar

Get thee unto a confessional, o faithless heathen. That’s the little mesh screen that separates the lamenting sinner from the, uh, priest.

JMP April 12, 2010 at 2:36 pm

[re=553911]Zorg[/re]: Speaking as a former Catholic, I always found the confession booth to be somewhat creepy; especially since the Church focuses on any non-Church-approved sexual acts as “sins”.

You’ve got two anonymous people sitting in a dark, cramped little room separated by the screen, and the priest leans back and says to “tell me about your sins. Your sexy, sexy sins. Oh, you did what? Oh yeah, that’s a good one.”

BOOBIES! April 12, 2010 at 2:38 pm

This is why the Chinese kidnapped our Butterstick. They were afraid Pedobear would get his grimy, greasy paws on him.

Extemporanus April 12, 2010 at 2:41 pm

[re=553901]norbizness[/re]: Old habits die hard.

[re=553902]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Looks more like PedoBearbloke to me.

[re=553915]bitchincamaro[/re]: All first year Catholic seminary students learn how to hide their pedoboners with a technique known as the “Friar Tuck”.

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2010 at 2:41 pm

[re=553913]Cranky Little Camperette[/re]: My parents were both Catholic, but for some reason it never took. I credit my grandmother, who calmly explained to me (whenever she had the opportunity) that I had to take a lot of utter nonsense seriously if I wanted to get to heaven. If anything, religion has made eternal life look like a completely repugnant option.

GoinGreen April 12, 2010 at 2:49 pm

My wife, who chooses not to allow my non-believing ways to drag her and the children to Hell with me, took my little darlings to a friend’s church this weekend. When they got home, my wife was preparing lunch for the family and our Jesus freak guests, when my son made me so proud. He asked if the “preacher” was one of those people who hurt children. My wife explained to him that he was an Episcopal priest, not a Catholic priest and that not all priests hurt children. My son retorted with something he had almost CERTAINLY heard from dear ol’ Dad, “yeah, but he had on one of them child raper uniforms.” Since I knew I was already in the shitter anyway – I started drinking early.

Bowdoin April 12, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Is this an iteration of “Is a bear catholic?”?

The original Ratso looks ever so much more sinister.

Crank Tango April 12, 2010 at 2:58 pm

[re=553942]Bowdoin[/re]: hmm like does a catholic bear shit in the woods after raping little boys?

the problem child April 12, 2010 at 2:59 pm

[re=553941]GoinGreen[/re]: The only way that kid doesn’t turn out well is if he also starts drinking early.

weejee April 12, 2010 at 3:00 pm

You put your wee wee in,
You put your wee wee out,
You put your wee wee in
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey Pope-eee
And you turn yourself around,
That’s what it’s all about.

slappypaddy April 12, 2010 at 3:03 pm

daddy?

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2010 at 3:09 pm

[re=553928]JMP[/re]: As another former Catholic, I think the mandatory-confession thing turned me away from the church as much as anything.*

I was an absurdly well-behaved child, almost neurotically so, and really had nothing to confess. The first lie I actually remember telling, was to a priest, when I made up a sin to fulfill my confessional requirement so I could celebrate my first communion.

Leaps of (irony and) faith.

*(Or maybe it was wrapping my emerging intellect around the implied cannibalism behind transubstantiation.)

_____

[re=553941]GoinGreen[/re]: You should send that story to the guy who draws The Family Circus. Or maybe Dennis the Menace.

Dashboard_Buddha April 12, 2010 at 3:10 pm

[re=553941]GoinGreen[/re]: No sex for you…but totally worth it.

prizepig April 12, 2010 at 3:11 pm

http://image.blingee.com/images17/content/output/000/000/000/692/596124745_268501.gif

I am deeply sorry. There’s no excuse for this, really.

Capitol Hillbilly April 12, 2010 at 3:15 pm

But what are his Nazi credentials?

springfield_meltdown April 12, 2010 at 3:15 pm

As a Catholic I am offended by this image. There should be a whiskey bottle somewhere in the picture. Other than that carry on.

[re=553952]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Who hasn’t lied during confession? Really at age 7 what sins do you have? I think I repeated the same two (being mean to my brother and talking back to my parents) until I quit going at 14 when I actually started having interesting things to confess.

Oblios Cap April 12, 2010 at 3:23 pm

I’ve seen the Hair Bear and the Care Bears, I guess it was a matter of time before I ran across the Scare Bear.

Are you sure it’s not a Rat? Kinda looks like Splinter.

GoinGreen April 12, 2010 at 3:46 pm

[re=553955]prizepig[/re]: Your blingee leads me to a question for all you Catholics – do you allow little girls in church? I never hear of priests “frocking around” with little girls, only little boys. What gives?

DemmeFatale April 12, 2010 at 3:51 pm

Oh, it’s a screen! (I was wondering why there was a big matzo on the wall.)

bitchincamaro April 12, 2010 at 3:55 pm

[re=553955]prizepig[/re]: Yep. That’ how I remember it. With a thousand or so Hail Mary’s.

Big Dig April 12, 2010 at 4:15 pm
JMP April 12, 2010 at 4:18 pm

[re=554036]GoinGreen[/re]: There have been some cases of priests raping little girls, but not as many; it’s probably because the Church only allows altar boys, not altar girls, and in general little boys are in close contact with priests a lot, while girls being female are at most an afterthought, so the priests have a lot more opportunities to victimize boys.

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2010 at 4:23 pm

[re=553967]springfield_meltdown[/re]: I still totally dig Jesus, BTW. I don’t even care whether or not he actually existed, it’s frankly not an important issue to me, he just totally rocks.

We could use a few more ‘love thy neighbor’ types setting a good example here on earth, and fewer of the type that hide behind him to get away with doing vile, unChristian things.

[re=554036]GoinGreen[/re]: Good question. It may be lack of opportunity. When I was a lad, altar boys were strictly boys (no girls allowed) and we spent quite a bit of time alone with priests. No priest I served with ever touched me, or any boy I ever heard of, inappropriately. That didn’t happen in our parish until I was long gone. By that time, they did have altar girls, but the incidents that eventually happened at our parish were strictly priest-on-boy, IIRC.

Asa Hawks April 12, 2010 at 4:27 pm

[re=553905]JMP[/re]: If I could heart you, I would.

GOPCrusher April 12, 2010 at 4:38 pm

[re=554134]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I would have to imagine that if Jesus did exist and he returned, one look at the modern Christian faith and there would be some Old Testament type of punishment going down.

Beowoof April 12, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Bend over it is time for the rite of butt secks with Father Furry.

rastignac April 12, 2010 at 5:59 pm

[re=553896]4tehlulz[/re]: He has bird’s feet because he is a chicken hawk.

LowerdPeninsula April 13, 2010 at 12:32 am

[re=553941]GoinGreen[/re]: My son retorted with something he had almost CERTAINLY heard from dear ol’ Dad, “yeah, but he had on one of them child raper uniforms.”

“child-raper uniforms,” eh? Bless his honest, little heart. Where are you guys from, BTW? I ask, because I noticed the use of the word “them”.

hoosiermama April 13, 2010 at 12:51 am

[re=553941]GoinGreen[/re]: Good. I’m glad my old man isn’t the only one damning his son to a life of smart-assery.

LowerdPeninsula April 13, 2010 at 1:41 am

[re=554404]hoosiermama[/re]: Blessing, hoosiermama; blessing. Think of it as a blessing…until they become teenages, at which point it will defintely have been a damning.

Jim89048 April 13, 2010 at 2:08 am

[re=554049]DemmeFatale[/re]: Thought it was a giant Triscuit, myself.

Smoke Filled Roommate April 13, 2010 at 3:45 am

“Heyyy, what can I do ya for, little man?”
“Father, I’ve sinned. I took some money from my brother’s piggy bank.”
“Aww, s’ok. Ya wanna make some money–enough to put back and then some?”
“Yes father.”
“See this tiny hole, here?”

libwakman April 13, 2010 at 9:53 am

Used to stick my tallywhacker in a snowbank on Sundays..
So’s Father could enjoy a cold one after Mass..
Hahahaha..now I’m going to hang myself!
Oh, the hilarity of kiddie diddling.

GoinGreen April 13, 2010 at 10:14 am

[re=554397]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: I am a child of 60′s hippies – so, I am from all over the US (wherever the pot and Acid were the best, man), he is from Texas – and I don’t actually recall if he used the word “them” or “those”, but it sounds funnier if you use “them” – so I may have applied a little artistic license. And, since I won’t allow him to read Wonkette until AT LEAST his 10th birthday, I doubt he’ll sue me over my transgression.

President Beeblebrox April 14, 2010 at 7:32 pm

It’s always so charming when Sully discovers an old Internet meme. It’s like finding the New World all over again. Next thing you know he’ll post something about that cool new “All Your Base” Flash video.

I will, however, say that the combination of Pedobear and Ben the 16th is pretty fucking funny. In case anyone wants to see the graffiti, here it is. Pedobear and the Pope, or Ewoks and Emperor Palpatine?

[re=554124]JMP[/re]: No, teh New Katholic Church (ie, post-Paul VI) does indeed allow altar girls.

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