SACKS OF PULITZERS  10:11 am April 12, 2010

Obama Betrays America’s First Amendment Free Press For ‘Soccer Game’

by Lauri Apple

A president who exercises is a socialist asshole ... George W. Bush, for example.So now Barack Obama thinks he can just lose the White House press corps whenever he feels like it, because he “needs his space” or “wants some uninterrupted family time” or whatever. This guy is not a patriotic real American, with his hatred of our nation’s most cherished traditions and his unseemly love for the Mexican sport called “soccer.”

From the U.S. Constitution:

The White House press corps traditionally travels with the president anywhere he goes, inside and outside the country, to report on the president’s activities for the benefit of informing the public and for historical record.

But America’s historian-journalists could not do their jobs and document the presidential whereabouts for posterity for a few hours yesterday, for the first time in YEARS, because Obama apparently does not care about reporters and their professional responsibilities, and just up and left the White House without them, which is Arrogant.

According to a White House spokesman named “Josh Earnest,” Obama ran off to watch one of his kids’ soccer games without getting permission from the press pool. So the reporters, they had to pile in “a van”, like Pedobear, and go hunt him down, how embarrassing. But when they got there, Professor Sneaky McTeleprompter was already gone! Was this all somehow just a cover for Al Qaeda’s new booty bomb? [New York Times/Associated Press]

 
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{ 48 comments }

Terry April 12, 2010 at 10:14 am

I hope he yelled “Psych!” as his motorcade went past them.

germansteel April 12, 2010 at 10:16 am

Having attended my share of kids soccer games, I can tell the WH pool reporters they ought to thank their lucky stars they didn’t know about it.

ManchuCandidate April 12, 2010 at 10:16 am

I’d do the same thing if I were in Barry’s shoes. Who in their right mind would want to hang out with Jake Tapper and the rest of the WH press corps (Helen Thomas excepted because she’s one person I wouldn’t mind having a conversation with.)

Simba B April 12, 2010 at 10:24 am

It’s just so awesome the highschool jealousy with which they regard him, and the absolute cold shoulder with which he doesn’t care.

The WH press corpse are full of overachieving failures-at-life, and Barry passes them by without even trying. They hate him for it, and it fills the rest of us with glee.

Patty Dumpling April 12, 2010 at 10:25 am

Lauri! You’re the best, what with the drawings and the art and the Chicago street thug connections. I hope you stick around, and don’t get knocked up or anything.

Katydid April 12, 2010 at 10:26 am

The U.S. Constitution’s fine traditions of freedoms comes down to us all the way from 1215, and the Magna Carta clearly states “ye presseth pooles olde circlus jerkus” would be followed – and enforced – WITHOUT EXCEPTION.

Why does Barry hate the Magna Carta, and England, and Free Men Everywhere? And why does he hate circle jerks? Without a doubt, he’s no merikan. We merikans love our circle jerks. It’s practically all we do, goddammit.

Mr Blifil April 12, 2010 at 10:27 am

Anybody who disputes the notion that 96% of muslim fundamentalist violence is the by-product of lonely gay boys driven insane by totalitarian restrictions on homosexuality need look no further than the exploits of the booty bombers.

charlesdegoal April 12, 2010 at 10:27 am

Can he go to the john alone?

Katydid April 12, 2010 at 10:29 am

Yeah, Lauri, what Patty Dumpling said. Thank the pagan gods you don’t have a sausage, the guys were saying just the other day that there were too many of those things around here now.

Wait a minute…if Lauri’s your real name…*stares suspiciously at Lauri*

WIDTAP April 12, 2010 at 10:32 am

Clearly the President ditched the press just for the publicity.

Flanders April 12, 2010 at 10:35 am

Welcome, Lauri!

Or, should we be callling you “Lauri”???

JMP April 12, 2010 at 10:36 am

No official welcome post? Well, it’s hopeful to see the recent Wonkette losing of editors seems to be reversing itself, anyway.

The rest of the soccer teams should be very happy that Obama speared them from having to deal with the press corps. “Sally, the other team’s goalie just called you a ‘fart-face’. What is your response?”

weejee April 12, 2010 at 10:37 am

They missed him cuz he ducked out in a stretched Ram 1500 with trucknutz. The windoz were so tinted he wuz givin’ the press a pressed ham and they knew not.

ForTheTurnstiles April 12, 2010 at 10:44 am

Hi Lauri… thanks for the pretty pictures btw

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2010 at 10:45 am

Soccer game my ass — everyone over at TheFoxNation knows President Obama slipped out for a secret conclave with the preserved heads of Saul Alinsky, Che Guevara, Eugene V. Debs and Woodrow Wilson. And if that doesn’t make sense because Debs ran against Wilson, Guevara would’ve loathed everything Wilson stood for and Alinsky is just a fictional radical made up by Sean Hannity, well — that’s exactly what they want you to think, rube!

the problem child April 12, 2010 at 10:46 am

Is “Laurie” the new artistic director for the performance art section of Wonkette?

montresor April 12, 2010 at 10:46 am

Ken and Jim, good choice for your new co-editor. Lauri, good post, you’ve got your own style and it promises much hilarity in the Very Fun Future!

arclight April 12, 2010 at 10:51 am

And I’ll bet Jane Fonda was there to spit on American G.I.’s, and now Obama is going to honor her on a Barbara Walters special that will debut in April 1999!

(Obviously, Barry has a time machine.)

V572625694 April 12, 2010 at 10:52 am

Masthead update, pleez. Who’s this “Sara ‘K.’ Smith” person?

Welcome Lauri!

norbizness April 12, 2010 at 10:54 am

I also heard that he ground his Italian boots into Eddie Murphy’s sofa and had the temerity to look a white man in the eye without apologizing

BaconTime April 12, 2010 at 10:56 am

Cataloging this for “Loose Change 3″ when the White House refuses to answer whether or not Barry was meeting with Kenyan Illuminati brain reprogrammers.

freakishlystrong April 12, 2010 at 10:57 am

Lauri, nice. Please draw all the images from now on. Please. Also.

norbizness April 12, 2010 at 10:57 am

I also demand LSAT tips from our new editor; I intend on enrolling in law school for a second time and doing it right this time (i.e. going to SMU and suing somebody for $999 trillion).

http://abovethelaw.com/2010/04/smu-law-grad-morphs-into-abortion-warrior/

Barcode of the Apocalypse April 12, 2010 at 10:58 am

“Josh Earnest” — Isn’t that name a joke, seriously?

Mahousu April 12, 2010 at 10:59 am

So apparently 9:20am is too early for the Washington press corps? How about that, I actually have something in common with them.

Escape Goat Nation April 12, 2010 at 10:59 am

“Soccer” is a second tier word that gets the droolers frothing at the mouth. First tier words are things like ACLU, U.N., Planned Parenthood, Environmentalist/ism.

Katydid April 12, 2010 at 11:00 am

[re=553592]V572625694[/re]: Why does this “Ken Layne” character hate women?

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 12, 2010 at 11:09 am

“November Voter” from Arizona writes: “It shows us that he has something to hide. The office of the President is more about just the man that holds it. He disrespects us all by hiding from the public. What else are you hiding from us Mr. President? Do you really think we believe you were at a soccor game? If you were than certainly someone would have taken a picture of you.”

Wait a minute… November voter from Arizona? Could it be?

weejee April 12, 2010 at 11:09 am

Lauri, will you be the new Wonkette artiste in residence? If so, some sketches of Layne & Newell in their boxers sitting in their apartment bowels having offline blog bickers would be dandy.

Welcome!

Troubledog April 12, 2010 at 11:19 am

What, you couldn’t get Fiona?

Jumping Jim April 12, 2010 at 11:19 am

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!GOALGOALGOALGOALGOOOOAAALLLLL!!!GOAL!!

Monsieur Grumpe April 12, 2010 at 11:20 am
An Outhouse April 12, 2010 at 11:21 am

I used to say I was going to watch my daughter’s soccer game when I was going out to score some blow too.

Litlebritdifrnt April 12, 2010 at 11:21 am

This is so lame. Now if he had ditched his secret service detail as well, that would have been a story (kind of like Prince Charles ditching his security detail by climbing out of a men’s bathroom window to go to a strip club with his Navy buddies back in the day). As it is I am sure the teatards will decide that he was really meeting with Ahmadinnerjacket to give away all our nookuler secrets in exchange for a glass of mint tea and a nice rug.

WadISay April 12, 2010 at 11:27 am

Why oh why wouldn’t he want to be with “journalists” asking him what he thinks about Sarah Palin’s latest out-gassing?

chascates April 12, 2010 at 11:29 am

Welcome Lauri!

WIDTAP April 12, 2010 at 11:31 am

Clearly Ken and Jim were just so tickled when Lauri answered the interview question of “Why should we hire you you?” with “An Apple a day…”.

Flanders April 12, 2010 at 11:35 am

Lauri Apple = new Laurie Anderson

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2010 at 11:59 am

I hope Lauri’s editorship doesn’t mean a huge drop-off in production of snarky little drawings.

As a former semi-professional artist, I’m dismayed by the fact that the last time I finished a painting was back before I took my current fulltime ‘straight’ gig. : (

V572625694 April 12, 2010 at 11:59 am

[re=553602]Katydid[/re]: You only have to regard his frightening, bearded countenance to know that Mr Layne has the survivalist/patriarch/gun-nut mentality. Plus he lives in the fucking desert, apparently. And worships HST (Hunter S Thompson, not Harry S Truman), also.

nappyduggs April 12, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Has anyone checked that Appalachian Trail lately?

“Sacks of Pulitzers” was better than the butter on my breakfast toast, btw. Nicely done, madame.

Extemporanus April 12, 2010 at 12:01 pm

Nice word drawing, token vagina having editor person!

It’s nice to know that Jim no longer needs to shoulder the “-ette” duties alone.

Terry April 12, 2010 at 12:03 pm

[re=553564]germansteel[/re]:

Folks at the White House might also recall those photos taken of Chelsea Clinton playing soccer when she was at Sidwell Friends and the nasty remarks that were made about her looks.

Extemporanus April 12, 2010 at 12:04 pm

[re=553598]Barcode of the Apocalypse[/re]: It is the oxymoronic-est press flack moniker, ever.

mustardman April 12, 2010 at 12:56 pm

[re=553624]WadISay[/re]: Can’t imagine why. Seemed like a perfectly legitimate question……from a high school student.

thesheriffisnear April 12, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Mayhaps if the President gave them all cool nicknames-like W-they would be nice to him and reward him with powderpuff questions like this April Ryan classic:

”Mr. President, as the nation is at odds over war, how is your faith guiding you?”

BTW my nickname suggestion for April is “Poke Chop”

http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlDC/original/AprilRyan.jpg

GOPCrusher April 12, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Is “soccer game” the code for knocking off a quickie with Michelle?

Jukesgrrl April 12, 2010 at 11:00 pm

[re=553619]An Outhouse[/re]: “Getting an allergy shot” is also a good cover story. Because you can come back with your eyes all red and complain, “Those damn shots don’t even work!”

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