A president who exercises is a socialist asshole ... George W. Bush, for example.So now Barack Obama thinks he can just lose the White House press corps whenever he feels like it, because he “needs his space” or “wants some uninterrupted family time” or whatever. This guy is not a patriotic real American, with his hatred of our nation’s most cherished traditions and his unseemly love for the Mexican sport called “soccer.”

From the U.S. Constitution:

The White House press corps traditionally travels with the president anywhere he goes, inside and outside the country, to report on the president’s activities for the benefit of informing the public and for historical record.

But America’s historian-journalists could not do their jobs and document the presidential whereabouts for posterity for a few hours yesterday, for the first time in YEARS, because Obama apparently does not care about reporters and their professional responsibilities, and just up and left the White House without them, which is Arrogant.

According to a White House spokesman named “Josh Earnest,” Obama ran off to watch one of his kids’ soccer games without getting permission from the press pool. So the reporters, they had to pile in “a van”, like Pedobear, and go hunt him down, how embarrassing. But when they got there, Professor Sneaky McTeleprompter was already gone! Was this all somehow just a cover for Al Qaeda’s new booty bomb? [New York Times/Associated Press]

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  1. Having attended my share of kids soccer games, I can tell the WH pool reporters they ought to thank their lucky stars they didn’t know about it.

  2. I’d do the same thing if I were in Barry’s shoes. Who in their right mind would want to hang out with Jake Tapper and the rest of the WH press corps (Helen Thomas excepted because she’s one person I wouldn’t mind having a conversation with.)

  3. It’s just so awesome the highschool jealousy with which they regard him, and the absolute cold shoulder with which he doesn’t care.

    The WH press corpse are full of overachieving failures-at-life, and Barry passes them by without even trying. They hate him for it, and it fills the rest of us with glee.

  4. Lauri! You’re the best, what with the drawings and the art and the Chicago street thug connections. I hope you stick around, and don’t get knocked up or anything.

  5. The U.S. Constitution’s fine traditions of freedoms comes down to us all the way from 1215, and the Magna Carta clearly states “ye presseth pooles olde circlus jerkus” would be followed – and enforced – WITHOUT EXCEPTION.

    Why does Barry hate the Magna Carta, and England, and Free Men Everywhere? And why does he hate circle jerks? Without a doubt, he’s no merikan. We merikans love our circle jerks. It’s practically all we do, goddammit.

  6. Anybody who disputes the notion that 96% of muslim fundamentalist violence is the by-product of lonely gay boys driven insane by totalitarian restrictions on homosexuality need look no further than the exploits of the booty bombers.

  7. Yeah, Lauri, what Patty Dumpling said. Thank the pagan gods you don’t have a sausage, the guys were saying just the other day that there were too many of those things around here now.

    Wait a minute…if Lauri’s your real name…*stares suspiciously at Lauri*

  8. No official welcome post? Well, it’s hopeful to see the recent Wonkette losing of editors seems to be reversing itself, anyway.

    The rest of the soccer teams should be very happy that Obama speared them from having to deal with the press corps. “Sally, the other team’s goalie just called you a ‘fart-face’. What is your response?”

  9. They missed him cuz he ducked out in a stretched Ram 1500 with trucknutz. The windoz were so tinted he wuz givin’ the press a pressed ham and they knew not.

  10. Soccer game my ass — everyone over at TheFoxNation knows President Obama slipped out for a secret conclave with the preserved heads of Saul Alinsky, Che Guevara, Eugene V. Debs and Woodrow Wilson. And if that doesn’t make sense because Debs ran against Wilson, Guevara would’ve loathed everything Wilson stood for and Alinsky is just a fictional radical made up by Sean Hannity, well — that’s exactly what they want you to think, rube!

  11. Ken and Jim, good choice for your new co-editor. Lauri, good post, you’ve got your own style and it promises much hilarity in the Very Fun Future!

  12. And I’ll bet Jane Fonda was there to spit on American G.I.’s, and now Obama is going to honor her on a Barbara Walters special that will debut in April 1999!

    (Obviously, Barry has a time machine.)

  13. I also heard that he ground his Italian boots into Eddie Murphy’s sofa and had the temerity to look a white man in the eye without apologizing

  14. Cataloging this for “Loose Change 3” when the White House refuses to answer whether or not Barry was meeting with Kenyan Illuminati brain reprogrammers.

  15. “Soccer” is a second tier word that gets the droolers frothing at the mouth. First tier words are things like ACLU, U.N., Planned Parenthood, Environmentalist/ism.

  16. “November Voter” from Arizona writes: “It shows us that he has something to hide. The office of the President is more about just the man that holds it. He disrespects us all by hiding from the public. What else are you hiding from us Mr. President? Do you really think we believe you were at a soccor game? If you were than certainly someone would have taken a picture of you.”

    Wait a minute… November voter from Arizona? Could it be?

  17. Lauri, will you be the new Wonkette artiste in residence? If so, some sketches of Layne & Newell in their boxers sitting in their apartment bowels having offline blog bickers would be dandy.


  18. This is so lame. Now if he had ditched his secret service detail as well, that would have been a story (kind of like Prince Charles ditching his security detail by climbing out of a men’s bathroom window to go to a strip club with his Navy buddies back in the day). As it is I am sure the teatards will decide that he was really meeting with Ahmadinnerjacket to give away all our nookuler secrets in exchange for a glass of mint tea and a nice rug.

  19. Clearly Ken and Jim were just so tickled when Lauri answered the interview question of “Why should we hire you you?” with “An Apple a day…”.

  20. I hope Lauri’s editorship doesn’t mean a huge drop-off in production of snarky little drawings.

    As a former semi-professional artist, I’m dismayed by the fact that the last time I finished a painting was back before I took my current fulltime ‘straight’ gig. : (

  21. [re=553602]Katydid[/re]: You only have to regard his frightening, bearded countenance to know that Mr Layne has the survivalist/patriarch/gun-nut mentality. Plus he lives in the fucking desert, apparently. And worships HST (Hunter S Thompson, not Harry S Truman), also.

  22. Has anyone checked that Appalachian Trail lately?

    “Sacks of Pulitzers” was better than the butter on my breakfast toast, btw. Nicely done, madame.

  23. Nice word drawing, token vagina having editor person!

    It’s nice to know that Jim no longer needs to shoulder the “-ette” duties alone.

  24. [re=553564]germansteel[/re]:

    Folks at the White House might also recall those photos taken of Chelsea Clinton playing soccer when she was at Sidwell Friends and the nasty remarks that were made about her looks.

  25. [re=553619]An Outhouse[/re]: “Getting an allergy shot” is also a good cover story. Because you can come back with your eyes all red and complain, “Those damn shots don’t even work!”

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