ominous toasts

Drink Up, Or the Russians Will Kill You

Hа здоровье!
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev is giving Barack Obama the old “I have poisoned your champagne” look while ultra-crooked Czech president Vaclav Klaus is just counting money in his mind, piles and piles of Euros, shoveled into his Swiss vault by Slovak gypsy slaves. Anyway, now we have some kind of new nuclear treaty with Sarah Palin, maybe you’ve heard of it! Also, the president of Poland and 97 other Polish government officials and citizens were killed today when their plane crashed in Russia. [White House Flickr/New York Times]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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95 comments

  1. Neilist

    No, no, NO, Ken! That’s not the old Commie “I Have Poisoned Your Champagne” look.

    That’s the new ex-Commie: “Hey, Mandingo Man: How’s About You Go For Ride In Nice 20-year-old Tupelov 154 That Was Piece of Shitski When Brand New” look.

    I hope that clears it up for you.

    (Hey, hear about the new Polish joke? “The President of Poland decides to fly to Russia in TU-154 to celebrate the Kattin Forest Masscre . . . .”)

  2. Pete-O

    The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle;
    the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true!

    Everybody knows that.

  3. Cookie Guggelman

    Oddly enough, “Ominous Toasts” is the name of my new CD. It will be dropping soon like a Polish plane from the Russian skies.

  4. RogueDC

    Hopey should fire the entire Secret Service if they just let the Rooskies provide the champagne, don’t they know you should NEVER accept drinks from a Russian? It’s just like letting a young, nubile, pre-pubescent boy accept candy from a “prominent family-values conservative”, though to be fair the ReThuglican probably only put roofies in the candy.

  5. Hooray For Anything

    I wonder if they’re toasting to the new workers paradise that’s edging closer to existence.

  6. Come here a minute

    But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

  7. ManchuCandidate

    Looks almost like the scene in Patton with the Russkies

    Klaus: The PM would like to know if you will drink a toast with him.
    Barry: Thank the Medvedev and tell him I have no desire to drink with him or any other Russian son of a bitch.
    Klaus: [Nervous] I can’t tell him that!
    Barry: Tell him, every word.
    Klaus: [In Russian] He says he will not drink with you or any Russian son of a bitch.
    Medvedev: [In Russian] Tell him he is a son of a bitch, too. Now!
    Klaus: [Very nervous] He says he thinks you are a son of a bitch, too.
    Barry: [laughing] All right. All right, tell him I’ll drink to that; one son of a bitch to another.

  8. populucious

    Barry: Do you expect me to just drink this poison Russian commie champagne, Mr Medvedev?

    Medvedev: No Mr Obama, I expect you to die.

  9. Beck Licks Seer Stones

    That is a bold, focus look to give when you’re toasting champagne glasses so full the SLIGHTEST overuse of force will send the drink spilling. These Russians are ballsy crafstmen.

  10. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=553212]Come here a minute[/re]: Hmmm, would that make Barry the “man in black”?

  11. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    See, that is a good thing about a President Palin. She wouldn’t drink the champagne with Medvedev . . . unless he paid her $20,000.00.

  12. TJBeck

    What kind of stupid champagne glasses are those? They should come with an umbrella, or salt on the rim. Or at least an olive.

    Sc0Cial1sm!

  13. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Suggested alt text: “Medved: ‘You are very clever for a Kenyan Muslim, Mr. Obama, but can you face this fully functional battle station?’”

  14. sezme

    He’s giving Barry the old “You hold a Champagne glass by the stem, not the bowl. Gah! Americans – even the black ones – you’re all so uncouth!” look. Seriously though, the Slavs are all about making direct piercing eye contact while clinking glasses. It’s a charming, if unnerving custom for those of us who usually just concentrate on not breaking the glass.

  15. artpepper

    I was going to write something snarky about something Sarah Palin might say about this photograph.

    Then I remembered that SP is such a towering giant of Stupidity in our times, no attempt at parody can compete with her actual statements in actual real life, which are actually repeated in solemn tones by the likes of George Stephanopolous.

  16. steverino247

    [re=553240]sezme[/re]: It appears that Obama is wise to the “Eyeballing the Rooskies” gambit. Looks in the eye mean different things in different cultures. Some places it’s rude, but there, you don’t look and you’re not to be trusted.

  17. Smoke Filled Roommate

    That reminds me of the look my Baba gave me if I didn’t eat enough of her homemade pierogi..

  18. Servo

    The Tupolev Tu-154 was the Russian equivalent of Boeing’s 727, only slightly larger. It was the first Soviet aircraft to be built to American airworthiness standards, including triple a autopilot, providing automatic ILS approaches.
    The pilot missed the approach three times and was attempting his fourth. FOUR times! This aircraft could have landed itself. Not to mention that he was told to divert. It’s pretty obvious that a large number of Polish leaders were killed by a stubborn, colossal fuck-up of a pilot.

  19. Crank Tango

    Oh Poland. Didn’t you learn anything from Lynyrd Skynyrd?

    And you know who else decimated the Polish elite, don’t you…

  20. smellyal8r

    The difference between the idiot we used to have and Obama: “I looked in his eye and new I could NOT trust him.”
    [re=553217]populucious[/re]: Inspired comedy!

  21. SayItWithWookies

    [re=553244]steverino247[/re]: As far as the Russians are concerned, if you look an American president in the eye and mention The LORD, you’re in. “God will not forgive us if we fail” was such a great line it got an American president to trust Leonid Brezhnev. Of course the American president in question was Jimmy Carter, so take that as you will. But for the dopey Republican ones, look ‘em in the eye — the cowboys they played in the movies or believe themselves to be consider it an unimpeachable sign of honesty. Which is why they buy so much snake oil and hire dowsers, but whatever.

  22. Radiotherapy

    I think it’s a great photo. The wingclowns will hate it, overanalyze it, and let Palin insert some fucking retarded sophmoric statement about it. They simply cannot accept that, after all, the POTUS still is the most powerful position in the world. And he stands eye-to-eye with his still potent Ruski counterpart — toasting a reasonable accord. BHO makes me feel proud to be an American.

  23. MsNicky

    Yeah, like our President Hopey, with all he’s had to endure as a black Amurkan, is intimidated by some furrin white guy’s pointed glare. Get bent and fuck off, Rooskie guy, before he CUTS your white ass! /”Being There” kind of thing

  24. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=553271]Radiotherapy[/re]: Let the FROTUS criticize the POTUS.. (would be great if Rahm actually said that)..

  25. dijetlo

    It’s not every day the entire Polish government pancakes into the Russian tundra, no wonder he’s looking so pleased with himself.
    BTW, that’s why Uncle Mao always took the train when he had to visit his comrades in Moscow.

  26. thesheriffisnear

    [re=553214]ManchuCandidate[/re]: HOLY SHIT BRO, when I saw the pix that’s the first thing I thought. In fact the Rooskie even looks like General Khatkov. The next thing that immediately popped into my mind was Klaus saying in his best mittel European voice:

    “Slap my hand Black soul man…”

    Oh yeah, this too:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3QXBHYRhpw

  27. DC Hates Me

    I see it as a good kind of ominous, like: Everything is going according to plan. Lech .. Vaclav .. Palin .. Jonah .. in that order.

  28. Darkness

    Based on this picture alone, I have been healed from the horror of Bush’s soul gazing. Thank you, Barry!

  29. Bearbloke

    [re=553204]Neilist[/re]: Come now! Why on Earth would Prime Minister of Russia, Chairman of United Russia ruling party, Chairman of the Council of Ministers of the Union of Russia and Belarus, lifelong KGB agent and long-acknowledged-Realpolitiker Vlad (the umbrella-impaler?) Putin have any interest in decapitating the Polish Govt. whilst simultaneously overshadowing & discouraging further reflection upon the 70th commemoration of the Katyn Massacre? Henngh?!

    It’s soooo very comforting that Putin himself will head the investigation into the incident…

  30. El Pinche

    [re=553286]Radiotherapy[/re]: First we have tubes and now we have clouds, what’ll those puter people nd their perl think of next??

  31. seoramsagar

    this is very nice Russian President Dmitry Medvedev is giving Barack Obama the old “I have poisoned your champagne” look while ultra-crooked Czech “God will not forgive us if we fail” was such a great line it got an American president to trust Leonid Brezhnev this is Politics.
    http://www.fpolitics.com/

  32. LowerdPeninsula

    [re=553272]MsNicky[/re]: Not to mention the Russian president is literally about 5’4″ (and Putin not much taller). They are like a clever set of Russian nesting dolls. They just keep getting smaller.

    BTW, if anyone has seen Medvedev before, he always looks like the most physically uncomfortable guy in the room; not a natural movement about his whole body. Maybe that perpetual uneasiness is some kind of trick to make others feel uncomfortable around him. I mean, his look projects a confusion; is he going to stab you, vomit, poison your drink?

  33. zhubajie

    Maybe Medvedev has agreed to let Mrs. Palin and Mrs. Bachmann come inspect Russia, especially remote places in Siberia….

  34. Sparky McGruff

    [re=553308]zhubajie[/re]: Sarah can see Siberia from her house. When she’s high on meth, that is.

  35. Monsieur Grumpe

    I was just imagining that Palin was president and in this situation.

    Medvedev: Are you sure I can’t convince you to sign this nuclear missile reduction treaty?
    Palin: My hair taste funny!
    Medvedev: Please be serious, No country needs all these bombs.
    Palin: Giggle. Wink. Giggle Wiggle wiggle.
    Medvedev: Oh for fucks sake; have you been listening to anything I’ve said?
    Palin: I like turtle meat in my champagne. Do you like turtle meat in your champagne?
    Medvedev: *Slaps face with palm* I knew I should have negotiated with Vice President Bachmann.
    Palin: Can I take some leftovers for Trig? Opens a giant purse and dumps in a plate of hors d’oeuvres.*

  36. HopeyChangey

    [re=553212]Come here a minute[/re]:

    “Toepick”

    What? It’s the only movie reference I could think of – cut me a break – it’s Sunday morning.

  37. HuddledMass

    [re=553295]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: And you know this … how? Are you, like, a secret service dude or a WH sommelier, or what?

  38. pirate king of the Jews

    [re=553308]zhubajie[/re]: Medvedev has agreed to let Palin and Bachman come inspect remote places INHISPANTS.

  39. x111e7thst

    [re=553295]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: He likes Pink Floyd and Deep Purple. He is surrounded by ex KGB thugs who hate that shit. No wonder he looks uncomfortable all the time.

  40. x111e7thst

    Джо Либерман говорит, нет договора, потому что Иран мог ядерное оружие
    ג ‘ו ליברמן צריך לאכול שקית של הזין עכברוש מומלחים קלות

  41. weejee

    [re=553319]x111e7thst[/re]: Are you concerned about Joe’s health that you suggest the rat dicks are only lightly salted?

  42. Katydid

    [re=553277]thesheriffisnear[/re]: One time when I was working with a few Russian software developers they were explaining how they set up a client server network, one of the guys said, “Now client is server.” And without thinking, I said, “Now do Boris Badenov.”

    I got in a lot of trouble, but it was worth it, because I made a couple of American developers choke on their lunches. Accidentally, of course.

    [re=553205]Pete-O[/re]: Nice. But. They broke the chalice from the palace. And replaced it with a flagon with the figure of a dragon. And now, the pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon. The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true. At least temporarily.

  43. Jukesgrrl

    My mother had those same glasses in 1965. She thought they were for champagne, too. But they were never used because the class drink of choice in Western Pennsylvania back then was Seagrams Crown Royal, no matter what Jackie Kennedy tried to teach them. Flute FAIL.

  44. lawrenceofthedesert

    [re=553323]V572625694[/re]: I heard the feds built a new super-max in Colorado, so Marion is now the Mini-max. It was a mistake from the get-go — built back when people believed in rehab of prisoners and were in denial of street and prison gangs. They had to lock it down soon after opening and never could operate it the way the architect had planned.

    Dmitry is the Roger Debris of Russian politics and expecting Barry to break into “Springtime for Hitler” at any moment.

  45. Zorg

    [re=553387]Jukesgrrl[/re]: I’m with you. Sherbet glasses used to serve champagne! In the rest of Moscow, they know that one serves sparkling wine in a flute. Perhaps this is one of those fake-Moon-landing situations, with look-a-likes, photographed in an abandoned hotel in the Catskills? Someone who time-travels in order to fake their birth certificate is really capable of anything! Does anyone have a supercomputer that can decrypt this photo?

  46. Lascauxcaveman

    I have nothing to add to this tread except to state that this is one of the best I’ve read on Wonkette in my entire history here, which goes back to 2003 or thereabouts. Too many highlights to list. Library of Congress, I hope you’re still paying attention.

    Also I’ve added “The Court Jester” to my Netflix queue, (and “The Princess and the Pirate” for good measure).

  47. LowerdPeninsula

    [re=553313]HuddledMass[/re]: I look at these things called, pictures and see these things called television and video. Surely, I must be a witch/wizard/warlock.

  48. wheelie

    [re=553486]godforbidowright[/re]: . . . and Klaus doesn’t have a Swiss vault or Slovak gypsy slaves either. Congratulations. Your brilliant intervention here has saved the Internet.

  49. Oblios Cap

    One would think that the Polish intelligentsia would have learned to stay as far away from Katyn Forest as humanly possible.

    I think it’s cursed…

Comments are closed.