It’s time for Washington’s favorite game: Trying to guess who the president will appoint to the Supreme Court. Why is this so much “fun” for these people? It fills air time, and takes up conversational space, and in general gives a brief sense of novelty or urgency to the crushing pointless grind of existence, and plus nobody talking about this has any knowledge of the actual situation and no influence in the choice. So, that said, let’s throw out some names!
- Diane Wood: She’s a lady! Obama apparently likes them, who knows why. Plus, it drives old white wingnut men batshit when a goddamned woman gets a man’s job.
- Elena Kagan: Another one with the lady parts. See above.
- Merrick Garland: Looks like a white dude to us, but maybe he’s Transgender or something. “Black Irish,” maybe?
- Bill Clinton: Just an awesome idea, so much Fuck You. Source: Wonkette commenter Lazy Media.
- Tucker Carlson: Hey, he wears a bowtie! And he’s admitted to homosexual encounters, so that’s liberal! Source: Another Wonkette comment!
- Lil’ Wayne: He’s got a dumb blog, which is usually enough to give a wingnut some prominent public position, right?
- _________
- _________
- _________
{ 125 comments }
there is only one appropriate nomination: Anita Hill
I don’t care who it is. Just no more Jews.
Phil Lesh!
I say Obama appease the the wingnuts and appoint Fox News to the High court.
Satan? Is it Satan?
I’m gonna go with Satan.
Hugo Chavez
Why not John McCain, just for laffs? A Walnuts court would be the greatest (most hilarious) six weeks in the history of the federal judiciary.
Clearly Obama is going to nominate a newly unemployeed Acorn thug and then tout how he’s helping to get the jobless back to work.
Karl Hitler Marx obviously.
I don’t care who he chooses, as long as the head-asploding factor is high!
Lincoln Chafee. Although he would likely have to recuse himself from any farrier-associated rulings.
Elliott Spitzer needs a new job.
Hillary, to make some heads assplode.
(But I’m lousy at Washington guessing games. I never pegged Mark Felt for Deep Throat.)
Bill Ayers, duh
“It fills air time, and takes up conversational space, and in general gives a brief sense of novelty or urgency to the crushing pointless grind of existence, and plus nobody talking about this has any knowledge of the actual situation and no influence in the choice.”
Cable news explained, forever.
Maybe he’ll appoint himself and let Biden take over, I’d imagine the professor is pretty tired of dealing w/ the dimwits in Congress. Signed health care, take a bow, walk out leaving them wanting more.
In accord with the emergent theory of the Unitary Judiciary, John Roberts will consume JPS in a secret Bohemian Grove ceremony, thus giving him the strength–and votes–of two Supremes.
Mikhail Gorbachev needs a job, right?
[re=552401]evan7257[/re]: I was hoping for a Black/Asian lesbian voodoo priestess with either dreadlocks or an enormous ‘fro, and who sharpens her incisors and wears silver eyeliner for extra fiercesomeness, but your choice would do in a pinch.
IT’S GOING TO BE OSAMA BIN LADEN, YOU FOOLS! THEY ARE COUSINS!
Cass Sunstein seems a popular one in those other news sources. I kinda assume Obama might be considering picking him, just to watch Glenn Beck’s head asplode, pig-eyes and all.
Michelle Obama?
There are no Supreme Court Justices wiht a moustache. Anyone with a moustache, even a lady with one, will rectify this problem.
Elena Kagan has the advantage of having been approved by Republicans a couple of years ago. And everyone knows they’d never risk looking like hypocrites and vote against her now. On the other hand, one of my favorite liberal females is Debbie Wasserman-Schwartz — if you want to see a bunch of old white Republicans scream, she’s the nominee for the gig.
[re=552430]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: How about Janet Napolitano–she fulfills the lesbian requirement.
J. Roby Penn, IV
Wasserman Schultz, dingbat.
It doesn’t really matter who, the reich-wingers will call him/her/it Saul Alinsky anyway. So Saul Alinsky for SCOTUS!
Endless teevee hours are spent on pointless speculation of this kind. Talking heads interviewing each other: Who will win the election? Who will win the beauty contest? Which bachelor will she choose? Who will be appointed to the Supremes? Well, what do you think, Bob? You’ve covered this territory for twenty years….
There is nothing more useless than this. All we have to do to know the answer is wait.
[re=552407]smitallica[/re]: I know, Sotomayor ate all my Matzah. Actually, WTF?!?!?
Bernie Kerik will be available and a Liberal after his prison stint.
Robert Gibbs, obvs.
[re=552401]evan7257[/re]:
Anita Hill would be my first choice, followed by Al Gore.
Bill Clinton would be a delicious choice, but I think he’s having too much fun as roving ambassador at large and man about town.
Isn’t it time to place a black American the bench?
I hope he nominates a naked fat black crippled dyke.
Last I look, even with eight years of Bush, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed still hasn’t been convicted of anything. If Glen Beck is right about anything, this is the most obvious nominee, as he would be sympathetic to prisoner rights, take civil liberties seriously, and is well versed in Sharia law.
Really, an obvious choice for a Progressive, when you think of it.
[re=552447]rocktonsammy[/re]: How about someone with a pubic hair fetish?
I’m reserving judgment until Jeffrey Rosen weighs in.
[re=552410]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: Outta left field.
The walls would crumble.
I just want this justice to be young enough that she can live to plant John Roberts in the cold, cold ground…atop the mouldering corpses of Scalia and Thomas.
[re=552436]Larry Fine[/re]: Are you suggesting the mustache of understanding? That would be great. Every opinion would begin … While texting on my ipad in a Thai brothel, sipping a Peruvian coffee, a Samoan masseuse told me that the plaintiff did not have standing ….
Yeah but you know she lip-synced all her songs in West Side Story.
I nominate Caligula’s horse, Incitatus. He has experience as a Senator. And besides, he has horse-sense.
Elena Kagan would be a nice fuck you to John Roberts. Clinton nominated her to the DC Appellate Court in ’99, but Orin the weasel Hatch sat on the nomination & dubyah appointed Roberts.
If not Kagan then in no particular order Ana Marie Cox, Sara K. Smith, or Juli Weiner.
As a bow to Rush, he should nominate Whoopi Goldberg. Hits so many demographics, so many eye popping outbursts.
Honestly I’ve gotta go with Paul Harvey. DEAD PAUL HARVEY.
Good day!
Gordon Ramsay.
Alex 0vechkin — he could slam Thomas into the boards, plus he would get plenty of conservative support.
You’re all wrong. Obama will cite her ability to rip morons apart to nominate Rachel Maddow.
Immediately Scalia has a heart attack
[re=552436]Larry Fine[/re]: Darryl Hall! Or was it Oates who had the mustache? Fuck it, Hall & Oates for SCOTUS.
Or Michael Steele. Brotha needs a new job and he could bring his hip-hoppity-hoppiness to the Court.
Bill, You can continue to fly around the world and dilly dally the natives, or you can do this new thing where you hang out with Anton Scalia…what you think?
Last one
Hispanic Female
This one
Gay Asian Male
Oh, and Liberal, don’t forget that. Also mandate that he must sit next to Scalia in all pictures.
Jonathan Turley who went off on a fucking rant when Barry nominated that nice Messican lady Maria last year. Apparently she didn’t meet his high intellectual standards. Ok Johnny Boy here’s your chance.
[re=552430]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:
Ummm, thanks for the nod, but I must respectfully decline. Seriously, yuh got me pegged, other than the filed teef, the lezbionics, and the silver eyeliner. Electric blue. Always. Also.
Needs more worshippers of the Painted Whore of Babylon.
[re=552437]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Republicans once likey-liked Kagan? Feh. Such matters not a whit. In 1993, faced with the illusion that Bill Clinton was actually a marxist liberal, they also proposed their own health care reform bill requiring all citizens to buy health insurance.
For a Republican, there is no position no matter how salutory or beneficial to the nation which cannot be immediately abandonned for the sake of political expediency. And some ass fucking, too.
Obama is going to nominate your mom. To whom am I referring? YOU!!! dummy.
Fuck with everybody and nominate Kenneth Starr.
[re=552424]ella[/re]: wow- I knew it was him the minute I saw him hanging around that parking garage.
Dear ______(MSM Outlet/Local Paper/ESPN/Guns & Ammo Magazine),
I’m absolutely ______(Outraged/Terrified/Frightened/Worried/Angered) that Hussein Obama has chosen the RADICAL ________ to the position of _______(!/!!/!!!/!!!!!)
Just because the RADICAL ______ is _____(Black/Hispanic/Asian/French/Female/Empathetic/Educated/Experienced) doesn’t mean that the RADICAL ________ is qualified for the position of ______(!/!!/!!!/!!!!!) Every single _____(Patriotic/Freedom Loving/God Fearing/Gun Worshiping) American should be absolutely _____(Outraged/Terrified/Frightened/Worried/Angered) over this choice ____(!/!!/!!!/!!!!!)
We will not sit back and watch Hussein Obama _____(Destroy our Nation/Undermine the Constitution/Spit in the face of our Founding Fathers) (!/!!/!!!/!!!!!)
We will not allow Hussein Obama turn us into______(Commies/Socialists/Marxists/Sandanistas/Hugo Chavez/Black Panthers/Al Franken/ACORNS/Homos) (!/!!/!!!/!!!!!)
This is why I oppose this choice______(!/!!/!!!/!!!!!)
I say whatever 27 year old Boalt Hall Crit-Theorist grad you can find.
Job share: Bill and Hillary.
Do the Redskins a favor Barack. Put Mcnabb in robes.
No more Catholics please.
We first saw Obama trying to make the Supreme Court more hip with his appointment of sassy latina, what’s her name, Maria Gloria Estefan or some such. The next logical step towards “hiposity” is obviously Michael Steele.
Perry Farrel
I ask, nay I demand, that whoever is nominated have first served on a death panel. We have enuf bleeding hearts on the Court. I’m looking at you, Antonin.
How ’bout Strom Thurmond’s mulatto daughter? That would be more than a two-fer. It’d be like a four-fer.
David Shuster!
[re=552468]Jumping Jim[/re]: “Justice Jujubee” does have a nice ring to it.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_FW86_jO7k_A/Sx5Wgd9jPII/AAAAAAABVhE/0uelsIYu1r0/s400/Jujubee400x300.jpg
[re=552468]Jumping Jim[/re]: Given that criteria, then there can be only one SCOTUS nominee… ladies, gentlemen, and those who aren’t quite sure: B.D. Wong.
Someone as gay as the dickens would be nice.
David Shuster. He’a a lawyer and MSNBC already hates him.
I nominate G. Harrold Carswell to be the incompetent white counter-balance to Mr. Justice Thomas
“Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. They are entitled to a little representation, aren’t they, and a little chance? We can’t have all Brandeises, Frankfurters and Cardozos.” Sen. Roman Hruska
[re=552447]rocktonsammy[/re]: ZIIIING!!!!
[re=552447]rocktonsammy[/re]: VAN JONES. DO IT.
[re=552478]Escape Goat Nation[/re]:
Dear ESPN,
I’m absolutely Angered) that Hussein Obama has chosen the RADICAL TIGER WOODS
to the position of Supreme Court Justice!!!!
Just because the RADICAL TIGER WOODS is Black/Asian doesn’t mean that the RADICAL TIGER WOODS is qualified for the position of Supreme Court Justice!!!!!.
Every single God Fearing/Gun Worshiping American should be absolutely Terrified over this choice !!!!!
We will not sit back and watch Hussein Obama Undermine the Constitution and Spit in the face of our Founding Fathers !!!!!
We will not allow Hussein Obama turn us into Marxists!!!!!
This is why I oppose this choice TIGER WOODS!
PLUS HE ONLY BANGS WHITE CHICKS!!!
[re=552468]Jumping Jim[/re]: George Takei?
Rick Warren, right?
[re=552468]Jumping Jim[/re]: George Takei? Oh my!
[re=552401]evan7257[/re]: Anita Hill would be brilliant. That would pretty much guarantee that Thomas would retire within the year, thus opening up another seat that could be filled by that smart asian guy that everyone seems to have a crush on.
David O. Carter, for his bitch-slapping of Orly Taintz’ silly lawsuit. Besides, it would look like he was being rewarded for protecting Obama, which would set her off again. More entertainment that way, see?
[re=552468]Jumping Jim[/re]: This one: Gay Asian Male
DAVID LAT!!!
David Boies. Because Kathleen Harris is forever. Or something.
Why has no one on this esteemed list mentioned Judith Schindler (i.e., Judge Judy)? She’s tan, rested and ready!
In all seriousness, it will probably be Judge Higginbotham of the 3rd Circuit (assuming he’s still alive — I think he’s emeritus).
[re=552436]Larry Fine[/re]: You’re NOT fooling anyone Feinberg, I know you Anglicized your name.
Signed,
Moses Harold Horwitz
I think it’s a requirement that they have previous experience as a judge, so I think the obvious answer has to be Perez Hilton or Paula Abdul.
[re=552410]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: yeah! Cuz the Phil Zone is on the left!
He should appoint himself, just so every time Alito mouths off he can say, “That’s not true,” and everybody would laugh. Plus that would make Joe Fucking Biden prez, and no network would ever bitch about carrying presidential press conferences again.
Seeing as how Corporations are now people in every way. How about Exxon Mobile!
Don’t eliminate the possibility of Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm. Last time around she was vetted and on the short list. Pluses: She has real life experience, which is important to Obama, and is a lady. Drawbacks: She was born in Canada so therefore she obviously has to be a socialist, and she single handedly killed the auto industry.
Diana Ross.
[re=552540]GOPCrusher[/re]: On the right track but I think this is a role that was made for Simon Cowell.
[re=552528]bureaucrap[/re]: Leon Higginbotham is deceased. But a similar status hasn’t stopped Clarence Thomas from remaining on the bench.
[re=552498]Whiskeybaby[/re]: It’s disappointing that he didn’t find a new gay justice to fill the gay robes Souter left behind.
Sarah Palin is unemployed.
But seriously, I’d go with Jello Biafra.
Nina Totenberg. She could narrate back all the arguments during deliberations, and when Scalia or Kennedy can’t make it in on any given day, she can just outright BE them.
The GOP announced before Steven’s retirement they would filibuster whoever the nominee was. Since it’ll be the next major rightwing NO how about Bill Ayers?
Just for the shits & giggles.
Problem is they’re calling Stevens the most liberal Justice on the SCOTUS, but he clearly ain’t no Justice Douglas. They’re saying Barry will have to pick someone more conservative than a guy picked by Geraldo Ford. We iz fucked, no matter, no how unless the Prez picks Madame Lulu from the French Quarter and she lays the voodoo mojo on Roberts, Scalia, and Thomas.
[re=552494]sezme[/re]: Damn you.
We obviously need somebody with a rich history of unrelated sexual indiscretions to pour over in a committee hearing. My generation missed the whole “pubic hair on a Coke can thing” (?) last time around, so let’s do that again. For fun.
Thus: Tiger Woods.
Alternate: John Edward’s slutty videographer friend. She’s a woman and therefore qualified.
[re=552421]DemmeFatale[/re]: That would be Bill Ayers. I vote for Bill Ayers.
In the wake of Citizens United, perhaps he will look to our corporate citizens to fill this vacancy. Can anyone say Justice Google?
[re=552497]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: If loving you is Wong, I don’t wanna be white.
I think we’re all missing the obvious choice here.
Ronald Reagan for SCOTUS!
Justice Doctor Gonzo. He’s our only hope.
[re=552459]Pithaughn[/re]: not bad, I was thinking Janeane Garofalo
American Center for Law and Justice:
“President Obama is likely to name a nominee who will embrace an extremely liberal judicial philosophy.”
Judicial Crisis Network:
“President Obama painted Justice Sotomayor as the epitome of moderation, but her record on the court has been anything but.”
Concerned Women for America:
“Last time, even his own nominee, Justice Sotomayor, rejected the President’s idea of the role of a judge, even though her own record lined right up with the President’s radical view. That is how radical the President’s view is in this area.”
Townhall.com:
” I suspect that Obama longs to find a lefty jurist equipped to match the rapier intellect of Antonin Scalia (good luck!) — and someone in whom he sees reflected his own self-image as an “intellectual.”"
Whoever the nominee is just be prepared to hear something innocuous he/she said 30 years ago, like “Salad is good”, be repeated ad nauseum by the Republicans for three months straight as their rational for why he/she should not be confirmed.
[re=552720]Cape Clod[/re]: Radical vegetarian activist. Hates farmers, humanity.
The new appointee will be the secret love child of Antonin Scalia, whom he has groomed to sound like a liberal but is actually a winger Trojan Horse aimed at the heart of what is left of a once-respected institution.
And when I turn on the teevee, I no longer care about the flickering picture because my pretend boyfriend isn’t on it. My Davy would never interview Ben Stein about SCOTUS unless to make fun of him. And get fired again.
[re=552716]chascates[/re]:
Beck :
—- Obama will find] a gay, handicapped black woman, who’s an immigrant. …
She could be the devil!! She could say, ‘I hate America. I want to destroy America!’?’ —
http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201004090022
*****
Oh, Glenn. Why are you trying to turn my pretty little head?
The Right Reverend, Jeremiah Wright.
Erwin Chemerinsky
Al Franken.
I want a brotha on the court, preferably Jeremiah Wright.
Major Garrett.
[re=552435]Hello Sunshine[/re]: Yes. Michelle Obama. Save her from Huffington Post’s “Style” page.
Or Miss Teen South Carolina. Her “opinions” could go straight to The Daily Show.
Sir Thomas Lipton
Judge Joe Brown? He’s so sensible!!
[re=552720]Cape Clod[/re]: I nominate Bono. According to your thesis, this will mean months of Republicans performing karaoke versions of U2.
Ellen DeGeneres, now that she has judicial experience. On the other hand, Paula Abdul needs a job.
The right-reverend Al Sharpton would shake that muthafucker up!
Mr. Obama in the court judicial oh no this is not possible in the Politics thanks for shearing me.
2nd Vote for Al Franken!
Cornel West!
Probably wouldn’t get confirmed, but it would be interesting to watch Cornel West in the confirmation hearings.
Rachel Maddow!
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