Here is a new “Sexytime PSA” from Bristol Palin, asking, what if I wasn’t so rich and spoiled and generally speaking better than you? Would I want a baby, no, because I couldn’t even afford furniture, and this is what life must be like for the rest of you. In other words, PAUSE BEFORE YOU PLAY. And then… have massive unprotected sex and get an abortion down the street, for fun. [YouTube]
Bristol Palin Wants You To Have An Abortion
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What if you blow me?
So does Ms. Palin consider oddly-named baby to be a mistake?
Pause just long enough to get the rubber on your thang.
it wouldn’t be in a room that clean, either. so the well-to-do famous white girl who gets to have her cake and eat it too is going to teach what to whom?
Is that Candie’s like the shoes?
BTW, how’s that gummint-run health care workin’ for ya, Trip/Track/Trig/whatever?
What if I become a political liability?
Candie’s Foundation wants you to know that babies are terrible life-destroying poverty-monster things. And, therefore, abstinence?
[re=550852]Mr Blifil[/re]: Oh, but one swallow does not make a spring!
When did whores start thinking they were supposed to talk?
Has Michele B. hit on poor little Bristol yet?
From John Hudson’s AtlanticWire blog:
—- [At the April 7 rally] Bachmann introduced Palin saying, “As absolutely drop-dead gorgeous as Sarah Palin is on the outside, she’s 20 times more beautiful on the inside.” —
‘Low hanging’, as is said in the biz.
Needs moar meth-mouth.
I had a dream that no one else could see
You gave me love for free
Candy, Candy, Candy I can’t let you go
All my life you’re haunting me
To be fair, it looks like this Candie’s Foundation supports sex education that includes a contraceptive component (besides abstinence) and abhors abstinence-only programs.
To be critical, they couldn’t have found a worse spokesperson.
can i haz smutty lezbo bondage meghan/bristol pornz now?
[re=550868]S.Luggo[/re]: Bachmann is probably just speculumating.
“What if I didn’t have a tramp stamp and a psycho for a mom?”
Planned Parenthood…before you play.
Sucks that Caribou Barbie has young Brillo under house arrest because its the only way to keep her from getting knocked up.
I wish her grandmother had had an abortion.
El Pinche, since when are you doing PSA’s?
http://www.vimeo.com/10476892
Yeah, I’ll bet LJ had his Wasilla-wigger ass paws all over you bitch.
[re=550872]SmutBoffin[/re]: Have you looked at the Candie’s Web site?
The close-up, lingering shots of young Britney’s tits and ass? Pause and then go for it, maybe.
I don’t think hypocritical begins to touch what the Candie’s Foundation is.
…”Pause before you Play”? Does anyone else sense the irony in that phrase; coming from someone whose mother has a porno named after her?
Is she reading off a teleprompter? Isn’t that what communist secret muslins do?
[re=550858]marley[/re]: Is that Candie’s like the shoes?
Yes, I think it is. As in the “knock me down and fuck me” kinda shoes. At least the Candies my GF used to wear.
And where does that cheap bimbo get the scratch for nice apartment like that? Didja see those hardwood floors? Sweet. My floors are cheap particle board under the crappy vinyl. I know this because the vinyl is peeling up and cracking apart.
I thought the young-lady-spawn of Republican Christ-lovers were only into oral and anal action because it’s only sex if you let a dick inside your vadge. Now I’m all confused.
The hairstyle is screaming, “Fuck me!”
I’d hit it.
Kidding! I’d hit it after carefully putting on a condom.
[re=550891]hiphophitler[/re]: Parthenogenesis?
What if I didn’t have (all this great shit I’ve got)?
Unprotected sex: It’s not for poor folks!
“Pause Before you Pay” would be an equally good slogan for the Hooker Foundation.
OMFG…. Bristol Palin just woke up in Hell. I finally feel sorry for her.
…in that last clip shouldn’t she be in a filthy trailer, wearing a waitress outfit with a black eye, while her baby is running around in the background barefoot with nothing on but a pamper and thin layer of sweat and dirt?
[re=550885]Katydid[/re]: Wow, I didn’t actually know what “Candie’s” was. Hypersexualized clothing line for the kinder, huh? Sounds about right they’d need good PR in the form of a sex-ed org.
That just makes me hate her. Nice attempt to reach out to the underprivileged. I’m so sure that kids in the South Bronx will feel the love.
[re=550890]Autoo[/re]: I know what you mean. That post-baby apartment looks five times bigger than the studio I used to inhabit; has far more furniture and much nicer walls, windows, and floors; and presumably doesn’t have crack addicts crawling around the common areas.
[re=550864]Zorg[/re]: C’mon, it’s Fapril already!
[re=550903]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: OMG ABG!
I hear it is more difficult to get pregnant if you swallow.
[re=550896]Katydid[/re]: re: Candies site.
Oh, I get it. Brittany and Bristol each had two kids via white trash.
Hey, if my illiterate mom could score six figure book deals, then goddamn it, I’d want my round of fame and cash too.
[re=550875]cheeto_jeebus[/re]: See, now THAT’S an image I can, um, finish off the day with. Much better than the Creepy Gandalfs in their robes with their dangies hangin’ out.
Megs is the domme, right? Fapfapfap…
I know a guy who’s tough but sweet
He’s so fine, he can’t be beat
He’s got everything that I desire
Sets the summer sun on fire
I want candy, I want candy
Go to see him when the sun goes down
Ain’t no finer boy in town
You’re my guy, just what the doctor ordered
So sweet, you make my mouth water
I want candy, I want candy
Candy on the beach, there’s nothing better
But I like candy when it’s wrapped in a sweater
Some day soon I’ll make you mine,
Then I’ll have candy all the time
I want candy, I want candy
I want candy, I want candy..
Bow Wow Wow – don’t get much better
Man, there is just something about those dead eyes, that flat affect struggling to camouflage the naturally petulant adolescent tone of voice.. All indicators of vast untapped reserves of NOTHING inside.. Just makes me want to pause all over that ass..
[re=550910]Mr Blifil[/re]: …just making my bi-monthly cameo.
Babies hate our Freedom and we must kill them.
[re=550919]Lono65[/re]: yeah, she’s a bit more…not sure of the word? something like authoritative… Helga-she-wolfish?
I really wanted a pair of candies when I was in the 8th grade. Think Olivia Newton-John singing “You’re the One that I Want” in Grease.
But no, my mother would not buy them for me. She said they made girls look like tarts. Perhaps she was concerned I would get knocked up or horrible blisters. Clearly, Candies feels guilty that their shoes have led to so many teen pregnancies that they created an entire foundation. Their mistake was in hiring Bristol.
[re=550894]Ken Layne[/re]: That’s where me and you differ. I’d pause… Pause all over her tits! Hey-ho!
[re=550905]SmutBoffin[/re]: Also, I don’t think they have a pregnancy line of clothing, so it’s in their interests to keep their customers unpregnant.
Candie’s Shoes and ‘Bortion Clinic, Featuring Sensible Pumps and Vaginal Dumps, how may I help you?
[re=550924]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Hooray!
As for Candies, the cover of the 1978 album Parallel Lines is a pretty good primer.
http://fortyfivepesos.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/blondie_-_parallel_lines.jpg
Yep, that brand has come a Long Way Down from Debbie Harry to Bristol farkin’ Palin. Then again, that was 32 years ago ….
She looks JUST enough like her mom to make her very, very backhandedbitchslappable.
Wait–is that A-Rod’s baby?
[re=550934]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: lemme correct that– that’s “Fuck-Me Pumps and Vaginal Dumps”, as Candie’s were the type of shoes women wore w/red satin pants w/proudly displayed cameltoe back in the day..
I would totally pause for some of that Brat Palin action. I mean totally. She defines me. She completes me. She makes my pants want to get up and dance. Sorry honey I didn’t bring one. You can’t get pregnant if I’m thinking about Jesus. Honest.
[re=550889]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: She can read?
[re=550935]Ken Layne[/re]: …being employed has its ups and its downs; namely the inability to fling snark all day.
[re=550894]Ken Layne[/re]: Wear two. Put a flag over her face and fuck her for Old Glory!
Attention poors: you are too poor to fuck, because in my world, fucking always leads to babies, and if you think you know otherwise, that’s just liberal elitist lies you’ve been fed. Now go wax my car.
[re=550943]Wonderman[/re]: More Butt Secks!
[re=550903]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: not a waitress-they get tips, more like McD’s or Burger King, no tips there and only greasey food.
“What if I didn’t come from a famous family? What if I actually had any inclination to academics? What if my mother wasn’t a complete tool, and my father actually had any interest in his grandchild, and I didn’t have a shitload of siblings? What if my family were actual hard-working Americans instead of fame-hungry white trash? What if I were actually married to my baby daddy? What if I had to brains and the courage to make my own opportunities?
What if my baby grew up to be the President of the United States?
Believe me, it might have been pretty.”
[re=550906]Diamante[/re]: I bet the ones in Wasilla won’t listen either.
[re=550935]Ken Layne[/re]: Man, that woman knew how to dress. I prefer the cover of the “Rip her to shreds” single.
How’s that “single mother – I missed out on my youth” working out for ya? Also.
So the message is, the poorer you are, the uglier you are.
The “Candie’s Foundation” is the fashion industry equivalent of Philip Morris putting ads on air telling you not to smoke. Which makes Bristol Palin perfect, actually!
…also, if you are rich, does this ad mean you *should* bonk like crazy? Can we secretly hope for an epidemic of rich republicans popping out children and destroying the welfare mom stereotype forever?
Next up: Monique PSA where she warns against the dangers of obesity and Catholic priests admonish us all to restrain our rampant pedophilia.
What makes her think what she has now is pretty?
And then she went downtown and did the Lakers in alphabetical order.
[re=550923]FindFuckandFlee[/re]: She inspires me with violent sexual fantasies. But they all involves her mouth. Is that wrong?
Methinks this is ready for a Bill O’Reilly Talking Points Memo and a citation of these comments as the brutal and irrational and downright disgusting noise from a “far left blog.”
And one of his blonde bimbos will say something to the effect that Bristol is taking responsibility for her actions – a real Tea Partier. Perhaps his “body language” specialist will get a check to come on the show and “analyze” Bristol’s performance, and then Bernie will talk about how it went viral on Wonkette. Nobody, however, will offer the kind of scintillating understanding of what a sad case Bristol Palin has made for NOT HAVING SEX.
[re=550974]MISTAHCOUGHDROP[/re]: … I meant to say “…scintillating analysis Wonketeers have offered of what a sad case Bristol Palin has made for NOT HAVING SEX.”
[re=550884]Radiotherapy[/re]: Haha, I could have done so much more with that one.
[re=550894]Ken Layne[/re]:
I’d hit it while baby Brisket watches.
[re=550894]Ken Layne[/re]: Just one? I admire your bravery, and those sores around her lips do seem to be clearing up.
The sooner that baby becomes an altar boy at the Vatican, the sooner his education will begin . . . .
The Palin girls are like the village bicycle: everyone gets a ride.
http://candiesfoundation.org/events.html
Brstol Palin is hanging with crowd much different from mother Palin.
Aren’t we all overlooking the obvious fact? It’s been staring y’all in the face for years. If Levi had fucked me instead of Bristol, there’d be one less screaming baby in the world. And nobody would be the wiser, probably.
Sexual congress of the homosexual variety is a sure-fire way to prevent unwanted pregnancies, is my point. D’uh.
[re=550885]Katydid[/re]: The website for the foundation says the following:
“The overarching message of our campaigns is ‘Pause Before You Play’: pause to think about your future; pause to think about consequences; pause to evaluate your relationship; pause to delay sex; pause to get a condom; pause to ask ‘why now?’”
I know it’s shocking – simply shocking – that Sarah Palin wouldn’t research this group or even read their website before letting Bristol go pimp the baby (again), but it does appear snowslut jr. is endorsing using condoms – not abstinence!
I love the “Before RNC Repossession” and “After RNC Repossession” scenes.
Pause before you plunge.
Good advice, men.
She secretly blames Jeebus for not making her a lesbian.
Forget it Bristol, all the pausing in the world ain’t getting back your pristine uterus.
Plus the kid is already writing a book about his effed up mama.
This one just makes me sad. When it got to the final meth-mouth edit, and then showed the apartment of the “single mother”, I was no longer able to think of Bristol or Palin or snark or buttsecks. I was just sad.
She is such an unrepresentative sample of the “target audience” — those who are actually struggling single mothers — (which I suppose was the point, but wtf?) that I can feel nothing but sadness for all the mothers (my sister included) who do not have the luxury to make a fucking PSA about their travails. Am I a stupid libtard? Am I doing it wrong?
Makes me sick, that this is where abstinence-only bullshit has led.
Also.
[re=550990]southern mark smith[/re]: Granted, of course, that my sister’s case was one of unexpected divorce, and not of teenage rompery, but that only reinforces the degree to which this ad misplaces and misidentifies the problem.
Ok pause>play>fast forward>slow mo>eject>reinisert>rewind>play>or is it pause again then play? I don’t get the pause part.
Mom goes into politics. Mom tells kids to love Jesus. Mom ignores kids. Kids have much sexytime. Kids do shitty in school. Kids get knocked up. Mom tells kids to love Jesus. Mom leaves politics. That’s all I have to say about that.
Famous family? ….. Pause …..
[re=550977]El Pinche[/re]: As Kill Bill mirrored A Fistful of Dollars in style and substance, so to does your Walnuts mock up remind me of this POS PSA. Especially, the overall disconcerting effect and the music. The only difference is that yours had a sense of humor.
[re=550984]Redhead[/re]:
that Sarah Palin wouldn’t research this group or even read their website before letting Bristol go pimp the baby (again)
Abstinence, BJ’s, Trojans, Family Values, buttsecks…cualquier..The snowgrifters only care about one thing….$$$$$$
[re=550972]scooterKPFT[/re]: It’s OK. She paused to think about it on the down way there, in the limo.
Come all you pretty women
with your hair hanging down
Open up your windows ’cause
the Candies girl’s in town
Look out, Look out, the Candies girl
Here she come
and she’s gone again
Pretty baby ain’t
got no friend
till the Candies girl
come round again
I tried this once, if I pause before play, all I get is this weird government message telling me not to steal something.
What if the hypothetical scene you describe wasn’t reality all over the country? What if you didn’t have to walk very far down a city street or through a rural area to encounter the very thing you describe? What if most people know someone in that state and don’t have to imagine it?
[re=550954]AxmxZ[/re]: I dig your vibe.
Bristol, dear child: Drop the bullshit and slowly back away. No one has to get hurt. Just back up and disappear.
[re=551006]Sharkey[/re]:
I had a hard run, runnin from her window
was all night runnin (the clap) I wonder if you care
I had to move ooove
really had to moo oo oove
That’s why if you please
I am on my bended knees
Bristol don’t ya come around here
anymore
[re=550954]AxmxZ[/re]: Me too.
[re=551009]PsycGirl[/re]: Classic!
[re=551013]scooterKPFT[/re]: What you wrote is not my fault. No, just make it go away.
Condoms have a 97% fail rate. I read this on some internet website, along with articles about women not ever cutting their hair — EVAR! — and menfolk being automatically superior (God has a peen!) and so forth.
Love how she started in pearls and a Chanel jacket like that’s what she wore in Wasilla! And the mangy ponytail, painted on bags under her eyes, and chapped lips just screamed “I’m on WIC.”
I actually commend Candie’s for the “pause before your play” campaign. If it keeps one dumbass thinking of putting on a rubber before doing the nasty, good on them. And I love how Bristol brags about her “opportunities.” All of which, for her and her babydaddy, came about by getting pregnant.
[re=550885]Katydid[/re]: This whole business reminds me of Al Pacino’s speech in Devil’s Advocate: “Look but don’t touch; touch but don’t taste; taste but don’t swallow.”
[re=550894]Ken Layne[/re]: [re=550984]Redhead[/re]: Bristol advertising condoms! Never! Bristol knows that only Sinful Godless WHORES want to use condoms… True Christians like her and her brother Track take it bareback in every hole…
[re=550982]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: The death-mask-guy in the middle of the “2009″ picture, that’s Neil Cole, right? He’s hot.
Well maybe I want Brystal (Brhistol?) Palin to have an abortion. Did anyone think about my needs here?
[re=551019]marciax3[/re]: …“opportunities.” All of which, for her and her babydaddy, came about by getting pregnant.
Let’s not forget Momma Palin?!
Imagine, just imagine if you were poor and had a baby…total bummer. Bristol’s still cute; looks even cuter in her ‘poor’ clothes.
“the candie’s Fundashin” helpt mee fini’sh mi Edukashin!!!! “Thanx” the candie’s!!LOL!! Now i hav so much Opoortunitty’s!!!
“What if I didn’t have…”
Then my hair would become progressively messier? That’s the lesson my teenage self would have learned from this PSA…
…then again, I grew up in a broke household. Had my family been rich, the message I might have gotten from this PSA is that money solves every problem.
[re=551019]marciax3[/re]: and hey, candies must know all too well that in this economy, chicks can’t get whore shoes if they gotta buy baby shoes. Unless they have their own consulting firm and shit.
needs a stripper pole.
[re=550966]Mad Brahms[/re]: You got it.
[re=550934]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Excellent.
To be fair, this is completely consistent with her mother’s “I don’t want my hard earned money paying for your shame” healthcare platform
[re=550866]assistant/atlas[/re]: Is there some reason they, like everyone else, shouldn’t?
[re=550866]assistant/atlas[/re]: PS – It might be helpful for you to define “whore.”
[re=550922]Mull_Man[/re]:
FTR- I had an Annabella Lwin mohawk back in the day. You love me now, don’t you?
[re=550991]southern mark smith[/re]: The whole premise is fucked, so to speak, from the get-go. That’s the inherent condescension of it all. Fuck all of these media-whore trash forever, amen.
[re=551011]Scoops McGee[/re]: She can’t. She never will. She’s in the soup. She’s lost.
Wait.. so it’s not pretty to wear hardly any make-up, dress in a t-shirt and jeans, and live in a cute apartment with delightful hard-wood floors? That’s me!
Beeotch.
Now, what does any of Bristol’s slutty antics have to do with today’s Shoe-bomber over Denver? – is the bomber on his way to Bristol’s arms?
Is this a PSA or a David Vitter fantasy clip?
[re=551058]Bearbloke[/re]: I think I used to work with that guy. Always trying to detonate his shoes for larfs, haha! He always said he was just trying to provide an example of how people are not supposed to behave.
[re=551052]MsNicky[/re]: Genau, and good luck.
Can greatly sympathize. I had an Abortion. Not as good as a Fuzzy Navel, a Cuba Libre or a Harvey Wallbanger … or flaming shots of Triple Sec and Courvoisier
sucked from the dimpled backside of a Blackwater security guard in Kabul. But, heck, that was Anchorage back in the day. The teen prosties had to report back to mom before she gave the local station’s weather report. Yet, since then, how has this country gone so wrong?
Okay. I know. Banned. Bite me.
What if you knew how to do the Bristol stomp?
[re=550997]Radiotherapy[/re]: thx! In fact, I was thinking Italian horror with the likes of Fulci with the slow zooms.
And Inglorious Basterds is a mirror of a spaghetti western…a wierd amalgamation of two distinct genres. QT is a film freak.
[re=551067]Al Keiderman[/re]: Felony.
Pause before you Play and get out that Condom! — great advice.
Wait, what?
Pause Before You Play would be a great abstinence slogan for, say, upper-class Victorian ladies. It’s probably just trashily forward for such an audience, but it’s racy enough to grab the young things’ attention and it definitely gets the message across. A little shock gets the attention every now and then.
It’s just unfortunate that its audience is modern American teenagers. Here’s how it should really go down (as it were):
Bristol [talking to a friend on the phone]: Sure, I can go out — let me tell Mom. [Baby shrieking] Oh, shit — wait a minute.
Sarah Palin [from hallway]: Bristol, your darling little angel is cutting another tooth, and if this godforsaken screaming keeps up there’s a crate in the garage I’m thinking about. And then the baby’s going in the basement.
Bristol: Mom, Katie and Angie are getting together at Friendly’s for a –
Sarah Palin [appearing at door -- shrieking gets louder]: If you so much as think about leaving this house, young lady, I will be dragging that little monster through town looking for you and drop it in your booth at Friendly’s or at Angie’s house while you and those whores are getting stoned in the basement.
Bristol [looking at camera]: Girls — make him put a condom on before he sticks his dick in you. Listen, I’m not fucking kidding — Make him put a condom on before he sticks his dick in you. Make him roll it all the way down to the base. If he bitches about it, tell him to leave. Tell him he better damn well not use the cheap kind either. [Shriek intensifies] Remember — make him put a fucking condom on before he fucking sticks his dick in you! Candie’s!
[re=551061]EdFlinstone[/re]: You know Vitter’s totally beating off to this…the young girl, the diapers….too…much…to…handle….
[re=551105]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You’ve got the account, Mr. Draper.
[re=551105]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Can I get that stitched on a pillow somewhere? The t-shirts are already on order. Brilliant.
Ah, I see, Bristol, that you’ve completed the first of many steps Mamma Palin is requiring of you to allow you out of the house.
I liked the curtains in semi-empty shot best.
Well I’m convinced, I want to have unprotected sex with Bristol. That’s the point, right?
What if I couldn’t form a political consulting firm out of thin air with a guaranteed high-paying clientele?
Good job on the Candie’s Foundation (yes, that’s the same company as the shoe) for choosing Teen Pregnancy Prevention Fail Bristol as their spokesperson. Why do I think of Bob Uecker?
I found this really moving — clearly, the worst part about being poor is no one to do your hair and makeup.
And it must be said: Bristol, my dear, it wasn’t pretty in the first place.
When will teh poorz ever learn?
[re=551105]SayItWithWookies[/re]: WIN.
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