Do you live on Earth? Then you may soon be the Victim of an Earthquake! Experts say they have never seen so many goddamned earthquakes in what, three months? Does the world hate us? Just for killing all the creatures and building strip malls everywhere and digging up all the mountains to make the components for iPads?
Today’s 7.8-magnitude quake struck the famous Indonesian province of Aceh — famous for being destroyed in the December 2004 quake/tsunami. It closely follows the 7.2 Baja California quake that hit the southwestern edge of the Los Angeles-San Diego megalopolis and a whole crazy list of monster temblors including the 8.8 in Chile on February 27, the 6.5 and 6.0 in Eureka California on January 9 and February 4, and the devastating Haitian quake of January 12, which killed at least a quarter-million people. What’s next?
Devastating spring fires in the United States, because it is hot as hell already! Get Al Gore out of Jim Inhhofe’s snow cave and tell him the news!
Here’s the story for the mid Atlantic, and especially Philadelphia and New York City where it’s already near 90 degrees and shit’s gonna go up in flames:
After one of the warmest Marches on record, April is coming on like June. Temperatures today are expected to flirt with 90, making this apparently the warmest start to an April in Philadelphia history.
Concerned about “critical fire weather conditions,” the National Weather Service has issued a “red flag warning” for eastern Pennsylvania and all of New Jersey, except for a few northeastern counties. Delaware and Maryland are under a less serious “fire weather watch.”
Tuesday’s official high, 87 at Philadelphia International Airport, tied a record set in 1929 and matched in 1942. It was also the hottest day since Aug. 26.
Ha ha, but it snowed in February! And, being a nation of proudly malicious retards, we were all so sure Weather Volatility — a well-known consequence of climate change — meant, uh, there was no such thing as climate change. Win! [Philadelphia Inquirer/Xinhua/2010 Quake List]
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I guess god found not one righteous man in those places. Or was it he found one homosexual person ithere?
earthquakes: it’s all the obese teabaggers lumbering around at mother earth’s tectonic oscillation frequency (what’s the frequency, kenneth?).
hot weather: fuck, i dunno, maybe finally all hell’s breaking loose.
must upgrade to premium model of tin foil hat. Now.
This planet is so fucked. But that’s OK. It only has to last another 40 years or so and then I’ll be dead so who cares.
At least the retards tend to live where it is truly miserable when it gets even hotter than normal. I’ll be laughing at them from my water-cooled bunker near the Canadian border.
The devils are tunneling out of the Vatican (out of shame)!
Really, seriously. Just not necessary to give churchy people rapture/armageddon/apocalyptic ammunition. Thanks, but stop. They’re just natural events, and we should CONTINUE to treat them as such.
except for tornadoes… those are the finger of god, playing marbles with redneck chateaus.
In before the wingnut punditocracy, who claimed that a pretty cold winter meant global warming was conclusively false, says that just because it got real hot that one time doesn’t mean that there’s global warming
And hey, hurricane season just around the corner!
The April heat has brought out a lot of miniskirts and shorts much earlier than usual, so I’m not complaining for now; it is, however, more than a bit disconcerting.
Global warming is junk science. Do you think six thousand years ago when God, on a whim, created humans and dinosaurs to walk the Earth together, he fucked up on the HVAC system?
Meh, I remember living in Hoboken a long while back and Easter Sunday was fucking broiling. I think climate change is important, and yeah we should murder any Chinese person who uses electricity derived from the burning of coal, but for now SHOW YR TITZ.
We have a perfect tool for convincing all the fundies that it really is the end of days, and that they all need to get themselves immediately to Mt. Everest or Abilene or Salt Lake City or whatever gathering point they’re supposed to go to in order to be picked up by spaceship Jesus — As long as they’re not in DC, clogging up the subways, I’ll be happy.
I’d like an earthquake to hit the Minneapolis Convention Center today. Hall D, specifically.
Hey, at least in this weather we don’t have to contend with baffled drivers going five miles per hour, hitting trees, cars and random objects and generally behaving as though they’ve never seen heat before. Until it rains, that is.
Coem the rapture…can I have Trig?
Allright, Indonesia, the assfucking stops, here and now.
I blame gay marriage.
In my own particular corner of hell, we haven’t hit 80F yet this year. Apparently, weather hates convertibles.
Just untuck your t-shirt if you’re hot, dum libruls.
Two years after Hurricane ‘Ike Carrumba!’ only half the steeples in Houston have been resurrected.
Indonesia 7.8
Baja 7.2
Chile 8.8
California 6.0 & 6.5
Haiti so poor they don’t get a number
[re=550345]bureaucrap[/re]: The Rapture will be occurring somewhere in the Nevada or Utah desert; and no one will be taken to heaven unless they prove their faith by walking there and not bringing any water.
I guess that blowtard Hannity will finally acknowledge climate change when he hails the current state of Wallstreet as the Obama Bull Market. Oh, ok, never.
“Give me back my broken night
my mirrored room, my secret life
it’s lonely here,
there’s no one left to torture
Give me absolute control
over every living soul
And lie beside me, baby,
that’s an order! ”
You made my day with the alt-text, Ken.
With all these quakes kicking up, it seems only right and proper that the New Madrid fault will start its long-anticipated shimmying any day now. Because of alcoholic she-devil nutcase Ophelia Ford, is all.
Mother Gaia is just trying to flick us off her hide.
[re=550356]Jim89048[/re]: Hit 80 a couple of days ago. Today it is snowing again. 80222.
It’s the tide. The dismal tide. It’s not the one thing.
[re=550343]Troubledog[/re]: Dinosaurs were neither in the Bible nor the Constitution. Like Jurassic Carl Everett said, “God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can’t say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex.”
That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane – Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn – world serves its own needs, regardless of your own needs. Feed it up a knock, speed, grunt no, strength no. Ladder structure clatter with fear of height, down height. Wire in a fire, represent the seven games in a government for hire and a combat site. Left her, wasn’t coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered crop. Look at that low plane! Fine then. Uh oh, overflow, population, common group, but it’ll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and the reverent in the right – right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.
At least I’ll actually be able to drive around here, after all those goody two-shoes types are raptured away.
Plus, moving into a swank ex-fundie McMansion should be sweet.
and all the lousy little poets
coming round
trying to sound like Charles Manson…
give me crack
and anal sex
Its my fault, I didn’t give anything up for Lent that I had already gave up.
I heard Massey Mining’s Don Blankenship say something today along the lines of “If you think anyone cares more about mine safety than I do, then you probably believe global warming exists.” Really, the Rapture can’t come soon enough for these people.
[re=550344]Mr Blifil[/re]: That hot easter, that happened because Easter is a “movable feast,” and can happen pretty much any time of year, according to some lunar-month, equinoctial, Julian calender alchemical calculation.
[re=550371]honkyman[/re]: I root for the Dismal Tide every year. They beat Alabama, didn’t they?
See, it’s Obama’s fault. He should not have postponed that trip there. He’s the One, and the Earth-gods know it.
[re=550333]Chickensmack[/re]: But ‘natural events’ do not sell blogs! Or newspapers. Or whatever.
[re=550355]8-Man[/re]: always a safe bet. That or the little perverts who have been seducing poor, innocent priests. God is pissed at them and we all have to suffer.
I dunno, Quake II was pretty fun.
At least I’ll be able to watch the impending Apocalypse on my iPad! Woo hoo!
And another sign of the apocalypse: Staff members for Sen. Richard C. Shelby (Ala.), the ranking Republican on the Senate banking committee, sent a proposal to their Democratic counterparts last week that would create an independent consumer financial protection agency, according to sources familiar with the negotiations.
We’re talking Biblical.
Do WE live on earth? SHouldn’t you be asking Jim Imhofe? The picture’s a nice response to his kind, by the way, ’cause they love to say that climate change is “Bosch!” (Or they would if they were oldfashion Brits, plus couldn’t spell.)
[re=550340]JMP[/re]: Depending on who’s wearing the shorts, the effect can be disconcerting or just disgusting. With mini-skirts, we’re usually on safer ground, though in Wisconsin we can never be sure.
[re=550420]Prommie[/re]:
The rivers will run with blood! Frogs shall drop like rain from the skies and Ryan Seacrest will admit he’s a douchebag!
[re=550420]Prommie[/re]: Nah, Shelby and Dodd always work together and support each other’s bills. I don’t know what they have on each other, but it must be juicy.
@getoffmylawn: Actually, I remember seeing a college paper proving that tinfoil hats specifically *increase* the wearer’s susceptibility to 1.2 GHz and 2.4 GHz waves — those of GPS satellites and cell phones respectively (the most commonly believed devices used to beam thoughts into your head).
And oh, yeah, speaking of weather volatility, Colorado State hurricane prediction teams say that we are looking at getting extra-boned this year. Yay!
[re=550374]JMP[/re]: And I feel fine.
Also, too, is anyone else worried the world may “tip over?”
I’ll really be scared when they cancel my earthquake insurance.
Laugh, you libtards, laugh.
http://www.showme.net/~fkeller/quake/lib/allstate.htm
[re=550344]Mr Blifil[/re]: Mr. Blifil sir, not to be disrespectful, but you do know that the date of the easter bunny’s arrival can vary by umm about a month, depending on the temperature, I think.
Life imitating art, if by art you mean disaster movies.
Why is “fire weather watch” even a thing?
Plus,[re=550391]Prommie[/re]: It’s not that movable – always between March 22 and April 24, the Sunaday after the paschal full moon, which itself is determined by calculations understood by only a few – it was designed that way to always be in the same season, so you’re only talking a few weeks spread that really is early spring. On another note, the underwater Marsili volcano could erupt at any time and eat Southern Italy! For the last two thousand years, that is.
excellent alt-text. that’s an earworm i will enjoy.
[re=550435]slithytoves[/re]: Dopn’t let the Catholic Bishops fool you. Its not that tough. Its the first full moon after the vernal equinox.
Don’t forget earthquakes and volcanoes in Iceland…
Not to be a pedantic dick, but the earthquake hit the southeastern edge of the Los Angeles-San Diego Megalopolis. The southwestern edge is the Pacific Ocean, which has been behaving itself nicely and not causing trouble.
I was taking a nap at the time. Quake woke me up and the rest of the family was already outside the house. Women and children first and all that, I guess. Gave us a good rumble and my basketball set up out by the driveway was humming like a tuning fork. Earthsurfing is way cool, dude.
[re=550426]DisasterPorn[/re]: Oh Noes! Science!
Obviously, because of over population, the continents are beginning to capsize.
[re=550427]yrustoopid?[/re]: Well, according to many geologists there are signs that the Earth’s magnetic field is beginning a reversal; so in a sense the world might be flipping over right now. Note that this is a process that takes about a thousand years; it is not predicted to occur in 2012, and in fact does not happen at any one specific time; nor would it kill us all.
Obama was clearly premature in announcing that we would reduce our nuclear arsenal. We are going to need all those weapons to fight back against Earth. I say one more earthquake and we nuke the bastard.
[re=550354]WadISay[/re]: You know, Indonesia has more Muslins than any country on Earth.
Pat Robertson sez:
1. Haiti – voodo debbil worshippers
2. Chile – commie synthesizers and winos
3. Mexico – no habla Ingles
4. Indonesia – Muslins galore
[re=550326]WhatTheHeck[/re]: The story your referencing is a favorite of the Xtians because in the end God does smoke the sinners but those same Xtians always manage to gloss over the real teaching moment in the tail.
[re=550426]DisasterPorn[/re]: Nuttin but a bunch of dang scientists try’ins to get their names in the National Geographic if ya ask me…
[re=550458]steverino247[/re]: Women always come first in my house.
Also, Rhode Island was nearly ceded to the sea last week and it looks like we should expect more of that going into the future. I’d better start getting my bribes to Buddy Cianci in order…
Scientists say quake frequency is normal
its 2012 coming true.
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