talkin' smack

Whoa: Hamid Karzai Is a Heroin Addict?

Because when the smack begins to flow, I really don't care anymore, About all the Jim-Jim's in this town, And all the politicians makin' crazy sounds, And everybody puttin' everybody else down, And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds ....
Former UN envoy Peter Galbraith just said on MSNBC that Afghanistan’s weirdo president, Hamid Karzai, is a junkie. “He can be very emotional, act impulsively,” Galbraith said on the Andrea Mitchell show. “In fact, some of the palace insiders say that he has a certain fondness for some of Afghanistan’s most profitable exports.” Ha ha, you should’ve seen the look on Chuck Todd’s face. In fact, you can do that, by watching this video clip:


“Reports to that effect,” sure.

Remember when everybody loved Hamid Karzai nine years ago because … why did anyone love him? Because he wore a jaunty hat! This earned him a feature in the New York Times fashion section, if we recall correctly. And now he’s just another smack addict threatening to join the Taliban. ALL GROW’D UP, etc. [Clip via TPM]

UPDATE: Reading the comments, we are reminded that it’s always Necessary with these kinds of stories to remember the usual trajectory of America’s foreign strongmen, with poor old pockmarked Manuel Noriega being the most famous recent example of a U.S.-installed creep going from Washington Hero to Drug-Crazed Freak in the span of a few years. And yes, Peter Galbraith can be trusted about as much as Karzai.

But, considering America’s decade-long clusterfuck in Afghanistan — a place that has chewed up and shat out more Global Empires than any other land on the planet — it would be both poetic and expected if the sleazy little player we installed as president was a delusional smack addict.

Sponsored Video
Related

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

103 comments

  1. Terry

    “he has a certain fondness for some of Afghanistan’s most profitable exports”

    Could also be young jihadist men, too.

  2. honkyman

    DUDE! Yer killin, me, man! That’s the exact SAME SONG was going through my head. Oh, Shit, man. Can I join yer followers in the desert, dude????

  3. TRexstasy

    That is Peter Galbraith, the sleaziest US interest currently acting in the Middle East so I would take ANYTHING he says with, like, a pound of salt.

  4. Doglessliberal

    [re=549506]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: I was going to ask if there were an Interwebs prize for best Alt-Texter. Ken wins.

  5. slappypaddy

    the defenestration of diplomacy. nice tie and shirt combo, if you’re high enough to be groovin on the colors.

  6. smitallica

    The conversation you can’t hear in teh photo.

    “Obama, man, I’m SICK. I need my medicine. I’ll suck yo’ DICK!”

  7. Neilist

    You know, the last time This Great Country faced this problem — i.e., “our” dictator and his drug-pusher brother refused to “Get With The Program” — “President” Diem and his brother each took a couple of rounds in the head in the back of an APC behing the “Presidential Palace.”

    Since O’Bama seems hell bent on re-living the 1960s, how come he can’t get even this simple procedure correct?

    “Fighting soldiers, from the sky!
    These are men, who jump and die!
    Men who mean, just what they say,
    These are men, of the Green Beret!”

    Of course, given that the new Vol Army gives everyone a green beenie — even the homos — maybe the comparison doesn’t work . . . .

  8. JMP

    No wonder Karzai turned out to be a bust as President; and the media folks loved him; he’s really wanted to be a rock star all along, or at least live the lifestyle. He’s been dependent on the US backing for his whole career, but now the attention and highs have gotten to his head and he thinks he can succeed as a solo political artist; if Ozzie could do it, so can he.

  9. Johnny Zhivago

    Emotional and impulsive??? If he said he craved Bon-bons I’d say maybe he’s just a leader who’s not afraid to show his feminine side?

  10. Seanibus

    He has a taste for hand-woven carpets, gemstones, and lamb-related products? Man, that IS freaky.

  11. ManchuCandidate

    Or maybe the guy has the world’s biggest Afghan Rug collection? That used to be profitable.

  12. Fuck Toad

    Yeah, Peter Galbraith is lower than pond scum. An insult to his bad-ass old dead dad.

  13. freakishlystrong

    Well that could explain why he’s been talking so much smack! (Sorry, I’m hungover from teabaggin’ hillbilly anthems).

  14. Troubledog

    In other news, I’m happy to report some improvement regarding this fungal infection I have on my penis.

  15. Capitol Hillbilly

    Probably smokes a little O to take the edge off. Who wouldn’t in that shithole?


  16. Post author
    Ken Layne

    [re=549519]Neilist[/re]: I was thinking of Noriega, but yeah, same thing. Post updated.

  17. Norbert

    This is the kind of thing you have some flack say on the teevee when you want to pave the way to take somebody out in the very near future. I hear Karzai also ran up huge bills at sleazy S&M Kandahar nightclubs.

    [re=549525]rambone[/re]: the Pacino scene operative here is Michael Corleone to Rocco — “nothing happens to Fredo…while our mother’s still alive”

  18. honkyman

    Man, this kinda reminds me of when Gracie Slick and Frank Zappa got on the radio back in the day and made these commercials warning the kids “DON’T DO *SMACK*!” Like with that special emphasis on the “SMACK”, so like people would know they were cool with doing acid or mescaline or whatnot – just not SMACK. Or maybe it was “DON’T DO *SPEED*!” Anyhow, one or the other. But I mean, it’s like, what goes around, comes around, know what I mean, man? Or maybe it’s what comes around, goes around.

  19. trondant

    [re=549519]Neilist[/re]: It’s early days still. Who’s to say he won’t be found dead after ingesting twenty-six reds and a bottle of wine? Or falling off a roof on East 29 after sniffing glue?

    Kabul has an East 29th St., right?

  20. Dolmance

    It’s times like these I try to think about what John Kennedy would do. Or Bobby. They were so young when they were taken away from us. Gone too soon, gone too soon.

    Does anyone remember Ngo Diem of Vietnam? Well, that’s what they’d do. And I wouldn’t mind too much if Obama did the same thing now. Ugh.

  21. artbot2000

    Galbraith is sleazy why? Because he has ties to the Kurds that he earned back when he was “prematurely” anti-Saddam? If he says Karzai’s a junkie (and fair’s fair, he might just be smoking that good Afghani hash, which in his position I would totes do, a lot), then you should think maybe he’s saying that because it’s true. This is a guy we should have listened to earlier about Iraq, about East Timor, and about Bosnia. Not to be too serious with you fun-loving kids, but the time for diplomacy in Afghanistan was way, way in the past. Even Hollbrook-style diplomacy will have to await a time when we’re not blowing up innocents on a daily basis.

  22. SayItWithWookies

    Gee, he’s the ruler of a country with about a $3.89 operating budget, run internally by autonomous warlords, beset by the Taliban who are controlled by his neighbor’s intelligence service that’s ebroiled in its own internal strife, with about two million refugees, a huge force of internal security contractors hired by an occupying army who pretty much drive around armed to the teeth doing whatever they want, constantly harried by substistence farmers who scratch out a living on some of the most arid, infertile scrubland on the planet, bordered by a very nervous Iran, and only allowed what legitimacy he has by a collection of bickering tribes who picked him because he was sufficiently powerless — now what could possibly be causing Hamid Karzai to be acting erratically and emotionally? Must be the fuckin’ smack.

    Let’s clear one thing up right away: if Karzai is on the dope, he can certainly get as much as he needs. Most junkies act erratically only if/when their supply is interrupted, they’re trying to kick, the dosage changes (due to fluctuating quality/fillers) etc. etc. — someone with a regular supply of as much as they need isn’t going to be acting like one of the freaks in Trainspotting. I’m all up for crazy theories, but this one smells like bullshit character assassination to me.

  23. anonymousryan

    [re=549549]Dolmance[/re]: And Kennedy was racked with guilt because Ngo Dinh Diem was a fellow Catholic. Karzai is just a filthy Muslim!

  24. Neilist

    [re=549543]Ken Layne[/re]: Ken, I’m a bit older than you, and lived through the Great Unpleasantness In Southeast Asia. So that’s my reference. Also, I always felt a bit sorry for the way This Great Country turned on poor Manuel, after he helped us murder all those Commies in Central America . . . .FOR FREEDOM!

  25. Neilist

    [re=549548]trondant[/re]: It does now.

    /Snark off

    A very good/old friend of mine is on one of those PRTs, stationed about 150 klicks north of Kabul. She’s the only lawyer on a team of 40, about half of whom are shooters. Pray for her safety.

    /Snark on

    “Nail that slime to the paddy wall! Circle back and get the caribou!” Michael Herr, “Dispatches.”

  26. Way Cool Larry

    [re=549551]artbot2000[/re]: I say it’s the hash. Supposedly it’s 4 times more profitable than the opium anyway.

  27. Autoo

    Hmmph. If Karzai’s doing smack, then he’s just a dabbler. He’s presenting himself too well to be hard core. He dresses well (the jauntiness of the hat is undeniable), he clearly bathes regularly, he’s not drooling, missing most of his teeth or anything. He’s too well-fed-looking to be a dedicated junkie.

  28. chaste everywhere

    Has anyone signed Sir Ben Kingsley for the movie yet? (This is one of those actor-who-looks-like-some-other-famous-guy questions, not a suggestion that Sir Ben is on the h. or nothin’, his deal spose to be barely legal babes).

  29. predilectrix

    [re=549568]Autoo[/re]: But he’s looking grabby for the toast, which speaks of poor impulse control. I’m convinced.

    And is that Riff Raff the butler, from Rocky Horror, behind him?

  30. ElitistMarxist

    So it should be easy to get rid of him, just like the Gimp got it in Philly: You give him a Sani-Flush hot shot, put up a two-way whorehouse mirror, and charge a sawski to watch it…. (oh wait — can’t charge anymore, it’ll be on YouTube for free, then…)

  31. Crank Tango

    [re=549573]Buzz Feedback[/re]: or dr drew’s “celebrity” rehab. I wanna see karzai go toe-to-toe with jeff conaway.

  32. Dolmance

    [re=549557]anonymousryan[/re]: Actually, I’d feel better about giving him the old Kennedy treatnment if he was a Christian. Then I’d do the Hokie Pokie instead of just shrug.


  33. Post author
    Ken Layne

    [re=549568]Autoo[/re]: He wouldn’t be doing shitty New York or LA street H cut with baby laxative and rat poison, and he sure wouldn’t be jonesing because hey, Afghanistan! An opium addict can live a long, healthy life with a regular clean supply of opium.

  34. Prommie

    [re=549519]Neilist[/re]: Those whom the CIA is about to destroy, it first slanders. Something like that. When is Obama gonna nail Marilyn Monroe, thats when we know its just a little bit of history repeating.

  35. trondant

    [re=549561]Troubledog[/re]: Hahaha, nice stuff, especially the dancing. Clips like that are why I don’t miss acid.

    [re=549562]Neilist[/re]: Not the praying kind, but all the luck in the world to your friend.

  36. Oldskool

    Karsai can talk crazy now but how will he do against Tom Sizemore on Celebrity Rehab? Not well, I bet.

  37. ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=549582]Ken Layne[/re]: De Quincey died an old fart and sick too, but the sickness was from the alcohol in the pitcher of laudanum. A drunk and a junkie at once.

  38. DickTaterPeeNoShay

    [re=549553]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You’re right. Even Rush was able to be his usual charming self until he had to shake the lil’ white

  39. bjkeefe

    Why did Peter Galbraith change his name to David? Is this to throw off the drug lord’s murderous henchmen?

  40. JMP

    [re=549579]Crank Tango[/re]: Allan’s in perpetual rehab; G’Kar died of lung cancer, Dr. Franklin of a heart attack; Garibaldi’s a teabagger; and all but one of the rest have had little in the way of careers recently – the B5 cast has not fared very well, with the exception of Delenn on Lost (and she’s been killed by Widmore’s thugs).

  41. Beanball

    I seem to recall that LBJ yelled obscenities at people on the phone, Bush jr was an insulting clown, Reagan was off in space half the time, and Nixon was known to break down and blubber in front of presidential portraiture.

    They’re all crazy as bedbugs. Sort of a job requirement.

    But, yeah, this is a setup.

  42. Ducksworthy

    [re=549582]Ken Layne[/re]: I have to agree with you and sayitwithwookies. I have met many clean, upright, high-functioning junkies. Its the ones who start shooting high doses of talcum powder, quinine or ground up pills who end up looking like a hillbilly meth addict. But come to think of it, even seemingly healthy junkies in their 60′s or so don’t have any veins left, or at least none they can reach.

  43. Capitol Hillbilly

    [re=549582]Ken Layne[/re]: “An opium addict can live a long, healthy life with a regular clean supply of opium.”

    As did Chairman Mao and thousands of people in the US of A until it was made illegal in a fit of racist pique at the chinks.

    Not for nothing did Marx call religion the opiate of the masses … a satiated hophead raises no ruckus.


  44. Post author
    Ken Layne

    [re=549597]bjkeefe[/re]: Ha ha, whoops. SORRY DAVID! (I guess I was thinking of David Galbraith, a comrade, while typing goddamned Peter Galbraith’s name the second time.)

  45. slappypaddy

    [re=549561]Troubledog[/re]: that was well worth the price of admission. best drug i’ve taken all week (it’s only tuesday, but i have aspirations).

  46. SayItWithWookies

    [re=549603]Ducksworthy[/re]: Don’t forget that heroin became popular after the Harrison Narcotics Act of 1914 made opiates illegal — until then, most addicts used morphine orally. When drugs become illegal, their more concentrated forms tend to become more popular because they’re easier to conceal and transport. They also get more expensive, which makes the more concentrated option more expensive. And with heroin, the most efficient delivery system is IV — direct to the bloodstream. Someone with a ready supply of cheap opium wouldn’t need to do it intravenuously, cutting down on harm to the circulatory system as well as exposure to peripheral diseases like HIV and Hep C. Under those circumstances, a user’s expected lifespan should be pretty close to a non-user’s.

    PS Here is a great reference — the 1973 edition of Licit and Illicit Drugs published by the Consumers Union. There’s a later version, but it’s much slimmer and parrots the “Just Say No” ethos of its day, sadly. The ’73 ed. is excellent, though it misses drugs such as K, roofies and other latecomers. I can’t remember if it even mentions MDMA. Regardless, I highly recommend it.

  47. coolcatdaddy

    [re=549568]Autoo[/re]: Yes, you’re right. He doesn’t look like Sarah Palin’s family at all….

  48. Cape Clod

    I’ve been suspicious of Karzi since he got up at a state dinner and said, “We’re a bunch of wankers, and we’ve been conquered by wankers!!”

  49. Prommie

    [re=549638]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You read “Intoxication,” didn’t ya? Thats the premise, low potency drug use is a universal characteristic of human cultures, and is relatively benign, beer, wine, chewing coca leaves, opium. Prohibition forces technological switch to more easily hidden and transported high-potency forms, whiskey, cocaine, heroin, and the human being develops a completely different, much more damaging relationship with the hard stuff.

    I have witnessed it my own self, in the laboratory of the real world; back in the 70s, pot was cheap, plentiful, and weak, the schwaggiest schwag you ever saw, you could roll and roll and roll joints, it might take 2 whole joints to catch a buzz. But then in the 80s, massive Reagan-era crackdown, no more high volume imports from Mexico, Jamaica, and pot got so high tech and super-potent, I had to give it up. Young people, these days, they have no idea, it was sooooooooooooo much weaker back in the day, its a different creature entirely, now. Somebody I know told me all this, of course, I lack firsthand experience of anything illegal, ever.

  50. SayItWithWookies

    [re=549664]Prommie[/re]: I haven’t read that in particular, but I’ve seen the theory propounded in several places, as well as having had the misfortune of witnessing various types and levels of abuse. From my limited experience and research, though, I believe it applies.

  51. GOPCrusher

    At least the heroin he gets is pure. Hasn’t been stepped on a bunch of times, like that shit we get in America.

  52. sati demise

    [re=549707]GOPCrusher[/re]: And you can use the flowers as a centerpiece for your next dinner party. Although the stems have to be singed or something so they don’t droop.

  53. Mr Blifil

    Miles Davis and Coltrane were both smack addicts and it worked out great for them. Hamid’s just looking to blow free.

  54. JMP

    [re=549757]doloras[/re]: I didn’t even know she’s done nude shots. Um, better make a note to get onto Google after work for uh, research purposes.

  55. weejee

    [re=549582]Ken Layne[/re]: and re:[re=549600]Sharkey[/re], where’s his Strat? If he’s into the hayron and has that jaunty little cap, he’s gotta have a Stratocaster. Find that, & you’ll find the needle and the damage done. Otherwise, likely he’s just enjoying vitamin O like the folks at the embassy.

  56. An Outhouse

    I respected his father greatly but Peter Galbraith is one selfish lying scum piece of shit. He’s pissed because Karzai took his piece of some action. Karzai is “prone to tirades” and “can be very emotional.” oh yeah- just like all the other smack heads I know. Galbraith, he’s not smoking meth you lying sack of shit, get your drug effects straight. If he’s smokin’ some H, he’s going to be happy and docile. Fucking prick Galbraith.

  57. nutcracker

    This guy is supposed to be our stooge, right? And he’s been thumbing his nose at us for years, so it’s time to have one of our snipers put a 7.62 NATO round into his skull, and make sure everyone knows who did it. Then we get a stooge in there who really is a stooge. It’s long past time to “Ngo Dinh Diem” him.

  58. libwakman

    Shazit peoples, I’m a junkie & i make good choices. Well, once I did anyway. Dude asked if I wanted to super-size my drive threw grub. Chose no, cause I knew I was gonna’ puke up the regular portion as it was. See, ya’ fuckin’ addict hata’s. I could be his vice-pazezident and shit.

  59. ThisIsNotAnAvatar

    People who know him tell me Galbraith likes to dangle donuts on his dongle. Really, that’s what they say!

  60. Snarkalicious

    [re=549681]Red Zeppelin[/re]: That could be the thing, I guess. Dubya never would have shared his nose candy with a non-Saudi Arab, but Barry seems a bit more on the generous side. And I’ve NEVER met a stable speedballer.

  61. S.Luggo

    Ah, Hamid, you blew it with all of that petulant posturing. And you were just about to qualify for OmabaCare. You might need it:

    “…. cardiovascular risk factors are significantly more in opium addicted men than smoker men, while smoking is one of the important risk factor of cardiovascular disease and cancer, therefore the deleterious effects of opium addiction on cardiovascular disease are considerable.” http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2588593/

  62. assistant/atlas

    WTF, people? I know we’re all crazy drug addicts here on Wonkette, but as someone who has done every drug under the sun (yes, that includes heroin, opium, and meth) and been “friends” with a large number of people who were both recreational users and addicts, I have to say that heroin is the only drug that scares the shit out of me. It’s fucking evil, addictive and it destroys your life relatively quickly…

    Seriously, how many awesome people have been killed by it? A lot….Sid Vicious, River Phoenix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin spring to mind…

    I leave you with 2 quotes from “Junky” author William S. Burroughs:
    “I had not taken a bath in a year nor changed my clothes or removed them except to stick a needle every hour in the fibrous grey wooden flesh of heroin addiction. I did absolutely nothing.”

    “Junk [heroin] is the ideal product… the ultimate merchandise. No sales talk necessary. The client will crawl through a sewer and beg to buy.”

  63. watershed

    [re=549844]An Outhouse[/re]: Totally. If Galbraith had said, “Karzai sleeps 20 hrs a day, likes to drink sugar water and eat gum, and hasn’t taken a shit in 6 days,” he would have come far closer to being believable.

  64. zhubajie

    Afghanistan’s single most famous export is lapis lazuli, the intensely blue gem stone which is used for true ultramarine blue paint, among other things. Otherwise, historicall, Afghanistan’s main exports were dried fruit of different kinds.

    As for heroin, well, if you get it when you need it, it’s no more delusional than cigarettes. Not that there’s real evidence that Karzai uses the stuff.

    US politicians are another story.

  65. zhubajie

    [re=549606]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: Zhang Xue-liang lived to be 102 years old, smoking opium regularly.

  66. Decker

    “He can be very emotional, act impulsively,” so Peter Galbraith is saying that li’l Bush was doing heroin?

  67. Aurelio

    [re=549606]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]:
    Not for nothing did Marx call religion the opiate of the masses….
    Except for Islam, which is more like the benzedrine of the masses.

  68. Buttery1000

    They get the drugs, and we get the war. Isn’t that how these things usually work?

  69. bozofish

    Call in Dr. Drew with our new diplo team Fleiss and Sizemore, and Kari Ann, their fluffer.

  70. smashy smashy

    [re=549574]predilectrix[/re]: If someone doesn’t take the user name “Grabby for Toast” soon, I’ll happily switch mine over.

  71. problemwithcaring

    [re=549664]Prommie[/re]: You forgot that it’s better too. The pot is a lot better now. Carry on.

  72. zhubajie

    [re=549588]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Coleridge and Wilkie Collins were also successful opium addicts, in 19th century Britain.

    Look for Samuel S. Lee, _The Underworld of the East_, for the memoirs of a drug-taking colonial engineer, 1890s-World War I.

  73. zhubajie

    [re=549549]Dolmance[/re]: Yes, I do. Probably Hamid Karzai does too. That may be why he’s looking for friends outside US circles.

  74. zhubajie

    [re=549551]artbot2000[/re]: No, Artbot, do not assume Galbraith might be telling the truth about Karzai. “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom”; the second step is DON’T BELIEVE ANYTHING ON TV!!!

    Certainly not from someone like Galbraith.

Comments are closed.