America's greatest legislator.
Hurry up and go to this website to wish Michele Bachmann a very special Civil War birthday or whatever, she needs your support!!! It seems to work pretty well as long as you don’t use CUSS WORDS that trigger the filter, so go nuts, but with finesse. [Michele Bachmann’s birthday card via so many, many emails]

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  • Sarah Palin (

    What about ME? I have a birthday too, you liberal non-american! Also!


  • President Beeblebrox

    Oh exploitable…

  • JadedDIssonance

    my hero:
    Name: Truckin Nutley on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Michelle! Happy Birthday! You have inspired me every day with your witty repartee and healthy collection of bon mots. Those words are french, by the way. You inspire me to teach my children manners and respect instead of hatred and futility. You inspire me to use bigger words and I’m definitely fulfilling my civic responsibilities like voting and filling out the census. Thank you so much for everything you do! Don’t listen to the people calling you “Batty,” I like you just the way you are.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …release the KRAKKEN!!!

  • Bearbloke

    Did anyone make a Paypal contribution to Frau Bachmann? Teh CRAYZEE don’t come cheap, Mate!…

  • Crank Tango

    AH FINALLY A forum for me to really work the old capslock!

  • JadedDIssonance

    wait, is this real?

    Name: Bill Blathers on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: I have taken to heart your advice on the census. I live down in Mississippi and my entire church took your advice and none of us are filling out our forms and will not cooperate with any worker they send in person! You are a brilliant mind and a shining example for the rest of REAL (white) America to follow! Down with the socialist liberal census! WE SAY NO! Happy Birthday! William

  • Bearbloke

    Comment No# 861…

    I think I may have finally mastered the ‘Merikin language….

  • Terry

    Ooh, and she’s asking you do give her a birthday gift of money, too!

  • Buzz Feedback

    What a perfect way to end the day.

  • Tommmcatt

    My contribution…

    Name: Kitty Harris on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: I have my eye on you, Bachmann. You may have charmed America with your rabid whiles and crazy-rolling-eyes charm for now, but nobody keeps Miss Kitty down for long. There can only be ONE nutcase Representirix in this congress and I AM SHE! Keep my seat warm because I will be back in the House even if I have to move all the way to Minnesota to do it ! Happy Birthday! Your Pal, Kitty

  • Jim89048

    Victoria Jackson ( has signed!

  • Bearbloke

    Comment No#989

    I ‘m laffing into my brekky Sultana flakes whilst reading this page – bonza start to the day!

  • The Other Sarah T

    She’s eligible now for her Death Panel evaluation, hooray ! (and the Senior Discount at the Minnesota center of Hazelden, too)

  • I_P

    Done and done. That was strangely fulfilling.

  • surfacenoise76

    Whew! I thought I shared a birthday with this dumb cunt (my birthday is today).

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I can’t stop.

  • donner_froh

    Joseph P. Doakes said

    You are truly a credit to the sixth district of Minnesota even though you have the IQ of a brick.

  • St.SarahOfThePO

    [re=549062]Bearbloke[/re]: The comment numbers keep changing. I guess the moderators are weeding through them.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    I can’t choose between “a day over crazy” or “release the kraken”. Good laugh to end a shitty day.

  • St.SarahOfThePO

    Ben Dover signed
    Niccoli Machiavelli signed
    Blaque Stalyeon signed
    Ura S. Kank signed
    Track Palin signed
    Eva Braun signed
    Joseph Goebbels signed

  • coolcatdaddy

    Hmm…does it filter the phrase “early onset Alzheimer’s”?

  • Bearbloke

    [re=549077]St.SarahOfThePO[/re]: Yes – we’d better hurry if we want in on the laff – my comment was from a Ms. Sarah from Wasilla, offering a 3-way with Mike Steele, if we could find a decent kennel to leave Trig in…

  • Bearbloke

    [re=549077]St.SarahOfThePO[/re]: Whoever’s censoring the comment is leaving a few less-than-fawning notes behind, like these two:
    Name: Percy Hiller on Apr 3, 2010
    Comments: Michelle, You represent everything that has gone wrong with the republican party that I hold so dear. Extremist rhetoric is not the way to advance the conservative fiscal values that Minnesota Republicans stand for. I cannot in good conscience wish you a happy birthday. I hope you will abandon your congressional appointment and let a real Republican represent our district. Percy

    Name: Tim Ford on Apr 4, 2010
    Comments: I have long been embarassed by Michelle’s antics, from her religious fanatic rantings about gay marriage in the MN legislature to her desperate death grip/liplock on President Bush at the state of the union address. It is people like Michelle who have let the banks and special interests run amok in Washington, sending this country straight into the toilet. Happy birthday michelle, and may you spend the rest of your birthdays at home with your family, not seeking to let big corporate ruin this country.
    Is this what passes for ‘Intellectual Honesty’ in the States?

  • the problem child

    Mike Hunt signed. Hitler was an Aries, also too.

  • AnglRdr

    I don’t know which is scarier: that a republican has done this again without being wise to Wonketteers finding out about it and subsequently spoiling it (though delightfully so), or that she actually does have supporters who really believe that she is fabulous.

    Also, she’s 65? How much work has she had done?

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    Mikey Steele is having a soirée (très intime) for ‘Chele at Yoyeur West a little later. French 75s and Colt .45s will keep the party pumping. Hope you can all drop by for a cocktail and a beating.

  • Allyson

    65, huh? You know, she does qualify for Social Security now…
    …though I am sure she will not take a red penny from that socialist program. Just like none of the teabaggers accept funds from any of the government programs they oppose.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    It seems to have stopped at comment 1086 which is mine. I’d like to think I broke it.

  • President Beeblebrox

    Is this for real or a Wonketeer? I don’t remember Jesus yelling at the Paralytic because he was too lazy to get his own healthcare… he just cold healed the guy, no questions asked. But I forgot that in US America circa 2010, it’s OK to mock sick and disabled people because they’re too lazy to get jobs, etc.

    Name: Michael Jones on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Michelle, you are the best. Thank you for reminding us of the principles on which this Great Nation of ours was founded: Christian Conservatism. Every day, you are one of the lone voices in that corrupt city that stands for the Lord’s vision for this country. Jesus never wanted LAZY people to have access to healthcare. He never wanted poor people to get a hand from the hardworking industrious. He didn’t suffer death so that we should have to let our government curtail our ability to defend ourselves! Thank you for fighting the socialist muslin regime that is now trying to impose one world, communist regime upon our land. Keep fighting and don’t listen to any affirmative action, overzealous baby who thinks he can tell us how to live our lives. – Mike

  • Troubledog

    Dear Michelle,

    Did I leave my Barry White CD at your place? Could you check in that boom box next to your hot tub?

    Happy birthday, sugar!

    – Michael “Man Of” Steele

  • Bearbloke

    [re=549088]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: 1098?

    Name: Herbavoir on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Dearest Michelle, Tin foil does not keep the voices out one’s head. But you already knew that didn’t you. You is smart like me.

  • St.SarahOfThePO

    [re=549081]Bearbloke[/re]: It’s still there! Win!

  • Troubledog

    Dear Michelle,

    Thank you for supporting our faith-based youth outreach efforts.

    Joseph Ratzinger

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Yup! That are me.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=549093]St.SarahOfThePO[/re]: Really? The parts about how both Sarahcudda and Frau Bachmann touch themselves ‘down there’ whilst reading their Teabagger fanmail?

  • windupbird

    “Your plastic surgery doctor is much better than Nancy Pelosi’s.”


  • President Beeblebrox

    I think they might be screening signatures now. Gail Wynand and Howard Roark both signed a while ago, encouraging her to insist that Congress start passing laws enforcing the “three-fifths of a person” and “excluding Indians not taxed” parts of her sacred Constitution, but they haven’t shown up.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=549088]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: [re=549077]St.SarahOfThePO[/re]: The quantity of comments is increasing, but not their enumeration… perhaps disappearing into the black hole of Frau Bachmann’s towering intellect?

  • St.SarahOfThePO

    [re=549096]Bearbloke[/re]: So far, it’s intact.

  • Troubledog

    We shall double the data force.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Or the bottomless pit of stupidity.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=549103]St.SarahOfThePO[/re]: which number?

    [re=549088]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I thought I broke it with a request from husband her Marcus Bachmann ( to bring more tampons, as he’d already soiled the ones she shoved into him this morning!

  • Bearbloke


    Name: Sarah From Wasilla, AK ( on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: You go Michelle – yeah you’re great… just great.. mmmmmmm.. tell me Michelle, you touch yourself down there while you read this don’t you? I know you do, ’cause I touch myself down there when I read all the misspelled fanmail I get from those old fart teabagger losers who LOVE their Medicare and Farm Subsidies but hate ‘the gubbmit’ just because the president is a well-endowed Negro…mmmm.. I just touched myself again Michelle, and I know you did too because I watch you all the time acting all crazy on Fox Nooz – I turn to Todd, tell him to put Trig back in the kennel and have his way with me – but I pretend it’s you Michelle who’s with us… mmmm….

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Happy B-Day Michelle,
    I will see you at the rally. I’ll be the guy with the life size Ronald Reagan cardboard cut out. Can we have our picture taken together? You , me and Ron? Please?

  • twoeightnine

    What demon majic is she using to allow people to post from the future, April 6th?

  • Bearbloke

    [re=549108]Bearbloke[/re]: In the past 10 seconds, this comment has moved from 1157 to 1159 to 1161 to.. where now.. 1167

  • Holding Out for a Hero

    Levi Johnson just offered to show her under the towel from the Playgirl photoshoot.

    I’m now going to my room to think about what I’ve done.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Yay! I’m always the latest!!!!11!
    Does Michelle write software?

  • Fly Over Girl

    [re=549099]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Gail is #893 on Page 18. Nice :)

  • nappyduggs

    Atza “Harry” Balzac has sent birthday wishes, for posterity.

  • St.SarahOfThePO

    [re=549107]Bearbloke[/re]: 1194 at 10:04 ET

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Who wrote thiS gem?

    Name: Peggy Noonan on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: The grey days of winter doth fall upon as all, dear lady of crazy wonk. Hath there no refuge from the stark dry reality of yellow wallpaper in the minds of those who lean so far right that thy axis tippith over? Perhaps not, and one must ponder the eventual sloth and drudgery of being just another nut in the wingbasket. Alas, I must take solace in the shimmering bronze liquid of my glass, and reflect upon how Reagan must be weeping.

  • Ken Layne

    I am so proud of all of you.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=549120]Ken Layne[/re]: Michele no likey us no more. Mine never made it:

    “Happy Birthday to the congress critter with the most beautiful set of cray-zee eyes that I ever saw.”

  • Sharkey

    I can only hope to look as good as Bachwomann when I am 65.


    [re=549074]surfacenoise76[/re]: Close enough. You must be a dumb cunt too!

  • Surfeit O’Hubris

    Aww, the comment I passed along from my neighbor Maibigg Hairybutt seems not to have been posted. All Maibigg had to say was:

    “I hear you’ll be on the cover of the updated edition of Hofstadter’s “Anti-Intellectualism in American Life”. Here’s hoping you lose big in November!”

  • St.SarahOfThePO

    [re=549119]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: That would be me! I thought it fell through the crack.

  • Noonan

    Name: Trug N. Utz on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: I just knew your birthday must be so close to Easter! It’s like the Resurrection of Connservatism after so long in the toom. God Bless, you Congreswoman!

  • St.SarahOfThePO

    [re=549119]Monsieur Grumpe[/re Peggy Noonan]: Do you recall the page? I looked early to see if it posted, but never could find it.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Nice nice very nice.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=549115]Fly Over Girl[/re]: The fuck? Comments/signatures are going BACK IN TIME now. She’s not just batshit insane, she also has control over the very fabric of time and space. Must be those eyes. THOSE EYES!

    Holy shit, this is epic win (currently # 916 on p. 19):

    Name: Alouisious McGillicutty on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Happy Birthday you defender of FREEDOM, which is NOT FREE. Can you clear sumthin’ up for me? I have been told by many of my smart friends that if you, Rick Santorum, Larry Craig, Ann Coulter, and Glenn Beck point your purity rings towards Jesus and say Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, and Heart respectively, it raises the corpse of Jesse Helms to beat up the homos and blacks. Can you confirm or deny this? There’s an uppity homo colored boy next door that needs some “dealin’ with,” if you know what I mean. Who’s he to tell me I can’t leave rainbow colored Easter nooses in his front yard? Guess I’m gonna have to stock up on ammo before NObama’s commie Stasi goon squads come after me. This here’s a DEMOCRACY, and if he don’t like it he can move to Iran with all the other socialists. Hell, can’t he and that ladyfriend guy that he lives with take a joke? Anyway, I was going to ask how Glenn Beck wound up with “heart” because that’s totally gay, but I guess all that cryin’ he does don’t help. WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

  • Noonan

    [re=549119]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: The noble scribe of that greeting has done me proud.

    Cheers to [re=549125]St.SarahOfThePO[/re]:

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Page 18.

  • chascates

    Where do these comments end up? I posted a couple at 1298, they’re not at 1335 or so and I got nothin’. Have the Wonketters taken over the interwebz?

  • Jim89048

    [re=549121]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I saw it on page 19, #932.

  • Flanders

    [re=549079]St.SarahOfThePO[/re]: Saul Alinksy signed.

  • yrustoopid?

    I was getting really upset and frustrated while reading through several pages of comments thanking that nutjob for “protecting our freedoms and the Constitution.”(?) Then I got to the pages with all of our comments and I felt happy and warm inside (but not in the aforementioned Palin-reading-misspelled-fanmail kind of way!) I may actually go through with my offer to send her truck nutz for her birthday. Maybe she could staple them to her husband so he’d have a pair?

  • ZombieRichardFeynman

    Maybe “Unrepentant Libtard” was too obvious for the moderator. Can’t find it at all.

  • Bramlet Abercrombie

    Name: Hoot Smalley on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: help congresswoman I am a US america patriot and they put me in a FEMA death camp and now I am dead I think

  • Flanders

    [re=549090]President Beeblebrox[/re]: The give-away on that brilliant contribution was the word “muslin’.

  • Minnie Mean

    Happy Birthday from Austin Texas!
    I’m sure you are aware that Austin has one of the largest urban bat populations in the world. We’re real proud of our bats here, so when we like someone a lot and we want to give them a big Austin Texas compliment we call them batty! Since it’s your birthday and since you’re such a fine example of all that’s right with the GOP and this fine Christian nation we are all so fortunate to live in, I’d like to wish you a
    XOXOXOXOXOXOXO, Minnie Meene

    (tee hee! I miss-spelled my last name so she wouldn’t know it’s really me!)

  • chascates

    Name: Prince Alyusi Islassis on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Dear Congresswoman Bachman, Greetings on the felicitous occasion of your birthday. I have been requested by the Nigerian National Petroleum Company to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The Nigerian National Petroleum Company has recently concluded a large number of contracts for oil exploration in the sub-Sahara region. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equaling US$40,000,000. The Nigerian National Petroleum Company is desirous of oil exploration in other parts of the world, however, because of certain regulations of the Nigerian Government, it is unable to move these funds to another region. You assistance is requested as a non-Nigerian citizen to assist the Nigerian National Petroleum Company…

  • St.SarahOfThePO

    [re=549138]ZombieRichardFeynman[/re]: I saw that one just awhile ago.

  • El Pinche

    Well fuck my ass, Shelly hates me. Mine didn’t have one cuss word.

  • rachelv

    “crotchless otter costume”????????

  • obfuscator

    Name: Anonymous on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: I was sorry to hear about your mental illness. You should eat more beets. Release the Kraken!

    that one made me lolz so hard.

    [re=549144]El Pinche[/re]: i have also been rebuffed. i referred to her as a fearmongering demagogue, but i didn’t use any fuck words of shit talks.

  • President Beeblebrox

    Keep yr gov’t away from my disability checks!

    Name: Anonymous on Apr 5, 2010
    Comments: My husband and I are both disabled. I was a Polio Surivor from the age of three months who went on to attain several degrees and provided for myself, while I was able and have since tried to find ways to provide help for ourselves and others through the Complimentary and Alternative Medicine Discipline of Reflexology…whenever I am able to function. My husband also worked all his life to lift up this country, our state, our city, our family and his disabled wife. He now is also disabled and was left without protection from dishonest Drs. who did not accept their part of the responsibility when they allowed him to die on the operating table three times causing irreversable brain damage…knowing he was the sole support for a disabled wife and left him unattended after surgery in a supply room over night, saying there was no room available even though they had scheduled his surgery for three weeks prior….and we have nearly lost everything for which we worked so hard. It has been my hardship to now try and care for both myself and his needs. However, we have been most distressed at the rape of our country’s values, as we were raised to cherish and uphold them, and see the turn around of what was honorable, just, of good character and report being turned into ridicule. Thank YOU for upholding the values of our parents, who fought and died for this nation, and act to return us to upstanding principles of government.. Please, do not give up your good and worthy fight, we do appreciate your hard work. You will be in our Prayers. With Utmost Sincerity, M. Nickelson

  • Red Zeppelin

    I hate to say it, but I have a weakness for the crazy, eye-spinning, tard women. So, I would hit her, and have a good time, too, also.

  • SwanSwanH

    [re=549079]St.SarahOfThePO[/re]: “Mike Hunt” gets through, but “Bartolomeo Vanzetti” doesn’t? This is bullshit.

    I’m trying once more as “Billy Bragg,” then I quit. Fucking kraken.

  • chascates

    Congrats to whoever did:

    Name: Mr Destiny on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Dear Michelle, the pranksters at Wonkette asked me to post a hurtful message to you. But I won’t do it because I have more dignity than that. I was raised not to make fun of the handicapped.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Please tell your husband I’m not gay and leave me alone.

  • mookworthjwilson

    My name is Gabe Athouse and I talk about baby farming…i hope i make it thru…

  • President Beeblebrox

    Thread over, teh end, amen.

    Name: John Williams on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: GOOD EVENING and WARM BIRTHDAY WISHES to you, dear Rep. Bachmann. I am the composer of tremendous FAME and NOTORIETY, Mr John T. Williams, of Star Wars. I wish to compose a COMPOSITION to your honor on this, the anniversary of your ACHIEVEMENT OF LIBERTY from the clutches of your darling mother’s uterine wall. This SONNET will be of such sweet melodious sublimity that the ichor of ALMIGHTY GOD HIMSELF will pour down from Heaven in glowing deference. At the mere utterance of the introitus, the Mexicans will be LIBERATED directly back to Mexico. By the time I have introduced the theme, the ground shall be TORN ASUNDER, whereupon Barack HUSSEIN NObama shall be unmasked by the hand of God to be none other than ZOGOTH, Gunnery Sargent in Satan’s Socialist Marine Corps, and he and his SOCIALIST CRONIES shall be CAST directly into the bowels of Hell, from whence they originated. And, oh sweet Michele, by the time the finale has arrived, the LORD ALMIGHTY HIMSELF will have descended from Heaven above to put the uninsured and “needy” in their Godly place (Hell) and replaced our mangled CONSTITUTION with A BIBLE, fulfilling your GLORIOUS VISION, as the founders surely intended. I was thinking that an Air for Bassoon in G would be appropriate, and perhaps TOBY KEITH could open? Would it be alright to have this performed at the St Cloud Civic Center, and if so could you help us out with booking? THESE COLORS DO NOT RUN. I await your command, O Anointed One.

  • Crank Tango

    [re=549121]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: it was on there at one point…although I can’t seem to find mine from adolf schicklgruber…

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=549154]Crank Tango[/re]: just saw ya at number 1256

  • St.SarahOfThePO

    [re=549149]SwanSwanH[/re]: Try looking between pages 16-20, because the newer postings are somehow landing in that vicinity.

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=549152]mookworthjwilson[/re]: yay! 1163 Name: Gabe Athouse on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: I want you to take me to your baby farm so that I may be planted in your bean field.

  • Words

    Is she still pumping out little Bachmanns? Jesus. She reminds of the Sigorney Weaver character in Mama Baby. She had to have had an ovarian transplant or uterian transplant or something ungodly.

    There are no appropriate words for what this female is and represents. Abomination!!!!

  • chascates

    At least one of mine got thru:

    Name: George W. Bush on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: You are a sterling example of what education and hard work can do to this country! many more happy ones

  • mariser

    which one of y’all left this masterpiece?

    Name: Michael Jones on Apr 6, 2010 1373
    Comments: Michelle, you are the best. Thank you for reminding us of the principles on which this Great Nation of ours was founded: Christian Conservatism. Every day, you are one of the lone voices in that corrupt city that stands for the Lord’s vision for this country. Jesus never wanted LAZY people to have access to healthcare. He never wanted poor people to get a hand from the hardworking industrious. He didn’t suffer death so that we should have to let our government curtail our ability to defend ourselves! Thank you for fighting the socialist muslin regime that is now trying to impose one world, communist regime upon our land. Keep fighting and don’t listen to any affirmative action, overzealous baby who thinks he can tell us how to live our lives. – Mike

    what do you mean, this is not from a Wonkette? it is not a joke?

  • El Kabong

    #1223 –

    My cat’s breath smells like cat food

  • Lascauxcaveman

    “URL Invalid”

    I blame myself. One moment I’m praising her secksy stretch marks and neck wattles, then the next, the website goes …poof!

  • Flanders

    Mine didn’t get through. “Mandatory abortions” got caught by the moderator.

  • Jim89048

    [re=549166]Flanders[/re]: It’s in there. Shit is moving around worse than an episode of “Lost”, though.

  • bago

    Where’s my solid gold letters?! Or did your schmancy pad eat them?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, I thought mine didn’t get in — they just show up in some apparently random order. Anyway, here it is:

    Name: Ignatius Q. Xenophobe on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Happy birthday, Rep. Bachmann — it seems every year you double your knowledge, authority and credibility. And though your fight for the attenuation of the rights of every American has undergone some setbacks of late, it gives me strength every time I realize that you are still in the lead in that fight. Every decent American should take heart in knowing that yours is the strongest voice for the Tea Party nation — your intelligence and class and wisdom are truly from the most profound part of the cask of American values. May it ever be thus!

  • chascates

    [re=549170]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Well done, Sir or Madam, as the case may be!

  • EdFlinstone

    It wouldn’t be a Bachmann site if the new posts didnt show up in the middle pages.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Doktor Tom Coburn just promised her a Timothy McVeigh commemorative plate.

  • Beowoof

    My little add, I do hope it makes it.

    I just wanted to thank you on behalf of all the retards in the country. You truly demonstrate to both of my mentally challenged brothers that opportunity does exist for those less fortunate in the intellect department.

    Your sense of right and wrong is as well developed as Carl from Slingblade. Do you like french fried taters

  • mookworthjwilson

    You know you are doing something right when you can go to the Google, type in your name followed by the letter b and the suggestion “Michelle Bachmann batshit crazy” is the 3rd possible search term.

  • Blender

    Huh, guess the filter didn’t expect some types of cusswords:

    Name: Beetle on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Happy birthday you dickface whoreslut

  • obfuscator

    today’s gop: “we can’t even post comments on our own webpage in chronological order. let us run your country, please!!!1!”

  • El Pinche

    [re=549146]obfuscator[/re]: OUR FIRST MINDMINTS RITES HAS BEEN SILENCED. This taint America anymore.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Who is this…

    Name: Not Ken Layne on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Hi Michelle, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Thanks for being batshiat crazy! Your TruckNutz are in the mail!

  • obfuscator

    [re=549184]El Pinche[/re]: when the demtards are the minority, they have the good sense to sit on their hands and wait for the majority party to implode. this shit the gop is pulling is just off the charts in terms of Fucking Retarded Shenanigans.

  • El Pinche

    [re=549170]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Hahaha, I actually read yours and that’s a real sucker. I took the low road , all caps style ( of course!):

    Name: NEW WORLD PATRIOT on Apr 6, 2010

  • DustBowlBlues

    I can’t stay up any longer and read though to find Doktor Tom’s greeting.

    So many people are calling her batshit and the like that I think more people than just the wonkeratti hate her. Among her fans, I love the woman who thinks there should be a Hate Crimes panel to find the lefties leaving unhappy birthday wishes.

  • El Pinche

    [re=549186]obfuscator[/re]: Yes, hopefully this time around the dems will take advantage of it. The DNC ads are writing themselves:

    John Ensign likely be indicted:

    fuck yeah.

  • Blender

    *sigh* Just not that into it tonight:

    Name: Ambrose Bierce:
    Comments: Since I am dead, I can only give you a creepy hug from the grave, and impart some of my eternal wisdom upon you, with a quote from one of my scholarly works:

    Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot’s activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but “pervades and regulates the whole.”

    You are their queen! Happy Birthday!

  • obfuscator

    [re=549191]El Pinche[/re]: INDICTED? WHY? all he did was fuck his friend’s wife and pay off a bunch of people to hide it with taxpayer and contributor moneys. it’s not like he’s associated with The Family or something wait what?

  • Trick E. Dick

    Name: Baraq Hussein Al-Obama Soetoro on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Happy birthday, you silly shrew. Thanks to you, it’s all falling into place. In six months time, the National Socialized Kenyan Tele-prompter Police Squad (ACORN) will round up all the Real ‘Murkins and send them to the FEMA “reeducation” camps I’ve set up offshore (drill, baby, drill!) Gotta love the census! Love, Barry <3 P.S. I’ll tell your Death Panel to get you something nice.
    My favourite one:
    Name: Dubya!
    Comments: May your wingz take dreem !! ;)

  • Aurelio

    She is pretty fucking well preserved for 65.*

    *This is not an endorsement of Michele Bachmann’s politics. Any resemblance between such and endorsement and comments herein about Ms. Bachman’s appearance, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended.

  • imissopus

    [re=549153]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Holy crap, I can’t sign the card now. Anything I write pales in comparison to the genius of Mr. John T. Williams.

  • Aurelio

    My Posted Birthday Message

    Congratulations, Michelle. You are wonderfully well preserved at age 65. I wish I looked that good, but it would require enormous quantities of formaldehyde, which I can’t afford, and which I am told is bad for one’s health while still alive. You have done so much for America and work so hard, and yet your appearance is one of a 40 year old woman–25 years younger than your natural age! This must be the product of a serene mind a peaceful heart that comes from unflagging dedication to to love, justice and mercy for those good Americans who deserve it, such as the wonderful bankers and businessmen who run this country and provide the main means of your continued political career. Please keep supporting the wonderful efforts of America to replenish its assets with the productive appropriation and use of the natural resources of third world countries, which would otherwise go to waste and be consumed by socialist islamic crazies who want to destroy us all and our wonderful free enterprise system. I am so hot for you (in a nice way) not only because of your uncanny beauty, which I could only achieve by means of a pact with Satan (or, as mentioned earlier, liberal use of embalming fluid), but also because of your stunningly poweful defense of America’s manifest destiny to extend the American version of Freedom and Democracy to fools all over the world who do not realize that they need these things.

  • Trick E. Dick

    She’s actually turning 54.

  • Zorg

    Do you have to give her money in order to have your b’day wishes posted? Sincerely, Orly (

  • Aging Hippy

    Thank god you all use your powers for good and not evil.

    I laughed so hard, i peed in my pants a little.

    More, please.

  • Aurelio

    [re=549205]Trick E. Dick[/re]: She’s actually turning 54.

    Well, you just cured me of my astonishment. I should write her again, replacing “65” with “54,” and reduced the quantities of formaldehyde necessary to produce this lesser miracle.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=549193]obfuscator[/re]: He’s also apparently a vain, entitled asshole who’s made so few friends that his former associates have no problem dishing out stories they’ve likely been saving up for years.

    [re=549187]El Pinche[/re]: My greatest ambition in that genre is to say to Dubya, “I hope one day you’ll be able to look back on your career and really appreciate the impact you’ve made on the history of freedom.”

  • dznygrl

    I like this one: Name: Elizabeth Ann McDermott on Apr 5, 2010
    Comments: Thank you so much for fighting against sick people. I hate sick people, you see, and I believe that they deserve to go bankrupt. I believe that there should be absolutely no regulation for insurance companies because I appreciate their freedom to suddenly take away my health care as soon as I get sick. I love spending $90 on my monthly premium and still having a $2000 deductible. $2000 is only 15% of my annual income, so I have no problem forking over that much money if I have an emergency. You truly are doing God’s work. God also hates sick people, apparently. And progression. Progression only makes the standard of living for everyone go up. Jesus would hate that. He hates sharing and he loves suffering. I think it’s great that you are fighting for insurance companies to have freedom, but I hate freedom for individuals, so it’s also great that you oppose abortion, gay marriage, legalizing marijuana, and all that jazz. I don’t believe my country can do what ever single other industrialized country on the planet can do. America sucks so much that we will never ever socialize health care. And it’s all thanks to awesome people like yourself. 90% of the people I know consider themselves “liberal” or “progressive”. All of them are young and educated. In case you haven’t picked up on my sarcasm, I am actually ashamed that you were elected to represent my state. I hope you understand soon that Jesus would never, ever oppose providing HEATH CARE to people who, you know, NEED HEALTH CARE. You are a horrible example of a Christian.

  • Darkness

    She’s not really 65 is she? How much Vital-essense-of-virgin-unborn does she smear on herself every night??

  • Aurelio

    [re=549212]dznygrl[/re]: But how does Ms.dznygrl really feel about Michele Bachmann?

  • TCmac

    [re=549212]dznygrl[/re]: Miss McDermott has a $90 a month payment and a $2000 deductible. Is this a lost post from 1974?

  • Jim89048

    [re=549191]El Pinche[/re]: To think that asshole actually once had a soul, and maybe even compassion, in his former life as a DVM.

  • dznygrl

    Name: Fannie M. Turnipseed on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Happiest of birthdays to my favorite lunatic. Please, PLEASE run on the ticket with Sarah Palin in 2012. If the two of you put your little Botoxed heads together you can create about 1/10 of a human brain. Cheers! Enjoy your birther day!

  • Trick E. Dick

    [re=549209]Aurelio[/re]: Nonetheless, her shrunken head is remarkably preserved.

  • dznygrl

    Oh my, I LOVES me some Wonkette! Thanks for a most enjoyable evening, everyone!

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    Here’s Mine:

    Name: Joey

  • S.Luggo

    [re=549161]mariser[/re]: [re=549162]El Kabong[/re]: And you were anticipating, “Chant D’Aromes”? One more step as we drift into the arena of quadruped Marxiam. “All scents are created equal, etc.”

    [re=549212]dznygrl[/re]: Pills. Never be forgetting your g.d. pills. More cost effective than the couch. And no appointment needed. Straps, maybe. But no appointment.

    [re=549090]President Beeblebrox[/re]: As you quote the Bachtoid, “Jesus never wanted LAZY people to have access to healthcare.” Correcto.
    According to Luke-Matthew-John, as Jesus hung on the old wooden cross, HE shouted, “Git me to the fucking emergency room. Yeow. Hurt, hurt, hurt. Gawd. Sweet Mary and Joseph, I’ll even pay for the meat wagon.” Unfortunately, none of the Romans understood Aramaic.

  • jordansair

    Discount SUPRA SHOES on sale
    Supra shoes has caught the attention of a few celebrities, mostly displayed at this years MTV Video Music Awards. Lil Wayne was seen at this past VMA Awards wearing two different supra footwear, with that said, Supra teams up with Fall Out Boy signer, Pete Wentz who is turned 29 a few weeks ago.
    Birthday edition Vaider is made up of a black/red/white color-way along with the number 29 at the back of the shoes. However, these sneakers are limited 29 pairs which makes it even hard to get your hands on.
    We only worked with the reliable and fine supra skate shoes who dedicated in making the finest products to cater to our client’s requirements both in original design and material.Your satisfaction is the destination of our efforts.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    What I’m thinking of posting:

    Happy Birthday, you picture of perfect mental health! You are a daily inspiration to this conservative freedom-loving REAL American. I pray perpetually to our Zombie Lord and Savior, Jesus H. Christ, Esquire, that he will unharden the heart of, our ousts from power entirely, the Socio-Fascist, Indo-Kenyan Negro Usurper Barack Hussein Soetoro, who I also fear may be the Auntie-Christ. But, until then, I will do all within my Democratic Rights to take my country back including, but not limited to, organizing a mass burning of Census forms, scouting out and mapping FEMA camps, contesting the thieving IRS, etc…

    BTW, I’m from Michigan, home of the freedom-fighting, God-fearing Hutaree Christian militia; you may have heard of them. Well, recently they’ve had a few openings which I think you’d be perfect fit for. If you’d like to apply for one or more of these positions, hit me up, crazy eyes. The pay and benefits are low, but the Hutaree experience is a reward in itself as I’m sure you’d realize, brilliant, beautiful Congresswoman that you are and all. Don’t you worry about fitting here in the Great Lakes state. It’s a lot like Minnesota, but with black and brown (read: Messicans) people.

    P.S. God bless the child that’s got her own, indeed! FOR FREEDOM !!!1!!!

  • LowerdPeninsula


    “Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot’s activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but “pervades and regulates the whole.”

    Sweet baby Jebus, Blender. That bolded part was just full of premium, quality, Grade A WIN.

  • gurukalehuru

    You know who ELSE had a birthday in April?

  • President Beeblebrox


    Name: Jon Gulbonny on Apr 6, 2010


  • weejee

    Oh bless you Ken, what a find. There are over 2K signatures and almost half are snark. Even Saul Alinsky, Weeping Jeebus, and “Not Ken Layne” have signed.

  • pat robertsons personal trainer

    happy birthday, american borat!

  • wonkettefan

    She actually LIVED 65yrs. being that dumb?????

  • Mumble Softly

    My warm birthday greetings are not showing up. sigh…. and thats AFTER I donated $500.42.
    What a ripoff!

  • El Pinche

    [re=549193]obfuscator[/re]: No worries, an indictment is a Ph.d to a repube.

  • Flanders

    [re=549187]El Pinche[/re]: Freakin’ brilliant. I bow before a Master.

  • Poo Flinger 69

    Here’s a funny entry

    Name: Herbavoir on Apr 6, 2010
    Comments: Dearest Michelle, Tin foil does not keep the voices out one’s head. But you already knew that didn’t you. You is smart like me.

  • arclight

    OMG it’s very frustrating not seeing the latest comments at the end! But what great work everyone here did!!!

  • Needz moar guns

    [re=549563]arclight[/re]:I found mine from about 30 minutes ago in the 1950’s range.

  • Needz moar guns

    [re=549563]arclight[/re]: I found my comment from about 30 minutes ago in the 1950’s range, if that helps.

  • GOPCrusher

    Name: Dave on Apr 5, 2010
    Comments: Dear Batshit Insane Wingnut, Fuck you.
    Post 170

  • floatingdock

    Dear Michelle,
    You had me at the world is flat.
    Bigpimpin in MN

  • funkyj

    Hey, that is not a birthday card — it is a census form! Your trying to count me you sneaky fascist!

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