John McCain Is President Of Lying

  oh walnuts!

Remember politics between all of 1998 and 2008? For the few of you who do (nerds), you may gasp at this epic mindfuck of a new John “WALNUTS!” McCain admission: he denies being the media version of John McCain, “The Maverick.” If the John McCain we knew isn’t the real John McCain, then he must just be some old coot who got lost in Washington 30 years ago on an errand to the pharmacy and keeps telling people he’s a “Senator from Arizona,” to hide his shame.

Many of the GOP’s most faithful, the kind who vote in primaries despite 115-degree heat, tired long ago of McCain the Maverick, the man who had crossed the aisle to work with Democrats on issues like immigration reform, global warming, and restricting campaign contributions. ‘Maverick’ is a mantle McCain no longer claims; in fact, he now denies he ever was one. ‘I never considered myself a maverick,’ he told me.”

Rudy Giuliani will soon claim that he never saved 9/11, describing it as “two stupid planes knocking down a couple buildings in one city, who cares.”

[Washington Monthly]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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75 comments

  1. V572625694

    Ever been to Phoenix? If you had, you’d have asked yourself, “Why the fuck would anyone build a city here? The only people stupid enough to live here would also believe whatever they’re told
    about Panamanian strongman Juan McCain.”

  2. thegunner

    this is good news,,,sheeples,,shame on you DEMONcraps. nothing to see here,,Mccain baby! FOREVA!

  3. user-of-owls

    I met a maverick who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today, I wish, I wish he’d go away.

  4. Manos: Hands of Fate

    McCain’s just trying to keep hip with the kids, like Bowie. Can’t keep doing the same act your whole career.

  5. SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    When he talked into the electronic recording device and said “I am John McCain and I approve this message” he thought he was only representing that he is, in fact, John McCain, and that he approves of his being John McCain. Now he’s not even sure about that.

  6. mumblyjoe

    See, this is exactly why we didn’t elect him President. We already had *one* president who couldn’t remember the past 20 years, thankyouverymuch, and all he ever did was SAVE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY FOREVER AND/OR WON THE WORLD FROM THE COMMIES.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    “That whole ‘maverick’ thing? Oh, that’s just nonsense and posturing — you know, like the kinda crap you tell your first wife.”

  8. maven

    So McCain goes for a campaign photo op at a local nursing home, and walks up to an elderly woman in the hallway and says
    “hello, ma’am, do you know who I am?”
    to which she replies
    “no, but the nurse at the end of the hall will be happy to remind you of who you are”.

  9. Cape Clod

    It’s the ultimate Mavericky move. Deny the moniker that you’ve been associated with for 20 years and based your political career on.

  10. Anonymous Office Zombie

    Of course, of course, because you never actually were a maverick, you spoiled douchesack. Too bad that was your running narrative of choice in one of the highest profile presidential election’s in history.

    Fuck you, McCain, you earned that albatross.

  11. PsycGirl

    He found that the word “maverick” has a nausea-inducing reaction due to classical conditioning, if you played a drinking game involving that word during the vice-presential debate. That is, if you didn’t die of alcohol poisoning.

  12. JadedDIssonance

    I could go to the end of my days without hearing the word “Mavericky” and die happy.

  13. JMP

    Huh; and yet it wasn’t too long ago that it was McCain’s opponents saying that he’s not really a maverick; primaries and senile dementia can really change a person.

    Or maybe he’s just saying he’s really nothing like James Garner or Tom Cruise (who only managed to lose a single plane, the underachiever).

  14. nappyduggs

    “If the John McCain we knew isn’t the real John McCain, then he must just be some old coot who got lost in Washington 30 years ago on an errand to the pharmacy….”

    Even now, we all must pay for his perverse love of cherry phosphates.

  15. freppish

    i wish i could say i was stunned, but republicans have the worst grasp on history of anyone i know.

  16. CaptainDog

    he also now says that he didn’t divorce his first wife who waited for him for 5 years while he was imprisoned & tortured by the VC because she was deformed in a car wreck and got fat while he was on his Asian hiatus, he now says he left her because the heiress to the Hensley fortune was up for grabbing, and he felt “encumbered” when courting a woman when he already, in fact, had a wife.

    “felt kinda slimy – ya know?” he told our reporter.

    So he decided to drop his first wife so the second wife wouldn’t get all pissy and possessive;

    “I didn’t need one of those ‘Do you EVER plan on leaving her!? Or am I just your little fling?!’ moments with her. I felt it was the right thing to do – dump my first, so I could get a clean start on my second wife. The fact that she was fat & deformed never entered my mind when I started courting the new wife – who was the Junior Rodeo Queen in Arizona in 1968 – actually quite a looker if I remember back when my eyes used to work properly. But that was just an aside. I needed her family’s money more than the sex”

  17. chaste everywhere

    “‘Maverick’ is a mantle McCain no longer claims.” Maybe ’cause it’s Opening Day, but I suspect that The Mick (aka Muscles, The Commerce Comet) got worked subliminally into that utterly strange sentece.

  18. stew

    And that stuff about me being captured by the Viet Cong…ha! I was drinking double martinis at the Pentagon the whole time. Suckers!

  19. dillplatz

    I can’t decide which is more fascinating to watch from a distance: McCain’s devolution into a full-time gibbering idiot as exemplified by the actual words he speaks, or the increasingly visible mental confusion being ludly broadcast in his on-camera appearances.

    He’s getting so massively unbound so fast; it’s like he’s delaminating before our eyes.

  20. freakishlystrong

    Is it me, or do all the people behind him in that still look like they’re on a hostage tape?

  21. Jukesgrrl

    [re=548770]CaptainDog[/re]: Most people screw that long quotation up, but you got it exactly right.

  22. Snarkalicious

    Actually the odor was beginning to waft, and grampy was getting ready to deny he had just shit his pants when a differnt question came up and he got confused. I mean realy…’maverick’…’hershey squirter’…any one of us could have made the same mistake.

  23. NYNYNY

    I didn’t crash 7 planes, I landed them all safely in various secret locations. Then I used them all for fun. How could I crash 7 planes? You think I’m a fuckin idiot?

  24. germansteel

    Didja hear the one about the “maverick”? HENNNGGHH? HENNGGHH?

    Actually, JaMcaim was the maverick, for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN, FIVE AND HALF YEARS, but those days are over!!!

  25. Mr Blifil

    What my breath smells like siemens? Honey, you were right here! All I did was go to the men’s room, while you were waiting in the parking lot. What do you think goes on in there anyway? What an imagination you have! I’m really offended by the implication, you cunt.

  26. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=548790]chowkster[/re]: I tried to fill out a greeting for her…but you can’t unless you give money. Fuck that. I just had a birthday and I got NOTHING. Greedy bitch.

  27. Katydid

    [re=548792]Snarkalicious[/re]: At the end, when he’s staring off into space, looks like he should be saying, “I’m Janmccain, and I’m taking a huge crap. Aaahh. You should try it. BTW, my doctor approved this crap.”

  28. PlanetWingnuta

    [re=548771]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: the distance between John McCain and Sarah Palin at the Republican Convention last year.

  29. CommitteeOfTheHole

    I want J.D. Hayworth to win just for the comedy potential. He’s a complete load. But talk about the Rosetta Stone of future snark! On a side note, can you please not link to Washington Monthly? Magazine is great. The Blog is RedState for hippies. Steve Bennen is such a embarassing shill. I voted for Obama, but JESUS. He’s so far up Hopey’s ass he can probably taste Michelle’s cooking. Far too “Dear Leader” for me …

  30. Redhead

    Look at that face. Do you really expect him to remember what he ate for dinner last night, never mind his decade-long campaign slogan from two years ago?

  31. sati demise

    Johnny boy is just trolling for free publicity. He keeps churning churning churning. then he will have to explain himself by explaining himself. he knows the routine.

  32. Snarkalicious

    [re=548806]Katydid[/re]: He is saying that, actually, but only in his head. After he shat the first time, he figured he should get in some prep time for his ad spot for Depends later this week. At two shits in 5 minutes, we should all be in awe of John McCain. He’s just so method…so dedicated.

  33. What Fresh Hell is This?

    Who is the tall, dark stranger there?
    Maverick is the name.
    Ridin’ the trail to who knows where,
    Luck is his companion,
    Gamblin’ is his game.
    Smooth as the handle on a gun.
    Maverick is the name.
    Wild as the wind in Oregon,
    Blowin’ up a canyon,
    Easier to tame.

    Livin on jacks and queens
    Maverick is a legend of the west.
    Maverick is a legend of the west.

  34. RPolanski

    He’s not a maverick. More like a Pinto. Keep watching. Maybe that gas tank will explode.

  35. DustBowlBlues

    [re=548769]freppish[/re]: It isn’t that they have a bad grasp on history, it’s that the electorate and lamestream media have decided to give Republics a pass on facts and are happy with truthiness instead. Democrats don’t benefit from this, since our party isn’t made up of characters from the children’s book, “The Stupid Family Votes.” Your can’t miss it–the cover art shows Mrs. Stupid hanging tea bags off her straw hat.

  36. Horselover Fat

    Does this mean he isn’t taking Joe Lieberman to the prom? Man, cold as ICE. “Yeah, Joe, I mean, you’re cool and everything, but I think, I think, I mean, now just isn’t a good time to be *seen * with you — no, no, I still like you, I wanna be friends, but there’s other people I hafta think about, I mean, no, no it’s just me, it’s me, I’ve got some things-ohhhhh, don’t cry, Joe…”

  37. GOPCrusher

    [re=548746]Buzz Feedback[/re]: + 10 Internets to you! He’s decided the best campaign chance he has to maintain his Senate seat is to go incognito Maverick. Shrewd. Shrewd.

  38. hey

    I’m confused… Didn’t he write this book??
    “Worth the Fighting For: The Education of an American Maverick, and the Heroes Who Inspired Him”
    ?? Maybe he just forgot.

  39. Aurelio

    [re=548737]V572625694[/re]:
    The only people stupid enough to live here would also believe whatever they’re told…blah blah.

    My brother lives in Phoenix. Right in downtown fucking Phoenix. My gf’s mother lives there. Also.
    I mention these facts as supportive evidence for your post.

  40. CaptainDog

    no – he looks like that dude who is always try to sell me DVDs on how to use Windows 2003 & E-Bay & shit.

  41. sarcasticusername

    how long before someone finally stands up and points out the obvious, the man is older than dirt and is going senile.

  42. One Yield Regular

    Any decent marketer will tell you it’s a bad idea to change brand recognition when the going gets tough.

    Just as any decent shopper will tell you it’s a good idea to check the expiration date on the bottom of that can with the bulging lid.

  43. carlgt1

    Sarah Palin is still running around talking about “maverick McCain” — hell for that matter so is Tina Fey!

  44. NJB

    [re=548952]An Outhouse[/re]: Yes, he has – but they keep moving the furniture around so he keeps forgetting which one he’s in.

  45. emjayay

    OK, no one is going to get down this far, but….look people, I’m a little tired of all the McCain’s senile shit. Brains do change as we age. Everyone doesn’t get Alzheimer’s. A lot of oldster brains are perfectly fine – a little worse on short term memory, but full of a long lifetime of experience and thinking. Any worthwhile oldster is aware that they were idiots at 20 or 30 or 40. This senile John McCain crap is just ageism.

    John McCain was always an intellectually lightweight politician. He was last in his class and crashed a bunch of planes before he was captured by N Vietnam. He performed admirably under horrendous torture over a long period of time. He has demonstrated a similarly admirable independence on occasion over the years. As well as a continuing to be a typical low rent political hack. Nothing has changed that much.

  46. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=549163]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I was thinking Jiggy McCrusty and the Cougars from Hell..

  47. mumblyjoe

    [re=549097]emjayay[/re]: Ordinarily, I’d be inclined to agree, but ordinarily, people don’t try to radically rewrite the past 20 years of their political career. Even George Wallace managed to have the intellectual honesty to own his own career, after he’d changed his mind. So, yeah, that kinda does invite the senility stuff.

  48. Redhead

    [re=549097]emjayay[/re]: [re=549233]mumblyjoe[/re]: Not every old is senile, has Alzheimer’s, has lost cognitive reasoning, etc.
    That said, I saw the Maverick-non-Maverick in person during the ’08 campaign season. He reminded me very much of my grandmother, shortly before she died from (gasp) Alzheimer’s. He had this weird quality to his stare – almost vacant, like there was nothing behind his eyes. It was a little childlike. He kept looking around, like for approval – like “I don’t really understand what I’m saying but did I get it right this time?” Like little kids who say certain words or phrases, having no idea what they’re actually saying but only knowing it makes Mommy and Daddy laugh. Most people show little things on their faces as they listen and talk – small little facial expressions as they hear what someone else says, process it and react to it. His facial expressions were void of any comprehension.
    It was creepy and pretty sad – and also deeply disturbing that so many people wanted to elect this many president. I think everyone here knows not every old person gets senile, and not all at a set age (I talked to a woman over 100 years who was only starting to go the smallest bit). But McCain is very much senile.

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