Newt Gingrich Having Twittergasms Over His Easter Candies

  gingrich/easter bunny 2012

Infantile wingnuts find solace in chocolate, Twitter.
Has an infantile Republican has-been ever been so excited about Easter chocolates? Newt Gingrich usually gets his spouse cancer and a divorce for Easter, so he was super excited when his latest wife, “Callista,” got the big fat baby some children’s Easter treats. And this was hardly Newt’s only Twitter paean to candy on the solemn occasion of the Lord’s return from the grave. Three more drooling-for-candies messages preceded this one.

You know who *else* liked Reese's?
[We Are In Agreement via Wonkette operative "Dave C."]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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63 comments

  1. Potater

    This had better turn into an inspiring story about free market capitalism or I’m walking.

  2. dum librul

    Newt’s twats read like a first grader’s “what I did for Easter” essay, which is a way higher level than Republican talking points normally communicate on.

  3. Katydid

    Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you’re a fucking retarded asshole has-been who seemingly tweet out his ass and just cannot figure a way to be taken seriously again. Note to Newt: This ain’t it.

  4. dum librul

    Alternatively, keep your eyes open for internet’s latest viral video, “Two cups, one Newt,” with guest appearance by David Vitter.

  5. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Callista’s logic:

    1) Surfeit of Reese’s PB cups
    2) Football-sized clot
    3) Massive heart attack
    4) ?????????
    5) PROFIT!

  6. joezoo

    “I grew up in hummelstown just three miles from hershey…”

    [ insert Hershey Highway joke ]

  7. PsycGirl

    [re=548467]Potater[/re]: I read that as “This had better turn into an inspiring story about free market capitalism or I’m WANKING” at first. I definitely need more coffee.

  8. ManchuCandidate

    This the least lame that Newtie’s been for a long time.

    That being said, what guy (not even chocoholics I know) obsesses about chocolate? I like Reese’s too, but I don’t write twats about it. Zombie Jeebus rose to heaven for your sins Newty! Where’s the love for all things Jeebus?

  9. Katydid

    Next up, a twat from Bill-o: I got a loofah for Easter. How do you work this damn thing? Fuck it, we’ll do it live!

  10. JMP

    Judging by the over-excited tone of his messages, I think for Newt the chocolate bunny and Reese’s are code for Oxycontin and meth. Thanks for the thoughtful gifts, Callista!

  11. Hemp Dogbane

    “As I grew older the bunnies seemed to grow smaller by comparison.”
    Playboy Club TMI

  12. V572625694

    [re=548494]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Those wacky folks @TMZ! Hahahaha.

    Serena’s thighs are a bit frightening.

  13. mumblyjoe

    Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the #1 intellectual voice in the modern-day republican party.

  14. ManchuCandidate

    [re=548494]Escape Goat Nation[/re]:
    What was seen can not be unseen.

    thank you for causing my eyeballs to bleed.

  15. Troubledog

    Actually I thought Newt’s nostalgic little posts were genuine and charming. I was touched.

  16. obfuscator

    fatfaced middle aged man, pleeeease enlighten us as to your candy preferences!!1!

    what a crashing bore newt is. i can’t wait to read about how he hates mondays and long lines at the post office.

  17. Terry

    As much as I dislike Newt and maintain a completely lack of respect for him, those Reese’s eggs are awesome.

  18. Radiotherapy

    If only he got this excited about his second wife.

    You got chocatholic stupid on my right wing nuttery. You got right wing nuttery on my….

  19. inedalo

    hey newt, tell us more about your “family values” values, and how you cheated on your wife as she struggled with cancer, etc. great guy. one of the biggest fattest hypocrites in modern politics, and arrogant to boot.

  20. TubeCity

    “Then I learned big bunnies were way too many calories, so now I get small bunnies, but in large quantities! It works, just like cutting taxes raises revenue!”

  21. RPolanski

    New Orleans is a chocolate city, Newt. Why not head down there and eat chocolate to your heart’s content.

  22. smitallica

    That’s the thing about these chocolate bunnies, man. I get bigger. They stay the saaaaame size.

  23. attorneyatlol

    what’s weird is that he doesn’t seem to get that a reese’s egg is just a peanut butter cup in egg shape

  24. Madeline

    Kevin from The Office seems to have hijacked Newt’s twitter. “Hijacking Newt’s twitter” sounds kinda dirty. And gross, because it’s Newt.

  25. SayItWithWookies

    Dear Newt: Observational humor works best under two conditions — you are observant and you are funny. You might want to stick with oblivious seriousness.

  26. artpepper

    But cadbury eggs still beat Reese’s egg. Did kraft buy cadbury?
    About 5 hours ago via web

    I prefer the solid chocolate bunnies; hollow bunnies also yummy.
    About 4 hours ago via web

    Hannity is right, Obama is way worse than Stalin and Stalin was pretty bad (read my book!)
    About 2 hours ago via web

    Chocolate giving me a tummy ache but I can’t stop eating them. Back on diet tomorrow!
    About 1 hour ago via web

  27. Koch Fembot

    [re=548474]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: We can only hope! I wonder if Drano tastes like candy?

  28. Maxine of Arc

    [re=548536]attorneyatlol[/re]: I beg to differ! The eggs (and other holiday-specific novelties) are superior to the regular peanut butter cups in every way: the chocolate is softer and less waxy, and there’s a higher ratio of peanut butter.

  29. Mr Blifil

    Why do his reports of his sweet tooth cravings cause me to picture excrement being wriggled around in?

  30. Cicada

    I’m a bit late to the comments because the Peeps sugar coating my fingers interferes with my typing. What’s this about a grown man obsessing over candy? Har har what an idiot.

    *wipes caramel smear from cheek*

  31. libwakman

    So sweet of Newties old lady Calligula to stuff his fat ass full of artery blocking goodies. Could she have ulterior motives feeding lard ass lard assed candy?
    I can only hope so.
    Newt, you are a fuckin’ moran.

  32. obfuscator

    “my cat’s breath smells like cat food.”

    “doctor said it wouldn’t bleed so much if I’d keep my finger out of it!”

    former house speaker newt wiggum, everyone. *claps sarcastically*

  33. chaste everywhere

    Newt done confused Reese’s cups with Rhesus monkeys, for whom he saves his wriggliest Easter lovin’.

  34. Darkness

    [re=548498]mumblyjoe[/re]: My first reaction was, oh, well a blathering senile old git can’t possibly win the presidency . . .

  35. An Outhouse

    Did someone steal his tweeter ma gadget? Somebody named Sarah Palin? Jesus, either that happened or the guy seriously needs a cup of warm milk and to be institutionalized.

  36. PlanetWingnuta

    would it be wrong if i asked newt on a tweat if Calista and he visited the hersey highway?

  37. Dean Booth

    “You got tax cuts in my stimulus!”
    “You got stimulus in my tax cuts!”
    “Do not want!”
    “Do not want!”

  38. Potater

    [re=548485]PsycGirl[/re]: Well I’m doing that regardless of Newt’s twattering tales of fancy.

  39. Jim89048

    As if I didn’t already have enough reasons to boycott Hershey’s. A bunch of years ago they closed down their plant in Oakdale CA, fired all their illegal immigrant employees and moved the plant to Mexico, and took their sweet tax cuts along for the ride.

  40. Jukesgrrl

    Newt got chocolate bunnies ($10/pound), I got Peeps (99 cents/per dozen). Is that trickle-down Easter candy for hobos.

  41. BerkeleyFarm

    Happy Half-Price Chocolate Day, everyone!

    I love Reese’s, but Newt and Hershey are both on my personal shitlist. I did learn, thanks to Nigella Lawson and her “Peanut Butter Squares” recipe, that the best way to approximate the Reese’s filling is to mix some butter, some brown sugar, and a whackload of powdered sugar into peanut butter. YUM.

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