preemptive conservative responses

Barack Obama Talks Lady To Death

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Always with the goddamn readingBarack Obama is a loser/nerd who lectures people out of arrogance. There once was a time when presidents “explained” things to Americans. But simply “explaining” is not elitist enough for elitist Starbucks liberals like Barack Obama of liberal Chicago. He lectures people because he is an asshole who thinks Real Americans are stupid. When people ask him questions and he responds with policy details, he is just bragging about how smart he is, in the form of a lecture. And today he lectured a lady for 500 years about his beloved taxes, which didn’t even exist in this country until Nancy Pelosi made people vote for an abortion bill two weeks ago.

Toward the end of a question-and-answer session with workers at an advanced battery technology manufacturer, a woman named Doris stood to ask the president whether it was a “wise decision to add more taxes to us with the health care” package.

“We are over-taxed as it is,” Doris said bluntly.

Obama started out feisty. “Well, let’s talk about that, because this is an area where there’s been just a whole lot of misinformation, and I’m going to have to work hard over the next several months to clean up a lot of the misapprehensions that people have,” the president said.

He then spent the next 17 minutes and 12 seconds lulling the crowd into a daze. His discursive answer – more than 2,500 words long — wandered from topic to topic, including commentary on the deficit, pay-as-you-go rules passed by Congress, Congressional Budget Office reports on Medicare waste, COBRA coverage, the Recovery Act and Federal Medical Assistance Percentages (he referred to this last item by its inside-the-Beltway name, “F-Map”). He talked about the notion of eliminating foreign aid (not worth it, he said). He invoked Warren Buffett, earmarks and the payroll tax that funds Medicare (referring to it, in fluent Washington lingo, as “FICA”).

What a snob. Makes you long for the non-elitist days, when a president would respond to Doris’ question with a quick slap on the ass and a winking, “you’ll be alright, gorgeous, I’ll get those taxes out of the way.”

[Washington Post]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


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  • megs

    Must have been one heck of a teleprompter!!

  • drrty martini

    And then that president would quietly marvel at how much room his new slacks afforded his bunghole.

  • nyhfrog

    Like I’ve got time for that! I have FlashForward and Justified episodes DVR’d out the Wazoo. Not to mention that I barely have had any time to get my almost four-year-old addicted to the Wii he got for Christmas. Jeez!

  • Third-hand Smoke

    Oh the horrors! When can we oust this uppity Ne-something and replace him with another dumb white feller that would rather clear brush than learn? John McCain, we need you now!


  • GOPCrusher

    BO: Doris, do you make over 250,000 a year?
    Doris: No
    BO: Then STFU and quit listening to the Tea Bagger bullshit. Next question.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Doris, have your taxes gone up? Okay, thank you — next question.

  • Ducksworthy

    I’d like a shot of bile with a vitriol chaser.

  • weejee

    He’s got some ‘splain’ to do.

  • blinky_twinkie

    That’s what happens when you announce a new nuclear arms treaty with the Russians, provide health care for (almost) every American, pass education reform, pass a landmark jobs bill, visit the troops in Afghanistan, and host the (crazy) Israeli Prime Minister and the French President all in the same week. You tend to get a little tired.

  • Mad Brahms

    Is the word “discursive” intended as a pejorative? What, did they run out of juicy adjectives over at the Post?

  • notreallyhelping

    Yeah, but still, those last 12 seconds were shamelessly gratutious.

  • BaconTime

    I wish I could tap into Obama’s secret motivation reserves. I get discouraged and dejected when somebody at the office doesn’t respond to an email that took all of 30 seconds to write. Meanwhile this guy gets asked the same goddamn stupid question he’s been getting since day one, spends 20 full minutes out of his busy day enthusiastically sharing how he’s pored over every detail of this, and what does he get? “YAWN”

    How does he do this every day without going completely insane? it’s uncanny!

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Doris was really complaining about the dead batteries in her dildo mallet. She’s just tired (over taxed)from having to finish the job manually. Doris the battery slayer was really hitting on Barry. It’s good to be the prez.

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=547792]drrty martini[/re]: I’ll be laughing about that all weekend.

  • Come here a minute

    [re=547818]BaconTime[/re]: Yeah, Kal, we understand.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Doris, that’s what you get when you enter a battle of brains unarmed.

  • SmutBoffin

    The WaPo reporter who filed that shit obviously wasn’t interested in parsing, distilling, and summarizing it. That last ‘graf might as well be “yadda-yadda-yadda”.

    I blame Twitter for all this. (I am looking daggers at you, Jim.)

    [re=547789]megs[/re]: One day that thing will become intelligent, go all Skynet, and Barry will end up ordering us all into the nutrient reclamation tanks, where our valuable hydrocarbons will be harvested for use as robot lube.

  • SmutBoffin

    [re=547827]SmutBoffin[/re]: From the comments:

    Weapon system patents reveal silent, powerful attack system in YOUR backyard.”

    See, someone agrees with me on the ‘killer robots’ thing.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    “nutrient reclamation tanks” otherwise known as hot tubs.
    Wake up people!

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=547827]SmutBoffin[/re]: To be fair, Ms. Kornblutt’s point was that President Obama should maybe emphasize the selling more than the explaining. I was listening to Rush earlier today, and while Obama tries to nail down every factual loose end, Rush just latches onto whatever point seems most vulnerable and gnaws it to death like a weasel on a pork chop. There’s a useful rhetorical midpoint in there that Obama might want to make a beachhead on.

  • Come here a minute

    [re=547840]SayItWithWookies[/re]: So you’re saying more porkchops?

  • RoscoePColtraine

    “I’ll take my answer off the air, Larry.”

    I now understand this to mean “if your answer to my question takes longer to give than it took me to ask it, I’ll be tuning you out and giving the cat a bath.”

  • SmutBoffin

    [re=547840]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Point taken. I suppose I am just frustrated that all the thought and careful planning in the bill (that Mr. Obama was trying to emphasize, no doubt) can be summarily dismissed in the public mind by one goober yelling “SOCIALISM!”.

  • KnaveOfDiamonds

    Wait… since when is FICA some sort of fancy Washington jargon. Does no one read their pay stubs any more? Maybe people who complain about taxes should know what taxes they actually pay.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=547840]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Obama can’t do that. In the back of his mind, he’s still thinking that if he says anything wrong, glosses over anything, or omits anything, some U of Chicago smart-ass will raise their hand and call him out on it publically, because U of C kids are assholes that way.

  • Katydid

    [re=547799]GOPCrusher[/re]: I wish you were a copy editor at the WaPo.

  • Autoo

    [re=547799]GOPCrusher[/re]: Seriously, how fucking hard should it be to get poors to admit it would be a helpful thing to get the fucking rich people to start paying their fucking taxes again?

    Harder than you think!

  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=547855]KnaveOfDiamonds[/re]: FICA? Just a bunch of Washington fancy talk!

  • arewethereyet

    [re=547825]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Now that’s funny!! Can’t wait to throw that line out there with my repug family members, this sunday, at dinner. sorry about the punctuation and all, been clearing brush all day, seriously, and am tired.

  • mustardman

    Doris the Faux Noise channel explorer.

  • Cape Clod

    [re=547799]GOPCrusher[/re]: “and I’m taking away your right to vote until you learn educate yourself properly on issues, now shut up and go make some fucking batteries.”

  • southern mark smith

    Shorter Anne Kornblut: Obama answered the lady’s question. Therefore, he sucks.

    Doris asked what she thought was a yes/no question, which it is not. At least not without considerable qualification. Which is precisely what Barry did–he answered her Bush-like yes/no question with a “no”, but added the necessary qualifications. This took over 17 minutes of unscripted “thinking” and “answering”. And fuckin DC press corpse wonders why the White House is so exasperated with them.

    Shorter southern mark smith: shut up, Anne Kornblut.

  • southern mark smith

    [re=547899]southern mark smith[/re]: but she is kinda cute, so I take it all back.

  • sezme

    [re=547840]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Gnaws it to death like Sarah Palin on a pork chop. [/fixed]

    Actually, same thing. Never mind.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=547818]BaconTime[/re]: “How does he do this every day without going completely insane?”

    TeaTard: “…blatherblatherbullshitblatherdrooltaxesblatherfreedumbblather…”

    Obama: ::thinking:: “note to self – time to update Presidential Death-Panel bracket…”

  • american mutt

    He should’ve just said, “911” and moved on.

  • sati demise

    Wonkette is awesome today. scraping and bowing before the overlords.
    And Barry, yea, that was awesome but all they heard was blah, blah, blah

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=547856]AxmxZ[/re]: I swear he’s been able to consistently do the selling-point approach before, though I’m a little too lazy to actually find an example right now. But you’ll know he’s at it again when the Republicans start complaining about how he’s in permanent campaign mode — that’s code for “he’s beating the tar out of us again.”

  • Bz

    What a horror; actually explaining a complex issue rather than plying platitudes and bumper sticker rhetoric.

  • AddHomonym

    WTF is COBRA??!?!11? You eleetiss WaPo pomo homo! You forgot to Google COBRA and splain it to me.

  • Mr Blifil

    Apparently anything short of “SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH!111!!” would be deemed insufficiently entertaining.

    “Yawn. Policy is so boring. That’s why I devoted my life to being a Washington Post political reporter.” I can imagine Anne Kornblutt in journalism school, learning journalism, telling her professor that she finds policy boring and would he/she mind being less “discursive?” And from those humble beginnings, after a string of hundreds of adroitly performed blow-jobs, a slammin’ position at the Post just happened to have her name on it at the right time. It seems like the blow job for the Obama administration will not be soon forthcumming.

  • AddHomonym

    [re=548027]Mr Blifil[/re]: Or maybe, “Bein’ president is hard work.” People liked that one. Srsly, it would have been AWESOME if Obama had followed up that long discurse with, “Or as my predecessor might say, ‘It’s hard work.'”

  • Hooray For Anything

    He should have just said something like “do you like the police? do you like water service? Roads? Supporting our troops?” and then, of course, they’ll say yes and then he could say “do you like it when Mexicans or Black people get water service or roads?” and when they answer no, Obama could just pretty much rest his case.

  • gaswhisperer

    “A woman equipped with GOP talking points asked him about health care. He gave her an epic 15 minutes answer, explained everything point by point in a way that really have to convince any reasonable listener – And afterword she said that she didn’t change her mind.”

    Per blackwaterdog’s diary, “When a president is far ahead of the country”

  • obfuscator

    what kind of snide asshole answers a partisan-slanted political question with facts and details and nuance? doesn’t he know how short our attention spans are? what a prick.

  • donttouchmycat

    Doris, et al: Respect my stu-pid-i-tay.

  • S.Luggo

    — Makes you long for the non-elitist days, when a president would respond to Doris’ question with a quick slap on the ass and a winking, “you’ll be alright, gorgeous, I’ll get those taxes out of the way.” —

    Bush II would have thought that he speaking to the ghost of Doris Duke.
    “In an alcoholic haze, all things are possible.” — Dame Lady Peggyton of Noonyville

  • gurukalehuru

    Doris the advanced technology battery manufacturer could be the new Joe the plumber.

  • XOhioan

    “…clean up a lot of the misapprehensions that people have”
    That means Doris will soon be liquidated.

  • JoeTheMechanic

    When he called her an “F-map”, she shoulda whipped out her shotgun.

  • mardam422

    [re=547855]KnaveOfDiamonds[/re]: Are you insane?

  • thelonegunman

    wow – an educated and articulate president… how elitist… what would the ‘founding fathers’ think about some educated smart guy in the white house?

    (hint: most if not all were educated and articulate…)