RUMORS ON THE INTERNET  12:14 pm April 2, 2010

ACORN Will Return With the Aztecs and Mitt Romney In 2012

by Riley Waggaman

  • Oh you thought ACORN went away forever? You are an April Fool because ACORN is just “reinventing” itself and when its good and ready it’ll resurrect and freak everyone out, just as Jesus once did. [RedState]
  • Andrew Sullivan has a new Internet hobby: Looking at pictures of dudes with beards eating cupcakes. [The Daily Dish]
  • For no reason at all everybody is emailing K-Lo their Thoughts on Porn, stuff like, “Furries saved my marriage but I’m not sure if that Japanese tentacle squid-sex thing is for me, because of Pearl Harbor.” [The Corner]
  • Speaking of Pearl Harbor: Hawaii has its own Scott Brown, except he’s not naked so that sort of defeats the whole purpose of having a Scott Brown. [Weekly Standard]
  • Experts are sure that we are “in the midst of a cocktail renaissance,” because America loves flirtinis or something? [Hit & Run]
 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 26 comments }

gurukalehuru April 2, 2010 at 12:26 pm

That Katherine Lopez is no Ken Layne.

Scarab April 2, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Cupcakes? Is that what they’re being called now?

Autoo April 2, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Things to do this tax season:

1) Gather documents and finish 1040-A form
2) Talk to bank about home re-fi with $20K cash out

Oh, ACORN’s back up and running?

3) Set up consulting appointment in re: avoiding taxes on my stable of underage Thai/Mex prostitutes

taylormattd April 2, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Does this mean Intern Riley is (1) no longer an intern; and (2) the new SKS?

(Note to intern riley: this post needs more pubes).

Ruhe April 2, 2010 at 12:30 pm

In the original “article” behind the RedState link Matthew Vadum refers to “vote fraud manufacturer, Project Vote” and “housing bubble generator, Acorn Housing”. Are there journalism programs at some Universities that actually offer Mendacity 101 courses?

Lascauxcaveman April 2, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Speaking of cocktails, I made a surprisingly delicious steak marinade the other day with bourbon and amaretto, Worcestershire sauce, garlic, curry and a few other spices I can’t remember.

Throw in a little tomato juice and you’d get a rather kinky Bloody Mary out of it.

GoinGreen April 2, 2010 at 12:35 pm

[re=547532]gurukalehuru[/re]: No shit – that article about “emails from teh pr0n” people sucked. It didn’t have one link to some good butsecks.

Chernobyl Soup April 2, 2010 at 12:35 pm

[re=547536]Ruhe[/re]: Only at Liberty U and Oral Roberts. Columbia School of Journalism has one but it’s only available online.

Vulpes82 April 2, 2010 at 12:37 pm

God, Andrew Sullivan’s talking about his sex life again? Ewwww!

gurukalehuru April 2, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Look, you don’t need a primary. Call it a Democratic Party Luau. Have a lot of food, a couple of bands, a 15 minute speech by each candidate and a half hour moderated debate, with a break for audience milling and mulling it over, plenty of mai-tais and then, at the end, a vote by those present, with an agreement by the candidates that the loser will back out. It should be very easy to do if the whole district is on Oahu.
Otherwise you get some weaselly little Republican sneaking in there and nobody wants that.

SmutBoffin April 2, 2010 at 12:50 pm

[re=547541]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Bloody bull. It’s like a bloody mary with BEEF. (No, I have never had one.)

S.Luggo April 2, 2010 at 12:51 pm

[re=547532]gurukalehuru[/re]: Are you saying that Layne lacks a penis?

GOPCrusher April 2, 2010 at 12:56 pm

I like the RedState commenter that has “Obamacare:Grandma isn’t shovel ready” for his signature.
I may have to steal that.

S.Luggo April 2, 2010 at 12:58 pm

In other news:
“Why must Obama’s Federal Bureau of Instigation fan the flames?”
http://tinyurl.com/yj73a5q

LittlePig April 2, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Nothing says Bleg Week at NRO like a K-Lo pornucopia.

Katydid April 2, 2010 at 1:08 pm

[re=547579]S.Luggo[/re]: Governors whose offices reported getting the letters included Jennifer Granholm of Michigan, Bobby Jindal of Louisiana, Chet Culver of Iowa, Dave Heineman of Nebraska, Jim Gibbons of Nevada, Brad Henry of Oklahoma, Mike Rounds of South Dakota, Bob McDonnell of Virginia, and Gary Herbert of Utah, where officials stepped up security in response to the letter.

I suppose it would be a mistake to call Trenton and ask if the fat fuck got one yet, and if he needs more than 3 days to get out, due to his fat fuckedness, or his fat fuckosity, grammar nazis help me out here. Fat fuckishness?

SayItWithWookies April 2, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Ugh — I learned one thing (okay, had it reinforced, having learned it a long time ago) from reading about half that K-Lo thing: people fuck up their lives and blame the most outre thing they can for their own abysmal lives. Mostly that’s porn. I didn’t read her conclusion, since I’m not interested in virgins’ opinions about sex. Or their opinions about much of anything else, for that matter.

GOPCrusher April 2, 2010 at 1:29 pm

[re=547579]S.Luggo[/re]: Really makes you question, who in their right mind thinks that sending a threat by letter, e-mail, or posting on the internet, is a good idea?

S.Luggo April 2, 2010 at 1:30 pm

[re=547590]Katydid[/re]: Fatfuck indeed.

NJ’s porcine Christie has proposed a nearly $1 billion cut in public school funding. (He feels that, for example, reading is a much over-rated skill … unless it involves deciphering a McDonald’s menu.)

In anticipation of the cut, many districts have begun laying off their teaching staff, especially in some of the touchy-feely subjects. E.g., my niece, a science teacher, just got furloughed. Serves her right, the hippie.

I told her and told her not to teach that “Theory of Gravity” shit in class. But if she did teach it, then she should give equal weight to the other side. Did she listen? Noooo.

MissyLissa April 2, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Wow, that porn thing is one of the best comedy bits I’ve ever read. Especially the letter about how there are too many women everywhere.

“I wouldn’t have to watch so much porn if you’d just let me go spent time alone with some guys. No girls though. That ruins it.”

S.Luggo April 2, 2010 at 1:32 pm

[re=547606]GOPCrusher[/re]: The question answers itself.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 2, 2010 at 1:47 pm

So, K-Lo is encouraging people to send her their porn suggestions? Is this going to turn into a take off of Red Shoes Diaries with K-Lo taking the David Duchovny roll, or does K-Lo just need to get out more?

Autoo April 2, 2010 at 1:51 pm

[re=547590]Katydid[/re]: “Fat Fuckishness” sounds pretty good, unless you want to give it an extra twist and go for “Fucked Fascistness,” which I suppose, technically carries a different meaning but also implies extra evilness.

[re=547541]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Say, it’s been awhile since I’ve had dinner at your place…

RoscoePColtraine April 2, 2010 at 1:52 pm

[re=547541]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:
You know what this cocktail needs is a steak garnish.

Potater April 2, 2010 at 2:15 pm

[re=547590]Katydid[/re]: Fat fuckery, I believe, is the Queen’s English’s favored form.

[re=547611]MissyLissa[/re]: I’m sure that’s what plenty of conservatives want — to just spend some time alone with nothing but guys, tons of guys, and no women around for miles. Then they could agree loudly with each other, again and again, about their love of Christ

“Oh God, oh God”
“Yes, yes, yes”
“Oh God, oh God”
“Yes, yes, yes”
“OH GOD!!!”

The Pope would approve.

javelina April 2, 2010 at 6:49 pm

I loved her recommendations for dealing with porn addiction: “And do we even feel free to be feminine? Are men hesitant to even hold doors for us?”. Open what?

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: