Fresh from his groundbreaking theory about the lazy Jews (“Why didn’t Jews show any understanding of evil by making hobbit books during the Holocaust?”), New York Times creepy blogger Ross Douthat has stumbled upon yet another unique thought, this time about all the Catholic priests fucking little children forever. Could it be that somehow liberals are to blame for this, too, because heterosexual non-clergy adults perhaps had sex outside of marriage during the 1970s, the “Nixon Decade”?
Now, it is undisputed fact that adult male Catholic priests brutalize and rape the little boys they are trusted to teach about Jesus, and that this is happening almost any place where there are Catholic priests, and it’s been well-documented throughout the last century. (We say “almost” any place because in Africa, the Catholic priests seem to have a personal distaste for raping little boy children in the anus with their adult cocks — the style in most African churches is to brutally rape nuns.)
Honestly, is there a parent in the world that would leave their child with a goddamned priest today? The kid would be safer in a box of live, angry rattlesnakes.
“Just going to drop off our son at Catholic School, be back soon!”
“Oh, good. Our little boy hasn’t been held down and fucked up the ass by a nasty old drunk man since last week!”
Anyway, wow, who wants to bet how many times lil’ Ross got left with Father McBonerforboys? Because he sure wants to find someone other than, say, the evil motherfucking priests to blame.
Liberal Catholics, echoed by the secular press, insist that the whole problem can be traced to clerical celibacy. Conservatives blame the moral relativism that swept the church in the upheavals of the 1970s, when the worst abuses and cover-ups took place.
In reality, the scandal implicates left and right alike. The permissive sexual culture that prevailed everywhere, seminaries included, during the silly season of the ’70s deserves a share of the blame, as does that era’s overemphasis on therapy. (Again and again, bishops relied on psychiatrists rather than common sense in deciding how to handle abusive clerics.)