Cancel Your Plans To Honeymoon In Dagestan

  • Rhode Island, “the Ocean State,” was ironically unprepared for massive flooding that hit this week. [CNN]
  • Kathleen Sebelius sent a sternly worded memo to insurers telling them that they had to be nice to children, even the ones with wonky aortas. [ABC News]
  • The long-awaited spike in swine flu cases has finally come to Georgia, where residents routinely enjoy intercourse with pigs. [Times-Herald]
  • Bad week for Russia. They got suicide-bombed again. [New York Times]
  • Holy crap President Obama actually listened to all those “drill baby drill” people, and now he’s going to open up “huge offshore areas” to drilling for oil and natural gas. [BBC News]
  • The Serbian Parliament finally said “Sorry, our bad” regarding the worst massacre in Europe since World War II. [CNN]
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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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35 comments

  1. Lazy Media

    Don’t knock pig-fucking if you haven’t tried it. Once you go Berkshire, you’ll never go back.

  2. Mild Midwesterner

    As long as insurers can still discriminate against ginger kids, I’ll continue supporting the legislation.

  3. Lazy Media

    The hippies need to make up their mind. If there’s not much oil in the offshore areas, then nobody’s gonna drill there, amirite? And as far as burning that oil contributing to the greenhouse effect, it looks like the Arctic tundra is outgassing so much methane as it melts that it’s a moot point now. It’s tropical swamps filled with giant fauna in our future no matter what we do.

  4. TGY

    Oh, fine. I shall go placidly admid the noise and haste and die of pig AIDS. So I don’t have to hear the drilling.

  5. mumblyjoe

    Wow, America is awesome! We’re at least able to stop our militants before they suicide bomb our police officers, in America’s version of the North Caucasus.

  6. ManchuCandidate

    L.A. proved too much for the man,
    So he’s leavin’ the places he’s come to know,
    Captain Trips said he’s goin’ back to find
    Ooh, what’s left of the world,
    Georgia been left behind
    So so long ago.
    He’s taking,
    Some of that Swing Flu to Georgia,
    And he’s goin’ back
    To a simpler place for sure.
    And I’ll be with him
    With that swine flu to Georgia,
    I’d rather live in his world
    Than live without him in mine.

  7. freakishlystrong

    Jesus Christ, offshore drilling is another motherfucking 12 dimensional chess game that Hopey/Changey engages the wingnuts in. Y’know; give them everything they want before you even get to the bargaining table. water down the bill so it’s practically meaningless, (ie: Republican), and then have no wingnuts vote for it. Then have the wingnuts scream and yell about bipartisanship, have the media immediately agree with them, blame Democrats for the subsequent threats and intimidation upon Democrats after it passes.
    But it’s a win.

    I’ve seen this movie. Wake me when it’s over.

  8. Terry

    Barry, dude, you can’t buy conservative support by giving them concessions like offshore drilling. They’ll take that, then go right along trash talking you and voting against your efforts. Basically, you sold out the Mid-Atlantic and parts of Alaska for nothing. Florida, they’re retarded down there and deserve what they get.

  9. Beck Licks Seer Stones

    I’ll turn to Bill Bennett’s show to get Morning In America – also reasons to bet the over and parlay it with Duke in the Final Four.

  10. Cape Clod

    [re=545309]freakishlystrong[/re]: I know what you mean, let them drill off of Virginia and the Reslugs will just come back and say “What about ANWAR? Are we going to let some birds stand in the way of our security? You’re putting a big target on you’re back which someone is going to take a shot at with a big rifle with a telescopic lense, but I’m not advocating violence.”

  11. Texan Bulldoggette

    I think it’s hilarious. Let all those drill, baby, drill Republitards complain about this. I’m sure there is footage of everyone of those dicks/dickettes saying ‘drill, baby, drill’.

  12. Katydid

    [re=545321]Cape Clod[/re]: Nah, this mourning in Murikkka, the Repubs will be against off-shore drilling. It’s that simple.

  13. MysteriousHoatzin

    OMG, don’t tell me it is no longer Morning in America! We’ve been mislead! Boo!

  14. cheeto_jeebus

    [re=545328]Katydid[/re]: agreeing also like and such and for example. No R is going to vote for it-remember mccain’s promise post HCR. and there won’t be enough dems to go for it either. Just a quick way to more succinctly demonstrate R’s are assholes.

  15. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Everyone ok?

    Probably, as long as they don’t read the comments on that article.

  16. red sky

    [re=545315]Terry[/re]: I don’t think he’s trying to buy their votes, he’s calling their bluff. There isn’t enought oil worth drilling for off the East Coast (maybe in Gulf of Mexico if it’s not being drilled already), this way he gets the Dems (what are you going to do, vote for a third party, throw your vote away, muhhh ha, ha, ha) and independents support for a climate and energy bills, and we have the Rethugs standing naked in the wind w/ nothing left to offer.

  17. norbizness

    I must have missed the place where Ross Douthat was discussed. As if we don’t get his recycled columns and the recycled, canned retorts that come with it enough.

    As for mainly useless offshore drilling, I’ll be sure to check in with the bland corporatist wing of the Democratic Party blogger pyramid scheme to see who’s already on board. Kevin Drum and that dude from the Washington Monthly have already given it the thumbs-up. I will be for this program if it employs out-of-work tea partiers as offshore workmen and then we bomb the platforms from space.

  18. chaste everywhere

    [re=545307]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Gladys would be proud. She’s played Madison this weekend to the tune of $85.

  19. Lascauxcaveman

    Obama actually listened to all those “drill baby drill” people, and now he’s going to open up “huge offshore areas” to drilling for oil and natural gas

    Umm, I’m pretty sure this is just Hopey keeping (yet another) one of his campaign promises.

    Something about “Meeting America’s growing energy needs by developing green, renewable energy sources and increasing the number of nuclear power plants, as well as finding and developing additional fossil fuels blah blah blah…”

  20. SayItWithWookies

    [re=545391]red sky[/re]: And Bob McDonnell, when he became governor of VA, announced that one of his first initiatives would be to allow offshore drilling. The flipside to that story was that even if it was allowed immediately, it would be ten years before a drop of oil was even extracted from any viable offshore fields, at least. So allowing it doesn’t really increase our energy independence whatsoever — it just gives the teabaggers one less thing to yell at the federal government about. Let ExxonMobile et. al. be the bad guys for a while, just like in reality.

  21. thebeatgoeson

    Hey – I’m from RI and I resemble that remark! My street is not flooded, but my basement is quite wet, and the neighbor behind me helpfully directed their sump pump outflow hose under our fence and into our yard.

    Seriously, though, the ocean has nothing to do with it, and who can stop rain?! Plus we have a dumb homophobic Catholic Republican Governor – maybe we can blame him.

  22. comicbookguy

    Serbia explains, “We wouldn’t have done it, but seeing those gay Dutch soldiers pushed us over the edge.”

  23. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=545577]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Good points. The economic viability of any given offshore drilling site is going to be the driving factor in this.

    Windfarms, solar, tidal, algae and even sawgrass plantations are all just starting to get developed as energy sources, but I’m guessing ten years from now the smart money will be beginning to be turning away from oil exploration. That may a tad optimistic, but I thinking that’s the trend. Nuclear will be starting a long, slow phase out, just because it’s not getting any cheaper, and all of the above are.

  24. GOPCrusher

    So much for the “green” revolution when we give the Douchenozzles the go-ahead to punch more holes in the ground. I’m of the belief that if they want more offshore drilling, hand them a shovel and telling them to start digging.

Comments are closed.