Today we are saying Good-Bye Forever to our longtime Morning Editor, Sara K. Smith. She is leaving your Wonkette to “make more money writing dildo manuals” or whatever people do for Money these days. We will miss her, the end.
I hired SKS for another Gawker blog, SPLOID, about a half-century ago, in 2005. And then SPLOID shut down, after Gawker almost sold it to Turner Broadcasting (?!) and then I moved to Wonkette, where I’ve been ever since, and then Wonkette got sold and I got to bring Sara over at the very beginning of 2008, and then we got Obama elected. YOU’RE WELCOME.
We have all had many exciting journamalism adventures together, such as covering the Democratic convention in Denver, the Republican trade show in St. Paul, various weird things in Austin and Virginia and etc., plus all the hundreds and hundreds of days of staring at the screen in horror and thousands and thousands of posts about all our favorite Human Cartoon Characters such as what’s-her-face and Walnuts! and the socialisms.
So let’s say good-bye to Sara and thank her for TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS or I guess 2-1/4 years plus all that time she took off to “have a baby” (which no-one has ever seen, suspicious …) and you people in the comments try to class it up for a couple of hours and maybe we won’t have to take out the BanHammer on such a solemn day, in America.
{ 225 comments }
BOOOOOO!
I would do her.
*sniff*
SKS, we hardly knew ya!
That’s sad, but good luck Sara!
(Is this Jim’s fault? Can we blame Jim?)
Jesus I thought for a second that she had died. And was 2 years old.
Sad, so sad. I hate to see a pretty girl go away.
Thanks for the memories, Sarah. All the best. Hopefully your new job will allow you to be as funny there as you were here.
Bye Sarah. Have a good life. I hope you can class up those manuals.
Mourning in America.
Goodbye and good luck in the future, Sara. Thanks for all the laffs along the way.
I don’t have a jokey-joke to make here, as is the usual internet custom. Sorry, internet.
Oh! Sad.
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/funny-pictures-sad-white-kitten-bambi-mom.jpg
Question: now that all the ladies are gone, is the “ette” part of our Wonkette sort of, umm, not?
First LL Cool J, now THIS?!?!?!?
Seriously, just what is it about today’s Wonkette that makes it so unattractive, so unappealing (to hot chix)?
*Blows kiss to SKS* Good luck with the baby-raisin’!
Good luck, Sara K. I’m sure wherever you go after Wonkette it will automatically be a big step up. Wait, that didn’t sound right…
Noooooooooooooooooooooo!
SKS, come back!
omg is there a “doesn’t like” button LOL!111!!?
Thank you for your service to Wonkett! I salute you!
Can’t you get Tina Fey to at least impersonate her for you?
Now that you’ve run off the last of the hot tail in the office, will you finally start wearing pants to work?
[re=545443]Prommie[/re]: Obligatory.
Man, it’s always the pretty girl who goes solo.
Sara K. Smith, the Lauryn Hill of sarcastic, vaguely political, poop joke blogs….you will be missed.
The Republicans warned us that bad things would happen if HCR passed. I always thought they were full of shit, until now. Amen.
Buh Bye, oh damn the door already hit you in the ass sorry… and good luck!
Oh, no…(I thought you were baiting the stfuparents crowd this morning.)..and no and no and no.
We love you, utterly.
Thanks.
First they came for Juli Weiner, but I said nothing because I was not a Juli Weiner. Then they came for Sara K. Smith, but I did not speak up because I am not a Sara K. Smith. And THEN, this one time, at band camp, Wonkette completely ran out of amazingly precocious gals who write like the dickens and are lovely as well. Dang it! Oh, well, we all still love Ken and Jim and Riley, and will miss SKS LIKE THE DICKENS. Good luck with all of that new money and the babies, etc. You are awesome.
Bye Sara — and best wishes with whatever you do in the future! It was fun being your fan and meeting you & Jim in RVA (and sorry they dragged you to Amici instead of someplace good) and if you’re ever not pregnant and want those brownies I owe you, let me know!
Sara, I copy edit dildo manuals, so drop me a line.
Actually this sucks, for us anyway. You’ll be much missed. Good luck!
“Class it up?” “Wonkette?” Does…not…compute…Head…Exploding!!!
Noooooooooo! :( Was it our foul language?
We will miss that double-X chromosome around here, but all the best.
Goodbye, SKS. Now please join us in the comments section.
Oh. Shit. SKS made my mornin’s with her snark. I haz a sad.
[re=545459]mumblyjoe[/re]: Yeah, now we have to give Riley a sex change!
Thanks, Sara. Good luck in the future!
(Aw guys, is Wonkette gonna be a sausage factory for long?)
Can we have a “best of”??? Pleeeeeze! You know, recycled stuff from an old interview from, say 2008? Like LL Cool J?
you’ll rue this day
Nooooo! You join the Snorg Girl and Ccmpbell Brown in the Pantheon of Wonkette Goddess Alums, heng heng. Good luck, and thanks for the LULZ.
I fucked her.
So I take it this means she finally finished that dissertation?
She had the baby???? That’s bullshit. What did she do with the $300 I gave her to get an abortion??
Get somebody on the morning desk that smells like Bourbon and yesterday’s cigarettes.
Goodbye and good luck to SKS and Baby KS; we’ll miss you.
Now, the front page will go back to being nothing but a sausage fest, which doesn’t seem right; someone’s got to put the “-ette” back in Wonkette.
[re=545450]Crank Tango[/re]: That got me for a second, too; I was thinking, Nooooo; but wait, she last posted just an hour ago.
Best wishes with whatever you do in the future and whoever you did in the past.
Awwww, I will miss Mommy K. Smith. Good luck with all that money makin’.
Godspeed and good fortunes, Sarah.
The Wonkette paper will suffer in your absence.
Sara, we will miss you to bits! Best of luck to you and thanks for all the smiles.
Plumpy’nut immortalized forever as easiest trivia question answer.
I think I’ll miss her alt-text captions most of all.
Today, we all haz a sad. Adios, SKS. Your morning scribbles always brought the funny.
Good bye, lady. Mucho respect for the morning shift.
Something is happening at our wonkett. First Juli. Then Intern Riley, who has disappeared from the contact list and is whoring out to Huffpo, and now this. Sara, ’tis a sad day indeed.
On no! My favorite pretend girlfriend who is married with an infant is abandoning me!
Best wishes for everything. Hope you make bags full of money.
Please tell me my Wonkette will be hiring another smart, attractive woman who writes like a dream and has always done perfect alt.texts for pictures.
[re=545487]WadISay[/re]: Just seeing the name, Snorg Girl, and suddenly, I was desolate and sick of an old passion; I have been faithful to thee, snorg girl, in my fashion.
I will miss you, Sarah. Marry well, and inherit, these are the very best ways to make money. Thats my advice.
Bye Sara! Thank you for all that you do! Good times . . . good times . . .
Does this mean that Newell or Layne will have to drag their hung-over carcasses out of bed before 2 p.m. now?
So long, SKS. We already miss you.
SKS, you’re the reason I began reading this perverse thought-manual. I will be forever grateful (?) for the larfs and all the times I messed myself because of what you said.
Cheers and all the best.
WonkSausageParty?
Drill baby drill.
So long Sara. Best of luck in all your endeavors!
Watch out for those crazy teabaggers and whatnot!!!
First the guy from “Stand and Deliver” (Jose Escobar?) dies and then THIS!?
Mourning in America indeed.
I became a regular reader of the Wonkette thanks to Sara’s wit and charm. I even tried to get intern Justin to get me to meet her and the rest of the gang (little did I know she was frakkin’ some dude – or presumably at least, see: Baby K. Smith). That sounds really creepy, but I’m not, I promise.
The long and short of it, good luck, thanks for the laughs and hooray, etc.
That is an awesome blingy, by the way.
The funny ones always get away… Bye SKS, we’ll miss you. Good luck in your new money making thing.
When we wrote “TOGTFO” we didn’t really mean it.
Jeebus weeps.
Were we just hacked?
YOU LIE!
Aw, fuck it. Thanks for the consistant snarkaliciousness, Sarah. Good luck with that hopey/changey thing.
*tongue kiss*
Meh. She was always too normal fit in here. (That’s the ‘denial’ stage, isn’t it?)
But anyways, this whole internets fad is about done anyway, so good timing, Sara! And good luck with your new job, say, you should look into getting one at a newspaper.
[re=545512]Prommie[/re]: To even speak her name is to risk Doom. I was thinking of referring to her as “she-who-wears-the-tee-shirt-of-pulchritude-und-Zaftigheit”. There’s probably also some decent money to be made blackmailing her fellow editors.
[re=545510]Flanders[/re]: Ken nurtures them, and they fledge, ready to take on the big world, leaving Ken once again the lonely empty-nester. (Or, they flee, screaming, as he cackles at the damage he has done to their minds and careers).
[re=545459]mumblyjoe[/re]: New name: Wonkdicks.
SKS – I learned so much from you. Like what alt-text even is, also. Best wishes for fulfilling work, or at least good money.
Does this mean the “Tits or GTFO” rule was finally invoked?
Sniff
Awww go one. Get out of here.
Sniff sniff
I didn’t think you all that fun anyway.
Sniff
Jeez Sara, I can’t stay mad at you.
*Blows the nose*
Good luck with whatever you do.
No, I’m not crying.
I just got allergies.
Sniff Sniff
[re=545534]bjkeefe[/re]: But in all seriousness, best of luck, Sara, and I hope you will be writing somewhere on these Internets, forever.
So long Sara, and thanks for all the fish.
Sara,
A word of advice. It would probably look better on your resume to say you were in a drunken stupor for 2 ¼ years than to let them know you worked at Wonkette.
Enjoy,
Monsieur Grumpe
This is genuinely sad. Sara’s unique style will be very much missed. We’ll always have WALNUTS, Hennnnnngh?
There’s a pattern here. Juli left right after the Tiger Woods scandal broke. Now Sara is leaving after the Jesse James scandal gets going. I can’t say I’m looking forward to whatever scandal will cause Jim to jump ship.
Bye Sara. If you’re leaving to go get tattoos and hang out with Jesse, I thought the Peaches Geldof flower tattoos looked almost acceptable.
It could be worse, I guess. At least now I will have a reason (excuse) to go back to starting my day with a couple of shots of rye whiskey.
Good luck Sara! Please, please come back as a Wonkette commenter! May I suggest a nom de comment such as “Poopy Diaper” or “2am Feeding” so we know it’s you, or just go with “Samozariadnyia Karabina Simonova (SKS) Rifle.”
Bye Sara. I will miss your particular brand of snark–everytime I think “huzzah”, I will think of you. Best wishes & let us know where you land.
[re=545548]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: “Sex worker” also lacks some of the perjorative connotations, and it’s not entirely untrue.
Good luck, SKS. With you’re wordsmithing or whatever the fuck you plan on doing next.
Seriously….please don’t go?
Bye Sara. I hope what ever you’re moving on to is lots of fun and you make lots of money.
I luvs that video of SKS at the Republican 2008 National Covention as she tramps backs and forth with a guard dog attacking her microphone. Absoute comedy gold. Stitches.
****
so did SK Smith serve her term as wonkette editor for longer than Snowbill Grifter served as Alaska’s governor?
i would totally do her, too. she’s got a whole Tina Fey, sassy librarian thing goin
Sara K: Now I’ll really be “Mourning in America”. Thanks for the daily attitude adjustment and fabulous alt-text. Best of luck in the future. I’ll miss you! Also!
Our loss is the world of dildo manuals’ gain. Maybe they will let you add alt text to the illustrations? Good luck!
First Anne Marie, now SKS…are there any more female bloggers out there that even *get* the assfucking jokes? I has a sad.
I <33333 Sara!!
She gave me the true meaning of “clean white tube sock”. Uhhhh, sorry, pls don’t ban me.
BTW, i hatez you for leaving me. I will never forgive you. Ever. My mommy did the same thing to me when she ran off with a travelling Plumpy-nut salesman. Then my dad left me at doorstep of an orphange run by marxist Catholic Priests. I was 29 at the time, but what the fuck? Same thing.
Sarah, best of luck in your future endeavors. You’ll be missed.
Jaysus, this leaves the Wonkette staff as a weiner fest, doesn’t it?
The first Death Panel victim. Damn that health care bill.
God we’re gonna miss her.
I’m still basking in the happy cognitive dissonance of the high point of my career as a Wonkemmenter, when Sara K wrote “Fuck you!” to me (and two other commenters) for ridiculing her Hahvahd education.
Adios, pretty lady!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Holy shit. Go easy, bro.
So let’s see, all the ladies *leave* The Wonketts because Newell and Ken are too handsy, with their hands, at work? Because that’s the, uhh, feeling I’m getting.
This needs to be investigated, or at the very least, Jezebel’d.
Are you leaving to be a roughneck on a Virgina oil rig? We’ll miss you. You were the only editor we know ever got laid. Lord knows that ginger POS has never seen a birth canal since he left his mommy’s.
I want my cunt back.
Thanks for all teh larfs, SKS!
Best,
Smutty-B
[re=545448]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: We haven’t seen the baby probs cause it’s a ginger like Newell.
RIP SKS. I’m sure double-ended will have a better payoff in manual writing. Fare thee well.
[re=545529]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I KNOW! I mean who “has babies” anymore? What a transparent ploy to engender good will, rather than having to construct an argument.
You’re dead to me, Sara! Dead! Why, if I had a Facebook page and you were my friend I’d so totally unfriend you!
Seriously, good luck and think fondly of the days with Wonkette.
So long, lady. Thanks 4 teh funniez.
Today, we are all sad Wonketteers. But good luck, Sara, and thank you for all your contributions to not letting our heads explode from the stupid that is today’s politics.
Who is going to tell Jim that mommy is leaving? Or does he already know, and is holed up in his apartment, crying ginger tears? He thinks it’s his fault, the poor thing (though he’s right). Divorce is so hard on the children.
More “seriously,” though, does this make Jim’s cat the new co-editor?
CommieGirl starts posting, then SKS leaves. Coincidence? I think not!
Thanks, SKS, for the yuks and the satire. Best to you in the future. Namu Amidabutsu &c. There is now a snark deficit in my life…
With SKS gone, how will Wonkette ever Win The Morning again?
Before you go though, I’ve got this dildo I can’t figure out and wouldn’t you know, darn thing didn’t come with a manual! Seeing as you’re a professional at this now, do you think you could write me up a few quick notes on it? Just a couple bullet points or something would be great.
I has a sad. :(
So where is she going?
I can’t wait to see what she does next. Good luck and please visit!
[re=545443]Prommie[/re]: Someone already did.
I guess she was sick of being “paid” in “funny videos” and “links to RedState” rather than “dollars” or “Euros.”
So long and thanks for all the fish.
/stares out longingly at the RSS Feed sea, hoping and praying that the ship with the consistently witty alt-text will appear on the horizon.
//upon seeing it fruitless, hurls self into the water below
I think SKS is actually a Sara Palin impersonator look-a-like
http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/improvised-blog/tina%20fey-thumb-492×371.jpg
Good luck working for Hef.
Wait, this is just a day-early April Fools joke, right?
RIGHT?!
[re=545579]V572625694[/re]: Heh. I was on your team that day. Good times. And it was the ONLY time I was brave enough to pitch SKS any shit.
*Sigh* I guess it’s back to picking on good ol’ Jimmy. It just doesn’t carry the same thrilling threat of instant execution though, does it? Still, he’s pretty good sport…
*heavy sigh*
I will miss her smart-assery. :(
Just like a woman, to follow in the footsteps of daddy Howard.
Let’s hope her tenure at HuffPo will be just as successful.
Good luck SKS! You’ll always be my favourite palindrome.
Wait, we don’t even get a personal good-bye note? This smells funny. Did she get fired or something? Is she even alive? I want answers.
THIS IS ALL INTERN RILEYS FAULT. DAMN YOU RILEY!
[re=545602]joementum[/re]: Y’know, I like the way you think. I wonder if Commiegirl has the chops?
She certainly has the, uh, other qualification to be warmly welcomed here.
Good luck with the move to Wasilla with your 15 children. XXOO!
Farewell, Sara K. Smith. I look forward to your dildo manuals (citation needed?!) and eventual Baby K. Smith persona.
[re=545489]Dolmance[/re]: Not obligatory.
I’ll be sad to see you go, SKS, you’ve given me more than one guffaw over the years. Good luck in all future endeavors.
Come visit sometime.
Can I have your stapler?
You’ll always have a home here if you deign to visit us in the Commenter’s Pit…
Seriously, thanks for everything and best of luck in everything.
*sniffle*
Dude, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Without SKS, who will be the -ette?
Sara, you are teh classy! We will miss you so much. Please come back to kill us all someday (like the baby jeebus). And remember, these words: someday when you are 47, you will probably be pondering your life and will come to the realisation that that 2 1/4 year gig at Wonkette was the best job you ever had. Except of course for the money. Adios, ¡Qué te vaya bien!
Please send in pictures of Lil Truck Nutz from time to time. Thanks for making the past shitty 2 years seem funny.
Oh, so the baby finally took you hostage? Yea, babies do that! Wait until they start walking and running. Its a full time job chasing them.
We will miss you again! so best wishes, good luck, well done, may fortune smile upon you et al
Sara, don’t be ridiculous. You won’t get better sexual harrassment anywhere else.
Might as well close the internet. It’s no good anymore.
it’s always the pretty girl who goes solo.
OMG Jim is next!!?!!
Noooooooo, the Wonkette MILF is leaving. Sad day folks sad day. SKS good luck to you in your new life.
Does Newell absorb her salary? Has he already asked Layne this very question?
Thank-you for your service, Sara.
You and your snarky alt-texts will be missed!
[re=545654]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Don’t even say it. Jim is #1 on my arbitrary crushes on people with red hair list. He’s before Ron Weasley, even.
Goodbye internet lady, we’ll miss you. You made us laugh at the terrible clowns of American politics instead of crying into our collective bottles of booze. (Actually rubbing alcohol. Who can afford booze these days?)
Best of luck to you and baby and baby daddy!
Thanks for all the fun times, SKS! Good luck with the death panels future!
@tunamelt: Jim has the advantage of never getting older.
TWO AND A HALF YEARS, SARA?!
TWO AND A HALF YEARS?!!
wordpress eated my strikeouts :(
On the one hand, my loss is inestimable for I owe Sara my sense of self. It was her brilliant post from last July that gave me my name. And I quote: “The two non-diapered members of the Astronaut Love Triangle have gotten engaged, while the nappied hypotenuse awaits her December trial.”
On the other hand, she’s gonna stop breastfeeding BabyKSmith soon enough and the MammaMammaries will deflate, so perhaps Ken can hire some other bodacious comedienne to replace her.
[re=545583]magic titty[/re]: Hennng? What? Vajazzled, you say?
[re=545468]Ruhe[/re]: Oh, no, not really. You needn’t oblige Prommie to fuck ANYTHING. Skavie perv.
[re=545483]DemmeFatale[/re]: WAGGAMAN!!! GET YOUR ASS IN THOSE GARTERS!!!
In other news: Good luck Sarah. We’ll follow you incessantly and ruin your next 5 gigs out of love.
So what Jim is saying is that SKS hasn’t seen a check with more than three digits in half a decade.
Sara,
Buh-bye. You will be missed and fondly remembered.
[re=545654]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: HOLY SHIT! Do not even think those words.
Oh, and Sara, in case you missed it the first time around, here’s my contribution to future Republican presidential nominee Charlie K. Smith’s convention slideshow.
If his moves are half as nice as his dickface mother, the 2046 Smith/Palin presidency is going to be the fucking bestest evar!
Christ no! I will have to wait for one you lazy bums to get out of bed for a morning dose of snark? Plus dildo manuals won’t write themselves. For money.
@Lascauxcaveman: Now Jim will have to stay just to prove me wrong!!!
fare the well! though this whole leaving a job to spend more time with your family thing is highly suspicious…
Ms. Smith: You are a very smart and funny woman, and you will be missed!
All these years I thought an “SKS” was a machine gun!
dag. thanks for the words, sks. good luck in all your future endeavours, too.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sniff bye …. *uncontrollable sobbing*
You’ve been awesome, SKS! All the best!
I opened Wonkette today and found out Sara K. was disappearing.
Now I know exactly how the Madres de la Plaza de Mayo feel.
oh noes ! Sara, you’re the poet of the snark. I’m literally tearing up, damn you. Thanks for all the LOLs.
We can’t quit you, Sara!
Best wishes -
Well I’m not surprised. But it still totally ruined my day. Hell, my week.
I too, now know what “alt-text” means, thanks to SKS.
I know change is inevitable but fuck I hate it.
he he he I said but fuck.
One time Sara K. Smith slept in my bed!!!!
(I was downstairs on the couch.)
Then we went to Virginia.
Didn’t she leave once before?
Seeya on the flip side, sis. Good luck and don’t take any wooden snark or whatever.
Thanks for the laughs – and where ever you go, WIN THE MORNING!
So long, Sara, and thanks for all the bish.
[re=545756]Jim Newell[/re]: “This one time, at blog camp…”
For the love of Christ, at least don’t replace her with that Riley turd.
[re=545765]trondant[/re]: *titter* stop-it-dude.
Sigh. I guess now Wonkette won’t be my go-to source to incite a masturbation episode.
Sara, I hardly knew thee…but your sensuous, intellectual, smile is truly appealing and endearing…I had a high school sweetheart once…
Oh fer god’s sake, shut up you olde fart…!
[re=545756]Jim Newell[/re]: “Downstairs on the couch” some sort of sex move?
Today’s dildos are bewilderingly complex, and it’s just so hard to pick the right one. I look forward to Sara’s new column in Vibration Enthusiast (topic one: in which various GOP leaders are compared, much like politico and teabags, to self-pleasure products).
Sara: Out of Respect for the last, unsuccessful Vice Presidential candidate of my Party, can I make one request before you go?
Really? Why, thank you.
Okay, here goes:
“HEY, SARAH! SHOW US YOUR TITS!”
/snark off
[I left the "H" in Sarah. You know, to increase the comedic effect?]
Sara: Good luck at your new gig!!!! Thanks for all the laughs (and tears of disgust/shame/horror as the Real Force Behind The Wonkette Throne!
dammit. well, gotta get a real job sometime, i guess, right ?….
:(
we’ll miss ya…..
Finally, Sara gets to move on to a job where Riley will not steal all of her bylines. Farewell, our sweet one.
Good luck Sara. Seems like we were just welcoming you back from preggers leave, and now you’re skipping out on us again – probably because the kid is entering college now, right?
Please drop by occasionally to heckle – we’ll be here doing the same. All the best.
But we just got you back! Good luck Sara, us Wonketters surely will miss you :(
Aw man. Nuts to this.
But good luck to you SKS. You made mornings at work much less irritating.
Good luck with the move, SKS. I hope this doesn’t mean you’re going to deprive the world of your truly wonderful, anvil-banging wordsmithy skills. Don’t forget to write us! To learn that SKS is leaving on the very day the Cherry Blossoms are peaking has me sad and happy at the same time. My head’s going to explo…
[re=545621]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Was your fine comment something to the effect of “Wah wah wah, I’ve got a Harvard degree and I’m only a blogger?” That was sweet. Silly girl: no one told her there’re are not now, never have been, and never will be, jobs for English majors.
Warm regards,
An English major, class of don’t-ask
[re=545858]Jerri[/re]: She made my mornings a little less hateful for sure.
[re=545475]TimeCubist[/re]: So do I! Small world.
Bye, Sara!
*sob*
SKS NOOOOOO!
Does this mean the end of alt/text as well?
Good Luck, SKS. Big fan. I look forward to your detailed instructions on how to properly use the various accessories that come with the 18-inch black mamba.
[re=545629]jetjaguar[/re]: Riley has left the building, too…..
/ominous thunderclap noises
Alas!
Thanks for some great memories, Sara. I wish you success in your future endeavors and all the best.
You go, girl!
[re=545756]Jim Newell[/re]: OMG that is the saddest story I’ve ever heard.
Good luck writing the dildo manuals, SKS!
Hey maybe we could get that Allison Meyers person! I hear she’s a lot of fun, and she’s probably looking for some work now.
Goodbye friend, and happy motoring back on the freeway, which is already in progess.
Wait, SKS was that hot all along? Way to underutilize Wonkette’s best asset. Or keep your integrity, whichever the case may be.
[re=545938]snideinplainsight[/re]: Excellent idea. With her leading negotiations, Ken could finally realize his life-long dream of buying out LNS. I feel sure she speak-a their language.
Damn. Just damn.
Sara, I hope that wherever you go, you get to be as funny as you were here – which means pretty fucking funny.
[re=545911]Flanders[/re]: Everyone is going to work on Sarah Palin’s Alaska show. Sara is going to be a sexy Jezebel kind of Rob Petrie, and Juli and Riley will be sexy iPhone kinds of Sally and Buddy.
Only one real option for a replacement.
Hire Baby K. Smith.
NO dammit, pay her more money
So, does this mean there’s an opening for a Midwest operative? I can TOTALLY play it girly. If you’re into that sort of thing.
Dear Wonkette,
Because it has been like 3.5 hours since Sara K. Smith left you to be Erick Erickson’s foil on CNN’s newest new show (John King’s Passover Seder Heroes), it is not too soon to ask you to please hire me, for America.
Why am I needed? I am very familiar with Web Logs and I even once attempted liveblogging the entire Canadian television coverage of a two-and-a-half week long Nazi ice festival known as “The Winter Olympiad.” (With pretty good success!) I am also full of recipes that will fill enormous gaps in content during America’s holidays. I can go undercover to teabag parties, but since I will just drink at them, I will likely only file belated reports after needling Dave Weigel for scoops.
I promise to never link to The Politico, unless it’s Michael Calderone EVER. I will sometimes put stars around *sexy* words and indiscriminately capitalize words, AFTER A COMMA SPLICE. I will add HAHA or haha or maybe Ha Ha after most unfunny sentences. (Yes yes, style mimicry, you got it. Could this whole letter be any more derivative?) I am also adept at being self-referential and putting unnecessary YouTube embeds below the jump, for page views.
I will not charge you for my services, because America has no money (munnies?) and those T-notes are worthless. You can pay me in Yuan. Delegating is also a specialty of mine, and it seems easy enough to adapt to a policy of telling as-yet-unnamed intern to do it and getting frustrated/blaming that intern when s/he does not.
I have a background in political stuff and now PR, and I used to be a professional libtard (working for capital-P Progressive candidates). I cannot start until the end of April. This should not be a problem, because you let Ken Layne walk his beard through the desert for two months, for art. AND YES I am aware that Ken Layne let Ken Layne do that, do not point it out.
Maybe I could have sent this letter to you, using email, instead of posting it in the comments? That would be a good thought, but… the internet is funnier! Also my email thinger is all gummed up because of the all the forwarded racist Obama jokes I get which are just too hilarious to delete.
Sincerely,
Semi-anonymous commenter
P.S. (Seriously) We’ll miss you, Sara K. Smith!
Damn.
But, ehm, good wishes anyway.
Does that mean you are hiring? I can be snarky. My snark would make David Denby’s nipples hard.
[re=545827]magic titty[/re]: “Downstairs on the couch” some sort of sex move?,/i>
No, that was the “Going to Virginia” part. Please try to keep up.
[re=545868]V572625694[/re]: Was your fine comment something to the effect of “Wah wah wah, I’ve got a Harvard degree and I’m only a blogger?”
No, my comment was something along the lines of “Why did you expect spending $100K on a liberal arts degree to turn out to be a good investment” followed by the suggestion that state school at 1/4 the price would have been good enough. Advice that I hope my liberal-arts-bound daughter, rapidly approaching college, will heed.
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Best wishes, SKS. If they award a Pulitzer for dildo manuals, I’m sure you’ll win it!
We’ll be looking for you to do great things…
Oh, I get it. When is opening night of the lesbian bondage themed nightclub with “Vanity Fair blogger” Juli Wiener?
Dear Sara, you will be missed. Even if you refuse to spell your name in the correct, real American, Palin-Certified way.
Oh, and Ken, did she say which part of the “having a baby” she took off? Maybe it was all just the starting part?
Too bad for us, but I know that Howard K. Smith is smiling somewhere up in “heaven.”
Seriously, what IS it @ today? First one of my best friends hit a *big* birthday and decided to quit her job, remarry the guy she divorced 15 years ago, live on his sailboat and travel the world over, and now SKS is leaving? Sure it’s not Aril Fool’s Day?
OMG..farewell me lady. Good luck with everything!
With two dude editors left, this place is a sausage fest and a light one, at that.
Is Wonkette being “offshored??” Will we see some “helpers from China” like where I work ( these are my wierd things in Austin)?
THANKS NOBAMA!!! IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU.
Thank God for Jim Bunning and Dr. Asshole Delovely from Oklahoma. Now SK wont have to worry about those pesky unemployment claims.
As-Salāmu Alayki, SKS. Don’t pretend you don’t know what that means, you’re not fooling anyone.
Please let us know which lucky dildo company has snapped you up. I’ll be sure to buy all my sexual aids from them going forward. Or backward. Or….well, you get the idea.
You are not only talentedly hilarious, you’ve helped keep me sane, truly, and my only suggestion is to bring the snark to the dildo manuals, they sure could use it. I don’t know how I know that.
Have fun, SKS. Bring us back something from the land of the living!
[re=546091]El Pinche[/re]: Don’t you fucking leave us, now…holding a bag of turkey smokers with a terrific hangunder beneath the overhang.
[re=546169]Sleeves[/re]: Unfortunately I’m stuck here until the Banhammer of Living Doom hits me one fine day (it will be related to Rush Limbaugh I’m sure of it, I hate that tub of kippered pork gristle).
You’re not going to work for Sarah Palin or Michele Malkin, are you? Because no one should be working for Sarah Palin or Michelle Malkin.
Still in love with you, Sara. Adios and best of luck!
Now we will all have to fantasize about Wigg. I hate life.
I haven’t been this sad since I learned, too late, that SKS & Newell were dining blocks away from where I mindlessly executed my perfunctory work routine shuffling papers & sneaking peeks at teh wonkett on company time.
Good bye (never say nev…?) Sara — this Richmonder will NEVAR!!1! forget your funnys
If these posts haven’t left you teary eyed, I gotcha covered, Sayrah. Best wishes in your new adventure.
Good luck over at “Young Eagles”, Sara…
[re=545534]bjkeefe[/re]: It was TITS OF GTFO, plus Sara finally tired of getting covered in Siemens…
So sorry to see you go! Thanks for the funs!
very late to this post but i would like to point out that wonkette editors do much better in the job pool than,
well, me.
best of luck lady, you were a delight to follow. thanks for many many things.
GAAAAAARRRR!
Little do we all realize, SKS left for a very lucrative guest spot on LOST.
Miss you! Smooches!
Bye Sara!!!
(I wonder if she’ll see me all the way down here)
Ban Hammer? Fucking LARPers.
Bye Sara.
Well fuck, I am just now catching up on my beloved Wonkett(I was busy doing teh hard-core drugs, you see) only to be hit with the terrible news of SKS’ departure. Even more tragic than her leaving us, forever!, is the fact that my brilliant suggestion for her replacement(coming in the next sentence!) will never be seen. There is only ONE person with the comedic-chops to fill SKS’ giant clown shoes: SALLY QUINN. I do believe she needs the work what with that mongoloid/’tard son of hers[not to mention famous old Ben Bradlee] to support(and an upcoming society weddin’ to pay fer!) Sally Quinn is just HILARIOUS, I mean, she is some sort of performance artist, right? OOOOoooo Sally Quinn isn’t joking when she writes shitty columns about things only she is vapid enough to give two fucks about … well, what about Roseanne? You’ll win some lefty brownie-points with the handicaps, what with hiring such a delightful person who happens to be OBESE, UNHINGED, and owner of a VAGINA(maybe?). I usually lurk and rarely comment, but I felt compelled to as I will truly miss SKS’ brand of funny. This is all the baby’s fault. somehow! No good has ever come from a baby. Also.
[re=545938]snideinplainsight[/re]: When her head finally explodes inside a small newsroom, that might not work out so well… Soon Michael Steele will be on the market anyway!
This, THIS, is what I get for being out of town and not checking Wonkette for TWO AND A HALF DAYS. Good luck, SKS, and thanks for all the larfs. You will be allowed to guest-post every so often, yes?
I blame Walnuts! !
Do please write dear.
2 years? That’s what, like 25 in interwebs time?
Bye, Bye SKS. You are the Greatest Morning Web DJ ever. I too have been out-of-town for a couple of days and what can I say but Shit Happens. Good Luck and why not try writing a set of Instruction Manuals for the RNC. You know like; DON’T SPEND OTHER CRAZY PEOPLE’S MONEY AT S&M SALOONS WHILE GETTING YOUR ASS WHIPPED BY A HALF-NAKED BUNNY. Sounds easy and I hear they have an opening. Seriously, enjoy life in the AM Drive-Time whereever you go.
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