Look what’s on Facebook, oh boy. Here we have some wedding photos from the arrested Seditious Christian Michigan Militia, Hutaree, and everyone’s got a goddamn assault weapon. This is not a sustainable situation.
GIT THE FACEBOOK PHOTOGRAPHER, SON.
(This is fairly adorable.)
Wingnuts!
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Hey racist sister what have you done?
Hey racist sister who’s the cop killer?
Hey racist sister who’s your camo-man
Hey racist sister Obama’s the one you want
Hey racist sister shot gun!
It’s a nice day to fight again
It’s a nice day for a WHITE (retard) wedding
It’s a nice day to fight again.
Bride (in first pic): There’s no place like home…there’s no place like home…there’s no-
Uh….that has left me speechless. Only thing I could think of is that I didn’t know the Men’s Wearhouse rented camouflage tuxedos these days.
Guntard shotgun wedding, and from the looks of things, WAY too late.
Something tells me the wedding planner was not a gay man.
Camo – appropriate for all occassions.
It’s the wedding the SLA wanted to give Patty Hearst!
The groom looks exactly like Buster Bluth! As for the bride, well…
Her?
I wonder how many bars of gold it costs to rent the wedding bunker…
Some of these just cry out for a Blingee Contest.
Are they actually in a cinderblock survival bunker with track lighting? Classy!
That bitch has got a lot of nerve wearing black.
Hey you got cop-killing bullets up my hoo-hah!
The funniest thing about the picture of the wedding party…. her eyes were CLOSED!
Wow, they look more or less exactly like I expected.
Bride’s gown by Fredrick’s of Hooterville.
That bride has a face like a hammer toe.
This why I love gay weddings. No one brings or gives shotguns at gay weddings.
Aw, who’s the cute little guy being brainwashed into a cult, gun-nuttery and racism? You just know that family’s teaching that kid that he should be shooting at the cops and black people. At least some good may come of this; he’s bound to be better off in foster care than being raised by his parents.
Note to photographer and guests: he’s to young to tell the difference between a toy and the real thing; you’re pretty lucky you survived the wedding.
Shotgun wedding, 2010
Wow, real Americans. You know it’s funny, but they all appear to be the right age for the actual military.
A wedding where everyone has an assault rifle?
Are these people Irish, or what?
Although, might make “banging” the fat bridesmaid a bit more problematic than normal:
Jeremy Grey: RUN! JOHNNY! She’s tryin’ to kill me!
Claire Cleary: Grandma!
John Beckwith: Whoa! Whoa!
Jeremy Grey: Get the gun from her!
Secretary Cleary: Put the gun down! Mother, stop!
Jeremy Grey: This is the real world, lady! You can’t just go shooting people on a whim!
John Beckwith: [shocked] What did you do?
Jeremy Grey: [to Father O'Neil] I told you that in confidence. That was a confession!
Claire Cleary: What are you talking about?
[The Wedding Crashers. GREAT film.]
And finally: Let’s face it: Is there ANYTHING cuter than a toddler pointing a Bushmaster at the camera? I mean, really?
DAMMIT!! I’m JUST to the right in that first pic! Just out of the shot. Also.
-SP
I think I played at that wedding. If I remember correctly, you had to careful of buck-shot in the hors doeuvres.
All that bullshit about how gun rights activists always handle weapons safely, and here they are with their freaking spawn being taught to point one at a person.
This will end well, at some point.
Second from right, I just about deuced a shooter.
Oh, you KNOW they played the Wagner Bridal March.
Do you think the one on the right holding up his finger is saying”I’m Number One”, or is holding up his hand after the Preacher Man said, “If any one objects to this marriage……”. Surely no one would speak up in a room full of Assault Rifles, but with this bunch, you never know.
I suppose the guests had a hard time deciding whether to sit on the bride’s side or the groom’s side since everyone in the room was related to everyone else.
I wanna party with those cats…
Quick! Does anyone know how much C4 is required to blast open a chastity belt?
Count to four after you throw the bouquet, honey.
Maid of honor is kind of badass though.
Gotta love theme weddings
Love how other militia groups interviewed about these guys are like, oh yeah, we don’t hang out with them. They’re waaay too paranoid. Since being paranoid is one of the main enticements for joining a militia group, it must take a shit load of crazy to get uninvited to the regional militia meetings.
Seriously guys, if there is an endgame for inbreeding, this has got to be what it looks like.
She sure got her bangs did purrrty tho.
[re=544677]magic titty[/re]: Just wear a condom. And a kevlar vest with the Level 4 ceramic plates: front, back and groin.
Gentlemen…Gentlemen!!!… Please remove your hats inside the Lord’s House.
Jim–that “adorable” baby looks dead. It’s almost as cute as the Trainspotting baby.
[re=544649]MarSF[/re]:
“Are they actually in a cinderblock survival bunker with track lighting? Classy!”
No, they are in the basement rec room of the only Militia member whose house didn’t arrive on wheels.
Tina Kelley, the source of these lovely portraits, has an entry on her Facebook wall that declares she has “90% luck” today. Does that mean some more of her fringey mcfringerson friends will be slapped with seditious conspiracy charges?
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30378331&id=1599427359#!/1.TINA.KELLEY?v=wall
Yeah, NONE of those guys look like the type who would need to be toting guns in order to not feel powerless and unimportant. Not a one!
I maybe stating the obvious, but professional wedding photographers could have really improved the quality of these photos.
Adjusting the track lighting lamps to bring out the color scheme of the homemade flags and automatic rifles was a start in the right direction, though.
[re=544670]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Nah; despite being racists, they chose a song by a black man:
I got my black shirt on.
I got my black gloves on.
I got my ski mask on.
This shit’s been too long.
I got my twelve gauge sawed off.
I got my headlights turned off.
I’m ’bout to bust some shots off.
I’m ’bout to dust some cops off.
Cop killer, better you than me.
Cop killer, f**k police brutality!
Cop killer, I know your family’s grievin’
(f**k ‘em)
Cop killer, but tonight we get even.
…along with a weird accordionist:
Got an AK-47, well you know it makes me feel alright
Got an Uzi by my pillow, helps me sleep a little better at night
There’s no feeling any greter
Than to shoot first and ask questions later
Now I’m trigger happy, trigger happy every day
Well, you can’t take my guns away, I got a constitutional right
Yeah, I gotta be ready if the Commies attack us tonight
I’ll blow their brains out with my Smith and Wesson
That ought to teach them all a darn good lesson
Now I’m trigger happy, trigger happy every day
(Oh yeah, I’m)trigger, trigger happy
Yes I’m trigger, trigger happy
(Oh baby, I’m)trigger, trigger happy
Yes I’m trigger, trigger happy
(Oh I’m so)trigger, trigger happy
Yes I’m trigger, trigger happy
Better watch out, punk, or I’m gonna have to blow you away
the genetic superiority of the aryan race really shines through, there.
These people do not practice firearms safety.
Were the plastic Walmart bouquets brought in just to “give it a woman’s touch?”
This is one day in your life that you will NEVAR FERGET!!!1!!1
Just before the bride throws the bouquet, did someone yell “Pull!”
“Time for presents!”
“YAY!”
“This one’s from Alan. Oh, look! It’s….another gun.”
What a bunch of smiley, shining, happy people.
According to the bride’s FB wall, she was “90% lucky” yesterday.
I know remember why I move away from Michigan.
Good God! Do people really live like this?!?
What’s on the gifts table? MREs and ammo?
Nazis are cute when they’re little. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO GROW UP???
Goth meets Christian moonbats.
Don’t wish to quibble, but I can’t actually see any shotguns. It appears to be an assault rifled wedding.
The bride just looks positively mortified.
What is wrong with these people?
[re=544691]problemwithcaring[/re]: I must disagree. The photographer really has captured the dead eyes of these fucktards perfectly.
However, I might have spent a little cash on real flowers.
David Tutera comes through with another stunning theme wedding.
I think I was at this wedding!
Still a nicer wedding than mine.
And here I was thinking it was hyperbole when desperate, disenfranchised white people were depicted as “clinging” to guns because it was all that was left after the thorough debasement of their culture, but here we are: a subculture where the gun has been made so personal that it is prominently featured in the wedding portrait. The gist is that if this wedding was not between a Militiaman an a Militiawoman, it might as well have not taken place at all.
[re=544709]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]:
“Now” you moran.
Nice basement. I guess the local Primitive Baptist Church hall was just too damn close to the hippy left for these people.
They got the teabagger flag back there, don’t tread on them!
I wonder if they’re first dance was to “Happiness is a Warm Gun.”
[re=544662]TCmac[/re]: Excellent point. And it’s not like we’re fighting a war in a place known for playing a huge part in bringing forth the Anti-Christ
There’s a slideshow of Hutards and trailers here:
http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/gallery?Site=C4&Date=20100329&Category=NEWS&ArtNo=3290804&Ref=PH&Profile=1318
[re=544654]Jim Demintia[/re]: Yeah, just when you thought militias aren’t just for toothless inbred hicks… it turns out that they are.
Love the Papillon tat. Possible, however, that the tattoo artist was supposed to have given her a tramp stamp but he just mistook her upper chest for her lower back.
Is it just me, or do the mug shots look like a bunch of tweakers?
Ah, the wedding that Levi and Bristol never had, the joy they never knew.
The worst part: They will breed. Again.
Why does the bridesmaid’s dress look more like a bridal gown than what the bride is wearing? Is this traditional in this subculture? Or are they hand me down prom dresses from the few people that actually graduated from high school in that sad town?
Oh god, there are few things more depressing than the ubiquitous white trash butterfly tat…
[re=544740]Gorillionaire[/re]: To be fair, the Primitive Baptists turned them down as creeps and weirdos. And that was at the snake handling service.
Tina Kelley, btw, is Tina Stone now; her husband is Brian Stone Sr., aka Captain Hutaree. Seriously, that’s what he calls himself.
I invoke Law Seven of the Laws of Eight!
Any man may challenge for leadership of the Hutarees…I mean Holnists!
Dammit, how is it that we were denied an exciting televised gunfight/standoff against the feds, at their “compound”?
Yes sir. Tea Bagger Flag in the back!
Pretty “funny” letting that poor kid handle the assault weapon, but just what I’d expect.
[re=544709]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: When I lived in Detroit, I use to visit a buddy in Adrian. Made me want to get back to the west side, stat.
Hey, don’t knock militias. Wingnuts get together at militia meetings and talk, and word gets around, and they never wind up actually doing anything before the cops get them. The ones you have to worry about are the loners. Tim McVeigh, Eric Rudolph, Ted Kaczynski.
They’ve got a sweet video that’s making the rounds over at Huffingtonpost.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Apmn9xMxiZ4
One can only hope they were playing German Art Rock at this wedding.
Honestly? I expected a lot more obesity in these pics.
Still, that’s one ugly bunch o’ first cousins.
I always cry at weddings.
[re=544735]TheWaltonFirm[/re]: Indeed. When I got married, my soon-to-be wife called me ten times a day, at work and everywhere, to ask me things like “which dinner plates do you like the best?” and “what kind of flowers do you want on the table where the cake will be?” until I was totally brain numb. I like to think that this gal called her man over and over to say “you said you would have dehdee’s old M-1 rifle in the weddin pictures right cuz I wanna order a new shoulder strap which one looks best?”
I think they planned to shoot her if it turns out she ain’t no virgin.
The bride, dressed in long chiaro chevronel, tossed off a blazon of gathering arms to the well-washed men in waiting. Revêtement, Mrs. Stone!
[re=544723]MarSF[/re]: [re=544691]problemwithcaring[/re]: Actually, I really like what the photographer did here with the washed out colors and the red eye, you take the lighting effects and couple that with the camouflage netting and low ceilings and it gives the whole event this 1970′s nostalgic effect.
I bet the limp-wristed guy on the left was the one who installed the militia compound’s track lighting.
[re=544779]Ripley_in_CT[/re]: Total Idiocracy
[re=544787]Lazy Media[/re]: Mr. Stone is no mere Captain! Courtesy of Balloon Juice:
RANKS:
RADOK [RD]
BORAMANDER [BM]
ZULIF [ZL]
ARKON [AK]
GOLD RIFLEMAN [GR]
SILVER RIFLEMAN [SR]
BRONZE RIFLEMAN [BR]
LUKORE [LK]
MASTER GUNNER [MG]
SENIOR GUNNER [SG]
GUNNER [GN]
Hell, who wouldn’t want to be Mrs. Radok Stone, Sr.? One day, she would be the Boramanderette!
Btw, “Seditious christian Michigan militia” is really hard to say three times fast.
I’m pro Second Amendment, but it’s displays like this that make me question my support of it.
[re=544647]AmesG[/re]: second psycho from the right looks just like James O’Keefe…
[re=544816]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: The term that is more applicable here is “pet eye” which is what happens when you take a night shot of the rabid dog in your backyard to send to animal control. I agree that it adds something special to these lovely photos!
[re=544723]MarSF[/re]: You make good points.
[re=544647]AmesG[/re]: Beatrice (Edgar-bug’s wife) in Men In Black?
[re=544809]stew[/re]: I think they planned to shoot her if she turned out to BE a virgin: “If she ain’t good enough for her own kin, she ain’t good enough for our’n.”
Sorry: that’s West Virginia, not Michigan.
[re=544651]Cape Clod[/re]: She would have needed more to wear white.
That adorable baby you linked to is about to pull out an enormous fucking hand cannon from the backside of his nappy.
[re=544699]imissopus[/re]: Pull. Awesome.
I’m loving the bridesmaid. I want THAT bridesmaid iffen I ever git hitched again. Flowers in one hand, assault rifle in the other? You gotta know she can fucking straighten the train and make sure my makeup is good before the picture takin.
[re=544798]bitchincamaro[/re]:
I spent a fair amount of time in Battle Creek and Kalamazoo. Adrian, a few times. Got stoned and then got lost.
[re=544806]Gorillionaire[/re]: Haha! Women are the same all over.
I think it’s de rigeur in militia circles for the bride to wear black when she’s the groom’s sister.
So this would be the venerable institution that must at all costs be defended from teh gays?
[re=544968]Gayer Than Thou[/re]: Of course! Teh Gheys don’t show it the proper reverence…
[re=544779]Ripley_in_CT[/re]: At a rate exceeding that of their tendency to blow themselves up, sadly. I’m related by marriage to assclowns like this (distantly, and without the militia shit, but still all the makings of a Klan mini-rally). Their shitty trailers have a nasty habit of burning down from faulty wiring, and the mixture of toxic fumes and lead paints impairs the children, but the human reproductive impulse is damn near unstoppable.
[re=544968]Gayer Than Thou[/re]: Damn straight. Them gheys, they think marriage is about love and respect. They don’t know its a FUCKING WAR ZONE, people. Can’t let em marry – they’d screw it up for the rest of us, with their antiquing, brunching and such.
I will say this, though – I could be wrong, but I don’t think anyone’s going to try and pull any form of domestic violence with the bridesmaid. Something about the stare and the gun tells me she’s not about to take shit from some guy. The bride, sadly, not so much.
[re=544655]Joshua Norton[/re]: Thanks. You just made me spit tea all over my keyboard…
Where is Tom Arnold in this picture?
[re=545040]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Isn’t that always the way? All the bad toxic fumes and lead paint might make you dumb but not impotent or sterile, which would do so much more good.
A simple internet search could have made this wedding so much more stylish: http://www.camo.simplyformal.com/index.php/wedding/bridal-gowns.html
To rip off my favorite MST3K quote: “Ah! Our Proud Viking Heritage!”
“You’ll shoot your eye out, kid”.
See what I’ve been talking about.
[re=545080]AlexisHidell[/re]: Be nice, even though he was in “Soul Plane” he still has SOME sense of shame.
This kind of vicious ignorance has been a tradition here since 1927.
Jesus titty fucking christ! That picture is worth a thousand misspelled words.
1. I so wish that kid had pulled the trigger — then it would be tragedy, but isn’t comedy tragedy over time?
2. I never did the Chicken Dance with an automatic weapon.
3. I just heard some wingnut say, (insert obligatory snide tone), “well we can’t call them ‘muslim terrorists’, yet they get all upset about ‘christian militias’.” ????!!?WhiskeyTangoFoxtwat?
4. I wonder where they honeymooned?
[re=545235]Radiotherapy[/re]: 4.) Harpers Ferry
“Does my ass look fat in this ammo belt?”
If this is how they do weddings, steer clear of the divorce proceedings.
These people’s stupidity is summarized by their own statement that they believed blowing up a cop funeral would “demoralize” the police.
HAH HAHAH HAHAH. Wow.
If by “demoralize” they mean, they expected the police to turn around and drop a nuke on their trailer park, then flame thrower whatever is not ash, um, sure.
[re=544801]Lazy Media[/re]: There is much to what you say. In any sizable group *someone* gets cold feet, decides to snatch a reward, or just decides he’s pissed at the leadership and snitches before the big show.
BLACK people, BLACK weapons for formal events like weddings! Puhlease!
I wonder if they had a DJ or live music at the reception. Either way, I hope Kool and the Gang’s “Celebration” and CCR’s “Proud Mary” got some airtime.
[re=544723]MarSF[/re]: Don’t be silly! Real plants would never survive in a subterranean basement/bunker.
Southern Michigan is filled with so many people of Southern Scots-Irish/Irish decent it’s not even funny. You’d swear it was was Appalachia with heavy, winters’ snow. Everyone in Metro Detroit is just like “WTF” when they hear about what lies just outside their borders. It’s a whole other world. Ohio and Indiana can have Southern Michigan, if they’d like. It’d fit in much better with them
Hutaree! Like shittaree but with more hooting! Do you s’pose they meet at Hooters?
[re=544655]Joshua Norton[/re]: Hutarees of Hooterville, huh? The reception will be at Hooters, I suppose.
[re=544708]Absolutely Fapulous[/re]: Which means what? She had sex with her second choice?
[re=544769]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Of course they’re tweakers! That’s why they’re paranoid! Or one reason.
[re=546404]LowerdPeninsula[/re]:
You’ve heard of Michi-ana, haven’t you? Kentucki-ana is worse.
This in not a weddings This is a circus
sorry…a wedding
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