LOL MESSIAH  5:03 pm March 29, 2010

Norm the Messiah: ‘YouTube Belongs To ME!’

by Ken Layne

He threatened George W. Bush and Barack Obama and David Duke and Harry Reid and the talking pig-god Babe, and we did nothing.

He threatened Eric Cantor, and we just laughed because lol Cantor. He either threatened or promised to help “gays- leabians-Emos- Kurds-Amadias-and transgender,” and we were frankly just too confused to respond. He threatened to burn down CNN and we were all, “Fine, who cares.” He destroyed Communism, and killed 850 million Chinese, because they ate his Dogs and Cats. Look, look how much he loves the Emos, “My Children,” what with their hair and whatever:

But then He threatened our YouTube, source of all the World’s Humor, and we just posted the video, even though He stated that “YouTube employees will ALL lose there first born sons.” [YouTube]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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An Outhouse March 29, 2010 at 5:06 pm

He’s just like the nice quiet boy who lives next door.

comicbookguy March 29, 2010 at 5:08 pm

All this just proves Cantor’s original point, that Democrats should vote NO on health care.

gurukalehuru March 29, 2010 at 5:09 pm

He’s no Chris Crocker.

EdFlinstone March 29, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Ken…..uncle……I can’t take anymore of these.

bureaucrap March 29, 2010 at 5:10 pm

It appears that Norm and Skoalrebel are sharing the same mobile home. Perhaps they are partnered. Norm, of course, always demands that Skoalrebel expectorate OUTSIDE the trailer. But Skoalrebel always ignores him. They have a tense relationship, but the make-up sex is great!

Aguacatero March 29, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Lamer, but reminiscent of de Niro as Rupert Pupkin in the basement of his mom’s house taping imaginary variety shows in King of Comedy.

“Rupert, what are you doing down there?”


Monsieur Grumpe March 29, 2010 at 5:13 pm

Does this guy have a wife?

Fabuloso March 29, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Lighten up, Francis.

Sleeves March 29, 2010 at 5:14 pm

I’m crying Bruce. Uncle. Lenny. Marvelous day for Wonkette.

KilgoreTrout_XL March 29, 2010 at 5:14 pm

What a delightful crazy person in a bathrobe.

SlouchingTowardsWasilla March 29, 2010 at 5:14 pm

He controls everything and he still picked that wallpaper.

eekahil March 29, 2010 at 5:15 pm

1. All your You Tubes are belong to us.
2. You can tell “He” is not really The Man Upstairs because he isn’t talking the Bible way – where’s the “thee” “thy” “thou” “smiteth” stuffeth, eh?
3. Nice bathrobe, dude.

Terry March 29, 2010 at 5:15 pm

I wonder if he threatened the FBI agents who went to pick him up. I bet they loved that.

chascates March 29, 2010 at 5:16 pm

This proves false the claim that our nation’s water has antidepressants in it.

Bearbloke March 29, 2010 at 5:17 pm

[re=543852]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Who needs a wife when you have a Disciple like this?

Lascauxcaveman March 29, 2010 at 5:17 pm

[re=543852]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: HA! Ick! Um, good lord, could you imagine?

eekahil March 29, 2010 at 5:18 pm

05:30 “I warned you from my mouth”. A little.

Mojopo March 29, 2010 at 5:19 pm

When I see his face, I wonder if he smells like Blue Goo and lunchmeat. I dunno, just a hunch.

tootsieroll March 29, 2010 at 5:21 pm

[re=543846]EdFlinstone[/re]: +1

sati demise March 29, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Wonkette has descended into the basement of HELL.

No cheetos, no coffee, nothin’ but teh crazy.

god.was.stingy March 29, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Crazy man on street with sandwich board sign, meet your fewtchah! I’m pretty sure this is the guy in charge of death panels.

contentsunderpressure March 29, 2010 at 5:24 pm

What the what?

GOPCrusher March 29, 2010 at 5:24 pm

I think it was John Cleese that said “We have crazy people in England too. We just don’t pay as much attention to them.”

Radiotherapy March 29, 2010 at 5:27 pm

[re=543846]EdFlinstone[/re]: GREEN BALLOONS!!!

He puts the shit in omniscience.

sati demise March 29, 2010 at 5:30 pm

looking at 15 years and $500,000 fine.

Bearbloke March 29, 2010 at 5:34 pm

[re=543897]sati demise[/re]: Just like Jesus! And during Holy Week…. spooky!

Bearbloke March 29, 2010 at 5:37 pm

[re=543897]sati demise[/re]: So Cantor is claiming this nutter tossed the bullet at the window?

lochnessmonster March 29, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Dada art? or if that is a coffee machine in the background maybe he should use it…

Cape Clod March 29, 2010 at 5:38 pm

[re=543897]sati demise[/re]: Really? Can I have his apartment?

slappypaddy March 29, 2010 at 5:39 pm

i have looked madness in the face… and it is bleary-eyed. get some sleep, dude. or god, or whoever you are.

Pop Socket March 29, 2010 at 5:40 pm

He looks like Eddie Izzard after a very, very bad night.

Sleeves March 29, 2010 at 5:42 pm

[re=543897]sati demise[/re]: He’s looking at a different sort of agent, else you got me and you got me *bad*.

Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire March 29, 2010 at 5:50 pm

Wow, Tom Hanks has really let himself go.

loquaciousmusic March 29, 2010 at 5:53 pm

He has serious bags under his eyes. Dude makes Robert Smith look healthy.

Radiotherapy March 29, 2010 at 5:53 pm

[re=543897]sati demise[/re]: Yeah, right arrest this guy.
What about all the real nutjobs out there?

Scoops McGee March 29, 2010 at 5:53 pm

Tom Hanks’ younger brother, fattened up by craziness. Probably talks to soccer balls.

loquaciousmusic March 29, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Also, what the fuck is he saying at the beginning of this video? Is he speaking in tongues? Is he reciting some Hebrew phrase that I don’t know? Is he quoting Alice Walker? Is he fucking the dog walking around in the background? Does he have any idea that “you’re” is the contraction of “you” and “are”? Is that “Big Daddy” sweatshirt for real?

Potater March 29, 2010 at 5:58 pm

Good God, please tell me I wasn’t the only one who watched the first video to the end.

He referred to Beverly Hills Chihuahua as a movie blessed by God. Oh sweet Pittsburghian Shut-In in Heaven, I’m dying here.

loquaciousmusic March 29, 2010 at 6:01 pm

Also ALSO, at 2:50 in that video that I just posted all the questions about, I swear to God he says, “He gave you the disciples. He gave you Jesus, a beautiful black man.” Could someone else please brave it and see if my ears are playing tricks on me?

user-of-owls March 29, 2010 at 6:06 pm

[re=543963]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Dude makes Snuffy Smith look healthy.

Bearbloke March 29, 2010 at 6:07 pm

[re=543964]Radiotherapy[/re]: It’s nice to see the Brownshirtsresponsible people at are (just barely) restraining themselves…

user-of-owls March 29, 2010 at 6:12 pm

[re=543852]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Forgive my sins if this has been said in one of the previous 14K replies about today’s most popular monster, but…


Tweet! Tweet! Everyone out of the gene pool…now!

Sleeves March 29, 2010 at 6:18 pm

[re=543975]Potater[/re]: Watched it through!? I would pay for this material!

sati demise March 29, 2010 at 6:18 pm

[re=543903]Bearbloke[/re]: I think he is one that goes straight to Shepherd Pratt,
and will not pass go or collect $200.

Shaggypixel March 29, 2010 at 6:19 pm

[re=543850]Aguacatero[/re]: Although, I’d have to admit that for this particular snowflake, I actually didn’t expect for his mother to round the corner calling his name, because I think he’s already killed her.

PalinsAfterbirth March 29, 2010 at 6:26 pm

6000 years ago this guy’s infinity-great grandfather was writing the Old Testament. Guaranteed.

whiskey tango foxtrot March 29, 2010 at 6:44 pm

His earlier work:
Hot shirtless roommate? Maybe that’s Norman Jr? At :30?

And he has a cat!

Sleeves March 29, 2010 at 6:53 pm

[re=544020]Sleeves[/re]: (But the Blu-ray cut would need to be presented inside a Firefox HTTP-GET-a-telefaxcine-from-Youtube matte…)

Pithaughn March 29, 2010 at 7:03 pm

OhYeah? But he does not need a teleprompter. So there’s that. Bye. My children, chihuahuas and adoring, prostrating droogies.

Mad Farmer Manifest March 29, 2010 at 8:19 pm

This just goes to show the total lack of giving a shit in Cantor’s staff. He makes them comb the internet for the one guy posting a video threatening him, and his staff don’t even care enough to check if this same guy also threatens any other random people like, for example, pigs in movies. Maybve they just wanted to help the boss look like a total ass. Either way, comedy victory. Thanks, unnamed Republican schlubs.

President Beeblebrox March 29, 2010 at 8:34 pm

Dude makes Riley Martin look sane. I mean, Riley never claimed that every building and firstborn son on the YouTubes belonged to him.

Also, one of the related videos that came up on the YouTubes was a re-enactment of the Prop 8 trial in San Francisco. It was about as believable as my high school production of Inherit the Wind.

tbogg March 29, 2010 at 9:03 pm

Would it have killed God to put on a nice golf shirt or something? Jesus…

DoktorZoom March 29, 2010 at 11:27 pm

His voice is frighteningly similar to Al Franken’s. Is this one of them “performance art” things that Jesse Helms wanted to take money away from?

sezme March 29, 2010 at 11:32 pm

I used to wonder how an all-powerful God could allow Satan to exist, could not stop evil. But now I no longer care. Now I wonder how an all-powerful god can’t stop You Tube from taking his videos down.

Still, he did promise to destroy every mall. And for that alone, I support him.

DC Hates Me March 30, 2010 at 12:33 am

Anyone who reads religious text for a long time starts to talk like God does in those books.

Ultimately, I blame the people of Virginia for electing Eric Cantor, who scapegoated his feelings of persecution onto some poor Youtube ranter in Pennsylvania.

comicbookguy March 30, 2010 at 1:23 am

He threatens to kill the first born son of every YouTube employee, but only gets arrested because Eric Cantor’s staff was googling “kill Eric Cantor”

We can only speculate on what else they found: blueprints, shopping lists, how-to guides, erotic fiction…

ms_mcgee March 30, 2010 at 2:44 am

[re=543868]Mojopo[/re]: I imagine he smells like the Jebus wine and bologna. You are what you eat, no?

Sleeves March 30, 2010 at 3:26 am

A lot of slack has been played to some notorious talk radio shtick, and it takes a Hal Turner to find the end of the rope, as he might have…don’t even have the stomach:

Watching Norm the Messiah’s bizarre (and apparently habitual) execration just feels like parody. Not even satire.

If “Satire is a lesson, parody is a game.” then Norm’s going to lose the game to learn the lesson.

(So yeah, I’m curious if he’s gay and God Hates His Puppets.)

Smoke Filled Roommate March 30, 2010 at 3:34 am

[re=544245]ms_mcgee[/re]: Maybe onion-y hoagies with lebanon bologna.. (strangely enough my favorite when I was a kid)– anyway Leboon’s Shiamuslimcantbestop and ‘Norman Sr.’ profile show that he’s a Shia Muslim [who] Can’t Be Stop.

gurukalehuru March 30, 2010 at 6:08 am

I’m sure this has probably been said on a previous thread, but Leboon is an anagram for El Noob.

Manos: Hands of Fate March 30, 2010 at 8:37 am

Michelle Bachman crazy is one thing. This guy is seriously mentally disabled and needs big time treatment.

PerhapsSo March 30, 2010 at 9:28 am

[re=543852]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: He has a live-in partner.

Because of course this guy is from Philadelphia. The local news is all over this story. They interviewed his neighbors, his boyfriend’s brother, etc.

NopantsMcGee March 30, 2010 at 9:36 am

On the bright side he does have healthy self esteem.

Rajul March 30, 2010 at 9:37 am

Blacksburg may be Virgnia’s armpit, but Eric Cantor is Virginia’s vagina.

Mr Blifil March 30, 2010 at 11:27 am

Really have a problem watching this persons mental illness on display. He’s actually charismatic in a weird way, must be the unwavering quality of the eyes, and the impression he gives of his words carrying weight and consideration. He’s creeping me out! Doesn’t seem fair to bring this guy in on federal charges, though I guess he did represent a credible threat at some point, maybe even to Eric Cantor. I tend to think he would have been conspicuous approaching the Congressman in his faded bathrobe with a Glock hanging out, but I’m not an expert in advanced counter-terrorism techniques.

chaste everywhere March 30, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Rick Baker or one of those other geniuses must’ve done the makeup,’cause damn, nobody on earth would ever know this is Michael Steele.

Sleeves March 30, 2010 at 12:24 pm

[re=544483]chaste everywhere[/re]: Switch the gig to satire for this Brundlefly and we have William S. Hitchens doing Jive Week Prayer.

Bearbloke April 1, 2010 at 5:53 pm

NorM the Messiah is in the tank for n0BAMA!!!!11!!!

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