lol messiah

Norm the Messiah: ‘YouTube Belongs To ME!’

He threatened George W. Bush and Barack Obama and David Duke and Harry Reid and the talking pig-god Babe, and we did nothing.

He threatened Eric Cantor, and we just laughed because lol Cantor. He either threatened or promised to help “gays- leabians-Emos- Kurds-Amadias-and transgender,” and we were frankly just too confused to respond. He threatened to burn down CNN and we were all, “Fine, who cares.” He destroyed Communism, and killed 850 million Chinese, because they ate his Dogs and Cats. Look, look how much he loves the Emos, “My Children,” what with their hair and whatever:

But then He threatened our YouTube, source of all the World’s Humor, and we just posted the video, even though He stated that “YouTube employees will ALL lose there first born sons.” [YouTube]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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  1. comicbookguy

    All this just proves Cantor’s original point, that Democrats should vote NO on health care.

  2. bureaucrap

    It appears that Norm and Skoalrebel are sharing the same mobile home. Perhaps they are partnered. Norm, of course, always demands that Skoalrebel expectorate OUTSIDE the trailer. But Skoalrebel always ignores him. They have a tense relationship, but the make-up sex is great!

  3. Aguacatero

    Lamer, but reminiscent of de Niro as Rupert Pupkin in the basement of his mom’s house taping imaginary variety shows in King of Comedy.

    “Rupert, what are you doing down there?”


  4. eekahil

    1. All your You Tubes are belong to us.
    2. You can tell “He” is not really The Man Upstairs because he isn’t talking the Bible way – where’s the “thee” “thy” “thou” “smiteth” stuffeth, eh?
    3. Nice bathrobe, dude.

  5. Mojopo

    When I see his face, I wonder if he smells like Blue Goo and lunchmeat. I dunno, just a hunch.

  6. sati demise

    Wonkette has descended into the basement of HELL.

    No cheetos, no coffee, nothin’ but teh crazy.

  7. god.was.stingy

    Crazy man on street with sandwich board sign, meet your fewtchah! I’m pretty sure this is the guy in charge of death panels.

  8. GOPCrusher

    I think it was John Cleese that said “We have crazy people in England too. We just don’t pay as much attention to them.”

  9. Bearbloke

    [re=543897]sati demise[/re]: So Cantor is claiming this nutter tossed the bullet at the window?

  10. lochnessmonster

    Dada art? or if that is a coffee machine in the background maybe he should use it…

  11. slappypaddy

    i have looked madness in the face… and it is bleary-eyed. get some sleep, dude. or god, or whoever you are.

  12. Sleeves

    [re=543897]sati demise[/re]: He’s looking at a different sort of agent, else you got me and you got me *bad*.

  13. Scoops McGee

    Tom Hanks’ younger brother, fattened up by craziness. Probably talks to soccer balls.

  14. Potater

    Good God, please tell me I wasn’t the only one who watched the first video to the end.

    He referred to Beverly Hills Chihuahua as a movie blessed by God. Oh sweet Pittsburghian Shut-In in Heaven, I’m dying here.

  15. loquaciousmusic

    Also ALSO, at 2:50 in that video that I just posted all the questions about, I swear to God he says, “He gave you the disciples. He gave you Jesus, a beautiful black man.” Could someone else please brave it and see if my ears are playing tricks on me?

  16. Bearbloke

    [re=543964]Radiotherapy[/re]: It’s nice to see the Brownshirtsresponsible people at are (just barely) restraining themselves…

  17. user-of-owls

    [re=543852]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Forgive my sins if this has been said in one of the previous 14K replies about today’s most popular monster, but…


    Tweet! Tweet! Everyone out of the gene pool…now!

  18. sati demise

    [re=543903]Bearbloke[/re]: I think he is one that goes straight to Shepherd Pratt,
    and will not pass go or collect $200.

  19. Shaggypixel

    [re=543850]Aguacatero[/re]: Although, I’d have to admit that for this particular snowflake, I actually didn’t expect for his mother to round the corner calling his name, because I think he’s already killed her.

  20. PalinsAfterbirth

    6000 years ago this guy’s infinity-great grandfather was writing the Old Testament. Guaranteed.

  21. Sleeves

    [re=544020]Sleeves[/re]: (But the Blu-ray cut would need to be presented inside a Firefox HTTP-GET-a-telefaxcine-from-Youtube matte…)

  22. Pithaughn

    OhYeah? But he does not need a teleprompter. So there’s that. Bye. My children, chihuahuas and adoring, prostrating droogies.

  23. Mad Farmer Manifest

    This just goes to show the total lack of giving a shit in Cantor’s staff. He makes them comb the internet for the one guy posting a video threatening him, and his staff don’t even care enough to check if this same guy also threatens any other random people like, for example, pigs in movies. Maybve they just wanted to help the boss look like a total ass. Either way, comedy victory. Thanks, unnamed Republican schlubs.

  24. President Beeblebrox

    Dude makes Riley Martin look sane. I mean, Riley never claimed that every building and firstborn son on the YouTubes belonged to him.

    Also, one of the related videos that came up on the YouTubes was a re-enactment of the Prop 8 trial in San Francisco. It was about as believable as my high school production of Inherit the Wind.

  25. DoktorZoom

    His voice is frighteningly similar to Al Franken’s. Is this one of them “performance art” things that Jesse Helms wanted to take money away from?

  26. sezme

    I used to wonder how an all-powerful God could allow Satan to exist, could not stop evil. But now I no longer care. Now I wonder how an all-powerful god can’t stop You Tube from taking his videos down.

    Still, he did promise to destroy every mall. And for that alone, I support him.

  27. DC Hates Me

    Anyone who reads religious text for a long time starts to talk like God does in those books.

    Ultimately, I blame the people of Virginia for electing Eric Cantor, who scapegoated his feelings of persecution onto some poor Youtube ranter in Pennsylvania.

  28. comicbookguy

    He threatens to kill the first born son of every YouTube employee, but only gets arrested because Eric Cantor’s staff was googling “kill Eric Cantor”

    We can only speculate on what else they found: blueprints, shopping lists, how-to guides, erotic fiction…

  29. ms_mcgee

    [re=543868]Mojopo[/re]: I imagine he smells like the Jebus wine and bologna. You are what you eat, no?

  30. Sleeves

    A lot of slack has been played to some notorious talk radio shtick, and it takes a Hal Turner to find the end of the rope, as he might have…don’t even have the stomach:

    Watching Norm the Messiah’s bizarre (and apparently habitual) execration just feels like parody. Not even satire.

    If “Satire is a lesson, parody is a game.” then Norm’s going to lose the game to learn the lesson.

    (So yeah, I’m curious if he’s gay and God Hates His Puppets.)

  31. gurukalehuru

    I’m sure this has probably been said on a previous thread, but Leboon is an anagram for El Noob.

  32. Manos: Hands of Fate

    Michelle Bachman crazy is one thing. This guy is seriously mentally disabled and needs big time treatment.

  33. PerhapsSo

    [re=543852]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: He has a live-in partner.

    Because of course this guy is from Philadelphia. The local news is all over this story. They interviewed his neighbors, his boyfriend’s brother, etc.

  34. Mr Blifil

    Really have a problem watching this persons mental illness on display. He’s actually charismatic in a weird way, must be the unwavering quality of the eyes, and the impression he gives of his words carrying weight and consideration. He’s creeping me out! Doesn’t seem fair to bring this guy in on federal charges, though I guess he did represent a credible threat at some point, maybe even to Eric Cantor. I tend to think he would have been conspicuous approaching the Congressman in his faded bathrobe with a Glock hanging out, but I’m not an expert in advanced counter-terrorism techniques.

  35. chaste everywhere

    Rick Baker or one of those other geniuses must’ve done the makeup,’cause damn, nobody on earth would ever know this is Michael Steele.

  36. Sleeves

    [re=544483]chaste everywhere[/re]: Switch the gig to satire for this Brundlefly and we have William S. Hitchens doing Jive Week Prayer.

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