sex machines

Levi Johnston Might Get His Own Show, Too!

NSFW?It used to be that an ambitious, semiliterate Alaskan had just one route to fame: strike it big while pannin’ fer goald and be immortalized in a poem by Robert Service. But recent history shows that all you have to do is be willing to depart your beloved Meth Capital of Wasilla and either 1) pose for sexy pictures with Runner’s World or 2) pose for sexy pictures with Playgirl and 3) be somehow affiliated with John McCain’s humiliating 2008 presidential campaign, and you too can get your own reality show.

Seriously though any normal sane human would prefer to watch the Levi Johnston show for a million hours rather than look at the perennially bewigged Sarah Palin dragging her rapidly aging carcass across the hinterlands, right? Because first of all, awesome:

Levi has meetings scheduled for Monday and is pitching an Alaska-based reality show. A source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com the show is currently titled Levin [sic] Johnston’s Last Frontier and will show him riding on pimped out snow machines with jet fuel in them.”

Ha ha, looks like RadarOnline stole our copy editors!

And probably he will get no show at all, but it’s nice to know that somebody out there still believes in the American Dream.

[RadarOnline via Gawker]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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60 comments

  1. JMP

    At least it’s looking like Discovery dumped the nascent Palin show down to TLC, where her family would fit right in with such series as “That family sure has a huge shitload of babies” and “Teenage motherhood is fun and glamorous”.

    Between Palin, Tom Delay and Blagovich (sp?), it’s looking like reality TV will be a new home for failed corrupt politicians. Be afraid, be very afraid.

  2. bfstevie

    Another possible development deal for Levin’s [sic] cousin: Olsten [sic] Johnston’s Alaska Hellzapoppin’!

  3. V572625694

    “Pimped out snow machines with jet fuel in them.” That’ll be cool only if they trailer them around behind Hummers. But it’s confusing, cuz snow machines have gas engines in them; “jet fuel” is essentially kerosene and not volatile enough to burn except in diesels. Maybe the snow machines will have jet engines in them. That would be intersesting. No, wait: it would still be stupid.

    [re=543047]Ruhe[/re]: Hahahahahahaha…

  4. Katydid

    [re=543053]Hemp Dogbane[/re]: I’m really glad we didn’t run you off the other night. You’re funny, and twisted, so you fit right in.

  5. Joshua Norton

    Well, if that doesn’t pan out he always can be cast as Snooki or Ronny’s bitch on “Jersey Shore”.

  6. Ruhe

    No trophy, no flowers, no flashbulbs, no line-
    He’s haunted by something he can not define.
    Bowel shaking earthquakes, of doubt and remorse.
    Assail him impale him with monster truck force.
    In his mind he’s still driving; still making the grade.
    She’s hoping in time that her memory will fade.

    Because he’s racing and pacing and plotting the course.
    He’s fighting and biting and riding on his horse.
    The sun has gone down and the moon has come up.
    And long ago somebody left with the cup
    But he’s striving and driving and hugging the turns,
    And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.

    He’s going the distance,
    He’s going for speed.
    She’s all alone (all alone) all alone in her time of need.
    Because he’s racing and pacing and plotting the course.
    He’s fighting and biting and riding on his horse.
    He’s going the distance.

  7. Advocatus_Diaboli

    I can’t wait for Sarah to denounce Levi’s insufferable need for the spotlight sans a hint of irony.

  8. Prommie

    [re=543058]V572625694[/re]: Can I run home heating oil in my Perkins T6-354 R4? (thats the Range 4 with the intercooler, they used them in Massey-Ferguson combines a lot). Its a bitch getting to the nearest fuel dock that has diesel, but the home heating oil truck could come to the house and fill it up at the dock. Just wondering.

  9. Marxist Leninist Papist

    So much for home-town Christian values….Well to hell with that
    “Look, ma, I am one of those Real Americians, driving a hyperreal snow machines on that there really real reality T.V shows. This will show the pinko-fags why this country was built: as a playground for infantile egotists to guzzle gas”.

  10. PsycGirl

    [re=543050]JMP[/re]: Just wait! In the next few years “TLC” will stand for “The LEVI Channel” and all shows will be personally approved by Levi and hangers-on.
    Well, it could happen. Look at what has already happened.
    Any of this would be preferable to watching a show with Sarah Palin with the sound on. Not that we would do that.

  11. Texan Bulldoggette

    Think about all the losers Walnuts unearthed for us: Snowbilly & her loser, retarded family, Levi & his loser, retarded family, Joe the Plumber, Tito the whatever the fuck he was, Maegan McCain. There is no punishment vile enough for this nasty-spirited fossil.

  12. Hemp Dogbane

    [re=543059]Katydid[/re]: Hard to run off, but not so prolific. Thanks.
    [re=543066]Prommie[/re]: Brazilian ethanol or GTFO

  13. GoinGreen

    Discovery’s insatiable appetite for the pursuit of filming Alaskan crabs has gone too far this time!

  14. weejee

    [re=543058]V572625694[/re]: And not good kerosene, but cheap kerosene. Now if he ‘twer to use av gas w/nitro methane we all could have a blast. Likely all we’ll get is pointers on how to use M1000s to blow-up rural mailboxes and how to pee or masturbate in the Alaskan woods and not get yer pecker gnawed to death by the skeeters, chiggrahs, and nasty saber-toothed black flies.

  15. Prommie

    [re=543074]Hemp Dogbane[/re]: Vegetable oil is all I need, with the ph corrected so its less acidic, no need for ethanol, thanks.

  16. JMP

    [re=543072]PsycGirl[/re]: Now, I can think of a few reality shows that I’d like to see Palin on. Like Survivorman, particularly if she was filming it in a part of Alaska with a relatively large polar bear population.

  17. Hopey dont play that game

    What happens when Alaska’s Clampetts move in with the former cast of The Hills? Find out on TLC’s new hit show: Barbie-Q-public.

    “Bristol, put Jebediah and Qbert into the cement pond next to the dumb blonde. No, the other dumb blonde. No, third dumb blonde from the left.”

  18. weejee

    [re=543076]x111e7thst[/re]: Jeb B is lighter and used in colder climates, like Alaska, but like [re=543058]V572625694[/re] said, it still is kerosene and would be hard to run a non-diesel. Levi the peckerwood’s snow-RV would be knock-knock-knockin at best.

  19. Flanders

    [re=543074]Hemp Dogbane[/re]: I thought that midnight post of yours was super-funny. I guess the lesson is not too be too subtle around midnight.

  20. bureaucrap

    “Levin Johnston” is NOT a typo. He knows that a public conversion to Judaism will help his career in hollywood. “Levi” is close, but “Levin” is right on the money (uh, so to speak).

  21. chaste everywhere

    The Monday morning Vegas book lists his odds of getting a prog of his own at somewhere between Herbie Stempel in Quiz Show and Howard Beale in Network (after he gets assassinated).

  22. Potater

    Give me Levin [sic] Johnston’s Last Stand, where he rides a pimped out Zamboni with jet fuel in it.

  23. WIDTAP

    Snow machines with jet fuel? Hasn’t this already been done on Mythbusters, only with JADO rockets? Of course if they could strap various citizens of Wasilla to the seat, that would be a plus. Stick to the JADO rockets though. Jet fuel is for pussies.

  24. Mad Brahms

    [re=543063]Ruhe[/re]: Cake references win every time.

    [re=543129]frailamerica[/re]: Decent health care, better hockey, and Tim Horton’s, probably!

    [re=543089]bureaucrap[/re]: Levin Johnston’s Caged Wisdom?

  25. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, I’ve got the perfect title — “Hunt, Ride or Impregnate with Levi Johnston.” They could even invite audience participation.

  26. chascates

    The Alaskan Network will also feature former Senator Ted Stevens’ talk show and Aerial Wolf Hunting.

  27. sati demise

    Meanwhile, Sarah Palin has doubled down on the violent word imagery…..her current Facebook post is all about a war on the basketball court, or football field, I cant tell. It is all shooty and bombs blowing up and gun sights, etc. Double down Bible Spice!

  28. Red Zeppelin

    Wake me when he starts talking about his threesome with Mooselini and Bristol. Until then, meh.

  29. iwillsavethispatient

    [re=543047]Ruhe[/re]: [re=543299]mumblyjoe[/re]: Neither of those things are a frontier, more like a well-trodden path. Or so I’ve heard.

  30. Accordion-o-rama

    I’m picturing one of those stalking nature shows, sort of like Steve Irwin’s. But, here Levi will sneak up on the crew filming Sarah’s reality show, and ruin the shot by snow-machining through the set in the buff. Yee-haw!

  31. Mad Brahms

    [re=543616]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: I have to say, this would pretty much make him (or anyone who does it, really) my hero. I’d build a shrine in my freezer out of ice cubes.

  32. desertwind

    His girlfriend Kathi Griffin is advising him. He’ll do alright.

    God help me, I sorta like the guy.

  33. PlanetWingnuta

    i just wanna know is mike rowe gonna have to appear on their shows to do a Dirty JOb or what!!

  34. lochnessmonster

    This could be interesting. Does he win a Darwin while trying to run down Sarah or does she get the better of him by having him in her cross hairs?

  35. Katydid

    [re=543651]GOPCrusher[/re]: This show can only have one title. “Ow, my balls!”

    Title, theme, insurance rider….

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