Beloved Massachusetts lunch-break fap material Scott Brown was so scared of the fickle, conservative Boston Herald kicking him out of Massachusetts — for not running over to the House last Sunday and stabbing the bill with his… truck?? — that he sent out a fundraising letter to his constituents, warning them: the liberal television lesbian Rachel Maddow will be your new senator in the next election if you don’t give me all of your money right the fuck now.
Maddow responded on her show the next night, “No, I am not running against the traitor Brown, that was just some shit on Twitter, jesus…” But people kept speculating and giving money to naked Scott Brown, because what if this shifty-eyed lesbian was lying, as her species tends to do? “Sigh,” sighed Rachel. “I’d better use my insane wealth to buy a full-page ad in the Boston Herald, Globe keeping them afloat for another year.”
Yeah, so that’s what you see in the screen-grab up top. Rachel Maddow bought a full-page ad in the dumb (whatever) Boston Herald Globe, to prove (with her lies) that she is not going to be the next liberal lesbian Scott Brown of Western Massachusetts. She sent it in all slanty-like, because of art.
So… will she run for Senate against Scott Brown or not?? We’ll never get a straight answer. (Would she even be capable of defeating the very formidable Martha Coakley in a primary?)
UPDATE: The ad she bought today was in the Boston GLOBE, not the Herald, which hopefully doesn’t change too much of the comedic structure here; it definitely improves the “going broke quickly” jokes, but worsens the… anyway this is an internal monologue, the end.
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I, for one, welcome our Lesbo overlords.
I guess this rules out Maddow posing naked for some men’s magazine. Pity- Maxim’s “Women of Cable News” was always one of my favorites
Yes but can she pull off the bright pink hot pants like her opponent? The voters have a right to know.
Hell, Rachel’s balls are bigger than Scott’s anyway. So yes, RUN RACHEL RUN!
Watching Rachel makes me uncomfortable, because I don’t know whether to be attracted to her or not. Since she’s a woman, I naturally look at her as a sex object, and try to find something attractive about her. But then she does something boyish, which throws me off. I like her politics, so I would like to be able to watch her show. Can someone help me with this dilemma?
Dear Mr. Brown,
Reality is not for the weak and I understand your refusal to live in it.
MG
Hmmm…I smell a Petraeus/Maddow 2016 ticket
(since Petraues keeps saying he won’t run for pres)
I get it. The ad is slantey because it’s not straight.
What the… art?
Sad – I so looked forward to Rachel showing up for the televised debate wearing a “The Gossip” tshirt and some camo pants.
One thing is for sure. Rachel Maddow’s penis will not be hidden by the magazine gutter.
What Rachel didn’t say in he Shermanesque statement was that she’s paying Frankenfurter to come out of Castle Retirement Home and jump-start Teddy.
Brown will now claim that Maddow is trying to “silence” him, thus stripping the Teabag rubes of even more non-dispoable income.
I like it.
[re=541605]Aurelio[/re]: Uhm, women who comfortably know what they want are sexy? At least once you’re over the age of 16.
“We’ll never get a straight answer.”
I see what you did.
[re=541599]Hooray For Anything[/re]:
Well, you’ll always have Nancy Grace.
[re=541605]Aurelio[/re]: I’m sorry to tell you that you (as another commenter here once said, maybe it was you) have learned that your are a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. I have the same problem w/Rachel too. Plus that Ken guy at the end of the show: no problem w/teh gay, just needs moar funnie.
Hey, Scott Brown’s in the news — is it still fifteen minutes ago?
I’m assuming she already owns a pick-up truck, so this thing’s hers to lose.
Is Scott butch or fem?
She should send him some Nutz for his truck.
This Kenyan socialism is getting old; let’s experiment and give the lesbian kind a try!
Says she resides in “the beautiful hilltowns of Hampshire County”… a/k/a, where there’s more pussy that you boys will never touch than you can even envision, and the Lesbian Militia train year-round in comfortable shoes.
I wish she WOULD run. She and Al Franken would make the Senate funny enough to actually watch, and with Barney Frank, Massachusetts would officially become the Commonwealth of Gayness.
Because they’re both, y’know, gay.
[re=541605]Aurelio[/re]: She might have boobies to distract from the boyishness.
Today we are all slanty full page ads.
Mark my words: Scott Brown just launched Rachel Maddow’s political career. She will be the next junior Senator from MA.
Scott Brown picked the wrong liberal television lesbian to fuck with! Oh, wait, pretty much any of them could kick his hairy white pink hotpantsed ass.
I’d like to at least see who can rock the smart glasses better. I’m thinking Rachel.
Clearly, the only way we will know that Maddow is a true liberal and lying is when she poses for Cosmo. Since Ted Kennedy, that is how every Massachusetts senate candidate has shown that they are serious about running. Martha Coakley’s failure to do so is often cited as the main reason she lost.
Ah, Jim, we are constantly entranced by the inner workings of that intricate type-stimulator, your brain. Never be ashamed to share.
Why doesn’t he raise money the old fashion way, by saying something wildly inappropriate during the State of the Union address or screaming “Baby killer!!’ at fellow member and then fleecing the knuckledraggers by saying “The socialists are trying to silence me!”
[re=541605]Aurelio[/re]: If you are hetero male, I have a little test for you to determine the nature of your fascination with Rachael. just imagine Miss Maddow in a small bikini, on a sunny sandy beach, gentle warm breeze, children’s chatter and gulls screeching in the distance. It’s early afternoon. Now she’s tossing you one of those big red, white and yellow inflatable beach balls at you. Go ahead; pause a moment and imagine that scene, I’ll wait here.
OK, are you back? Good.
Now, in your imagination, did you catch the ball when she threw it to you, or did it bounce off your forehead because you were ogling her wonderous, fulsome breasts? If it’s the former, you aren’t really attracted to her, so just get over it. Move on to something else.
2012 seems a little bit far away for Brown to already be getting desperate, but it’s certainly funny to watch. He must be afraid that the teabaggers who’ve decided he’s impure will still control the party by then, so he needed a scary liberal figure to try and rally them against, instead of getting behind a Club for Growth approved primary opponent sure to lose a general election.
[re=541628]SmutBoffin[/re]: Lesbian socialism certainly SOUNDS sexy. And like a place with free health care.
[re=541642]Autoo[/re]:
The catching balls thing doesn’t really work for us homos, does it?
[re=541604]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: [re=541612]GOPCrusher[/re]: There exists no gutter vast enough to vanish her mighty balls! There exists no staple large enough to restrain her leviathanian cock!
Now, she has become Crease, the destroyer of words!
BEHOLD, SCOTT BROWN! THE MADDOW FALLS UPON YOU!!!
Of course Scott Brown is afraid to go on Rachel Maddow’s show: he said his daughters are “available.”
Would have preferred the ad to appear in Cosmo.
/forever unrequited Maddow crush
Ah yes, Hampshire Co. Way back in the 1970′s we used to say: Do you know why it never floods in Northampton? Cause there’s a dike on every corner!
[re=541647]Tommmcatt[/re]:
‘Catching’ usually works… but you throw like a girl.
I’d switch-hit that.
Obviously just a clever ruse to kickstart the “Draft Rachel” movement. She won’t be able to resist the overpowering liberal lovefest once it gets rolling. But to clinch our interest, she really should pose naked for something. Maybe a PETA ad denouncing the use of fur. That should do it.
She should do an ad on Cinemax.
[re=541652]ProfessorJukes[/re]:
So? I’d like to see you arrange centerpieces for a mid-sized spring brunch using only fresh flowers and some old hatboxes.
So there.
[re=541642]Autoo[/re]: Now I can’t stop seeing Maddow boobies everytime I blink and have to tell my husband I may be a lesbian.
I believe that she is an openly gay homosexual lesbian.
[re=541642]Autoo[/re]: Well, I tried the fantasy you suggested, and it was kinda working until she threw the ball. She looks real cute and attractive in that bikini, but…she throws like a guy.
[re=541647]Tommmcatt[/re]: Well, at least not the kind of balls Autoo is talking about (but you already knew that, amirite?).
Hey, here’s a funny thing! Rep. Randy “Babyface Killah” Neugebauer wants permission from the FEC to pay for his fucking yacht with his campaign contributions. Maybe he could hire Ol’ Shifty-Eyes to be his coxswain.
She also has a commercial.
http://rawstory.com/rs/2010/0326/parody-spot-attacking-maddow/
[re=541623]V572625694[/re]: I, myself have discovered that I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. I’m into short hair, tom-boyish behavior, fart jokes, and drinking like a fish. It’s a very niche closet.
[re=541642]Autoo[/re]: Ah, but some of us are able to ogle the breasts and still catch the ball. This is when you know you are a True Ogle Master, Grasshopper.
How about it would be fun to have an intelligent conversation with a nude woman, regardless of her sexual orientation. She could care less what size your penis is and you could get past the boobs and appreciate the brains that control them.
[re=541665]SmutBoffin[/re]: Gah. Whay does this keep happenign to me? Link.
[re=541654]comicbookguy[/re]: Oh yeah, Rache is sexy as HELL (gotta lose the specs tho), aphrodisiacal brainpower notwithstanding. Regardless, Scott too hotty is toast in 2012. I hope, for his sake, he’s renting and not buying in the DC ‘burbs.
Scott, put on some goddamned pants.
Ted Kennedy liked teh girls too
Everyone in this thread, including me, would be kick-banned from DU for this. Not that anyone cares. Just an observation.
I’m waiting for the Draft Maddow sites to pop up….
I bet Rachael could take Scott’s daughters off his hands, too.
[re=541694]Aurelio[/re]: I thought it was a badge of honor.
[re=541648]Extemporanus[/re]: Needs more conch shells.
[re=541625]Extemporanus[/re]: my money’s on a Subaru Outback
[re=541670]rottenart[/re]:
Not really.
[re=541694]Aurelio[/re]: DU…Ducks Unlimited??
[re=541694]Aurelio[/re]:
Sir, spare your threats: The bug which you would fright me with I seek.
- The Winter’s Tale, I.iii, William Shakespeare, 1610
[re=541625]Extemporanus[/re]: Nope, she said she drives a pickup the other day, so you win.
[re=541673]steverino247[/re]: How about it would be fun to have an intelligent conversation with a nude woman, regardless of her sexual orientation. She could care less what size your penis is and you could get past the boobs and appreciate the brains that control them.
Don’t mean to be mean, but…Never. Gonna. Happen. I have yet to meet a straight guy who could get past the boobs. My boobs, any woman’s boobs, at least until an age that’s way too old for that particular man. And you gotta remember for some (a lot?) of men, lesbian boobs hold out lots of um, interesting possibilities. And as far as the conversation having to be intelligent….BWAHAAAAAA.
[re=541721]BigDupa[/re]: Nope. According to her official bio:
“She shakes a mean cocktail, drives a bright red pickup, hates Coldplay, loves arguing with conservatives, spends a lot of money on AMTRAK tickets, and dresses like a first-grader.”
I only guessed at the pickup thing because most of my lesbian friends have trucks, and Ms. Maddow used to work in landscaping. I guess that make me a racist.
[re=541719]GOPCrusher[/re]: Don’t be Piggy.
[re=541751]Katydid[/re]: [re=541754]Extemporanus[/re]: JINX! You owe me a boob!
I’ve heard that lots of straight men and women are very attracted to Rachel, btw. Me? I had no fucking idea she was a lesbian after watching her show for more than a month.
One day for some reason I began to think maybe she was, so I asked my kid, and she took one look at the TV and said, “Oh yeah.” I have no fucking gaydar, I want gaydar.
[re=541764]Extemporanus[/re]: Faxing one over as I type. Look for it.
[re=541751]Katydid[/re]: Yes, because apparently, men are men.
[re=541751]Katydid[/re]: Not a scientific study, but I do believe the age that men get past boobs is: dead.
It’s win-win-win from my perspective: Maddow gets a Senate seat, and Brown starts doing gay porn. What’s not to like?
Internet tools are always most obvious in their plumage when somebody they are vaguely aware of, only due to them being on the teevee, says something remotely coherent and to the left of the Spanish Inquisition or Barney or Tim Tebow and then said tool says in all caps, “Run XXXX, Run !!!”
[re=541773]Katydid[/re]: Thanks alot! You just made me drop my balls.
[re=541791]TGY[/re]: See, it’s just the truth. And the lady writer agrees with me: “dorsal premammillary nucleus:” aren’t mammillaries another word for boobs?
But much of that article pisses me off no end, because how come men and women aren’t supposed to let women be women? HENGH? And in my experience, women don’t mind men looking at other women, leering at and chatting up is another story. The author is going to promote her crap on Joy Behar’s show. She’s an idiot, case closed.
Well if she won’t run against Lockstep Scotty then I will nd I encourage every single Massachusets resident to through his/her hat in the ring!
That’ll confuse the shit out of Snotty.
She’s clearly got him licked.
Everybody wants to do Rachel.
I bet even Scotty wants some of that.
I’m still thinking there’s a chance she’ll pull an Anne Heche and settles down with some guy from the set crew cold pooping out babies.
[re=541754]Extemporanus[/re]: Any woman who hates Coldplay is a’ight by me.
[re=541605]Aurelio[/re]: She is just one of the guys, only with small breast…
[re=541766]Katydid[/re]: Fair warning: Gaydar loses it effectiveness past a certain age. I used to have 100% fool proof gaydar. My grrlfriends who got the, “Don’t waste your time with him, he’s gay” speech from me will tell you I was ALWAYS right. I spent decades ruining movies for star-struck chicks. But after years of use, gaydar goes bad.
Gay styles and mannerisms become so ingrained in the mainstream culture (don’t deny it, you straight guys who now read the ingredients on your shower products), even people who are straight exhibit subtle characteristics that used to be gay giveaways. Many subculture characteristics eventually go mainstream. White men (and even women, if Madonna counts as a woman) now grab their crotches in public, non-Californians call each other “dude,” you don’t have to live in crowded Manhattan be unable to afford an apartment without roommates of every sex and style, straight women own trucks, too. Half the kids in middle school look like Young Boy George, and didn’t he used to be outrageous? The older you get, the more confusing people are.
If you can get brand-new gaydar now, Katydid, go for it. But chances are if you have a child old enough to tell you Rachel is a lesbian, if you found your lost gaydar, it would have passed its expiration date.
If this gets this Maddow guy off teevee and brings back Rita Cosby, I’ll vote for him.
I’ve been gay for Rachel since she started on satellite radio, long before her face or orientation became known to me. I think she can make more difference in the media than she could in the Senate.
I really wish she would run. I’d totally donate to her campaign, and I’m not even from Massachusetts.
Maybe someone should start a petition?
I would miss her show, but as a voting resident of Massachusetts, I would totally vote for Rachel Maddow, even if she doesn’t consent to a three-way with me and my wife. Run, Rachel, run!
[re=541673]steverino247[/re]: WTF are you talking about? Are you a fag or something? OH, I’m seeing it now. Smart nerd-girl foreplay. Gotcha. Yeahhm… put those glasses back on naked Rachel… oh yeah, that’s it…
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