is this tomorrow

Liveblogging Obama’s Secret Sleazy Deal With Communist Russia

Barack Obama and the Russian Bear have cut a secret deal to “reduce nuclear weapons,” which means you better get used to your kids bringing home the “Little Red Book” and worshiping the atheist Satan. Let’s liveblog Nobama’s suspicious plan to take our freedoms and send America down the road to Tyranny by “significantly reducing nuclear missiles and launchers.”

10:48 AM — Obama name-checks both JFK and Ronald Reagan. Yeah but they were white. (Well, Reagan was white. Kennedy was Irish.)
10:50 AM — Now Barry’s just bragging about all the times he has been to Prague. Well we’ve been to Prague, too. We lived there, noob.
10:51 AM — Nuclear missiles will be reduced by a third on the Russian and American sides.
10:51 AM — Obama expects Congress, including the crybaby Republicans, to quickly pass the treaty, which was written by old Republican guys. So, ratify it, and stop being such dickwads.
10:52 AM — And here’s Hillary, in a nice blue suit. “It’s a good day for America and our security.” Oh is it, Hillarycare?
10:55 AM — Now Hillary is repeating the “Russian proverb” by Russian St. Ronald Reagan, “Trust, but verify.” Jeez just dig up Reagan and get a room, libtards.
10:57 AM — Another bleeding heart commie, Robert Gates, is basically just giving Putin the keys to the Pentagon. EMPIRES FALL FROM THE INSIDE, BOB!
10:58 AM — Gates would also like to talk about Reagan.
10:59 AM — And read his whole frickin’ resume on teevee. Where’s Gibbs, anyway?
11:00 AM — The joint chiefs and their chairman, Admiral Mike Mullen, all support this treaty with Russia. It’s almost as if this press conference is aimed at preemptively making congressional Republicans look like even bigger fucktards when they pointlessly attempt to block ratification of a nuclear arms-reduction and non-proliferation treaty.
11:01 AM — Blah blah, this treaty helps protect the citizens of the United States, good job kissing Russia’s ass, Mullen.
11:02 AM — Question time! The first question is about “quick ratification,” so obviously everybody is thinking the same thing: The Republicans are going to block Ronald Reagan’s treaty.
11:05 AM — God, now they’re letting a Rooskie ask a question. Helen Thomas is just nodding her head, dreaming of destroying Israel by dropping Tom Shales from a plane over Jerusalem.
11:06 AM — Hillary and Barack are sending Rahm Emmanuel to Moscow to pull “Chicago mob rules” on the Kremlin. Everybody laughs about this!
11:08 AM — This START treaty is the first real arms-reduction thing in twenty years. Question for anybody actually keeps track of this stuff: Is this the same one-third reduction that Bush and Putin announced in 2002? Did it just take this long to get it signed?
11:09 AM — Now Hillary is bragging about going to Prague. This is making us hungry for a slab of Smažený sýr with a side of tartar sauce. And a nice breakfast beer.
11:12 AM — Jesus christ we are now starving. What’s the American version of Smažený sýr? A quesadilla, probably.
11:12 AM — Gibbs finally quit reblogging shit on his Tumblr and is now taking questions, even though he never worked for Reagan like everybody else on the stage.
11:13 AM — Ha ha, Hillary is kind of soaking up the Health Care Reform success right now. Is this the first time she’s talked about Hillarycare finally becoming law? What the fuck was Hillarycare, anyway? Oh right, a woman’s name in front of a word so as to make the word “bad” to wingnuts. And how would that work if, say, a black man got the health care reform passed? Well let’s see just put the black man’s name in front of a normal positive word like “care” and instant Wingnut Code!

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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75 comments

  1. WickedWitch

    Reagan was Irish too — wasn’t the Knute Rockne movie proof of that???

    Anyhoo, LIVEBLOGGING! Love it.

  2. weejee

    Boom goes London and boom Paris
    More room for you and more room for me
    And every city the whole world round
    Will just be another American town
    Oh, how peaceful it will be
    We’ll set everybody free
    You’ll wear a Japanese kimono babe
    And there’ll be Italian shoes for me

    apologies to Randy Newman

  3. Litlebritdifrnt

    I am sure the umpaloompa just said to Cantor “how the fuck are we gonna oppose this?”

  4. Aflac Shrugged

    Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It’s incredibly obvious, isn’t it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Commie works.

  5. WickedWitch

    [re=541339]Litlebritdifrnt[/re]: Easy — they’ll just scream “Rhey’re caving to the Russkies!!!!” 24/7 on FauxNooz and steal the .gif from this blog posting for mailers in key Red State congressional districts.

  6. JMP

    Some time ago a crazy dream came to me
    I dreamt I was walkin’ into World War Three
    I went to the doctor the very next day
    To see what kinda words he could say
    He said it was a bad dream
    I wouldn’t worry ’bout it none, though
    They were my own dreams and they’re only in my head

    I said, “Hold it, Doc, a World War passed through my brain”
    He said, “Nurse, get your pad, this boy’s insane”
    He grabbed my arm, I said, “Ouch!”
    As I landed on the psychiatric couch
    He said, “Tell me about it”

    Well, the whole thing started at 3 o’clock fast
    It was all over by quarter past
    I was down in the sewer with some little lover
    When I peeked out from a manhole cover
    Wondering who turned the lights on

    Down at the corner by a hot-dog stand
    I seen a man
    I said, “Howdy friend, I guess there’s just us two”
    He screamed a bit and away he flew
    Thought I was a Communist

    Well, I spied a girl and before she could leave
    “Let’s go and play Adam and Eve”
    I took her by the hand and my heart it was thumpin’
    When she said, “Hey man, you crazy or sumpin’
    You see what happened last time they started”

  7. mcc

    How does this differ from the START treaty that Bush II pulled out of, or this “SORT” thing that Bush II entered into?

  8. blkblt

    It’s just one thing after another with this guy isn’t it. First health care, then DADT, now he’s all over missiles and shit. Who are you trying to impress Barry? Take a damn break your making all of us drinking coffee in our bathrobes look bad.

  9. dijetlo

    I’m OK with the getting rid of the missiles but lets keep the launchers. We outfit them with fake missiles and then sell them on the Glenn Beck show for a mint! As soon as the rednecks think they could defend their sacred home with a Ronald Reagan approved thermo nuclear warhead, they’d pay anything to park that thing next to the rusting dodge up on blocks in front of their double wide.
    Good by national debt!

  10. JMP

    [re=541339]Litlebritdifrnt[/re]: They’ve been braying about the non-existent threat from Iran for quite some time now, so that will probably be their main reason to claim we need more nukes. North Korea, too.

  11. Escape Goat Nation

    I dunno, 50% of the drooler types I run into will, “taunt” me with the, “fact” that Reagan single-handedly defeated Communism, then 2 minutes later tell me that I should move to Communist Russia if I hate America so much.

  12. bitchincamaro

    Rumor has it that the Czech missile “defense” boondoggle is still alive and well, though. What’s up with that? And we get to keep 800 bombers? I’m not feeling the peace right now.

  13. DustBowlBlues

    No time to live blog, but just a nod for the editors today. Who said Friday was a slow news day? I just scanned the headlines quickly and started laughing.

    I feared political joke material might have died after George Bush finished his sixteenth term, or however god-awful long his reign was, but with the Teabaggers and Walnuts (I truly expect him to start flashing young Democratic staffers any minute) who needs Junior?

  14. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Well let’s see just put the black man’s name in front of a normal positive word like “care” and instant Wingnut Code!

    I’m game, Ken. How ’bout we call this “Commiecare”? Or better yet, “Missilegate.”

  15. norbizness

    Over/under on Wolverines-related posts on National Review in the next twenty-four hours: 45.

    And no, I’m not going to check; unlike our esteemed hosts, I would never give those mouthbreathers the illusion they’re popular for their ideas.

  16. thehelveticascenario

    [re=541368]JMP[/re]: Yeah, we’ll only have enough nukes to destroy Iran 4 times over instead of 5.

  17. JMP

    [re=541385]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I wonder what the effect of the wignuts using “Obamacare” was on public opinion. The teabagger types live in their own little, insular world, and many either didn’t understand or refused to accept that Obama is popular among the bulk of the population, and generally has been since before his election.

    They seemed to sink they’d sink healthcare reform by linking it more tightly to a hated figure, not realizing it was only them who hated him.

  18. Flanders

    [re=541387]norbizness[/re]: Ok, I admit it, I bit on your “National Review” bait. The horror! Are those people for reals?

  19. slappypaddy

    i could go for a nice breakfast beer, now that you mention it. it’s friday, iddn’t it? yeah, good enough. no work gonna get done around here today.

  20. IslandGirlFL

    I’m confused. I remember George W lookin all wise and shit talking about “Vladimir” in the 2004 debates. Does this mean they broke up? How do you say, “Once you go black you never go back.” in Russian?

    Oh yeah, “Как только вы идете чернота вы никогда не идете назад.” I love the intertubes.

  21. RPolanski

    I think this is the appropriate place to post this somewhat serious comment, since obviously we’re now headed towards godless communism. I got into a political discussion with my neighbor across the street yesterday about health care reform. My neighbor is actually a deputy sheriff. A law enforcement officer. Because of his and his wife’s politics, based on the content of their bumper stickers, they are secretly known in our neighborhood among the “illuminati” as Todd and Sarah. We got to talking about the constitooshunality of the “individual mandate,” and I suggested to him that I thought it possible that the five nutjobs on the SCOTUS could very easily nullify HCR and that that could be the O-man’s FDR v. the SCOTUS moment. Realize that by the time we had the following colloquy, the tenor of our argument had gotten quite heated, his face had reddened, spittle was starting to fly from his angry mouth, and he had followed me across the street as I was trying to get away to the sanctity of my home:

    Todd: FDR. Harumph. He was a communist. The majority of people in the country were agin’ his programs.

    Me: Excuse me? The vast majority of Americas favored the New Deal and Congress was resoundingly behind it as well.

    Todd: Well. Americans didn’t have nuthin’ to compare it to, because the Soviet Union twarn’t ’round then.

    Me: Excuse me? The Russian Revolution had already occurred by this time, say around 1917 and Stalin was solidly in power by this time.

    Todd: Well. We didn’t really know nothin’ ’bout the Soveeet Yunion ’til we had the Cold War. That’s why we had the Cold War.

    FADE TO BLACK

    Honestly, this fucker is living proof across the street from me of the power of the right wing spin machine and the failure of the American educational system.

  22. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=541425]RPolanski[/re]: Lemme guess. Your neighbor is on the Texas Board of Education, amirite?

  23. ManchuCandidate

    [re=541425]RPolanski[/re]:
    See that’s what happens when the history texts come from Tejas and repeat U!S!A! U!S!A! on all 200 pages.

    Fuck, all your (valid) history points are true and I knew that and I’m not US Americuhn.

  24. Marxist-Leninist Papist

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm3EknF6whs

    Yes,well its all well and dandy that Hopey is cozying up to Mother Russia, but luckily for wing-nuts everywhere, he is as concerned as ever about expanding and maintain U.S global hegemony.
    And Yes, I heard it first from nerd in that pinko-pany-nerd in the uniform first but still…

  25. King of the Dipshits

    I would think the wingnuts would support a reduction to this massive government-run nuclear arsenal. Of course it does seem a little fiscally irresponsible to just get rid of them since us, our children, and our grandchildren have not even finished paying for them yet.

  26. Marxist-Leninist Papist

    [re=541435]Marxist-Leninist Papist[/re]: Memo to self:Proofread. Second memo to self: Actually be funny.

  27. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=541425]RPolanski[/re]:
    Seems like right wing spittle is kind of like rain in Seattle right now.

  28. Lascauxcaveman

    Smažený sýr. Very cool. Now I know how to say “fried cheese” in Czech. Today is gonna be an awesome day.

    [re=541365]dijetlo[/re]: You sir, fail at sales. First rule of sales? Find people who can afford to buy what you’re selling.

  29. slappypaddy

    [re=541423]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: those were such innocent days. all we had to do was be afraid all the time, and everything was going to be all right. nowadays, all we have to do is be afraid all the time and it’s not going to make a turd’s worth of difference.

  30. WadISay

    [re=541342]WickedWitch[/re]: My guess is this will also be spun as Obama’s first step towards taking away Americans’ guns. First they came for the nuclear weapons, but I didn’t have any nuclear weapons, so I was silent, then they came for the ICBMs… etc.

  31. Terry

    “Reagan was white. Kennedy was Irish.”

    What, you think Reagan is an Italian name? He was just a different kind of Irish from Kennedy.

  32. RPolanski

    Prommie: His wife cashes one, too. She’s a school marm. And no, I’m not in Texas. I’m in Southern California, so as for the right wing spittle, we appreciate the extra precipitation.

  33. Autoo

    [re=541425]RPolanski[/re]: If I had that guy in my nabe, since he’s an employee of the county or whatever, I would work the phrase “sucking off the government teat” into every conversation I had with him.

    [re=541470]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: “Smažený sýr. Very cool. Now I know how to say “fried cheese” in Czech.”

    I’m not quite the word-nerd you are, but that is kinda cool, and I’m a man of action. I’m going to leverage that knowledge into getting laid. Today, tonight, before the sun rises on the morrow. Ladies of TGIFridays, look out, here I come!

  34. Vulpes82

    [re=541503]elburrito[/re]: Scots-Irish, so all the Celt, but without the godless Popery. I would go on to grumble about feckin’ Orange usurper-bastards who stole our land, Cromwell, etc. except I have a sneaking suspicion, based on where my ancestors were from and muddled family traditions, that we’re actually Scots-Irish, too, and somewhere along the way one of them married some Papist girl and let them raise the kids Catholic as long as he could drink some more. Also, the Scots were originally an Irish tribe, many of whom came from Ulster anyway, which I always thought was ironic.

  35. Zorg

    [re=541425]RPolanski[/re]: That is a whole new level of ignorance your neighbor has just tapped into. Kinda makes me nostalgic for the days when paranoid nut jobs in SoCal only had the John Birch Society newsletters for their source of Fair and Balanced interpretation of current events.

  36. Terry

    [re=541527]Vulpes82[/re]:

    “Also, the Scots were originally an Irish tribe”

    Good grief, don’t say that too loudly around any proud Scots. You’ll either get an earful in an accent you can only half understand, or they’ll kick the heck out of you.

    Personally, I think the Scots resent being largely domesticated by the English, when the Irish were not.

  37. RPolanski

    Autoo: While I haven’t used the term “sucking off the government teat” with Todd, I have referred to him and his wife, Sarah, and other government employees as “trough sloppers.” He kind of looked at me quizzically the last time I used that line with him.

  38. Ducksworthy

    [re=541529]Zorg[/re]: I’m hopeful that the Baggers will recede under whatever rock now houses the Posse Committatus (Sheriff’s Posse) after the federal marshals shoot their leaders. Of course, the Posse had to ambush and shoot 5 cops before they went after them.

    Whoops, I found this under a rock, god bless the innertubes.

    “It is quite likely that historians will view Sunday, February 13, 1983 as the date on which the Second American Revolution began in earnest. For it was on that day a group of U.S. federal marshals converged on Medina, North Dakota and set up a roadblock, intending to assassinate Gordon Kahl; to silence him because he was a vocal income tax protester and public critic of illegal and immoral activities in that State by judges, bankers and attorneys, many of whom were members in Masonic Lodges where they took blood-curdling oaths to protect and defend each other in virtually any and all circumstances.”

    Maybe the cops were Masons? Do the baggers hate the Masons?

  39. ManchuCandidate

    [re=541538]Terry[/re]:
    And no self respecting Irishman I’ve ever met is ever going to admit the Scottish were once part of the bigger Irish clan. They’re a little upset about the Scots going all Protestant on them and making whiskey that tastes like Bog Peat.

  40. Ducksworthy

    [re=541538]Terry[/re]: “It’s not the English I mind so much. Sure, they’re wankers, but it’s being colonised by a nation of wankers that I really object to.”

  41. President Beeblebrox

    Countdown to amusing Biden gaffe concerning US-Russian relations in 3… 2… 1…

  42. Hooray For Anything

    [re=541358]blkblt[/re]: He also passed a major reform of student loans so there will be more money to give out, easier for people to get said money, and easier for people to pay them off. We might have hit the first point in Obama’s Presidency where he actually might have won a week, but we’ll have to see what Halperin says first.

  43. GOPCrusher

    I think Dick Cheney needs to weigh in on this. To reminds us that this is just another step by Obama to turn America into a Communist country. First health care reform, next a reduction of the nukular arsenal. Its only a matter of time before Vladimir Putin is sitting in the White House!

  44. Vulpes82

    [re=541538]Terry[/re]: Thankfully, I’ll be too busy trying to get under his kilt to elicit a beating with my ruminations on Celtic tribal migrations. That accent you can only half understand… does things to me. It is funny, though, that the Scoti were originally Irishmen who moved to the Isles and the western coast and eventually married into the Picts and made Scotland. And we won’t even go into the Viking influence on both Ireland and Scotland; they founded Dublin and gave both groups the red-hair gene by coming over and raping and pillaging our fair colleens! (Actually, most of them probably just settled down and took a nice lass for a wife and there was a big wedding feast and then they had kids and got fat and died, but the raping and pillaging is so much more “romantic” wouldn’t you say?)

    As absolutely no one said, “History is just a chronicle of who fucked who.”

  45. chaste everywhere

    This could never have come about if Nixon hadn’t sailed to Beijing and gone down on Mao.

  46. Zorg

    [re=541573]RPolanski[/re]: Aha! Duke Cunningham’s congressional district, the 50th, by any chance? I thought I detected the scent in your post…

  47. Maxfretless

    Reagan was irish-irish, and born a catholic. He converted to some prod church as a kid because his parents did.

  48. zhubajie

    [re=541365]dijetlo[/re]: Well, John Hostettler was elected by claiming the 2d Amendment guaranteed private nukes.

  49. zhubajie

    [re=541432]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Text book writing hasn’t been off-shored to Mexico or China?

  50. zhubajie

    [re=542191]Maxfretless[/re]: If rumor be true, he was converted at a tent revival while in Eureka College.

  51. zhubajie

    [re=541494]Terry[/re]: Classically, you had to be Protestant to count as “white” in the USA. No Irish Need Apply.

  52. zoink

    [re=541590]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Regarding the Student Loan reform…The NPR story on the change seemed heavily skeptical that it would be an improvement. NPR seems to be trending right since the passage of HCR. They keep repeating both sides viewpoints and foregoing analysis.

  53. zhubajie

    [re=541538]Terry[/re]: To the Romans, Scotia was a largish island west of Britannia. Northern Britain was home to the Caledones Pictique.

    Just for fun, I once invented a Vatican Office for Teasing Scots (Officina Ludi Scoti), in the bowels of the Lateran Palace, between the eunuchs’ lounge and the Emperor Constantine Memorial Torture Chamber. Supposedly, if you call, they tell you the above, and say “you notice the Scoti are more fun?” Then they refer you to the Vatican Tatoo Parlor (Fornix Picti Depicti), who complain how the Prots no longer tatoo their tartans on their arses.

    Zhu Bajie, alive in the bitter sea

  54. deathofrats

    This is ACE! In ten years we will only be able to completely obliterate the planet like, three thousand times over, instead of five thousand. Change I can truly believe in!

  55. RPolanski

    [re=542131]Zorg[/re]: Nope. Drunken Hunter II’s district. The capital of the not so mythical nation of Xenophobia.

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