Barack Obama and the Russian Bear have cut a secret deal to “reduce nuclear weapons,” which means you better get used to your kids bringing home the “Little Red Book” and worshiping the atheist Satan. Let’s liveblog Nobama’s suspicious plan to take our freedoms and send America down the road to Tyranny by “significantly reducing nuclear missiles and launchers.”
10:48 AM — Obama name-checks both JFK and Ronald Reagan. Yeah but they were white. (Well, Reagan was white. Kennedy was Irish.)
10:50 AM — Now Barry’s just bragging about all the times he has been to Prague. Well we’ve been to Prague, too. We lived there, noob.
10:51 AM — Nuclear missiles will be reduced by a third on the Russian and American sides.
10:51 AM — Obama expects Congress, including the crybaby Republicans, to quickly pass the treaty, which was written by old Republican guys. So, ratify it, and stop being such dickwads.
10:52 AM — And here’s Hillary, in a nice blue suit. “It’s a good day for America and our security.” Oh is it, Hillarycare?
10:55 AM — Now Hillary is repeating the “Russian proverb” by Russian St. Ronald Reagan, “Trust, but verify.” Jeez just dig up Reagan and get a room, libtards.
10:57 AM — Another bleeding heart commie, Robert Gates, is basically just giving Putin the keys to the Pentagon. EMPIRES FALL FROM THE INSIDE, BOB!
10:58 AM — Gates would also like to talk about Reagan.
10:59 AM — And read his whole frickin’ resume on teevee. Where’s Gibbs, anyway?
11:00 AM — The joint chiefs and their chairman, Admiral Mike Mullen, all support this treaty with Russia. It’s almost as if this press conference is aimed at preemptively making congressional Republicans look like even bigger fucktards when they pointlessly attempt to block ratification of a nuclear arms-reduction and non-proliferation treaty.
11:01 AM — Blah blah, this treaty helps protect the citizens of the United States, good job kissing Russia’s ass, Mullen.
11:02 AM — Question time! The first question is about “quick ratification,” so obviously everybody is thinking the same thing: The Republicans are going to block Ronald Reagan’s treaty.
11:05 AM — God, now they’re letting a Rooskie ask a question. Helen Thomas is just nodding her head, dreaming of destroying Israel by dropping Tom Shales from a plane over Jerusalem.
11:06 AM — Hillary and Barack are sending Rahm Emmanuel to Moscow to pull “Chicago mob rules” on the Kremlin. Everybody laughs about this!
11:08 AM — This START treaty is the first real arms-reduction thing in twenty years. Question for anybody actually keeps track of this stuff: Is this the same one-third reduction that Bush and Putin announced in 2002? Did it just take this long to get it signed?
11:09 AM — Now Hillary is bragging about going to Prague. This is making us hungry for a slab of Smažený sýr with a side of tartar sauce. And a nice breakfast beer.
11:12 AM — Jesus christ we are now starving. What’s the American version of Smažený sýr? A quesadilla, probably.
11:12 AM — Gibbs finally quit reblogging shit on his Tumblr and is now taking questions, even though he never worked for Reagan like everybody else on the stage.
11:13 AM — Ha ha, Hillary is kind of soaking up the Health Care Reform success right now. Is this the first time she’s talked about Hillarycare finally becoming law? What the fuck was Hillarycare, anyway? Oh right, a woman’s name in front of a word so as to make the word “bad” to wingnuts. And how would that work if, say, a black man got the health care reform passed? Well let’s see just put the black man’s name in front of a normal positive word like “care” and instant Wingnut Code!