Chickenshit.Eric Cantor, America’s Asshole, went on the teevee yesterday to bravely announce he had just been the subject of a Savage Gunfire Attack, so the Democrats better Shut Up about all the death threats and BBQ-propane lines cut and faxes of anthrax. But it quickly became apparent that a) nothing of the sort actually happened, and b) his district office is in a Drug Ghetto where random gunfire is common. And now the police in Richmond, Virginia, have officially announced that Eric Cantor is “a lying sleaze” and that the gunfire in question was a stray bullet shot into the air that bounced off the exterior of his office building, which his district staffers share with all sorts of other tenants. Can we get an old-skool “FAIL” for Congressman Asshole?

First, here’s an email we received from a Richmond local who just didn’t buy Cantor’s crybaby routine yesterday:


I have lived in Richmond VA since 1984.

The office building that Cantor is talking about is not clearly marked as being associated with him, there are no big signs.

It is also not listed on the internet, and seems to be used mainly by a “election consulting company” but turns into his campaign headquarters when he is actively running.

It’s right around the corner from the intersection of First and Main.

It’ s an area where it is very plausible that some one would just randomly bust a cap off into the air.

It’s close to drug selling areas.

Also, the latest police update is that the bullet was fired up in the air and entered the building on a downward trajectory. see above).

I guess it’s probably the work of a liberal, anti-Semitic, anti-health care ex-military liberal sharpshooter who took aim from several blocks away.

If someone tried to light up his “Richmond ” office in Glen Allen, that seems much more likely as something aimed at him.

Anyway, please remove my name and work email if any of this is useful to you

Thanks, secret Wonkette operative! [TPM/TPM]

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  1. I think we can all agree that a few stray bullets are a small price to pay in exchange for a full and robust enjoyment of out Second Amendment rights.

  2. First off, Ken, are you trying to reach a personal best goal today? Secondly, doesn’t the statement, “Eric Cantor is an asshole”, fall under the department of redundancy dept.?

  3. Not every sentence deserves its own paragraph.

    Thanks for the tip.

    It’s close to drug selling areas.

    Please touch my chicken.

    Cantor = CANCER, also.

  4. “And somebody knocked me down and my shoes fell off and they stole my milk money like terrible people, they were.”

    “That was the 3rd grade, Representative.”

    “No, last week!”

  5. Of course, this won’t stop the prattling hair-do’s from cable land from squealing “See. BOTH sides are doing it”.

    They’ve never met a false right wing equivalent they didn’t want to take to dinner and ravish.

  6. [re=541317]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I watched some of FUX News this morning to see how they were spinning things now that Cantor had been caught with his pants on fire. They’ve decided to basically ignore the part of his press conference where he heroically took bullets from the left in order to focus on the “unacceptable level of the rhetoric.” Not one word about the office during the segment I watched.

    And I’ll second the operative. That is not a nice area of town.

  7. [re=541317]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Based on his family size we know “withdrawal” isn’t.

    [re=541322]Joshua Norton[/re]: “Conservatives may have the National Socialist German Worker’s Party and the British Union of Fascists, but liberals have that subversive California Peace and Freedom Party! Both sides are doing it!!”

  8. [re=541322]Joshua Norton[/re]: I want names.

    “Both sides” aren’t doing it and until this bewlshit is honestly addressed, it will continue. Glenn Beck is doing it, and should be called out on it. And yet…the hair-do’s continue to be perplexed and swallow the whole “America is angry about the bill” crap. Wrong, hair-do’s, Right wing Amerikkka is angry about the bill. Be honest.

  9. If it was some libtard, aiming at Cantor’s office using a sub-orbital trajectory, you would have to give him credit for being a ballistic genius.

  10. It’s sort of like the one time a guy who lived down the block tried to kill me. He plugged too much into one outlet, and started an electrical fire, causing his house to start to burn. Sure, the fire was put out quickly and no one was harmed, and they claim it was an accident; but it could have spread, and therefore it’s the exact same thing as a death threat or attempted murder.

  11. [re=541364]Arancaytar[/re]: I don’t know if you know this or not – but your smiley little emoticons fuck up the spacing here at Wonkette – and the world.

  12. I always wondered about those bullets that get shot straight up in the air. Physics tells us that it should have the same amount of energy when it hits the ground as it had when it left the barrel of the gun. However there is a loss of kinetic energy due to wind resistance both up and down. I imagine by the time the bullet hit Cantor’s window you might as well have thrown it by hand.

    Yup, Eric’s an ass.
    No KFC for lunch today.

  13. I just still want to know why Cantor was at that Britney Spears concert last year and then tried to deny it and then blamed it all on poor Mary Landrieu who responded- I wasn’t there fool, stfu.
    Poor Eric Cantor.

  14. Funny haha ironic thing is: some commie-libtard leftist nazi late trimester abortionist should be tossin’ lead in Cantors general direction.
    Is cantor a Jew fer Jeebus?

  15. [re=541361]hagajim[/re]: Funny thing about the Vanilla Gorilla? Gorilla dicks are smaller than human dicks. It’s actually an insult in some countries to compare someone’s dick to a gorilla’s.

  16. [re=541388]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: they did this on mythbusters to see if a falling bullet really was lethal. i think they had a really hard time proving it.

  17. This has made my day. I propose all repugs should move their offices to questionable areas to get the benefits of random gunfire by their offices, thereby beefing up their potential “death threat” quotient.

  18. The thing about Virginia is the EVERYONE OWNS GUNS. The run around to Starbucks and other such places with them openly displayed, because guns are just so awesome. They know how they work and the know that a bullet that gets stopped by window blinds wasn’t a direct shot. So, sorry Cantor, you yet again are completely full of shit.

  19. [re=541410]Papas got a brand new teabag[/re]: They are proven lethal quite often in eastern European and muslin cities – where celebration often leads to the installation of blowholes in their children.

  20. Eric Cantor got really light-headed and nearly passed out once because the evil lady Nancy Pelosi made him stay up late and vote on health care bills without any food or sleep! Seriously, ppl.

  21. Libtards are such whiners. Just last week my conservative party election center was strafed with armor piercing incendary .50 cal fired from the back of a Toyota Prius flying a big “O” flag while people shouted “Yes we can m-f-ers!” and a grenade was thrown into my brother’s living room while his family was watching the Glenn Beck show. But you don’t hear me whining about it, or even mentioning it until it becomes absolutely politically necessary. I also received death threats from Malia and Sasha Obama (two separate incidents) but I’m not releasing the tapes. Reporting incidents like that only fans the flames.

  22. [re=541392]gjdodger[/re]: You call yourself a librul and you don’t even have Bill Ayers on speed dial? For shame. You’ll just have to get his number from Hugo Chavez when you see him at the next community organizer get-together.

  23. Congressman Asshole picked a real swell place to do GOTV! It’s not like campaign volunteers are up late at night or anything. I guess it’s a convenient place for him to find some rough trade, though.

  24. This is why Cantor usually sticks to just repeating whatever talking points have been handed to him by Boner. Original thoughts are not this guy’s strength.

  25. Update from the Richmond Police Department:

    It has been determined through forensic analysis that the spent “bullet” found outside a first floor window at the Reagan Building, 25 E. Main St., Richmond, Virginia, is a cap from a tube of KY Jelly, a popular lubricant.

    Representative Cantor could not be reached for comment.

  26. [re=541335]freakishlystrong[/re]: Real actual print journalists often include their email addresses on their columns. I once called someone on an instance of false equivalence (science vs. creation science) and she wrote to apologize. No correction, however. As I recall, she said her editors demanded that “both sides” be heard even if one side is just loudly raving lunatics. I can understand that too. It can be dangerous to offend lunatics. That’s why we’re sliding toward a sort of Teabaggery Facism. Shit. I lost the snark in there somewhere.

  27. [re=541363]WadISay[/re]: This was really just Doug Wilder sending Cantor a message. Of course it was professionally done with absolute plausible deniability.

  28. After Lou Dobbs’ house was attacked by a falling bullet last year, this is starting to look like a liberal gravity conspiracy. Call gravity and tell it to stop attacking Real American Patriots.

  29. It’s the new republicant beltway sport: Claiming that you were threatened by some radical liberal pinko commie. But we know better since dirty hippies don’t carry weapons. Other than their overpowering rhetoric which corrupts our youth and stuff. Also. And of course, too.

  30. Dear Wonkette:

    After I changed my vote on healthcare reform, a constituent sent me a t-shirt with a big red target on the front. The note said “Please wear this when you go outside.” I like the shirt, but should I be worried?

  31. He spend FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS IN RICHMOND, Ken, FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS! Bullets wizzing about everywhere! What part of FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS do you not understand?

  32. I think we should each toast a matzoh with cheese and then mail it to him. Hmmm, matzoh with cheese, mmmmm… Never mind, forget I said anything.

  33. You left out my favorite part: The building in question is in the 3rd congressional district. Cantor represents the 7th! (That maybe why no signs on the building, very unlikely he ever uses it as a campaign office.) (h/t dailykos)

  34. Why does Eric Cantor hate the Second Amendment so? Will the Teabaggers let this stand? If the Founding Father’s taught us anything, it is that you should be able to freely fire your gun into the air.

  35. [re=541354]Fox News Light[/re]: [re=541544]eclecticbrotha[/re]:

    ‘B’ is for “bullet”, that’s good enough for me,
    ‘B’ is for “bullet”, that’s good enough for me,
    ‘B’ is for “bullet”, that’s good enough for me,
    ‘B’ is for “bullet”, that’s good enough for me!
    Oh! Bullet, bullet, bullet starts with ‘B’!

  36. According to CNN, this afternoon, multiple-assault victim, Eric Cantor, is relieved to know that the bullet shot into his office wasn’t aimed at him. Cantor isn’t taking further questions.

  37. Upon an oath to God, I will stomp into jelly the first tea bagger I encounter who is not in a wheelchair, on crutches, psychotic, mentally retarded, on oxygen, or over the age of sixty-five. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to find any.

  38. [re=541753]AlexisHidell[/re]: Perhaps Boehner will finally succeed in giving Cantor a nice dose of Ocular Gonorrhea also – that will keep ‘im off the Telly!

  39. OMFG, ROTFLMAO … from comments on this issue:

    “””I seem to detect the M.O of the Left. They have always been more than happy to use physical violence and death as tools in advancing theri agendas. You don’t believe me ask the Romanovs.”””

    ah yes, anti-NRA libruls who hate guns have violins as their main tool for effecting change [wingnuttery spelling intentional. thanks rosanna anna danna]. Yep, anti-gun hippies == Josef Stalin.

  40. Cantor is almost worse than Boner. Almost. He’s a lot cleaner, doesn’t appear to smoke to use Tang to tan with, but he’s such a tool. “Democrats are getting shot at? Well, me too and Nancy Pelosi should apologize to me personally”. What a moron. I agree with all who say that the blame for all this should be laid on Glen Beck (who had an ugly article written about him in this week’s Methodist Reporter, for chrissakes).

  41. That’s either an extremely undesirable offering from Southpark’s all-you-can-eat Chinese restaurant buffet, or Rep. Cantor’s excreted soul…….or both.

  42. [re=541663]PalinsAfterbirth[/re]: FUCK YEAH! Depends on the mom, of course. Are we talking Stacy’s mom? Because I’m down with that. I’d do seconds, or maybe even thirds on that MILF.

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