General Stanley McChrystal hates capitalism, period. He is so upset with American corporate chain-restaurant capitalism, specifically, and since that makes up the bulk of American capitalism, he is basically Muslim. And so he will shut down most of the American chain-stores on the Kandahar boardwalk, where soldiers go for jalapeno poppers and shrimp mcnuggets and cheesesteak hamburgers and so on.
We thought the whole point of joining the military was to escape shit like this:
But this little square of Western culture in the Taliban heartland has served for years as a rare oasis for international forces embroiled in the ongoing Afghan war.
The Kandahar boardwalk now has a Burger King, a Subway sandwich shop, three cafes, several general stores, a Cold Stone Creamery, Oakley sunglasses outlet, a hockey rink (thanks to the Canadians, of course), a basketball court, and a tiny stage where members of Bachman-Turner Overdrive (the ’70s Canadian band that brought the world “Takin’ Care of Business” and “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet”) recently performed on a cool southern Afghanistan evening.
The most recent addition is a TGI Friday’s, complete with the Americana kitsch, Rihanna videos playing on the flat screen behind the bar (which serves no alcohol), fried mozzarella sticks and a life-size Yoda action figure with a light saber looking down on patrons from on high.
And now, Yoda is dead.
By the order of Army Gen. Stanley McChrystal, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, the International Security Assistance Force, or ISAF, is shutting down most of these reminders of home.
“This is a war zone – not an amusement park,” Command Sgt. Maj. Michael T. Hall recently wrote on the ISAF blog.
The decision is likely to prove unpopular with ISAF forces working and living in southern Afghanistan.
Bummer for them, surely. McChrystal et al. explain that this has to do with needing more building space to hold an infinite number of arriving troops as well as not trying to piss off Afghanistan entirely.
But what about FREEDOM!!!
[McClatchy via Spencer Ackerman]
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Isn’t McCrystal the guy that jogs to work and eats one meal a day?
ah, but we are indoctrinating their children with that homosexual propaganda organ known as Sesame Street!
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/24/AR2010032402918.html?hpid=artslot
If the troops don’t deserve a deep-fried, Oreo-filled Twinkie sundae, who the hell does?!!1
Thanks a lot, DAD.
You gotta fight for your right (to clog artery!)
Is he just cranky about the changes to Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?
They should really take out that ammo dump and airbase in Disneyland as well…
Operation Dessert Storm is scheduled to end on a sundae.
[re=540589]vkladchik[/re]: The LAST person I would ever want for a boss is an ascetic.
But won’t this take all the fun out of going to Afghanistan? Why does McChrystal hate America?
I thought that the American cultural invasion was supposed to take over after the military invasion petered out.
Wasn’t that the point of invading in the first place? Getting the natives hooked on corn syrup and blue jeans and periodicals featuring the indiscretions of repulsive celebrities?
Whatever happened to that old-time cultural hegemony?
[re=540604]canadasteve[/re]: I’d think repealing DADT would go over well in Kandahar, hotbed of homosexuality that it is.
This is the Army that beat the Nazis and the Japs ? You didn’t see our boys in uniform winning the world war with such pansy luxuries, least until the main fighting was done of course. Where’s their pride ?
…a life-size Yoda action figure…
I have always wondered what Yoda’s penis looked like, in “life”.
Wait, typical TGI Friday’s decor with no alcohol to help endure it?? I knew conditions for the troops were bad, but I had no idea how bad.
The troops already get free food, free housing, and free medical care.
You know what to call that.
Well there it is the terrorists have won.
sad trombone
Clearly the Army was being “out-flared” by TGI’s employees.
Luckily this lamer wasn’t there to shut down the shooting galleries and Army-run brothels in Vietnam. Now that’s when they knew how to throw a war…
Wait. I thought the purpose of the Wars Against Muslins in the Iraq and the Afghanistan was to bring Murrikan Freedom to those benighted countries… and Murrikan Freedom means the Freedom to eat things like Thickburgers and jalapeno sticks and wear Wal-Mart sweatpants, amirite?
But I can still get shrimp mcnuggets though? Right?
I guess McChrystal thinks that the only place for TCB should be the latrine.
Oh noes! No more $280 Afghanistan U.S. v. Taliban chess sets featuring (for the Americans) Bush as king, the Twin Towers as rooks, and the Statue of Liberty as the queen v. (for the Taliban/insurgents) Osama bin Laden as king, a woman in a burqa as queen and suicide bombers as bishops!
Why does McChrystal hate Toscano?
[re=540621]chascates[/re]: People don’t call the Spartans proto-socialists for nothing.
Should be shut down just for having BTO there. What–the Oak Ridge Boys weren’t available?
The most recent addition is a TGI Friday’s, complete with the Americana kitsch, Rihanna videos playing on the flat screen behind the bar (which serves no alcohol)
What the hell is TGI Fridays good for except for the 20-ounce draft beers and neon colored “margaritas.” How else are the cheezy double fried chicken wings with tangy asian sause supposed to be digested?
Today we are all Philly Cheesesteak Thickburgers
[re=540604]canadasteve[/re]: If he is, instituting a policy of “Don’t Order, Don’t Eat” is only going to further inflame conservative pundits.
[re=540623]Hart88[/re]: Happy Meal haz a sad.
Man, that’s no way to treat our soldiers; can’t they get someone, anyone better than BTO? Hell, they’re not even American.
When the shitstorm was brow-level high in Iraq a few years ago there was a news story about a man who regularly drove a truck through bullets, land mines, IEDs and hell so that some officers and contractors could have a choice of 24 different ice cream flavors every week.
My grandfather told me that when he was helping to drive the Nazis out of Europe that he ate tinned field rations and didn’t get to so much as wash his ass for about six months.
[re=540625]louballs[/re]: they will all be replaced with hash smoking establishments, chai tea parlors, and ammunition dumps.
Shouldn’t it be TAI Fridays? Do they serve opium in lieu of alcohol?
IN THE TANK!
Remember those days?
[re=540638]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: And the booze helps one forget how fucking long one has to wait for the food.
[re=540641]JMP[/re]: It was either BTO or Kid Rock, and the USO officials went with the former since it was less likely to get them fragged.
Y’know, I’m pretty sure Yoda could have single-handedly won Afghanistan, if anyone had asked him.
[re=540636]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I’m guessing BTO was the final straw.
So that’s the Taliban’s plan. Keep the war going until all our soldiers are too obese and listless to fight back and then slaughter them like cattle. Well, Mr. Akhmed bin Ali Allah, little did you know that we’ve put Warrior Monk Stanely McKrystal in charge and he’s going to make sure all of our troops eat nothing but poop and fetid water, both of which we know you have in abundance.
TGI Fridays….o.k…Friday is the Muslin equivalent of the sabbath….any halal meat? We have seen the idiots, and they is us.
[re=540655]mumblyjoe[/re]: OH MY GOD that must have been WALNUTS!’s double-secret plan for winning both wars and finding Osama. It’s all crystal-clear, now!
[re=540638]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: I wasn’t aware that they sold food at TGI Fridays. Go figure.
And what is this ‘Boardwalk’ in Kandahar you’re taling about. You make it sound like Atlantic City and the only picture in my head that I can summon up is something roughly like Tatooine.
Oh, sure, Darth McChrystal.
I guess it’s back to mainlining Afghani horse.
You go to war with the MRE’s you have, not the burgers you hope for.
This ain’t no disco, this ain’t no party.
Wonkette person,
Do not make changes inside a direct quote: “COLD Stone Creamery,” indeed.
the hell of Afghanistan is only made worse by the hell of a foot long sandwich from Subways made with 1/2 a head of old iceberg lettuce
[re=540733]WhatTheHeck[/re]: There might be some foolin’ around, though.
Obviously, the Halal Food Cart Lobby is a force to be reckoned with.
[re=540638]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Before they close, can TGI Friday’s please send that bleached blonde douche from their commercials to the Kandahar restaurant, then proceed to loose him somewhere in the Taliban-controlled areas?
and send him dressed as a traveling Menorah salesman?
[re=540733]WhatTheHeck[/re]: [re=540748]Doglessliberal[/re]:
No cheddar poppers, No asian thai rolls, I ain’t got time for that now.
[re=540589]vkladchik[/re]: [re=540650]SmutBoffin[/re]: McCrystal is the guy who helped the Army cover up the friendly fire killing of Tillman, lest we forget. http://www.thenation.com/doc/20090525/zirin2
The Stupid Military Move of the Day.
Yes, that’s a great way to improve morale and spirits: Take away the only thing soldiers really like. Yes, take away hamburgers, comfort food and good movies. Yes, that’s very smart, very understanding of basic, normal, fun, enjoyable human needs.
For gawd’s sake, when the hell is the United States leaving Iraq and Afghanistan? We never should have been in either hell-hole, and we should have left seven years ago–yes, seven years ago.
The military proves again that it’s run by people with little real connection to the real world.
Give the soldiers back their hamburgers, comfort food and good movies–they are the only good things they have in those hell-holes.
Give the soldiers back their hamburgers, comfort food and good movies–they are the only good things they have in those hell-holes.
Not to mention it throws a monkey wrench in whole “company store” business model. How will the contractors be able to get even more taxpayer money by reacquiring those over-paid government employees / citizen soliers’ disposable income?
Send Lee Greenwood over there. Maybe the Taliban will score a lucky hit and do us all a favor.
Doesn’t Gen. McCranky know that we are re-doing Afghanistan in the American model? Instead of their primary industry being opium production, they will sell fast food to each other.
[re=540625]louballs[/re]: ahh …the good old days.
He’s just upset that there’s not a Krystal burger franchise operating there.
So much for people who wanted fries with their indiscriminate death.
Where will the Afghanis get their Freedom Fries?
[re=540767]thefrontpage[/re]: While I empathize with your concerns regarding the soldiers, I would wager that the actual soldiers who do actual soldiering work probably have little or no access to these fancy comfort food shacks. Overpaid contractors and some officers probably, but not alot of real soldiers.
[re=540889]Sweet Baby Cheeses[/re]: I wonder what the Afghanis would think of Pickles.
The fuck! This Kandahar boardwalk has more going for it than the town I live closest to, and it’s got 38,000 residents! No wonder so many of the kids have enlisted.
That beefburger almost looks good for brekky – but I’d be sharting all day…
I think our troops would be healthier if the mainlined heroin than exist on a steady diet of Philly Cheesesteak Thickburgers.
But but — how about Pizza Shooters, Shrimp Poppers, or Extreme Fajitas?
[re=541021]MzNicky[/re]: The Pentagon has a case of the Mondays.
First, unless the command sergeant major is a rare individual, he’s spending his non-goodwill-visits-in-the-field time in an air-conditioned, Internet-equipped headquarters with a hot shower and cooked meal awaiting him whenever. More succinctly: fuck him.
Second, those tours didn’t get magically shorter just because Obama’s in office. I’ve been out for a while, but I remember how those 90-day tours became 150 or 160 days out of neglect. It sucked, even at a country club like Prince Sultan Air Base, not being able to count on your date to return home and see your child born, or your friends get married, etc., etc. On top of that, you knew you’d be back into the cycle again in 12-18 months. None of what I did approached walking around backwoods Afghanistan with a rifle. I feel for those guys, and if a goddamn cheeseburger makes life any more bearable for those guys, LET THEM HAVE IT unless your argument is that Burger King plus secret homos throughout the military has kept us from turning Afghanistan into the 51st state for these last nine years.
The American chains were closed because everyone knows the hearts and minds of Afghanistan will always belong to Tim Hortons. First we came for your healthcare, now your junkfood.
http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Shutdown+outlets+Afghanistan+affect/2726089/story.html
Ha Ha
[re=541063]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ something like that, man.
How does he expect these soldiers to develop into good teabaggin’ Amurricans if they are denied their daily ration of Bloomin’ Onions (R) and ice cream with chocolate-covered bacon?
“But what about FREEDOM!!!”
In the Marine Corps, you can be sure that everything not forbidden is compulsory!
[re=540615]SmutBoffin[/re]: Every US base overseas has these things, plus country&western bars and massage parlor/brothels. I’m sure it’s the booze and sex Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children really miss.
[re=540646]Sharkey[/re]: Probably you have to go off-base to find opium dens. Gay brothels?
At McChrystal’s you can enjoy a delicious STFU and the equally tasty GTFO. If neither appeal to you, you’re a faggot.
Oh yeah, let’s make the conditions over there as awful as possible to make sure all that tension stays pent up, festering in their fear-soaked brains, so we have thousands of soldiers coming home batshit insane. It will make for a more dramatic Tom Hanks HBO miniseries 20 years from now.
Stan the Man, Elphinstone fucked up in Afghanistan, 168 years ago, also, by not getting the tasty victuals and whatnot to his troops:
Macgregor, with his wonted activity, was playing the part of the commissariat officer—and playing it well—bringing all his political influence, which was great, to bear upon the important business of the collection of supplies. And so successful were his exertions—so successful were the efforts of the foraging parties, which went out from time to time in search of grain, sheep, firewood, and other essentials—that in a little while a month’s provisions were in store. It is true that the men were on half-rations; but they did not work the worse for that. It was never said at Jellalabad that the soldiery were unequal to their accustomed duties because they had not their accustomed supplies of food. The gallant men who composed the garrison of Jellalabad, took their half-rations cheerfully, and cheerfully did double work.*
* Cheerfully, too, worked the Europeans without their accustomed drams. There were no ardent liquors in Jellalabad ; and the consequence was, that the men enjoyed, even on half-rations, an amount of health and strength and elasticity, and preserved a regularity of discipline unknown to even the 13th, when the fire-water was served out them.
An army marches on its upper and lower GI tracts…Command Sgt. Michael T. Hall can eat the first shipment of dehydrated lightly salted poisoned rat peen MREs after the last Friday’s® Pick Three For All is consumed with great relish and vigor.
Marxist-Leninist-Papist: Bush no-bid cost+ contracted that out to Halliburton in 2004. Didn’t you see the Frontline documentary?
Hey, my unit and I just returned back to Fort Bragg from a year tour in Kandahar Provenance, USFORA RC South. My Brigade was based out of Kandahar Air Base, and hundreds of troopers were ordered to relocate to a COB and or FOB in the RC South area. However being an Aviation Brigade we had the capabilities of flying anytime back to the main Air Base. One thing I can tell you from being there and the experience, the “boardwalk is a safe haven to an individual being deployed in RC South. They have free internet, where you can take your laptops, iPod and login to the “Freedomtel” network, and talk to your loved ones and take care of some personal finances’.
In addition they also have the famous Tim’s (world class coffee), Burger King, Subway (no lettuce no tomoatos), Pizza Hutt, Ice cream place, TGI Fridays and other small PX’s. I think that this boardwalk is a boost to the moral; and the welfare of the soldiers… it’s a “No Hat No Salute Area” I would go there to meet up with friends, catch a coffee or eat a delicious Royal Chicken Sandwich with a Fanta and some fries! And after dinner, we would go to the ice cream bar and pick some ice cream and walk around the board walk. The DFAC food would make me sick to my stomach if you know what I mean… I need not to explain… many avoid the DFAC, I know I did!
Put yourself in our boots for one week in Kandahar Air Base. Serious close your eyes… and think for a moment. Could you live without talking to your mother, father, dog, brother sister… boyfriend, girlfriend whoever? What about having a cup of coffee to wake you up in the morning… Lunch; you have to have your lunch Subways the place to go! How about Dinner Burger King or TGI Fridays? Okay, now that I have your attention… General Stanley McChrystal wants to take it all away… everything what your used to doing everyday for a year, how would you feel?
I think that General Stanley McChrystal is stuck in the old Army; he needs to realize that it’s 2010 and going on to 2011; we have options and our freedom. I was working 12-24 hours out there and when I have recovery time I would hit the board walk to relax and enjoy the little time I had to talk to my family back here. I know many OEF Veterans of RC South, Kandahar Air Base feel the same way!
In closing stop with the BS and get them some more ATM’s!
OEF Veteran!
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