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So much better than Bob Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues, and also Weird Al's 'Bob.'OH GOD, STOP IT: Oh hey look this little gal (and whatever MONSTROUS ADULT made her do this, for food) just wants her super-good Viral Video to get on the Glenn Beck talent show for children, so watch it and go ahead and let us know where to find the embed code, posterity, etc. Okay thanks! [YouTube via “Alex P.,” but don’t watch unless you can handle the Truth and not die of embarrassment for this child, jesus christ, who does this to their own kid?]

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150 COMMENTS

  1. I think my favorite part (there are so many good ones) is the fact that you can’t even tell what’s on those pieces of paper she’s using to litter the ground.

  2. Oh well, enjoy it while you can Teabagger daddy till she rebels and
    1) dates a tinted man
    2) gets a tramp stamp (or 50) and goes to Vegas as a stripper
    3) has an illustrious career in “adult” vidayos
    4) or does all of the above when she becomes Tiger Wood’s 1001th mistress.

  3. Of course the tree has one of those faces on it they bought from the Lillian Vernon catalog or where the fuck ever. Bet your sweet ass they have “Bless This Mess” hanging up in their living room, and some fucking tapestry about Jesus walking on the sand, or walking in someone’s moccasins, or water or whatever he talked about.

  4. Please, O Lord, let MJ’s zombie corpse haunt her darkest nightmares…
    Some one needs to tell that deluded child that the Socialists like me dislike the bill too, so she can rest at ease. That is until its MJ ZOMBIE TIME !

  5. What’s that in the background….some kinda slant-eye tin-can speed-em-up car? And this girl calls herself an American! She needs to tell “Daddy” to get a all-American Chevy truck.

  6. ow. i had to watch it with the sound down, being at the office as i am, but even silent — ow.

    but in just a few years (or maybe by next week), she’s gonna make some lucky feller a happy man. don’t know how, but a cat can believe in miracles.

  7. Oh God…I just looked at the child’s blog. Remedial education SOS. “PenutButter,” “I got strekes” (streaks in her hair), “We look Fabuluss.”

  8. Today we are all talent-challenged brainwashed youth. Oh wait, no we’re not. Someone call Child Protective Services. Or at least get her an agent.

  9. Oh lordy. Michael Hutchence just rolled over in his grave. I’m going to do “Opposites Attract,” and dance with an animated douche since we’re ripping off 80’s videos.

  10. I couldn’t watch it all the way through – I was so totally embarrassed for her. Jayzus, when I was a youngin’ I’d do cringe-worthy shit and it’d be forgotten within a week or so. This poor child’s cringe-worthiness is recorded for eternity on the interwebs. Don’t ever consider running for public office, sweety.

  11. In one of the many WTF moments of this video is the fact it’s a protest song against poverty in third world countries AND here in the US. Note irony. Even more ironic is that the song hails as it’s hero noted conservative….

    “I can’t believe this is the land from which I came
    You know I do really hate to say it
    The government don’t wanna see
    But if Roosevelt was livin’
    He wouldn’t let this be, no, no”

    D’oh!

  12. Had to take a break to watch the second half.
    On a positive note, she has potential as Huckabee’s new “Capitol Offense” bass player.

  13. [re=539867]the problem child[/re]: Oh, there’s definitely some sort of creepy vibe to that video, whether it be the uncle or the dad. I’m also thinking her destiny is to pretty much have three kids by two fathers and meth addiction by 27. And be on medicare disability.

  14. [re=539873]Extemporanus[/re]: A heavy weight…Or just too late?

    Like pretty Kate has sex ornate…fabricate…emulate…the truth dilate…special date…the animals we ate…regurgitate…

    (I didn’t change a word, and it still sounds like some bad trailer trash — “caravan crap”? — rap. No wonder he done’d kilt hisself.)

  15. One of our (Republican) physicians was just extolling the natural beauty of the people in the Midwest as opposed to the plastic perfection of the people here in LA. See this little girl and Skoal Rebel below for proof to the contrary.

  16. YouTube should have some kind of mercy filter where good-hearted people can vote to send things like this down the memory hole. I think it’s great that she is feeling involved like this, I just wonder if she’ll feel the same way in ten years.

    Every time I see something like this, I thank the Lord of Time that I exited my adolescence well before the age of YouTube.

  17. [re=539897]stolichnayaaa[/re]: Thousands of kids make interesting, cool, humorous or just plain insipid videos on YouTube.

    Then there are your retards.

  18. [re=539790]Sharkey[/re]: Well thank you very much. I appreciate the credit. Not for this short bus child in particular, mind you. Just the credit for finding her godawful video.

  19. Nancy Pelosi needs to invite her to spend one day trailing along with her while Congress is in session. Please save this poor wretch from a life of torture (and unwanted pregnancy).

  20. [re=539876]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: [re=539873]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=539866]penfifteen[/re]: Glenn Beck is great, my daughter’s eight, my uncle said, “let’s all rotate!” then some weird heavenly voice sings “malt-o-meal”..

  21. Scene: A Kentucky hovel with a small buzz of excitement as a Teabagger daddy checks the battery on his $300 Sony Handycam, and some feeble-minded kid is trying on different pairs of jean shorts.

    Daddy: Lizzie Sue, this is gonna be as funny as when grandma dropped trout on the dance floor of mommyanddaddy’s wedding.
    Lizzie Sue: Remember not to zoom in on my snaggletooth.
    Daddy: Uh yeah, Go get that stuffed monkee out of your bedroom.
    Lizzie Sue: What fer?
    Daddy: It’ll make fun of that commie in the White House.
    Lizzie Sue: Oh, cuz Obama is a commie?
    Daddy Yeah, a fuckin’ nigger commie who reads Saul Alinsky and hates Murika.

  22. [re=539882]justthisonce[/re]: I thought the same thing. She’s “covering” a song by a black guy and pulling a monkey toy that was used to symbolize Hopey by Palin’s supporters during the campaign out of her ass. The irony, it burns… also.

  23. [re=539813]twoeightnine[/re]: There is also nothing ironic about the early appearance of a homemade sign thanking Fox for “keeping up infromed”. Nothing. Because I love to stay infromed.
    That’s about as far as I made it into the video.

  24. My favorite bit is at 0:18, the picture of the sign “Thank You Fox — News For Keeping Us Infromed”. I assume she went through a large archive of teabagger rally photos and used the ones that were the least misspelled.

  25. [re=539894]El Pinche[/re]: Words. Not. Don’t. Enough. Exist. Thank you. Laughs. “Laughs” too small a “word”. Bless you.

  26. I’m not trying to be a killjoy but that’s a kid. Look at Ken’s post and you’ll see HE wasn’t trying to make fun of her personally. You’re supposed to cringe and maybe want to kill yourself but I really don’t think it’s fair game to make fun of the way she looks or her socio-economic status (anyway, doesn’t look like a poor family’s house). Also wherever she lives looks kinda purty (Eastern Ohio? Southern Missouri? No idea).

  27. [re=539948]EdFlinstone[/re]: What about the random dude who walks by in the background and gives a look over at what’s going on and decides to get the hell out of there?

    And what was up with the homeless guy that appears for a few seconds? Is she saying that Obamacare will cause homelessness or nobody cares about the homeless so let’s not do health care or is she saying we should care about poor people but not enough to give them health care?

  28. I didn’t make it very far into this thing. All I could think was how embarrassing it will be for this poor kid someday, unless she gets knocked up in high school, marries white trash and stays exactly where she is. In that case, when the technology becomes available, they will sell some drugs or mortgage one of their guns and have her “awesome” movie done in 3D.

  29. [re=539967]biznesskommunity[/re]: I’m hoping Glenn picks up on this and devotes 15 minutes of his teevee show on broadcasting the video and giving the young lady an on-air interview. I really am. It’s what the child wants. Does that make me mean?

  30. [re=539819]Scoops McGee[/re]: ” all-American Chevy truck.”

    Have you not heard? The Teabaggers, led by their Beck-god, says not to buy cars from the socialist GM.

    Only Sean O’Rushbeck and Faux news could make buying American a bad thing and favor tax cuts for foreign-owned businesses in this country–such as those favored by the Senator from Nissan.

  31. The bad news is that she’s just finishing eighth grade and get in trouble for having sex with her teacher. The really bad news is that she is being home schooled.

  32. [re=539807]Violenza[/re]: Hey now, I got me a wooden “Kountry China” holder for my paper plates. Because you know, it’s ironic and shit.

  33. And not one mention of the out-of-nowhere guitar riff played on a pink 80’s hairband guitar and 80’s style keyboard riff in the middle of it? Both supposedly played by her? It’s like right in the middle of all this Teabag Retardation, “Separate Ways” breaks out

  34. The fleeing lady is pretty awesome. The same clip plays at least three times. Watching her flee the Dylan thing again and again reminded me of those Scooby Doo musical interludes.

  35. [re=540036]BarackMyWorld[/re]: The man doesn’t know guilt. Or shame. This will make him feel pride and he will bring this kid on his show in 3…2…1

  36. Is she doing… hip-hop? What IS that? I some little tea-party white girl making a pathetic “gangsta” moves to protest our black president. My head is swimming, and I am slightly nauseous.

  37. Maybe I’m digging too deep into this. But has anyone figured out what, or even wondered, what she dropped on the ground when she said “reconcilliation?”

    It was during the front-porch part. I think it was either a chocolate covered twinkie or a sex-toy. But it’s the key to this whole painfully ironic display I think.

  38. [re=539822]slappypaddy[/re]: this morning i watched it with the sound up, and it was even worse than yesterday’s silent version. this poor child is never going to live this down. the best she can hope for is to disappear back into the oblivion from which she has arisen.

    but let’s hear it for the first amendment! only in this great and still obscenely prosperous land of teabags and mediocrity could such a fubar be created, much less foisted on a global audience by turns appalled and amused.

  39. Makes perfect sense I guess Sharkey.

    “In a world filled with Wal-Marts, Sex Shops and Baptist Churches, one brave little home schooled girl boldly stands up against ObamaCare, and the homeless, to sercure the public education she so desperately desires.”

  40. [re=539863]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I think she said Ronald Regan, not Roosevelt, Im not sure, that’s when I quit watching, I can’t bare to watch it again, but I’m pretty sure it was Regan. And I thought Jesus fucking Kreeryst, what the fuck does this child know about Ronald Regan? really? jesus. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have children.

  41. Why all the complaints? I swear I’ve watched this thing four or five times. There’s just so many layers to it!

    The fuck is wrong with me.

  42. at 1:04… “nancy pelosi, bug-eyed monkey, health care (something) just another liar, reconciliation, not an invitation” so, she’s calling nancy pelosi a bug-eyed monkey? so it’s not racist? also, at 0:17 the sign says “thank you fox news for keeping us infromed”. INFROMED.

  43. [re=541019]Sharkey[/re]: Disabled ratings before I could rate it, but I did leave a little comment, which I can no longer see today. Still, I hope they understood & appreciated it, for the child’s sake.

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