demon sheep

Carly Fiorina Earns Coveted (?) Endorsement From Condi Rice

Not the actual Condoleezza RiceOnce upon a time there was a magical fairy princess who toured the world in S&M dungeon garb conducting fake affairs with Canadian dignitaries, and at night she would go home and polish off whole bottles of lukewarm ten-dollar Chardonnay while eating microwave popcorn and weeping silently to reruns of What Not to Wear. Her name was Condoleezza Rice, and for a short time this beloved conservative icon was thought to be shoo-in for VP or maybe even President, until people decided that any unmarried exercise freak in her forties was probably a lesbian.

ANYWAY Condi Rice has done a thing!

Former U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has endorsed former Hewlett-Packard chief Carly Fiorina in the Republican Senate primary, Fiorina’s campaign will announce today. …Rice held a fundraiser for Fiorina last week in the Bay Area and plans to raise more money for her next month.

And that’s what she’s up to these days, when she’s not shopping for Bedazzled tea cozies on Etsy.

Former Secretary of State Rice endorses Fiorina in GOP Senate race [Los Angeles Times]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  1. ManchuCandidate

    Incompetent Failure at Foreign Policy endorse Incompetent Failure at Bidniz.

    It’s a Fail Seal of Approval

  2. Aflac Shrugged

    If there’s anything that will make people forget that HP lost 60% of its share price during Fiorina’s tenure, it’s an endorsement from the person who directed foreign policy during the Bush Administration.

  3. Monsieur Grumpe

    Fiorina seems to be scraping the bottom of the coveted (?) conservative recommendations otherwise known as the lesbian lip lock of death.

  4. Third-hand Smoke

    Nice to see two wingnut S&M cougars sticking together. I’m sure this will help them sweep the Red Hat demographic.

  5. Mr Blifil

    There’s an old saying about “swimming with sharks.” Condi would be well advised to count her labia lips after all is said and done.

  6. Canuckledragger

    “Once upon a time there was a magical fairy princess who toured the world in S&M dungeon garb conducting fake affairs with Canadian dignitaries, and at night she would go home and polish off whole bottles of lukewarm ten-dollar Chardonnay while eating microwave popcorn and weeping silently to reruns of What Not to Wear.”

    Oooh. Oooh! I know this one.

    Trann Coulter.

  7. Marxist-Leninist Papist

    Well at least this washed up Republican pig women has more class and brains then Sarah Alaska Snow women Palin. Not that it says much, but its true.

  8. Dreadful Gate

    True Fact: Condi has co-owned a house in Oakland with another unmarried woman for 20 years

  9. Ducksworthy

    The cause of the rumors of lesbianism can be laid at the feet of her mother who named her Condilezzia, after an oil tanker.

  10. WadISay

    To be fair, the US didn’t really have a State Department during the Bush administration; Condi was mostly collecting frequent flier miles.

    [re=539018]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: All Fiorina needs now is the Bill Kristol endorsement and she’s totally toast.

  11. AnnieGetYourFun

    “…go home and polish off whole bottles of lukewarm ten-dollar Chardonnay while eating microwave popcorn and weeping silently to reruns of What Not to Wear.”

    God, I wish my life was that exciting.

  12. norbizness

    It’s only fitting that an overmatched Secretary of State with an outmoded degree in Soviet relations endorse the overmatched CEO of a company producing outmoded computers.

  13. Allyson

    Unmarried exercise freaks are lesbians? Um, perhaps that’s why he never called me back…d’oh!

  14. Scaggsville guy

    Whoa, Condi Rice, I had completely forgotten about her. Let’s see, what do I remember–Oh yeah, that time she absent-mindedly referred to Dubhya as “my husband.” Hilarious and pathetic.

  15. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=539037]WadISay[/re]: All Fiorina needs now is the Bill Kristol endorsement and she’s totally toast.

    Oh yes please. Perhaps we should email Bill and encourage him to get right on that endorsement.

  16. NotthatLC

    Oh, she is so not a bedazzled tea cozy person, Sara! Coach purse knock-offs maybe. Discontinued hair products, definitely.

  17. predilectrix

    I don’t read Wonkette for the pictures, but damn, those are some eye-assaulters over the last 16 hours. I think “lithe Barry leans against the desk” would work for just about every story, hmm?

  18. x111e7thst

    [re=539039]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I like to imagine that Condi would continue to wear bondage gear while doing so. Does this make me a bad person?

  19. JooJoo Bee

    Oh, f**k Condoleeza Rice. She made the maitre d’ at the Watergate Restaurant tell my friend and I to move from our nice window-side table one snowy night because it was “her” table. She didn’t even so much as nod and smile at us as she drifted past our nasty, middle-of-the-room relocation site. The bisch.

  20. Snarkalicious

    [re=539013]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Holy FUCK! Condi is actually credible in this way, this once. Wait a minute…Manchu? Speaking as a Canuckistani, what is the greatest sport on Earth?

  21. GreyPanter

    Bush foreign policy: “Love us or we’ll shoot you.” Sounds like it would not be too difficult to administer.

  22. Not_So_Much

    So was Condi Dubya’s love toy or is she a hommasexshul? This needs to be cleared up, also.

  23. ManchuCandidate

    As Stomping Tom once said, “the best game that you can name is the good old Hockey game!”

  24. Snarkalicious

    [re=539096]Not_So_Much[/re]: Not really. I mean, is it such a stretch to believe that Dick Sidious was just in it for the lesbian interracial coercion voyeur tapes?

  25. Katydid

    [re=539076]JooJoo Bee[/re]: OK, I wasn’t there, but why’d you move? Let her make a scene and get bad press?

  26. Snarkalicious

    [re=539100]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Well…you dropped the ‘eh’, so clearly I’m stuck in an alternate dimension. Huh. Hey, does anybody here know if Firefly is still running?

  27. Aquannissiwamissoo

    In the world of wimmin it’s all bout the power, and Condi ain’t totin’ no 4 four foot long sledgehammer holding hands with a big bald black man walkin’ to take over the White Man’s Capitull.

    But the crazy San Fran Italian is, and she now runs half the glands of this country and has ownership interest in the rest, and the fluids.

    Pelosi, dear.

  28. SayItWithWookies

    Great — now they’ll each have someone to go shoe shopping with during the next major national catastrophe. Which, ideally, won’t be while either of them or their cronies is in power.

  29. President Beeblebrox

    [re=539033]Dreadful Gate[/re]: And, apparently that trufact brought the Snowbilly to the attention of US Americans.

    Makes perfect sense. Because 1/2 of the nation is so bigoted that they couldn’t bring themselves to vote for a lesbian, even though she had good foreign-policy credentials, we got an airhead former teevee reporter who barely got through college and probably thinks neck tattoos are the epitome of culture.

  30. ttommyunger

    Standing proud, brow permanently furrowed, breath stIll reeking of Dubya’s puny goober, Sold Out Humorless Corporate Cunt #1 endorses Sold Out Humorless Corporate Cunt #2, thereby locking up the S.O.H.C.C. Vote in La La Land.

  31. flavorflav

    [re=539016]Buzz Feedback[/re]: That first line sounded pretty good to me. Except I’m out of wine and popcorn. Shit.

  32. Sharkey

    [re=539125]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Well the “good foreign-policy credentials” bothers ME a lot more than the lesbian bit. (I like that link, though!)

    By the way, I’d hit that.

  33. Aquannissiwamissoo

    California deserves better, and because it does, but like a beaten wife, will always take the batterer back, it will probly accept the Condi/Fiorina duo of Matrix fascism forever. Children in the distant future will look upon the 1940 Japanese internment camps in envy and as a time of bliss and plenty. At least tapeworm populations will remain steady, or grow.

  34. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=539116]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: The crazy San Fran took care of business, didn’t she, Cletus? And, in my considered opinion, I smell jealousy with regards to the holding hands with a big bald black man. You really made that sound pretty hot, actually.

  35. Aquannissiwamissoo

    [re=539156]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: If I was a gay man, I would get a Ted Haggard sechs change and be on the bus to San Fran for the Pelosi. If any American penis voter is gonna get a haid wallopin’, I demand to be first in line, and pay the cheque. With a corsage.

  36. Extemporanus

    [re=539048]chaste everywhere[/re]: Not even any bingolingus (at least until she hits the nursing home.)

  37. RoscoePColtraine

    “If ______, I ____________”
    “If ______, I ____________”

    Looks like you’ve thought it all out, punkin. Project much, Cletus? Why don’t you just come out, loud and proud? It’s not like anybody on this blog will care.

  38. Berkeley Bear

    Condeliza was having a really hard time at Stanfurd, what with the kids asking her about what torturing Iraqis and Afghanis was really like. She needs to get back to DC, where the AIPAC boys know how to treat a lady.

    Seriously, the kids at the ‘furd are supposed to be the conservative smartlings (there is, I shit you not, a building and school named after Hoover on campus, for crying out loud) and even they think she’s a fascist nut. Yeah, that’ll win Susan Powter’s secret twin some votes.

  39. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=539152]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: You failed 7th grade, didn’t you, and just gave up. Who needs thinkin’ and writin’ skills if you’re jes gone end up a-rasslin’ hawgs.

  40. Extemporanus

    Editors, are we no longer allowed to hyperlink to relatively benign Politico or ABC news stories, or are my comments just being singled out for moderation because I’m using a circa-2004 HP desktop computer?

  41. GOPCrusher

    [re=539125]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Oh Jesus Christ On A Crutch! I just had a picture of Bible Spice with a Tramp Stamp tattoo flash through my mind. Ewwwwwww.

  42. HuddledMass

    [re=539213]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: RoscoeP, are you claiming you understand what Aquannissiwamissoo babbled? I have to hand it to you, sir or madame, you have great powers of interpretation. Or else I am dumb.

  43. Way Cool Larry

    I heard Gwen Ifill and Condi were quite the item in DC– I wonder if they still see each other?

Comments are closed.