sorry if this makes your eyes hurt

Joe Biden’s Favorite Blingee

Oh look, it’s the “I’m Just a Bill” guy decked out like an Acorn Pimp, as he entices youngsters into smoking because why not, now that Obamacare has forever removed absolutely all incentive for us to stay healthy! This Blingee provides extra bonus seizures, which are now mandatory for all Americans over the age of 18. [Thanks to the anonymous texter who sent us this.]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith
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Hola wonkerados.

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  1. Mr Blifil

    Did you also know that a fucking noun is a fucking person, a fucking place, or a fucking thing?

  2. ManchuCandidate

    I was just a bill
    Yes, I was once a bill
    And those Dems voted for me on Capitol Hill
    Well, then I’ve gone to the White House
    Where I was spat upon
    By a lot of teabaggers
    And the president signed
    Yes he signed me, then now I’m a law.
    How I hope and pray that I work,
    But today I am a big FUCKING Deal.

  3. King of the Dipshits

    Admittedly, hindsight is 20/20 but I can’t help but feel that the whole rancorous healthcare debate could have been avoided if Obama had started by producing some after-school specials on the dangers of not having health insurance.

  4. Chain Tattoo

    Just before the seizure set in, I realized that “a big fucking deal” is an anagram for “fecal king bug aid”
    So now I think Biden was trying to say that the bill is a way of helping the fecal king bug. And who is the fecal king bug, you ask? I dunno. Need more drugs. And a nap. Also.

  5. Blue_in_VA

    [re=538973]Mr Blifil[/re]: You, sir, have brought the snark this morning. I bow before you.

  6. Aflac Shrugged

    [re=538973]Mr Blifil[/re]: Conjunction junction, what’s your motherfuckin’ function?

  7. Chain Tattoo

    [re=538993]mumblyjoe[/re]: Yeah, he’s covered, being African and all. The teabaggers were right: Obamacare is a socialist plot to give all our money to the illegals and Africans, and Biden just copped to the whole conspiracy.

  8. El Pinche

    [re=538976]norbizness[/re]: Are they playing that old commie cartoon-based propaganda on Saturday mornings again, or are we just old as fuck in here?
    If the latter, I’ll gladly create a Shazam TV show themed blingee.

  9. Red Zeppelin

    Can we make this National Wonkette F-Bomb Day–sort of like that talk like a pirate thingy? Cause that would stir things up at MY office. I guess elementary school teachers could be exempted during working hours.

  10. JMP

    [re=539003]El Pinche[/re]: We’re definitely old as fuck, and I’m pretty sure they don’t show those anymore as the networks have largely dropped the Saturday morning cartoons to cable. But this has certainly brought back memories of all the other 80s kids’ educational ads.

  11. Marxist-Leninist Papist

    [re=539008]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: You know I found the perfect video to allay the tea bagger concern
    about socialism:
    Because a self proclaimed Maoist guerrilla Canadian in a Fidelist uniform has so much street cred. (Not that I disagree with what actually says of course).

  12. Chernobyl Soup

    [re=539003]El Pinche[/re]: Nyet. But they have turned the whole series into a high school musical. Problem is no high school kids know what the fuck they’re singing about. I, on the other hand, force my 4 year old to watch the DVD collection all night so he will be properly indoctinated.

  13. Ducksworthy

    [re=538987]Chain Tattoo[/re]: I recommend that you forward this information to Blenn Geck, Immediatedly! I’m sure he can figure out what its sinister meaning really is.

  14. Fox News Light

    Yes, this is my second contribution (or third i dunno) to get on Wonkette. You might remember me as the guy who dressed up as “Moran Guy” for Halloween. Wow Wonkette will post anything..Am I on payroll yet?

  15. ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=539021]Marxist-Leninist Papist[/re]: Golly, is he ever going to stick it to the man.

  16. Cape Clod

    Between Rahm the profane and fucking Joe Biden, Obama could probably erase the deficeit if he just puts a swear jar on the Oval Office desk.

  17. thefrontpage

    It is a big deal that for some reason, people will now be required to have health care–a bill that was enacted while hundreds of thousands of people are unemployed, have lost their jobs and have lost their homes. Basically, this provision should be cancelled–if you’re out of work, don’t have a job and don’t have a house, then how the hell are you supposed to be forced to pay for costly, rip-off health insurance?

    Additionally, this health thing is not a big deal. What does it really do to create jobs, create industry, create manufacturing, make homes more affordable, fix the housing market, fix health care rip-offs, improve health care, help people get jobs, improve the economny, or improve the overall jobs and housing situations?


  18. Red Zeppelin

    [re=539042]Fox News Light[/re]: Yeah, you’re on the payroll, but all we get paid are whore diamonds.

  19. tootsieroll

    [re=539012]JMP[/re]: I have the DVD set. My nine year-old knows every fucking word of that motherfucking series.

    No shit. I love when he sings “Suffrin’ till Suffrage”.

  20. Marxist-Leninist Papist

    [re=539061]thefrontpage[/re]: I agree with you that the individual mandate is, among other things Washington scam to corral more people into the private health care insurance market. However, in its defense, the individual mandate has exemptions for people who are simply incapable of buying insurance, so your concerns should be allayed.

    Maybe if this particular issue had not been stone walled by our Republican “fellow Americans” in Congress, those other issues you address would have had more attention paid to them.

  21. GoinGreen

    [re=539071]Marxist-Leninist Papist[/re]: You were much nicer than I was planning on being – I was just gonna say, “shut up you motherfuckin whiney baby!”

  22. Balls!

    [re=539036]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: My kid is fond of He-Man and the original Space Ghost series. None of the other kids at kindergarten know what the hell he’s talking about.

  23. S.Luggo

    Joe Biden is smiling because he knows that, under HCR, the kid will never be allowed to grow up to be a fetus.
    [re=538992]El Pinche[/re]: 2010- The Republican Party – No Deal

  24. S.Luggo

    [re=539061]thefrontpage[/re]: “if you’re out of work, don’t have a job and don’t have a house, then how the hell are you supposed to be forced to pay for costly, rip-off health insurance?”

    That’s what the expansion of Medicaid in the HRC Act is for. Unless you would prefer having such riff-raff continue to clutter our ememergeny rooms, what with all their fucking whining and puking and fainting and bleeding. Gawd, I hate those people. Why can’t crawl off into some corner (preferably not in the better part of town) and fucking die already, don’t cha know, already also?

  25. sati demise

    [re=539061]thefrontpage[/re]: well, where to start…my boyfriends small company had to downgrade their health insurance to a $5,000 deductible or lay off one employee-(and yes, they all voted on this).

    Now he gets at least a 35% TAX BREAK for providing insurance.

    It will also mean that people who fucking hate their jobs but are stuck there because of health insurance will no longer be stuck.

  26. Cape Clod

    [re=539068]tootsieroll[/re]: The Resolute desk might collapse under the weight of all that change. It is an old fucking desk.

  27. JMP

    [re=539080]Balls![/re]: I recently showed a little cousin the original, good Transformers movie, and he was transfixed; it was good to know that my love for it was not just nostalgia talking.

    Unfortunately, both the cartoon and live action He-Man movies were not very well done, and are mostly forgotten.

  28. SayItWithWookies

    Now we can fly Old Fucking Glory proudly, firm in our commitment that, as our founding fucking fathers said, “We hold these truths to be fucking self-evident; that we are endowed by our fucking creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of fucking happiness.”

  29. Cranky Little Camperette

    [re=539086]El Pinche[/re]: Lord, that was seizure-inducing. But you remember how the ’70s were.

    I mean, someone HAS to remember how the ’70s were, right…

  30. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=539061]thefrontpage[/re]: Read the fine print, dude (or at least stop listening to the AM talk radio shouters). Folks with no money are exempt from buying insurance, and in fact, can get government help to do so, if they want.

    Honestly, if people would just fucking pay attention for a few fucking minutes and learn what’s in the fucking bill, there’d be a lot less fucking drama about this whole fucking thing.

    (This IS the f*bomb thread, isn’t it?)

  31. El Pinche

    [re=539115]Cranky Little Camperette[/re]: Yeah, if they weren’t “smoking the funny stuff” , they were watching cartoons like that one that caused some righteous tripped out seizures.

  32. Pithaughn

    [re=539099]sati demise[/re]: Seriously, the wave of entrepreneurship that is about to sweep this country will astound us. In my field I know of at least a dozen brilliant but trapped by golden insurance handcuffs minds that are just aching to start their own business that will ultimately create hundreds of new jobs. Mark my words, the next great wave of operating systems is about to be born.

  33. Crank Tango

    [re=539115]Cranky Little Camperette[/re]: It’s about all I remember from the 70s–the cartoons. and the colors, oh all the garish colors!

  34. PlanetWingnuta

    [re=539080]Balls![/re]: that’s cause the other kids are real ummericans!!!! socialist parenting you doing!!!!!

  35. Crank Tango

    [re=539160]DirtyHarriett[/re]: oh so the lyrics weren’t a “slabber slicer chunka”? Cuz that’s all I could remember LOLOLOL.

  36. GOPCrusher

    C-Span would be so much better if Biden would stand up as the President of The Senate and once in awhile throw out a “Shut The Fuck Up and Sit Down” when some Republiklan starts bloviating about Socialism.

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