HAW HAW HAW  5:27 pm March 23, 2010

Polite Senate Republicans Not Trying To Disrupt Reconciliation Process

by Jim Newell

GUESS WHAT, OUR HEADLINE EMPLOYS SARCASM. Consider Tom “I Am A Doctor Like Howard Dean” Coburn, who has introduced a slew of wacky amendments that will be super-tough for Senate Democrats to vote against, because any change that the Senate makes in this bill would send it back to the House for a new vote.

Democrats are supposedly steeled to vote them all down, but who knows, Joe Lieberman, Ben Nelson, etc… This one about pedophiles shouldn’t be the most difficult. We already know that Democrats are kiddie-rapers who keep large stores of boner pills. For what else would they use the revenue from a carbon tax?

[Tom Coburn]

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Buzz Feedback March 23, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Time for the good doctor to suffer an accidental needle stick.

Lucidamente March 23, 2010 at 5:31 pm

No erectile dysfunction drugs to sex offenders?!?!?! WTF?!?! What are the fellas on C Street gonna do now???

Words March 23, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Are there that many sex offenders who have erectile dysfunction? Seems an oxymoron.

Formerly Preferred March 23, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Fortunately most of the catholic clergy has not actually been *convicted,* and thus would still be eligible.

CthuNHu March 23, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Does David Vitter know about this?

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 23, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Coburn’s facial expression on his webpage suggests he just got finished aborting a watermelon.

sati demise March 23, 2010 at 5:41 pm

I hope they get one of their amendments and then the Dems just tack on the Medicare buy-in for all when it goes back to the House.
two fer!

SayItWithWookies March 23, 2010 at 5:41 pm

What a bunch of amateurs. If they were really determined to change the bill, they’d propose free weed with every abortion. It’s like they’ve just given up on completely hamstringing the legislative process.

Jumping Jim March 23, 2010 at 5:48 pm

They also would ban giving prescriptions for Cialis or Viagra to dead men.


a) Would have been heartbreaking for Anna Nicole
b) Would make open casket viewings much more spectacular

V572625694 March 23, 2010 at 5:48 pm

Honestly. Here’s the actual language of his item 2:

“Purpose: To require that each new bureaucrat added to any department or agency of the Federal Government for the purpose of implementing the provisions of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act be offset by a reduction of 1 existing bureaucrat at such department or agency.”

We’d need a whole new bureaucracy to determine who is a bureaucrat and who isn’t. If they hire a doctor at a community health center, is he a “bureaucrat”? And the teaser language says “in Washington DC,” whereas the actual language above doesn’t specify location.

One can only conclude that Herr Doktor Coburn is a hypocrite and a liar. Or maybe just stupid. Before he was appointed to the Senate the first time, he actually said on the teevee that he was in favor of the death penalty for gynecologists who terminate pregnancies. What a fucking monster!

AnnieGetYourFun March 23, 2010 at 5:53 pm

[re=538607]V572625694[/re]: “If they hire a doctor at a community health center, is he a “bureaucrat”?”

I think that’s pretty easy – would the doctor provide health care to brown-skinned people? Then, yes; bureaucrat.

Hooray For Anything March 23, 2010 at 5:54 pm

[re=538594]SayItWithWookies[/re]: McConnell threatened to propose a bunch of pro-choice amendments so as to put Democrats on the spot– vote for all the sweet, sweet free abortion bills but have to send it back to the House where they’ll lose Stupak and lose the bill or vote against all those sweet, sweet free abortion bills to get the bills passed and piss off all the women’s and pro-choice groups. Pretty clever, actually– except for the whole explaining it to your base thing.

Jerri March 23, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Look how adorable! They lump “abortion pills” (which needs a definition) right in with the no wiener drugs for rapists and kiddie diddlers section. Coburn, you scamp!

comicbookguy March 23, 2010 at 5:56 pm

So it’s like paygo, but ensuring that it costs more? He’s basically proposing a bureaucracy oversight committee

Wait till Eric Cantor submits his “Stop hitting yourself” amendment, or “Be It Resolved, That: ahomosayswhat?”

kudzu March 23, 2010 at 5:56 pm


“One can only conclude that Herr Doktor Coburn is a hypocrite and a liar. Or maybe just stupid.”

Don’t be so hard on yourself. He’s stupid. He’s a fucking Repug. What do you expect?

Sharkey March 23, 2010 at 5:57 pm

[re=538607]V572625694[/re]: I wonder what quantity of greenhouse gases he released while he was writing that. He’s a waste of perfectly good oxygen.

comicbookguy March 23, 2010 at 5:57 pm

[re=538619]Jerri[/re]: Because the morning after pill is pretty much like a Catholic priest with a 24 hour angry orange boner.

Jukesgrrl March 23, 2010 at 5:59 pm

I have a feeling these amendments were written by a little punk staffer.

Shaggypixel March 23, 2010 at 6:00 pm

[re=538619]Jerri[/re]: ’cause if you get raped and need a ‘bortion in a bottle, YOU are the sex offender. I feel so informed now.

SayItWithWookies March 23, 2010 at 6:00 pm

Oh, the nice Republicans have just decided to keep committees from meeting instead. How nice of them to wave their complete and utter failure in the face of the American people for a few days longer — I can just feel the hearts and minds of the electorate being won over as we speak.

AnnieGetYourFun March 23, 2010 at 6:05 pm

But how do Republicans feel about giving abortions to convicted sex offenders?

V572625694 March 23, 2010 at 6:12 pm

[re=538616]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Snark aside for the moment, community health centers are an important provider of health care to the “medically indigent,” as they are politely called. Most of them are a chaos scenario of screaming babies, overweight mothers, DUI convicts working off court-ordered indentured servitude community service, and other undesirables of the sort Koburn would usher right into the gas chambers, had he but the chance to do so.

In other words, our kind of folks: Democrats every one.

Quite Contrary March 23, 2010 at 6:12 pm

No insurance coverage of morning-after pill for anyone should require no insurance coverage of boner pill for anyone.

keepinitrealyo March 23, 2010 at 6:13 pm

Hey, this kind of thing worked wonders for Newt Gingrich!

keepinitrealyo March 23, 2010 at 6:13 pm

[re=538629]SayItWithWookies[/re]: What I said earlier? I was referring to this kind of thing.

Hooray For Anything March 23, 2010 at 6:14 pm

[re=538629]SayItWithWookies[/re]: When only 24% of the people approve of how you handled the issue, there’s nowhere to go but up!

S.Luggo March 23, 2010 at 6:18 pm

[re=538570]Buzz Feedback[/re]: If by “needle stick” you mean an ice-pick firmly applied to the ear drum, then I agree.

Lascauxcaveman March 23, 2010 at 6:19 pm

[re=538592]sati demise[/re]: I was assuming this is how the robust public option was going to get in.

sati demise March 23, 2010 at 6:23 pm

[re=538629]SayItWithWookies[/re]: oh yea, the wrath of WALNUTS!
Revenge of the Turds.
They blocked the meeting on government transparency to protest the lack of transparency.?!?!?!?
that’s McNasty all right.

Jerri March 23, 2010 at 6:24 pm

[re=538626]comicbookguy[/re]: Of course! Exactly the same thing in every way. Not only that, but seems to me the regular Pill causes one mini preemptive-abortion per month.* Can’t have that!

[re=538628]Shaggypixel[/re]: Republican logic is nothing if not informative. And helpful! To ladies in particular!

*Actual logic used by a fundie jesus freak relative who eschewed the pill and of course wound up having a baby at age 14. But it was a BLESSED EVENT, obviously.

sati demise March 23, 2010 at 6:27 pm

[re=538651]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Harry Reid just promised Bernie Sanders a separate vote on the public option in another reconciliation bill, later on.
this is obviously a bribe to keep Sanders from cold throwing it down this week.
Wonder which bill they will use to slip in a vote on single payer?

rocktonsammy March 23, 2010 at 6:47 pm

“I’ve said it before, Democracy simply doesn’t work.”

- Kent Brockman

Buzz Feedback March 23, 2010 at 6:48 pm

[re=538650]S.Luggo[/re]: I was thinking of something w/a little monkey pox at the tip but I think the icepick will work nicely.

AnnieGetYourFun March 23, 2010 at 6:49 pm

[re=538638]V572625694[/re]: I know, I know – I’ll have to work at such places during nursing school.

V572625694 March 23, 2010 at 6:49 pm

[re=538658]sati demise[/re]: How about a bill designating the trilobite as Official Fossil of the United States? (Although McCain might vote against that, hoping to get that for himself.)

V572625694 March 23, 2010 at 6:53 pm

[re=538693]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Then you’ll have the satisfaction of doing something with your time that makes the world a little bit better place every day. Plus distributing government cheese!

DP March 23, 2010 at 6:54 pm

Damn. My dead prescription provider will probably go out of business now…but snark aside, is the good Senator/Doctor so out of ammunition that he thinks no one will notice that “fraudulent” payments would be those that were acquired through FRAUD which, everywhere except New Jersey, is already illegal?

BlueStateLibtard March 23, 2010 at 6:56 pm

Yes, lump in the no-Cialis-for-sex-offenders right in there with no morning-after pill for the poor woman who’s just been raped. Such sick fucks, they make me sick.

thefrontpage March 23, 2010 at 6:57 pm

The new health reform bill provides free Percoset for everyone, so things should settle down pretty quickly.

President Beeblebrox March 23, 2010 at 7:05 pm

Spooky Doktor Tom never fails to deliver.

Berkeley Bear March 23, 2010 at 7:13 pm

[re=538704]V572625694[/re]: And in a few years we’ll have some new docs for them bought and paid for through the bill. In another smart idea Dems are too dumb to trumpet, there’s a provision creating a new “Public Health Service Track” in the bill that will basically be ROTC for docs, dentists etc. Something like at least 150 med students and several hundred other healthcare students a year get tuition and a stipend for up to 4 years in return for between 4-8 years practice on the government’s dime in places like community health centers.

Oh yeah, loan repayment help for nursing and med students who go into public service too. And money for oldz to live at home instead of nursing facilities. And a program for people with diabilities not to have to live entirely off Medicaid or their parents. And a whole lotta other cool shit. But we wouldn’t want anyone to know, so let’s keep it quiet.

V572625694 March 23, 2010 at 7:38 pm

[re=538723]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Yeah, b-but Death Panels! Government takeover of one sixth of the economy!

Jeez it can’t happen soon enough. I wish Boner and his compadres were right and that Anthem and Aetna would dry up and blow away.

hotdog March 23, 2010 at 7:42 pm

[re=538604]Jumping Jim[/re]: (c) Makes it less likely that anyone will, to quote the Rolling Stones, “make a dead man cum.”

Mad Brahms March 23, 2010 at 7:52 pm

“You know what I hate? Big government! I sure do hates it when the feds come barging into our lives, controlling things! You know what I loves? Amendments the impose extra government rules!”

And so we mourn the death of Coburn, whose head exploded from cognitive dissonance.

Mad Brahms March 23, 2010 at 7:54 pm

Oh, and I forgot about amendment #3, about not lecturing Americans about fiscal irresponsibility. SHH! Don’t tell CNBC!

Jim89048 March 23, 2010 at 8:11 pm

When I found the story at cbsnews.com, I also found a linkie to a story about a beloved mammal death-paneled before her time…

Diana Davies March 23, 2010 at 8:12 pm

So he doesn’t want criminals to become hardened criminals. I’m down with that.

sati demise March 23, 2010 at 8:18 pm

[re=538777]Diana Davies[/re]: oh snap!

Joshua Norton March 23, 2010 at 8:21 pm

MORE wingnut amendments for a bill that they won’t even vote for? Fuck ‘em and feed ‘em beans.

Mr Blifil March 23, 2010 at 8:24 pm

Dr. Tom fails to take into account evil teenage lesbians and the lengths to which they will go to give themselves dangerous erections.

Mad Brahms March 23, 2010 at 8:26 pm

[re=538786]Mr Blifil[/re]: Ah yes, the Ed Wood version of sexuality. Terrifying indeed.

bozofish March 23, 2010 at 8:41 pm

Start me up, Dr. Coburn. You’d make a dead man come…or a grown man cry. Probs both.

Diana Davies March 23, 2010 at 8:51 pm

[re=538780]sati demise[/re]: Yeah, I know. Sometimes I embarrass myself.

widget09 March 23, 2010 at 9:04 pm

also. No abortions for homosexual men.

PsycGirl March 23, 2010 at 9:07 pm

[re=538692]Buzz Feedback[/re]: I vote curare

Jukesgrrl March 23, 2010 at 9:23 pm

[re=538723]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Of course we can’t talk about that. Damn San Francisco values!

american mutt March 23, 2010 at 9:33 pm

No healthcare for Hitler!

Berkeley Bear March 23, 2010 at 10:00 pm

[re=538813]Jukesgrrl[/re]: For whatever reason, Dem leaders think that people will be able to figure out what’s in this bill if no one ever tells them. Like how the Stimulus had tons of real cool stuff most people should love (6 billion for basic science, full funding of special ed for the first time ever, enough money to keep pretty much all the teachers in the country employed for a couple years) but somehow that never got communicated. I sure hope they don’t blow this too.

Of course, it didn’t help with the stimulus that the left wing advocates who pushed for all this stuff for years then reacted to getting it like “Meh, the pony’s nice, but I really wanted a pink unicorn that shoots lasers.” Should’ve been fucking party time until we all wind up grinning like Biden and people feeled compelled to ask us why, but noooooo.

Fucking chronically pissed off hippies whining like they got sand in their vaginas. Beefcake! Beefcake! (Sorry, had to let my inner Cartman out for a second there).

Berkeley Bear March 23, 2010 at 10:01 pm

[re=538817]american mutt[/re]: But what about Zombie Hitler – he’s not dead but “undead” so he’d get the boner pills, right?

CanadianBacon March 23, 2010 at 10:13 pm

How about this amendment, the apple pie amendment- This amendment would ensure that apple pie offered for sale in restaurants can only be served with white ice cream and restaurants serving chocolate ice cream are no longer allowed to have apple pie on the menu.

ladymacbeth March 23, 2010 at 10:37 pm

we can haz TruckNutz amendments!?!?!

DustBowlBlues March 23, 2010 at 10:44 pm

[re=538777]Diana Davies[/re]: Ooh, good one. Now i have to figure how to work this into conversation with one of the idiots around here–

Really agree with Coburn about that boner pill not going to already hardened criminals.

Spooky Doktor Tom: Making modern day okies proud and the Joads weep.

emjayay March 24, 2010 at 12:50 am

My guvmint approved Aetna High Option plan charges full retail for Cialis even when you buy it from their online pharmacy. Do other guvmint approved plans give you a deal on this kind of stuff? OH YEAH, WHICH ONES?

emjayay March 24, 2010 at 12:54 am

[re=538705]DP[/re]: Apparently Medicaid fraud is also encouraged in my fine state of New York. Probably Louisiana to I bet.

Jim89048 March 24, 2010 at 2:12 am

[re=538705]DP[/re]: It’s only illegal if they get caught.

Aurelio March 24, 2010 at 2:23 am

…any change that the Senate makes in this bill would send it back to the House for a new vote.

So are they just going to pass this thing back and forth?

Serious question: why doesn’t this bill go to a conference committee with both House and Senate members on it? Isn’t that what normally happens?

JSDC007 March 24, 2010 at 11:11 am

How about the “No Pampers for David Vitter” Amendment?

The “No Pimping by Tom Coburn for John Ensign” Amendment?

The “No Government Paid Healthcare for Those Against Universal Healthcare” Amendment?

m_supercomputer March 24, 2010 at 11:26 am

[re=538723]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Plus a provision that creates actual designated funding for prevention and local health departments, which had been competing with every other social spending priority for money since at least the ’80s. And they need it, because 16,000 jobs were lost at local health departments last year alone.

Capitol Hillbilly March 24, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Tom Coburn is a doktor, so I think he knows a little bit more about health care than a bunch of bloggers.

GOPCrusher March 24, 2010 at 12:13 pm

But won’t this directly affect the “Base”?

Capitol Hillbilly March 24, 2010 at 12:14 pm

[re=538907]Aurelio[/re]: conference report could be filibustered. fixing budget details can be done through reconciliation which has built-in limit on debate

Bearbloke March 24, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Perhaps a little Judo is in order?

Any ‘good’ Senate ReThug amendments, like the Viagra-Sex-Offender thing should be ignored by the Senate, but rather be immediately sent to the House and quickly passed by the Dems there, then be immediately sent back to the Senate as seperate new bills to be championed by Dem Senators…

zhubajie March 24, 2010 at 6:37 pm

No more Viagra for Republican Congressmen?

zhubajie March 24, 2010 at 6:47 pm

[re=538694]V572625694[/re]: It’s already the state fossil of Ohio, I’m sure you know!

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