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GUESS WHAT, OUR HEADLINE EMPLOYS SARCASM. Consider Tom “I Am A Doctor Like Howard Dean” Coburn, who has introduced a slew of wacky amendments that will be super-tough for Senate Democrats to vote against, because any change that the Senate makes in this bill would send it back to the House for a new vote.

Democrats are supposedly steeled to vote them all down, but who knows, Joe Lieberman, Ben Nelson, etc… This one about pedophiles shouldn’t be the most difficult. We already know that Democrats are kiddie-rapers who keep large stores of boner pills. For what else would they use the revenue from a carbon tax?

[Tom Coburn]

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74 COMMENTS

  1. I hope they get one of their amendments and then the Dems just tack on the Medicare buy-in for all when it goes back to the House.
    two fer!

  2. What a bunch of amateurs. If they were really determined to change the bill, they’d propose free weed with every abortion. It’s like they’ve just given up on completely hamstringing the legislative process.

  3. They also would ban giving prescriptions for Cialis or Viagra to dead men.

    Which

    a) Would have been heartbreaking for Anna Nicole
    and
    b) Would make open casket viewings much more spectacular

  4. Honestly. Here’s the actual language of his item 2:

    “Purpose: To require that each new bureaucrat added to any department or agency of the Federal Government for the purpose of implementing the provisions of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act be offset by a reduction of 1 existing bureaucrat at such department or agency.”

    We’d need a whole new bureaucracy to determine who is a bureaucrat and who isn’t. If they hire a doctor at a community health center, is he a “bureaucrat”? And the teaser language says “in Washington DC,” whereas the actual language above doesn’t specify location.

    One can only conclude that Herr Doktor Coburn is a hypocrite and a liar. Or maybe just stupid. Before he was appointed to the Senate the first time, he actually said on the teevee that he was in favor of the death penalty for gynecologists who terminate pregnancies. What a fucking monster!

  5. [re=538607]V572625694[/re]: “If they hire a doctor at a community health center, is he a “bureaucrat”?”

    I think that’s pretty easy – would the doctor provide health care to brown-skinned people? Then, yes; bureaucrat.

  6. [re=538594]SayItWithWookies[/re]: McConnell threatened to propose a bunch of pro-choice amendments so as to put Democrats on the spot– vote for all the sweet, sweet free abortion bills but have to send it back to the House where they’ll lose Stupak and lose the bill or vote against all those sweet, sweet free abortion bills to get the bills passed and piss off all the women’s and pro-choice groups. Pretty clever, actually– except for the whole explaining it to your base thing.

  7. Look how adorable! They lump “abortion pills” (which needs a definition) right in with the no wiener drugs for rapists and kiddie diddlers section. Coburn, you scamp!

  8. So it’s like paygo, but ensuring that it costs more? He’s basically proposing a bureaucracy oversight committee

    Wait till Eric Cantor submits his “Stop hitting yourself” amendment, or “Be It Resolved, That: ahomosayswhat?”

  9. [re=538607]V572625694[/re]:

    “One can only conclude that Herr Doktor Coburn is a hypocrite and a liar. Or maybe just stupid.”

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. He’s stupid. He’s a fucking Repug. What do you expect?

  10. [re=538607]V572625694[/re]: I wonder what quantity of greenhouse gases he released while he was writing that. He’s a waste of perfectly good oxygen.

  11. [re=538619]Jerri[/re]: ’cause if you get raped and need a ‘bortion in a bottle, YOU are the sex offender. I feel so informed now.

  12. Oh, the nice Republicans have just decided to keep committees from meeting instead. How nice of them to wave their complete and utter failure in the face of the American people for a few days longer — I can just feel the hearts and minds of the electorate being won over as we speak.

  13. [re=538616]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Snark aside for the moment, community health centers are an important provider of health care to the “medically indigent,” as they are politely called. Most of them are a chaos scenario of screaming babies, overweight mothers, DUI convicts working off court-ordered indentured servitude community service, and other undesirables of the sort Koburn would usher right into the gas chambers, had he but the chance to do so.

    In other words, our kind of folks: Democrats every one.

  14. [re=538629]SayItWithWookies[/re]: When only 24% of the people approve of how you handled the issue, there’s nowhere to go but up!

  15. [re=538629]SayItWithWookies[/re]: oh yea, the wrath of WALNUTS!
    Revenge of the Turds.
    They blocked the meeting on government transparency to protest the lack of transparency.?!?!?!?
    that’s McNasty all right.

  16. [re=538626]comicbookguy[/re]: Of course! Exactly the same thing in every way. Not only that, but seems to me the regular Pill causes one mini preemptive-abortion per month.* Can’t have that!

    [re=538628]Shaggypixel[/re]: Republican logic is nothing if not informative. And helpful! To ladies in particular!

    *Actual logic used by a fundie jesus freak relative who eschewed the pill and of course wound up having a baby at age 14. But it was a BLESSED EVENT, obviously.

  17. [re=538651]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Harry Reid just promised Bernie Sanders a separate vote on the public option in another reconciliation bill, later on.
    this is obviously a bribe to keep Sanders from cold throwing it down this week.
    Wonder which bill they will use to slip in a vote on single payer?

  18. [re=538658]sati demise[/re]: How about a bill designating the trilobite as Official Fossil of the United States? (Although McCain might vote against that, hoping to get that for himself.)

  19. [re=538693]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Then you’ll have the satisfaction of doing something with your time that makes the world a little bit better place every day. Plus distributing government cheese!

  20. Damn. My dead prescription provider will probably go out of business now…but snark aside, is the good Senator/Doctor so out of ammunition that he thinks no one will notice that “fraudulent” payments would be those that were acquired through FRAUD which, everywhere except New Jersey, is already illegal?

  21. Yes, lump in the no-Cialis-for-sex-offenders right in there with no morning-after pill for the poor woman who’s just been raped. Such sick fucks, they make me sick.

  22. [re=538704]V572625694[/re]: And in a few years we’ll have some new docs for them bought and paid for through the bill. In another smart idea Dems are too dumb to trumpet, there’s a provision creating a new “Public Health Service Track” in the bill that will basically be ROTC for docs, dentists etc. Something like at least 150 med students and several hundred other healthcare students a year get tuition and a stipend for up to 4 years in return for between 4-8 years practice on the government’s dime in places like community health centers.

    Oh yeah, loan repayment help for nursing and med students who go into public service too. And money for oldz to live at home instead of nursing facilities. And a program for people with diabilities not to have to live entirely off Medicaid or their parents. And a whole lotta other cool shit. But we wouldn’t want anyone to know, so let’s keep it quiet.

  23. [re=538723]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Yeah, b-but Death Panels! Government takeover of one sixth of the economy!

    Jeez it can’t happen soon enough. I wish Boner and his compadres were right and that Anthem and Aetna would dry up and blow away.

  24. “You know what I hate? Big government! I sure do hates it when the feds come barging into our lives, controlling things! You know what I loves? Amendments the impose extra government rules!”

    And so we mourn the death of Coburn, whose head exploded from cognitive dissonance.

  25. Dr. Tom fails to take into account evil teenage lesbians and the lengths to which they will go to give themselves dangerous erections.

  26. [re=538813]Jukesgrrl[/re]: For whatever reason, Dem leaders think that people will be able to figure out what’s in this bill if no one ever tells them. Like how the Stimulus had tons of real cool stuff most people should love (6 billion for basic science, full funding of special ed for the first time ever, enough money to keep pretty much all the teachers in the country employed for a couple years) but somehow that never got communicated. I sure hope they don’t blow this too.

    Of course, it didn’t help with the stimulus that the left wing advocates who pushed for all this stuff for years then reacted to getting it like “Meh, the pony’s nice, but I really wanted a pink unicorn that shoots lasers.” Should’ve been fucking party time until we all wind up grinning like Biden and people feeled compelled to ask us why, but noooooo.

    Fucking chronically pissed off hippies whining like they got sand in their vaginas. Beefcake! Beefcake! (Sorry, had to let my inner Cartman out for a second there).

  27. How about this amendment, the apple pie amendment- This amendment would ensure that apple pie offered for sale in restaurants can only be served with white ice cream and restaurants serving chocolate ice cream are no longer allowed to have apple pie on the menu.

  28. [re=538777]Diana Davies[/re]: Ooh, good one. Now i have to figure how to work this into conversation with one of the idiots around here–

    Really agree with Coburn about that boner pill not going to already hardened criminals.

    Spooky Doktor Tom: Making modern day okies proud and the Joads weep.

  29. My guvmint approved Aetna High Option plan charges full retail for Cialis even when you buy it from their online pharmacy. Do other guvmint approved plans give you a deal on this kind of stuff? OH YEAH, WHICH ONES?

  30. …any change that the Senate makes in this bill would send it back to the House for a new vote.

    So are they just going to pass this thing back and forth?

    Serious question: why doesn’t this bill go to a conference committee with both House and Senate members on it? Isn’t that what normally happens?

  31. How about the “No Pampers for David Vitter” Amendment?

    The “No Pimping by Tom Coburn for John Ensign” Amendment?

    The “No Government Paid Healthcare for Those Against Universal Healthcare” Amendment?

  32. [re=538723]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Plus a provision that creates actual designated funding for prevention and local health departments, which had been competing with every other social spending priority for money since at least the ’80s. And they need it, because 16,000 jobs were lost at local health departments last year alone.

  33. [re=538907]Aurelio[/re]: conference report could be filibustered. fixing budget details can be done through reconciliation which has built-in limit on debate

  34. Perhaps a little Judo is in order?

    Any ‘good’ Senate ReThug amendments, like the Viagra-Sex-Offender thing should be ignored by the Senate, but rather be immediately sent to the House and quickly passed by the Dems there, then be immediately sent back to the Senate as seperate new bills to be championed by Dem Senators…

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