daily briefing

Here I Lie, In My Hospital Bed

  • Like to smoke your cigarettes on California’s beaches? Sounds like you need a visit from Doctor Death Panel. [SF Gate]
  • Hillary Clinton performed at the AIPAC jam-band festival. You’re an anti-Semite for even reading these words. [BBC News]
  • The New York Times is sort of sorry for publishing all that untrue crap about ACORN, the non-profit that helped poor people learn to vote and get food. And now ACORN is no more, hooray! [New York TimesCNN]
  • Tired of the Health Care Reform Wars? Perhaps you’ll enjoy this Oyster War! [Washington Post]
  • Worried that Arizona doesn’t have enough stupid planned this week? Relax! While Sarah Palin is talking about herself instead of campaigning for McCain, forgotten idiot “Joe the Plumber” will be mumbling at some anti-tax thing. Arizona! [AZ Central]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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30 comments

  1. Sparky McGruff

    Stupid poor people, always trying to eat. Don’t they see their socialist eating is going to destroy what makes America great? And by “what makes America great”, I mean Truck Nutz.

  2. Larry McAwful

    Since you don’t have to know anything about medicine to freak out about death panels, can you get on a death panel without knowing anything about medicine, as well? Because I know nothing about medicine, and I’d love to get a job on a death panel. If anyone has any information, please let me know where to send my résumé. Thanks.

  3. Chernobyl Soup

    [re=537589]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: Too soon, man. Too soon. I live four blocks from the latest oyster turf battle.

  4. Johnny Zhivago

    What’s hillarious is that on BBC.com Hil’s address was described as “US WARNS ISRAEL TO MAKE TOUGH CHOICES” while on CNN.com, MSNBC.com, etc. the headline was “CLINTON REAFFIRMS AMERICA IS TOTALLY AND FOREVER UNSHAKABLY GAY FOR ISRAEL”

  5. JadedDIssonance

    I’ve smoked on a few CA beaches in my time. There are better things to spend your Death Panelz on.

  6. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=537590]Larry McAwful[/re]: I thought the death panels weren’t going to be new positions, just an additional responsibility at the post office, like money orders.

  7. Katydid

    Sorry no snark, but the NYT still lies about how they were entirely wrong: “In the encounters, the activists posed as a prostitute and a pimp and discussed prostitution with the workers.”

    All actual evidence says O’Keefe dressed like a conservative college student in every ACORN office (p. 42).

    “Although Mr. O’Keefe appeared in all videos dressed as a pimp, in fact, when he appeared at each and every office, he was dressed like a college student – in slacks and a button down shirt.”

    Why does the NYT refuse to back down on this?

  8. Texan Bulldoggette

    Joe the Plumber & Snowbilly: may Walnuts be forced to log roll in a pool of fire for eternity for unearthing the two biggest fuck sticks and fame whores alive. And, no, the the teeth-gritting humiliation it takes for him to call Barry “Mr. President” is not enough.

  9. JMP

    Well, at least it the Times’ correction on the ACORN bullshit came a lot quicker than the “Iraq has WMD” bullshit; although it’s only scraped the surface of the lies peddled by our unesteemed junior Liddy. The first correction, however, was unneccessary; while Gingrich has attempted to backpedal with “no no, I didn’t mean the Civil Rights Act was a mistake” since then, it’s pretty clear he did mean that his original quote.

    The SF Chronicle link isn’t working, although based on some of the crap going on in Jersey I can guess what’s in their. Really, you fucking anti-smokers, you’ve already forced us to stand out in the freezing cold instead of having a nice cigarette in a bar; now you want to kick us off of beaches? And there’s also been some people who’ve agitated to ban smoking in parks. These are big, open air public places; there’s not even the enclosed space excuse. What’s next, forcing people to stand in the middle of traffic to smoke? Fuck those assholes.

  10. Katydid

    [re=537599]JMP[/re]: Smoking in parks would be dangerous, lib. Guns? Constitutional Right from God! God created and sanctioned and holified Guns, dummy. Who created cigarettes? Unholy pagan Indians.

  11. chaste everywhere

    The latest Oyster Wars could be settled without bloodshed in the Court of Small Clams.

    [re=537606]Katydid[/re]: According to Newhart, they were created by Sir Walter “Crazy Walt” Raleigh.

  12. donner_froh

    Classic Times Corrections Column. In addition to the little problems with the reporting that helped destroy ACORN, they sent people to the wrong address for a gallery opening, conflated women and blacks at Augusta National (hey if they aren’t white men they are all the same, right?), made an artist into a writer and moved the Lower East Side to Brooklyn.

    In addition to the usual screwing up one of every three names mentioned anywhere in the paper.

    And that is just the stuff they got caught on.

  13. snideinplainsight

    Yeah but I’m going to name my new heavy-metal band/communal empowerment project “Death ACORN”.

  14. chaste everywhere

    [re=537663]donner_froh[/re]: Stephen Jay Gould (he should rest in peace) used to devote an entire column every few months to restoring all the science that NYT “Science” writers had recently turned into incomprehensibullshit.

  15. wonkettefan

    Hilly, Honduras, AIPAC ……………..which by the way is now openly opposing the US in it’s cavalier way, as usual, and of course will get away with it. WALLSTREETGANGSTA’s, with dual citizenshit own O-bought-ma. Hilly has made her own fortune helping with that ‘nationbuilding’ thingie that BLOODYISRAEL has taken up. What a PUTZ!!! No different from what we got now in the pResident. Fascism so good to smell the stench from afar.

  16. JMP

    [re=537672]wonkettefan[/re]: You know, it’s a little bit better when trolls are at least a bit coherent. I really can’t understand what you’re trying to say after the first sentence, which by the way is not a sentence. You do not appear to have a point, nor do any of your weird butcherings of the President’s name and title make any sense.

    From the last sentence, at least, I see you are a teabagger; before it appeared you could have been attacking from either the far-right or far-left. Try looking up the word “fascism”, which has an actual meaning, and nothing Obama has done bears any relation whatsoever to it; especially since fascism is by definition conservative, so liberal reforms cannot be fascist; and it is against personal freedoms, which Obama has done nothing against.

  17. Maxine of Arc

    [re=537672]wonkettefan[/re]: I’m confused. Which two words of your message do I put together to find the hot new dating site?

  18. TJBeck

    I must admit, I went on to Palin’s twitty account after health care passed, just to see what was there (nothing new, at the time).

    But this gem of a twat was up there, and it’s relevant to today’s briefing:

    Remember Joe-Plumber&Tito the Builder in’08 campaign?Tito said today:”I did not come 2 America for dependency,I came 2 America for liberty!” 10:12 AM Mar 20th via OpenBeak

    First off, I barely remember Joe the Plumber. Tito the Builder I don’t think I’ve ever heard of. Hell, I barely remember the ’08 campaign. Seriously, without a Google search, can anyone here remember anything about a “Tito the Builder”?

    via http://twitter.com/SARAHPalinUSA

  19. Baldar T Flagass

    [re=537707]TJBeck[/re]: Tito the Builder is some goombah or portagee from Fall River that steals scrap lumber for resale from construction sites in his rusted-out 1974 Chevy 3/4-ton, and has as much construction experience as Joe has of plumbing.

  20. Sparky McGruff

    [re=537707]TJBeck[/re]: I could have sworn that “Tito the Builder” was the cousin of “Bob the Builder“. Maybe Sarah will hang out with the talking cement mixer, too. Or maybe she’ll just get stoned and watch “Handy Manny”.

  21. 4tehlulz

    [re=537707]TJBeck[/re]: Tito the Builder is the former name of Bob the Builder, who changed his name to hide the fact that he is an illegal day laborer.

  22. JMP

    [re=537707]TJBeck[/re]: It’s got to be nice for Sarah to live in her own little fantasy land, where not-Joe the not-plumber is anything but a pathetic joke.

  23. Capitol Hillbilly

    [re=537707]TJBeck[/re]: Yeah, sure, Tito the Builder. He was that guy who came here for liberty. What ever happened to him?

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