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The Wonkette news-room is On Assignment, with Jim Newell and Liz Glover on Capitol Hill just cold getting drunk and taking videos and photographs. We will post these once we have them. Meanwhile, the House is about to vote on the Slaughterhouse Five rule, which requires every fifth Republican representative to “have an abortion,” on CSPAN.

David Gergen is getting all weepy on the CNN, remembering when he actually had a meaningful job in the Clinton administration instead of being some mush-mouth teevee commentator, and the actual vote in the House is now scheduled for what, 7PM?

Oh, and CSPAN is super-hilarious now as the Republicans march up to say the same lame sentence again and again, “I am opposed to this flawed health care bill,” except for Shit-Nut Michele Bachmann, who changed “flawed” to “DANGEROUS” and then her head popped clear off, spraying candy and doubloons from her corpse. She was a pinata all the time!

We will see you in an hour or three.

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237 COMMENTS

  1. I didn’t buy enough booze and Texas has fucking blue laws so I have to conserve my vodka until the vote actually starts. I should’ve quit watching C-SPAN a few hours ago.

  2. …and the actual vote in the House is now scheduled for what, 7PM?

    Damn, the way these stupid fucks are lollygagging it’ll be more like 10-million o’clock.

  3. I was explaining the two sides of teh health insurance reform bill to my kids today, because one of them asked what I was chuckling about while surfing the net today. Also, because their momma is a swarthy Mexican, my kids sometimes have pinatas at their birthday parties.

    I wonder if they’d get the joke if we had a Michelle Bachman pinata at the next swingin’ party?

    No, probably not.

  4. Sweet Zombie Jesus, when does this end? I did enjoy the endless “flawed health care bill” nonsense, but it would have been better had the dems done the same thing saying “wicked awesome health care bill.”

  5. I ask unanimous consent for Jim and Liz to revise and extend their remarks and photos until all this anti HRC batshit is a dim, dim, memory.

  6. I am in favor of any Congressional activity which gives Liz and Jim the mandated authority to charge beer and whuskey to teh Wonket corporate card.

  7. [re=535462]hoosiermama[/re]: Holy shit, hoosiermama, I just noticed that your avatar is Tentai Senshi Motherfucking Sunred. I love you forever.

  8. [re=535486]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Consecrator Doppelbock Beer: isn’t that what Father Ignatius used to give eight-year old Bart Stupak right before they played that game, “sticking in the holy ghost.”?

  9. Speaking of drinking, do y’all think Mika Brzezinski and Peggy Noonan have gotten an early start on theirs so’s they’ll be good and liquored up for tomorrow’s Morning Joe?

  10. Some bat-shit Texas lady just called the c-span to inform us all that the President will “literally” call the doctors so they can kill us.

  11. [re=535490]weejee[/re]: Must everything be a concession to Catholics today? I’m hoping the Jesuits, like their congressional kin, look scary but fade in the end…

  12. Haha, that twit from Politico gave himself away… “how long do WE have to protest? How long do WE have to stand outside Speaker Pelosi’s office??!?!?!?”

  13. [re=535500]Lucidamente[/re]: Saying that Peggy Noonan has gotten an early start on drinking is like saying that you or I got an early start on blinking today. Is there a difference?

  14. [re=535502]Rosemaryrules[/re]: Now a days we would could accept and tolerate this level of bat-shittery being hosted on CNN, but C-Span..

  15. [re=535502]Rosemaryrules[/re]: Thank god the preznit’s gonna do it. I don’t know about y’all, but I simply do not have time (or minutes on my cellphone plan) to be making all of those phone calls.

  16. The repugs are holding their own news conference right now: Stupak’s a pussy, not really anti-abortion, blah-blah, whine whine, hey, that’s a mighty nice wide stance ya got there, partner.

    [re=535510]Zadig[/re]: You, sir, are correct.

  17. [re=535513]Marxist-Leninist Papist[/re]: C-Span was the original home of wingnuts everywhere. Before there were the intertubes, basement-dwellers had only the ‘Span to listen to their crazy (the moderators really ought to enter the world series of poker, so straight are their faces).

  18. [re=535480]Jim89048[/re]: Nah, the ski trip and the resulting amputation of the knees never happened. My kid got invited to a pool party, so she bailed on me. So I spent the day rounding up concrete piers and 2x10s for my summer deck project instead. Now it’s my back that’s destroyed. Thank got aspirin, motrin and gin really do the trick for me in that department.

  19. repug news conference: now it’s da ladies turn. Batshit Bachmann speaking, flanked by Jean Schmidt. Excuse me while I go have my eyeballs plucked out.

  20. [re=535520]Clankie[/re]: I saw that, too — I think I heard them just say that it was a rep. from Louisiana who switched to a nay.

  21. [re=535521]Lucidamente[/re]: Guess I just have never bothered exposing myself to the thing before this weekend; I am chronically allergic to my Yankee bourgeoisie democracy, particularly of the last couple of years of it, what with chimpy and his crew in office.

  22. [re=535518]Lucidamente[/re]: I like how they pretend they really liked Ole Bart until he went & pulled this crap. Any group that contains Michelle Bachmann, Mike Pence & Jean Schmidt should be oulawed or poop-bombed.

  23. Stupak’s from Michigan, which is next to Canada, right? So this whole thing was about forcing his constituents to sneak across the border every time they want an abortion?

  24. [re=535534]J. Robert Oppenheiner[/re]: “I am now a Keynesian in economics” –Richard M. Nixon (New York Times, January 4, 1971)

  25. Bart seems all excited to the star of the health care reform bill. I feel like shit, so I’ll be celebrating in my bed, with herbal tea laced with honey from my own hives. Oh, and the old man might just get lucky.

  26. [re=535544]Lucidamente[/re]: Apart from Vietnam, Cambodia, Watergate and just being a generally evil motherfucker, Nixon wasn’t a bad preznit.

  27. [re=535459]thatonegirlsays[/re]: I’ve been on MSNBC all day. I went to their channel, expecting to see stories about “whores in lockup,” or one of their other standard weekend shows and BAM there was my pretend boy friend, David Shuster, saying “you’re welcome.” I was hooked. Except now it’s Ed Schulz–definitely not my pretend anything.

  28. [re=535535]Mr Blifil[/re]: Silica.

    Also, this current vote is just a vote to start debate before the vote on the actual Senate bill. So buckle in, boys and girls, we got hours o’ fun ahead of us.

  29. Fuck. My satellite dish is slow as molasses in the crappy weather. Is this the night the Emmanuel boys are featured on 60 Minutes?

  30. Bart is like the usual collection of non-participant trolls appear in mass to take self-important bows at public works ribbon cuttings. They are oh so proud. But doesn’t that go before the fall?

  31. [re=535549]AnglRdr[/re]: True, but passing the rule is essentially like a cloture vote in the Senate – if you have the votes to set the debate, you have the votes to pass the bill. Now, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t drink hard and heavy when the final vote comes down, and that we shouldn’t all keep our fingers crossed for the time being, but its pretty damn huge.

  32. The CNNs told me: “6:28 p.m.: The House votes to move into general debate over the health care legislation. The vote is 224-206.
    Debate is slated for two hours. The fact that the motion to debate passed is an indication that Democrats have enough votes to pass the legislation itself.”

    Which means that there won’t be a vote until something like ten-millon o’clock tonight, since Republicans want to yell for three hours about ramming, cramming, pushing, and shoving things down various American orifices, while the Dems will, um, send for the hookers ‘n’ blow?

  33. [re=535554]Lucidamente[/re]: the “other” September 11. Really a pivotal point in history, setting a precedent that made the 2003 invasion of Iraq seem plausible to the neocons (along with the 1953 extravaganza in Iran). I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for Popular Unity and Allende.

  34. [re=535465]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: One of the wonkeratti just reminded me–are you the one with the new knees? How’s that going? More to the point, what kind of shit did they give you for pain?

    Here’s piece of great advice when dealing with doctors–I did it years ago with my dentist and they get tight-jawed, but respond with a better prescription, all the same:

    Dr. – —
    Are you familiar with the New England Journal of Medicine study of how doctors under-medicate for pain?

    If you’re not at least perc-olating, demand oxy-contin. You know how kids get candy and ice cream when they have to go to the doctor? Right? I consider drugs the candy for adults who have to go to surgery. You’ve earned legal narcotics.

  35. [re=535522]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Those damn kids and their opinions. But you don’t need to go so far as to ski. I blew my knee out stepping off a curb on the way to the theater. That passes for athletics in my book. Good luck with the deck. Every Amurrican should have one on which to pass the time, waiting for their trip to the death panel.

  36. God, this is painful for so many reasons. I need macaroni and cheese and scotch. Maybe Hoyer will be done by the time I get back.

  37. Just another instance of why Obama is such a bad president. If he had let everyone know that he was bringing hookers and blow, he would have gotten at least half of the Republicans to vote for Health Care.

  38. [re=535564]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: And you know, its all very ironic that the U.S took out Allende because he was fairly moderate for a Marxist (no disrespect intended). I mean, he stopped his supporters from carrying out land reform for Pete’s Sakes. I mean, you would think that Uncle Sam would prefer the commies to play by the parliamentary rules, if he wanted his Captain America bull shit to be believed.

  39. Things are looking bad for the Republicans: FOX News is going with a panel that is 3:1 Conservative (and the 1 is Juan Williams, who is liberal only by FOX standards).

    And all they are talking about is that there are still free abortions for all, no matter what anyone says.

  40. [re=535573]Marxist-Leninist Papist[/re]: I believe Chile was mostly about copper. They were going to nationalize it, and ITT wanted it cheap. Of course, I might have been entirely confused about that. But assuming the evil was on the part of a giant corporation is generally a good bet.

  41. [re=535573]Marxist-Leninist Papist[/re]: Me thinks, the philosophic disconnects of the current GOPeers is worse than when Trickie Dick had ol’ Sal whacked. Setting aside that Nixon was the first Prez to be sufficiently anti-red to recognize 20% of the world’s population, the current bunch spin so fast you get intellectual whiplash. He’ll sometimes they almost, repeat almost, sound like the have caught the Trotskys and then snicker-snack out comes the vorpal blade and Janejoe Q. Public get maximally invasive political surgery they weren’t expecting.

  42. Just went to a bar in Houston full of Rodeo clowns (well, not actual clowns, but people who attended the Rodeo) and half the teevees were showing the healthcare debate. The looks on their faces? FUCKING PRICELESS.

  43. [re=535584]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Yer correct, under the Nixonian cover was International Thieves and Thugs. They had better on-the-ground intelligence than the CIA.

  44. [re=535584]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Wouldn’t doubt that interpretation of the events; just am confused by the ways of American hegemony towards man. Trusting the logic of parliamentary democracy to undermine the integrity of a revolutionary movement seems a safer bet then backing a bunch of fasciod men in uniform. Luckily for South and Central Americia, they don’t put up with this garbage, because the Eye of the Yankee Northern Empire has is attention stretched by the Middle East these days, those lucky Arabs…

  45. [re=535590]Marxist-Leninist Papist[/re]: The important thing for American hegemony is that no-one can ever be seen to be defying The Empire and getting away with it. That goes for movements who win by the rules of bourgeois legality, just as much as revolutionary regimes or military coup-mongers. The important thing is putting The Fear into anyone else who might want to stray from Imperial oversight.

  46. Yeah, Gergen is starting to look like droopy face Leiberman. Sads. Here are my top 10 fighters for this bill: Nancy Pelosi, Anthony Weiner, Alan Grayson, Sherrod Brown, Howard Dean, Joe Sestak, Steny Hoyer, Ed Schultz, Keith Olberman.

  47. MMM..my Lord of the Rings analogy makes me hunger to do battle with redneck orcs and Paulutard trolls. Particularly trolls. Where are they ? You would expect at least one to make an appearance on this special day.

  48. [re=535578]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: You know, I’ve been thinking: Fox News and the Republican party will just pivot to the next issue and stop talking about HRC entirely by Wednesday, but the teabaggers actually live in the bullshit fantasy land that Beck et al have conjured up. How many wingtard brains will just completely break when the Death Panels never materialize?

    I think most will simply forget what they were yelling about, guided gently to the next issue by the punditocracy. A lot will insist, decades down the line, that the FEMA death camps are OUT THERE, in the NIGHT. Some will just break the fuck down, maybe do a shooting. What I’m curious about is whether, years from now, a few will admit that they were ‘mistaken’ (being charitable, here).

    I suspect they will number in the TENS, nationwide.

  49. Looks like Obama has a boner in the photo. “Barry, is that a health care bill in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me fuck some republicans in the ass?”

    Also, slaughterhouse five rule vis a vis republicans having abortions on teevee — fucking brilliant, Ken.

  50. [re=535596]southern mark smith[/re]: Don’t think so, they are dark buttons with some gray shiny something. What’s the point of wearing a button when you’re on teevee if no one knows what the fuck it is?

  51. This is a true story, me & my friend were at an outdoor cafe yesterday, & in walks Peggy Noonington ha ha. No, in wheels this old guy in a wheelchair with his leg all wrapped up in gauze, I suspect overweight, old, problems with leg, must have Type II Diabetes. He starts ranting loudly in a outdoor restaurant about the govt. takeover bullshit, right from the chalkboard of Glenn Beck craziness. So here is this hypocrite on Medicare, overweight, sucking up tax dollars with his fat ass and Type II diabetes from his crappy diet all his life and he is screaming in a public place about denying young people basic health care. I say this all the time: The olds, who have a couple seconds left on this planet want to leave us all dead, suffering, on a molton lava core.

  52. Dust Bowl Blues:
    Yes, & Racheal Maddow. I have so much respect for Pelosi, the women is amazing thru this entire fiasco. I love the gavel trot today. Spitting on people? Jeebus, Glenn Dick chalk board psychos.

  53. [re=535587]weejee[/re]: No less a Nixon-hater than Hunter Thompson went on record saying that Bush made Nixon look positively socialist. I mean, hell – Tricky Dick pushed through enough price control and environmental laws that today’s conservatives would claim that Satan himself invented.

  54. [re=535610]Nerdalicious[/re]: Nah, it ain’t simply the olds. I was at a rally yesterday and there were plenty of olds on the “people who have active brain cells” side.

  55. Flanders:
    Yeah, I saw the Caveman strutting across the Capitol with the gavel gang today. The teabaggers fucked him up. huh? I’d rather have my knees removed than spat on.

  56. [re=535609]Cranky Little Camperette[/re]: Jobs. They’re moaning about JOBS FIRST1! now, but wait until Barry proposes doing something about it. Then jobs will be the worst thing that ever happened to ‘Merka, and if you don’t quit your job in protest you’re a union stooge.

  57. [re=535603]obfuscator[/re]: That is almost as amusing as watching Tea Partiers look miserable[re=535624]tootsieroll[/re]: The teevees directly above the bar were showing the negro spirit game involving the bouncing of pig leather balls into hoops. But the teevees along the wall were showing the communist takeover of America.

  58. [re=535565]DustBowlBlues[/re]: “Are you familiar with the New England Journal of Medicine study of how doctors under-medicate for pain?”

    I am. I’m a pharmacist at a major Boston teaching hospital. I remember when one of the JCHO surveys was all about how patient’s pain was being assessed and addressed.

    Then they forgot about that to focus on whether or not we had all our performance evaluations done.

    It is a travesty. And don’t even get me started on the whole Oxycontin crap. It’s a wonderful drug that benefits so many chronic pain sufferers, but because of the social stigma and people have to jump through flaming hoops to get it filled.

    And my Nana died the morning they were finally going to pick up the morphine Rx the doctor finally relented on prescribing to make her comfortable. I curse that man to this day.

  59. [re=535595]DustBowlBlues[/re]: OMG, those round lapel pins are Heinekin bottle caps.

    ps: I exhausted my COBRA too. And I exhausted the gentle woman wasserman-shultz too.

    pps: that guy’s afraid of tentacles! Lulz

  60. Passage of the bill will enable the loons to make real money off their hysteria. From World Nut Daily you can spend $9.99 to send a copy of the constitution to the President & Congress with the prewritten note of:

    Your administration has been characterized by unconstitutional actions – from forcing citizens to buy health insurance, to penalizing people for their thoughts (hate crimes), to taxing the very air we breathe.

    Still hoping for a mass exodus of these folks to Alaska.

  61. such mixed feelings about this– the bill is pretty lame compared to what we could have done, but still it’s amazing we finally got past all the fucking rethug bullshit and are so close to serious history.

  62. Boener asks the republicans to behave like grown-ups if the bill passes. Of course, if it doesn’t pass, everyone is welcome to continue acting like whiny babies with poop diapers.

  63. John Lewis is awesome. I’d watch cspan everyday if he were on hollering and imploring.

    Sam Johnson, however, is all about freedom from…everything. He mentions caving. Why don’t you go back to living in one?

  64. Where are the Dems from Texas? Christ, we do have some, don’t we? I believe I’m represented by one. Charlie G, get the fuck up to the mic!

  65. OH thank god. Lloyd Doggett. Our bill is either too long, or too short. Too thick, or too thin. The Republicans are never satisfied because their answer to reform is never never never.

    HEED THE GAVEL.

    Anything like fear the reaper?

  66. Nunes was cold goin’ nuts about socialism. For a guy whose district likely exists solely because of huge federal agriculture subsidies, he really should shut the fuck up.

  67. [re=535606]slithytoves[/re]: Sorry, I didn’t see the buttons in question. But I thought Barney was pretty cool for making those.

    And your point is well-taken. It must be so that they can stand on the 2nd-floor balcony of the Capitol and wear them for all the teabaggers four blocks away to see.

  68. Now its a thing called Ginny-Brown White or some awful thing, prattling about socialism. Is she the dumbest member of Congress, or did she come in 2nd?

  69. heh, heh…Mssr. Levin introduces a “young and energetic” Ron Kind. Maybe he hoped it would keep him awake. It’s sorta funny seeing Levin drone over bits of passionate oratory, like that silence between the explosions during a fireworks display.

  70. [re=535618]JeffBarea[/re]: Thanks.

    First, you invoke Poe’s law, and now you want to school me on Swarm Theory. Are you wit us or agin us?

  71. [re=535664]weejee[/re]: And the rep. from NJ’s words were stricken from the rekkid. This has been a complete dramedy, “gavel to gavel.”

  72. [re=535660]DangerousLiberal[/re]: It’s a very crowded field. Photo finish doesn’t begin to describe the crowd jostling for that award.

  73. I’m flipping through the channels waiting for live footage of Rush getting into his private jet to make his move to Costa Rica but, sadly, it’s just a bunch of yammering talking heads.

  74. I keep waiting for some catastrophic interruption, because this isn’t really going to be allowed to happen right? Some wingnut is going to storm the rotunda shooting, or fly a plane into it, right?

  75. [re=535664]weejee[/re]: Don’t you get it? The man in charge is of a brown color so the whole world is going to shit. I’m so fucking tired of these assholes.

  76. I’ve got C-Span on mute and guessing which of these ding-dongs is R or D, based on physical appearance alone, before the caption comes up. So far I’m hittin’ it just about every time. Grouchy bulldog-ish jowl-flappers, R, every time. Guy with the bicycle lapel pin and bow tie, D, duh.

  77. [re=535689]OzoneTom[/re]: Hey Tom. I volunteer to be the first to have a gay abortion against my will during Lent. Also for the troops.

  78. In arguments about health chare with one of my conservative colleagues, he said “this country did just fine in the late 19th century.” Dr. Robert McElvaine is correct in calling these folks “regressives.” THE 19TH CENTURY, FOR FUCK’S SAKE?!?

    Although I do enjoy the hats from the the time period.

  79. [re=535723]sanantonerose[/re]: On the plus side: Nice hats + opium prescribed for “female troubles.”

    On the minus side: Arsenic and leeches also prescribed…

  80. My birthright is personal freedom? THEN WHERE MY ABORTIONS AT, TX REP. JEB HENSARLING?

    Any constituents who vote for a man named “Jeb” deserve what they get. *staring in the general direction of Dallas, Athens*

  81. [re=535725]Cranky Little Camperette[/re]: PLUS the vibration machines doctors used to cure “hysteria.” Some were even steam-powered! Can you imagine?

    The 19th century is starting to sound pretty good.

  82. [re=535665]southern mark smith[/re]: Um, I created an application of Swarm Intelligence to Political activity and named it generically “Swarm Theory – after the overarching theory.” I’ll figure out a more catchy name when the book comes out.

    Right now I’m the leader of the Illuminati (run off to urban dictionary), that should answer your question or not.

    *Jingles keys*

  83. [re=535729]sanantonerose[/re]: Steam power requires some form of heat source, which leads to all sort of Rube Goldberg-esque images.

  84. With Kucinich, Stupak, and Michael Moore, however reluctantly, coming around, unless anyone has heard from Chomsky, the entire giant mosh pit of the American left is now on board. VICTORY!

    (Not counting Alexander Cockburn because WTF.)

  85. Hookers and blow? Typical liberal decadence. I’m celebrating healthcare reform by smoking a bowl and eating spaghetti, as our Founding Fathers intended.

  86. A Newsweek reporter just compared President Obama to the long distance runners of Kenya.

    I am hoarse from laughter and screaming at my television and I only have 1 shot of vodka left. I need my communist health insurance soon, my liver and heart will be failing soon.

  87. [re=535763]thatonegirlsays[/re]:
    hahaha! i was in the kitchen “refreshing” my vodka drinky when I heard that, but I thought they compared him to “The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner”.
    Not sure which is more bizarre…

  88. Fuck this shit. I gotta go have some tomato soup, Kraft singles, and saltines.

    How appropriate is it that I’m sick on National Health Care Reform Socialist Utopia day?

  89. So after all the fat ass tea partiers have massive coronaries when this passes, they will be carted off to Stalingrad Communist Hospital for Socialists and receive health care.

  90. Funny that a bunch of people who have “gold plated” insurance will stand up and tell us “tough luck” or “let’s start over”. John Boehner smokes for crissakes. If Eric Cantor had a pair, he’d have stood up and said, “btw, I renounce and reject my Congressional coverage”. Boehener got to go to the WH for a meeting with the Preznit on TV and says this wasn’t transparent. “Hell No”. They are the “Hell No” party. It’s great having David Obey in the chair too…

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