GOP Congressmen Start Throwing Civil War References Around

  finally!

The best part about passing this health care bill, AND THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD PARTS, is all the assassinations and torrential violence we’ll have across the country, from confused people! FOR IT HAS HAPPENED HERE BEFORE: you know of what we speak. The “War of Yankee Aggression,” as Georgia Rep. Paul Broun calls it here. The old health insurance system will go the way of the Confederacy, he says. Good? [Washington Monthly]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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93 comments

  1. Jim Demintia

    No one could today see Toccoa, Georgia, and doubt that the Civil War worked out very well for us down here.

  2. imissopus

    It’s the Late Unpleasantness all over again, but the South will rise!

    OT, but there is a lot of great Dame Noonington floating around today — her column, Anthony Weiner smacking her down on Morning Joe — I hope Jim’s head does not explode from watching/reading it all.

  3. Prommie

    Yes, indeed, it was a war of Northern Aggression. And it wasn’t about the slaves, at all, and the slaves were happy and well cared-for, actually better off, under that benevolent institution.

    Also, if only there were no government interference with the marketplace, the miraculous workings of the invisible hand will ensure that virtue and hard work are rewarded, and dishonesty and laziness punished, and the markets will thrive. And welfare actually makes people poor, and condoms cause VD. And God rewards the saved with material riches here on this earth, and therefore, the wealthy are all virtuous and deserving and we should look up to them as our betters.

    Is there anything conservatives believe that is actually true? Just wondering.

  4. TGY

    THANKS FOR EMBARRASSING US IN GEORGE YET AGAIN. You fucker. A Confederacy of DUMB-ASSES, perhaps?

  5. ella

    I don’t know whose pockets he’s had his hands in, but mine sure don’t have a “free insurance card.”

  6. gurukalehuru

    Well, you know, if you grew up in Georgia, it’s quite likely that your 1st girlfriend was a mule.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    The free insurance card in my pocket?! Dude needs a regular job, just so he can find out about how much free insurance is floating around out there.

  8. KilgoreTrout_XL

    I think this analogy is pretty apt except this time, when the HealthRaptureFestival(tm) is compete, instead of a “southern reconstruction” program we’re going to get to work on a policy called “holy shit would you just fuck off and die already”, which is where the death panels come in.

  9. x111e7thst

    Science has proved that dumb people are usually too stupid to know how stupid they are:

    Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own
    Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments
    Justin Kruger and David Dunning
    Cornell University

    People tend to hold overly favorable views of their abilities in many social and intellectual domains. The authors suggest that this overestimation occurs, in part, because people who are unskilled in these domains suffer a dual burden: Not only do these people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it.

    Which is probably why there are TeaBaggers, Repukes etc.
    Also

  10. Scruffy_The_Janitor

    [re=533943]gurukalehuru[/re]: Dude that’s just wrong on so many levels. and yet I laugh.

  11. Hooray For Anything

    [re=533934]Prommie[/re]: Yeah, you know who had good health care? Slaves. Plantation owners didn’t need those Yankees to tell them to fix slaves up after a good whipping

  12. One Yield Regular

    Tony Horwitz, in his book about nutty Civil War re-enactors, quotes an elderly woman in North Carolina who refers to the Civil War by the more sanguine label: “The Late Unpleasantness.”

  13. freakishlystrong

    Jesus, get a fuckin’ grip, Miss PittyPat. “Oh Lawd, fetch mah smellin’ salts, the Yankees a’ comin’!”

  14. ManchuCandidate

    Broun would be more manly and less of a sucky baby dressed as Scarlett O’Hara and waving a fan while pouting “As god as my witness, I’ll never be healthy again!”

  15. Lascauxcaveman

    First of all: Yeah, Mr. Free Insurance Card, fuck you. And I thought your constituents were the low-info voters out there. Get a job.

    Second: You can tell this was done in one of those late-night, empty-chamber, speechifying-for-the-cameraman type things, because of of the audible response his little bon mot raised. One slightly amused chuckle. Next time, put on your big boy pants and say it to the full house.

  16. comicbookguy

    Wow. Listening to him, this health reform is going to be the worst thing that happened to America since Lincoln freed the slaves. No wonder Republicans are all agin’ it!

  17. BlueStateLiberal

    I feel like doing some marching and burning through the Old South today. Anyone with me?

  18. Redhead

    [re=533934]Prommie[/re]: I heard a Republican candidate hopeful last night say that the health care system was broken and the government needed to help with tort reform (“basically a tax to lawyers”) and because of “all the medical care the illegals get.” In the same sentence, he said that the free market system works best and government should back out and let the free markets work with health care. (This was after the obligatory 20 minutes of 9/11! 9/11! 9/11! terrorists! illegals crossing the border, oh my!)

    So no, they don’t make sense and they contradict themselves and they don’t realize it.

  19. freakishlystrong

    [re=533933]imissopus[/re]: Wiener was great. The whole thing was one verbal eye-roll.

  20. V572625694

    Let us again propose a delayed concession of the Civil War to the Confederacy: Sorry guys, you were right, states’ rights trump the Constitution, now GTFO and change your name to Dumbfuckistan, where you can dumb down schoolbook history to your hearts’ content. Cue Mr Zimmerman:

    The deputy sheriffs, the soldiers, the governors get paid,
    And the marshals and cops get the same,
    But the poor white man’s used in the hands of them all like a tool.
    He’s taught in his school, from the start by the rule
    That the laws are with him to protect his white skin
    To keep up his hate so he never thinks straight
    ‘Bout the shape that he’s in.
    But it ain’t him to blame;
    He’s only a pawn in their game.

  21. comicbookguy

    [re=533957]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Free market invisible hands and private property rights fixes everything! Any Southerner who tortures and murders his slaves for fun is going to be less profitable, therefore slaves are all well-treated, happy, and playing the banjo. And it’s the same with health care. Also.

  22. S.Luggo

    Had the Confederacy not been crushed by the anarcho-socialist forces of Abraham “Jewboy” Lincoln, it would have been able to adopt malpractice reform and would have allowed the selling of darkies across state lines.

  23. Pandy

    [re=533941]Buzz Feedback[/re]: With all the talk about secession….it sounds like that’s what they want.

  24. user-of-owls

    [re=533933]imissopus[/re]: No, the South will not rise again. The South is one big packet of bad yeast.

  25. norbizness

    He then declared that he had the vapors and sat down, using a negro woman as a footrest.

  26. FMA

    [re=533947]x111e7thst[/re]: I didn’t know that some guys at Cornell had done a paper about one of my former bosses. Does it include a section on sociopathic behavior?

  27. user-of-owls

    When I get my free insurance card, I’m going to put it on a gold chain and wear it around my neck! Like a charm! Or an amulet!

  28. travellabyrinth

    Remember President Barack Obama? Yeah he freed the wage slaves, right? And nuked Texas?

  29. user-of-owls

    [re=533973]comicbookguy[/re]: We have to learn to play the banjo? That’s not the change I voted for!!

  30. WIDTAP

    Ah, but Broun said it as a little jest. It’s OK if it is a joke. You can’t get blamed for the idea if it’s presented in a humorous tone. You know, like that postcard with watermelons outside the White House.

  31. betterDeadThanRed

    [re=533972]V572625694[/re]: No, the Federals won the war so they should get to choose who gets to stay in the club. I think we should keep VA and NC and maybe a couple of other states that I cn’t think of right now but otherwise, SC, GA, TX, MI, AL are all on their own like they wanted.

  32. Extemporanus

    [re=533961]freakishlystrong[/re]: He’s just a-whistlin’ dick, see?

    (Yah may visit your Wah of Aggravation upon me at yah lezzure, kind suh.)

  33. user-of-owls

    [re=534003]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: I did not know that Johnny Reb lived in Michigan. I’d suggest Sherman’s ghost should march on Detroit, but it would be kind of redundant.

  34. JMP

    It certainly would be nice to actually have the government reenact Sherman’s march on the insurance companies, but unfortunately the bill as is will still let them exist and profit, just not as obscenely as before.

  35. coolcatdaddy

    [re=533958]One Yield Regular[/re]: “The Late Unpleasantness”?

    That’s how I refer to eight years of the Bush administration…

  36. glamourdammerung

    Literally calling Representative Broun’s office now to inform him the Civil War started when Southerners fired on federal troops in Fort Sumter and ended a while back with a decisive Union victory.

  37. bureaucrap

    I know it’s been said millions of times before by millions of people, but we really mean it. If you guys down in the south decide to secede again, we’ll let you win. Don’t let the social justice hit you on the way out.

  38. V572625694

    [re=534003]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: We could trade them VA and NC for Oklahoma and Kansas. All the right people would leave all four states and go where they belong. It’s tempting to give up Wyoming too (because they gave us the Gift of Cheney), but parts of it are way too beautiful to lose.

  39. S.Luggo

    [re=533933]imissopus[/re]:
    From Dame Lady Nooningshire’ss Mar. 18th WSJ column:
    “Excuse me, but it is embarrassing—really, embarrassing to our country—that the president of the United States has again put off a state visit to Australia and Indonesia because he’s having trouble passing a piece of domestic legislation he’s been promising for a year will be passed next week. What an air of chaos this signals to the world. And to do this to Australia of all countries, a nation that has always had America’s back and been America’s friend.”

    Me so embarassed, me so very ashamed. And all of this due a “piece of domestic legislation”. Where are your priorities, Mister President, sir?
    I dread the forthcoming retaliatory embargo on shipmemts anga meat to the US.

  40. imissopus

    [re=534027]One Yield Regular[/re]: The things one learns growing up in eastern Virginia. That one is definitely my favorite of the Southern alternative names for the Civil War.

  41. Mr Blifil

    Does it occur to the distinguished gentleman that if slavery were ever to become common again, it wouldn’t necessarily be played out by the same teams as last time?

  42. 4rmMIAho

    is this dbag unaware of the fact that all the red state crazies he be reppn do not watch CSPAN? Nor do they likely follow his lame-o self on youtube. Who is he trying to impress –the commies that actually follow this stuff?! Say whattt

  43. Hooray For Anything

    [re=534003]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: Between the new Jeebus loving new Governor and his even crazier birther Attorney General, both of whom seem to be in racing with each other to strip gay people of as many rights as possible, Virginia might be in trouble of getting relegated to the South. Or maybe everything South of NoVa at least. The state should at least be put on double secret probation.

  44. Egregious

    The chuckle at the end is what seals it for me…”Did I just say that on the floor of the House? Yup. Guess I did. Oh well, !@#* it. I’m a a racist, southern politician from a safe seat. Anyone that takes offense can suck it.”

  45. imissopus

    [re=534047]S.Luggo[/re]: And the Vegemite! NOW WE WILL NEVER GET TO IMPORT THE PRECIOUS VEGEMITE!! AND WE WANTSES ITS!!1!

  46. JR Labrador

    Somebody might to point out to the distinguished Congressman that Lincoln was a Republican.

  47. steverino247

    [re=533969]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Death to Traitors! I’ll wear my Sherman’s BBQ Tour of the South T-shirt (No shit. I really have one.).

  48. seldom-seen smith

    [re=533958]One Yield Regular[/re]: Around here, we call it “that whole slavery kerfuffle.” Or RebellionGate.

  49. Bearbloke

    [re=533941]Buzz Feedback[/re]: I hereby volunteer my Blessed Homeland of Antipodia as part of the “Coalition of Those Willing to Rid the World of Vile Confederate Shitbags mucking about in The States”… Tally Ho! Grind their arses into dust, mate!

  50. assistant/atlas

    You know what? Fuck it. Just secede. We won’t try to stop you this time, we’ve learned our lesson.

    You can have Jesus, we’ll take science.

  51. Bearbloke

    [re=534189]imissopus[/re]: Trust me Mate – you don’t really want the Vegemite… nasty stuff that!

  52. lochnessmonster

    Seriously…I thought we sent adults to DC to represent us. Is there something in the water?

  53. Neilist

    Ah, yes, the Myth of The Lost Cause:

    “For every Southern Senator or Representative with the intellect less than that of a boy fourteen years old, not once but whenever he wants it, there is the instant when it’s still not yet two o’clock on that March afternoon in 2010, the brigades of sensual young Pages are in position with their behinds before the “guns,” laid and ready in the pants of GOP legislators, and the furled “flags” are already loosened to break out and Lindsay “The Belle” Graham himself with his long oiled ringlets and his BVDs in one hand probably and his “sword” in the other looking up the Hill waiting for David Vitter to give the word and it’s all in the balance, it hasn’t happened yet, it hasn’t even begun yet, it not only hasn’t begun yet but there is still time for it not to begin against that position and those circumstances which made more men than Larry Craig and Jeff Sessions and Scott Brown and Kay “Not Really A Man” Hagen look grave yet it’s going to begin, we all know that, we have come too far with too much at stake and that moment doesn’t need even a fourteen-year-old boy to think This Time. Maybe this time with all this much to lose and all this much to gain: The House, The Senate, the golden dome of Washington, the White House itself to crown with desperate and unbelievable victory the desperate gamble, the cast made over a year ago when a mulatto became President ….

    William Faulkner, “Intruder In The Dust” (Rev. ed.)

    :::Sniff:::

    “For your wives! For your sweethearts! For your Pages!”

  54. whiterabid

    [re=534292]Neilist[/re]: I thought Shelby Foote said that, but I reckon all those southern writers, except for Tennessee Williams and Truman Capote, sound like Falkner, with that easy, rambling, stream of conscience, bourbon tainted magnolia style of elongated sentences that leave you grasping for breath, wanting them to end so that your head stops spinning, but it can’t because the damn Yankees left the place in ruins, much like the temples of Greece, monuments to a once great civilization that beheld the light of all that was great and pure, and…and…sorry: I’m a northerner and out of wind.

  55. DangerousLiberal

    [re=533930]memzilla[/re]: I’ve been in Atlanta many times. Each time, I pray for Gen’l Sherman’s resurrection, to help Georgia once again expiate its sins. There’s no reason why, next time, the good Gen’l couldn’t pass thru Athens–just leave the B52s and REM alone. When he’s done, we can restore Max Cleland to his rightful place in the Senate.

  56. Unindicted Co-Conspirator

    [re=533976]S.Luggo[/re]:
    You do know that the last VP of the Confederacy was a Jew, Judah Benjamin, don’t you?
    A schande fur de goyim!

  57. doloras

    [re=534024]bureaucrap[/re]: Gentlemen, we can win this battle! Sure, we could lose, and tonight we can go back to our families and say, “We did it! We lost like we were supposed to! Aren’t we proud?!” Or, or we take that hill. We take that hill, and when we stand tall upon it, we hold our heads high, and we yell, “Not this year! This year belongs to the Confederaseh!”

  58. zhubajie

    [re=533943]gurukalehuru[/re]: I’m sure that’s true, but how many are dumb enough to admit it later in life?

  59. zhubajie

    [re=534223]steverino247[/re]: Actually, they got off easy. Romans would have sold the survivors to Brazil.

  60. Neilist

    [re=534347]whiterabid[/re]: Faulkner, trust me. (Even though I don’t much care for him as a writer, that’s a nice image.)

    And Shelby Foote, as a historian, isn’t fit to carry Bruce Catton’s metaphorical “Blue & Gray” jockstrap.

  61. Zulu

    Yeah, bring it on Batty-boy. This way we get to seriously trash Georgia and ravage Missy Scarlett all over again (yum!)

  62. CanadianBacon

    [re=534531]maggiegg82[/re]: If you put “fuck off” and “and die” together, then you will get the hint.

  63. AngryLagomorph

    Damn neo-confederate revisionists, or as you non-historians call them, Republicans!

    Whiterabid: I always found Foote’s prose to be concise and to the point. Beyond that, he was no fan of the “great myth”, and the repudiation of it he lays out in the first volume of his history of the Civil War is still the best and fullest you’ll find in the literature.

    As the descendant of West Texans, who spent the Civil War fighting Comanches because Jeff Davis thought it was more important to overturn an election by force than keep my ancestors from being tortured to death and scalped, I can say right now that any southerner who talks about “Yankee Aggression” is as amoral as they are stupid.

  64. SpacePope

    [re=534377]DangerousLiberal[/re]: Hey, it’s not our fault in Athens that the GOP took over the GA General Assembly and redistricted us with Appalachian reactionary throwbacks. We’re a consistently blue county where “liberal” and “progressive” aren’t epithets. If Atlanta lets us have our own representative (HA!) and s/he turns out like Broun, THEN you can send Sherman to cleanse out College Square and take the Arch with him.

    Stupid C-SPAN putting the name of my town in the footer…

  65. SpacePope

    [re=534024]bureaucrap[/re]: Only if you let us Southern progressives crash on your couch after we emigrate.

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