About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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40 comments

  1. bfstevie

    Yeah, but did Cheech Martin do cleft palate surgery on a child buried under a pile of ruble in Haiti?

  2. Seek

    CNN needs a memo telling their talent that they actually are only hired for their looks. They do not need to prove to the viewing audience that they are nothing more than talking heads. Shut up and look pretty AC. It’s what you do.

  3. Raumfahrer

    To be fair, AC didn’t actually do so poorly, and could have won if he had gotten the PATENTLY OBVIOUS final jeopardy question (quick everyone, which famous book from around the turn of the century has a tornado as a major plot point??)

  4. Lascauxcaveman

    I watched this last night, and I gotta say, trivia-knowledge-wise, the three that were on last night were head and shoulders way far above any group of celebrity Jeopardizers I’ve ever seen in the past. Cheech especially.

    At times they seemed nearly as smart as some regular contestants. I was stunned, to say the least.

    Also, Anderson Cooper’s charity was some AIDS thing; big surprise there, huh?

  5. chaste everywhere

    [re=533903]Raumfahrer[/re]: The novelization of “Twister”? (You didn’t say which century.)

  6. gjdodger

    Rip the shirt. How cliche.

    [re=533894]bfstevie[/re]: Figures the Russians would send money rather than food.

  7. Prommie

    [re=533903]Raumfahrer[/re]: Holy fuck, batman, and I thought all of teh gays were obsessed with the Wizard of Oz, how could he miss it?

    I has some pretty schaden-y freuede, right now. If you are not the least ashamed of it, if you are actually very proud of it, is it still schadenfreude?

  8. Raumfahrer

    [re=533913]chaste everywhere[/re]: Point taken…I tend to forget about the fact that another century has turned recently. I tried to black out most of the first decade with alcohol :-)

  9. Way Cool Larry

    I never really got the impression AC was dumb– certainly not in the same way Wolf is.

    [re=533897]Seek[/re]: Yeah, that Wolf Blitzer– he’s so dreamy! I could watch his beard all day long.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    They did a lot better once they got the horrible first category out of the way, which called for the contestants to identify what continent various locations were found on. Nobody got the Sonora Desert right (Cheech said Mexico), and they all were in the red for a while early on — it was a truly shameful display of geographical knowledge.

    [re=533897]Seek[/re]: Anderson was not just hired for his looks — he was also hired because of his rich and famous mommy.

  11. Snarkalicious

    [re=533897]Seek[/re]: But Wolf Blitzer looks like a pedophile… I guess it was a name thing. Reminds of the time when I was bartending, and this dude who looked like a pedophile came in for a few drinks, but I let him stay, because it’s not polite to eject fools simply because they put you in mind of Law and Order SVU. I also covered his tab because his name was ‘Kojak Valentine’.

  12. nappyduggs

    Re: Anderson Cooper Loses All of CNN’s Wealth on Jeopardy

    It is a sad commentary on the still tenuous state of the economy when a couple of Wolf Blitzer’s used make-up sponges, some Crayola-written transcripts from “Larry King Live[sic],” and a half-used bottle of “I’m Not Really a Waitress” left by Campbell Brown are considered “wealth.”

  13. Gorillionaire

    When Blitzer was on, the funny thing with him was that he didn’t even seem to be aware of how horrifically badly he was losing. He just kept the same dumbshit “pretend that I’m concentrating real hard” look on his face and kept chiming in with one stupid answer after another. Finally at the very end of the game he looked around and was like “sheesh, was this game rigged or something?” This is basically how his entire life will end.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    [re=533919]Raumfahrer[/re]: It was slightly more difficult than that — the question actually asked which author was inspired by seeing a small tornado in 1890, so the correct response (had any of the contestants given it) was L. Frank Baum. Nevertheless, it was a sad performance, even by the dumbed-down standards of celebrity Jeopardy.

  15. Extemporanus

    [re=533950]fruitjunk[/re]: That’s OK — he looks like Mr. Graves in this one.

    Man, I really miss that show. Once they replaced him with Ahmad Rashād, it was all downhill from there.

  16. WIDTAP

    Anderson congratulated Cheech on his show, but spent most of the interview with Cheech excusing his own poor performance. Cheech sums up Anderson’s final comparison to other CNN personalities as “Damning himself (Anderson) with faint praise.”

    Who would have guessed that a guy who had a successful stand-up comedian career would have such a quick mind?

  17. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=533953]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Actually the word they used was “cyclone” not tornado, and I think the use of the less popular word threw them off. My 10-year-old daughter blurted out “Wizard of Oz” before I got it, but since I chimed in with “Who was Baum,” I was declared the winner of all CNNs monies.

  18. Raumfahrer

    [re=533953]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yes, true, it did require you to actually pick the author of the “Wizard of Oz”, but nobody even got to the Wizard of Oz in the first place. Cheech said Stephen King, for fucks sake.

  19. sticky

    In fairness this was Anderson Cooper’s second appearance and on the first appearance he won while mopping the floor with the other contestants.

    Cheech was the fastest of the three in this show on the buzzer. Anderson was beating Tyler and doing OK, but Cheech’s score was swelling as he buzzed quick to pick up the really easy ones like the missing word in the the silent night lyric “tender and X”, who played conan the barbarian, and naming standard kitchen utensils. Those were pure speed, an idiot would know the answers. Anderson also managed not to do anything really silly like buzzing in twice on the same question like Tyler did or answering “Stephen King” as an author inspired by a cyclone in 1890 like Cheech.

  20. sticky

    [re=533991]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I think kids actually have an advantage on that question since they are automatically going to be thinking of children’s literature.

  21. OzoneTom

    [re=533991]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: They may have messed up the question then — a cyclone and tornado are totally different things.

  22. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Seriously Mookworth. She’s like 6 feet tall, hot as fuck, smart enough to be on Celeb Jeopardy and funny enough to be a standup comedian and actress. And she apparently enjoys playing Halo and brewing her own micro-brews. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aisha_Tyler)

    She is obviously a SexBot3000 built by a team of scientists and later released into the wild.

  23. blkblt

    Anderson and Wolf should take a ride in the Cash Cab. Then they could shout out to Brianna Keiler, mmmmmmmmmmmmm Brianna Keiler :)

  24. NJB

    [re=533917]Prommie[/re]: I think my gay sistahs more obsessed with Judy Garland specifically.

    Though, I gotta say, those ruby slippers really are pretty Lady Gaga.

Comments are closed.