EXTREMELY PLAUSIBLE RUMORS  10:45 am March 19, 2010

Oh Noes Sarah Palin Got Assaulted By Sam Donaldson’s Wig Maker!

by Sara K. Smith

Tim Burton is hard at work on a movie about a beast made of human hairIf you ever needed proof that Sarah Palin is totally going bald, feast your eyes upon this confection, courtesy of the Roadside Mulletry and House Of Hair Hats. [Foxnooz/Rumproast]

 
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{ 144 comments }

El Pinche March 19, 2010 at 10:47 am

Some poor horse died for that wig. Why does she hate America so much?

JMP March 19, 2010 at 10:48 am

When did Alfred E. Newman start wearing glasses?

V572625694 March 19, 2010 at 10:49 am

La bimba es tostada.

Monsieur Grumpe March 19, 2010 at 10:49 am

What waste of a perfectly good beaver.

Jerri March 19, 2010 at 10:50 am

Did she get that thing from a Hee Haw storage locker fire sale?

Buzz Feedback March 19, 2010 at 10:51 am

Fem-mullet.

Terry March 19, 2010 at 10:51 am

That looks like a wig she bought from an ad in either the AARP and American Legion magazines.

magic titty March 19, 2010 at 10:52 am

Bosley treatment? Grecian formula? Maury’s Wigs?

Terry March 19, 2010 at 10:53 am

[re=533782]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]:

Yeah, and the wig is bad, too.

earnestcivilservant March 19, 2010 at 10:56 am

Bad hair day all around. There’s a truly horrifying photo of Hillary on Huffpo with poofy hair too.

Hopey dont play that game March 19, 2010 at 10:56 am

[re=533784]Jerri[/re]: Genius. Simply genius.

freakishlystrong March 19, 2010 at 10:56 am

Finally, her brain sprouted out the hair to match it.

nappyduggs March 19, 2010 at 10:57 am

Going Rug?

Scruffy_The_Janitor March 19, 2010 at 10:57 am

Not only is she a member, she is president of the hair club for hillbillies.

Prommie March 19, 2010 at 10:57 am

She’s bo-toxic, too.

Doglessliberal March 19, 2010 at 10:57 am
JMP March 19, 2010 at 10:58 am

[re=533782]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: “Ni-ice beaver.” “Thanks, I just got it stuffed.”

Zadig March 19, 2010 at 10:59 am

[re=533789]maggiegg82[/re]: We don’t need a cougar dating site, when we can just rub one out to the trashy, balding social climber above.

Mr Blifil March 19, 2010 at 10:59 am

Needs moar Kathy Griffith.

Sanchez1985 March 19, 2010 at 11:00 am

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Joshua Norton March 19, 2010 at 11:01 am

FORMER Governor of Alaska???? Drop-out Governor of Alaska it a lot closer to the truth. But then again Fux obviously has to think up some high-flying title for their Queen of the Nobodies.

SayItWithWookies March 19, 2010 at 11:01 am

Women are wearing wigs all the time now. I swear this was the subject of a piece on Nightline last night. My internet was down — that’s my excuse.

Crank Tango March 19, 2010 at 11:03 am

[re=533789]maggiegg82[/re]: not that I don’t want to bang young chicks, but just for fun I am going to take a dump on your front door and smear it on your windows. of your website.

Scruffy_The_Janitor March 19, 2010 at 11:05 am

More cushing for the pushing??

Crank Tango March 19, 2010 at 11:05 am

[re=533804]Sanchez1985[/re]: wow can’t they block posts based on the contents “ed hardy”?

Jerri March 19, 2010 at 11:05 am

[re=533789]maggiegg82[/re]: Minge Gale?

[re=533794]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: Aw shucks, thanks.

Hart88 March 19, 2010 at 11:05 am

Real Housewives of Wasilla

x111e7thst March 19, 2010 at 11:05 am

Am I the only one who thinks she looks like she is trying to fit in in Short Hills NJ?

Joshua Norton March 19, 2010 at 11:05 am

Women are wearing wigs all the time now.

Yeah, but the good ones don’t have a chin strap. Or is that just shadows caused by her wattles?

Hemp Dogbane March 19, 2010 at 11:06 am

The Hills Are Alive..
With The Sound of Mooselini

BaconTime March 19, 2010 at 11:08 am

“well ya knowww if ya put yer head inside of an oven whaal its on, turns out yer hayur and eyebrows can actually catch fire, and then ya gotta put a wig up on there.”

dannygutters March 19, 2010 at 11:09 am

did she rip this off Loretta Lynn’s head?

BOOBIES! March 19, 2010 at 11:09 am

A $500 wig riding around on a 25 cent head – it’s actually a good metaphor for the modern Republican party.

Scruffy_The_Janitor March 19, 2010 at 11:12 am

Can’t you see her chewing gum and yelling out “kiss my grits!!!”

TGY March 19, 2010 at 11:12 am

Finally, Sarah Palin let her hair down … from the top of the closet.

southern mark smith March 19, 2010 at 11:13 am

It could be worse–she could not be wearing a wig. Imagine a bald Sarah making that face.

(I just threw up in my mouth a little.)

[re=533796]nappyduggs[/re]: HAHAHAHA!

as.the.world.burns March 19, 2010 at 11:14 am

‘mulletry’ is my new favorite word. sara ftw !

ManchuCandidate March 19, 2010 at 11:14 am

As said in US American Dad, the head’s the one place you want hair.

Skwerl Nutz March 19, 2010 at 11:15 am

[re=533784]Jerri[/re]: Or the Lawrence Welk Show

JMP March 19, 2010 at 11:16 am

in Women’s Hairsyle Expert: Wigbuyer.crap. We’re always mindful of fake hair that’s in it for the long haul – those pieces you stick on your head fail every time, that, like a daughter’s ex-boyfriend that knocked her up, just couldn’t be reliable. Though a trendy hairpiece is a fun choice for, say, an evening CNN appearance, an everyday wig that meets your everyday needs is a balding lady’s must. We’re eyeing wild hair that move from bangs to Donaldson with ease, that suit every ungainly possibility with uncombed style and that make your life much easier with a host of unfunctional strings. Check them out: wigbuyer.crap FREE sHIPPING

AnnieGetYourFun March 19, 2010 at 11:17 am

[re=533784]Jerri[/re]: OMG, yes. Gingham pants. Also.

El Pinche March 19, 2010 at 11:20 am

OT, Ms. Wonkette, please show this video from NewLeftMedia. It’s indescribably hilarious and scary.

widestanceromancer March 19, 2010 at 11:21 am

She’ll need to stay indoors during Helicopter Hunts since from the air, she surely looks like a bear skin scatter rug in the makin’.

bfstevie March 19, 2010 at 11:22 am

[re=533790]magic titty[/re]: Props for the Good Fellas reference.

widget09 March 19, 2010 at 11:22 am

William Shatner is jealous!

ella March 19, 2010 at 11:22 am

Girlfriend’s channeling Elly Mae Clampett with that hair.

slithytoves March 19, 2010 at 11:26 am

I she had had that hair back in ’08, she would never have been chosen for McCain’s running mate. Srsly

jodyleek March 19, 2010 at 11:26 am

Has Sarah become an Orthodox Jew? On Sheitel.com the “Sarah Palin” wigs
are now drastically reduced.

ShamWow March 19, 2010 at 11:27 am

[re=533825]JMP[/re]: Who cares?!1 My boyfriend and I were just talking about getting matching wigs for our a_g_E_m_i_N_G_L at d ot com profile pics. For WOMEnS FESitiVAL He will buy many ed HArdy shirts with FREE sHIPPING!11!!

jus_wonderin March 19, 2010 at 11:27 am

Always, with her mouth open.

Lascauxcaveman March 19, 2010 at 11:27 am

Haters! I think that’s a really good look for our gal pal Sarah. It makes her look really, uh… old. Now she can cruise on over to mygirlfriendis28yearsolderthanme@com and pick up much younger guys, who are retarded. Or just hang out.

ShamWow March 19, 2010 at 11:29 am

[re=533833]ella[/re]: I’m getting a really shitty Maryann from Gilligan’s Island vibe off it. I really hope she’s not wearing short shorts too

Mad Brahms March 19, 2010 at 11:29 am

Does anyone still think she’s hot after seeing that? The Golden Girls has more erotic appeal than that wig.

DirtyHarriett March 19, 2010 at 11:30 am

[re=533796]nappyduggs[/re]: WIN!!

notreallyhelping March 19, 2010 at 11:30 am

Where have all the marmots gone?

Jerri March 19, 2010 at 11:30 am

[re=533824]Skwerl Nutz[/re]: Haha. But that’s such a classy show!

[re=533827]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Also too: She could use a nice long blade of tall grass to chew on, and all interviews must be conducted from her ramshackle front porch.

Deacon Frank Orris March 19, 2010 at 11:32 am

[re=533803]Mr Blifil[/re]: Needs moar Carla Bruni!

the problem child March 19, 2010 at 11:35 am

She should never have stiffed that hairdresser.

JMP March 19, 2010 at 11:36 am

[re=533842]Mad Brahms[/re]: Of course; the peons of the far right will pretend they find any ultra-conservative woman attractive, even if she’s hideous looking. Besides Palin, see the Coulter-beast, mad Bachmann, etc.

Dashboard_Buddha March 19, 2010 at 11:37 am

[re=533796]nappyduggs[/re]: Well done!

Joshua Norton March 19, 2010 at 11:38 am

She looks like should be peddling ugly stretch pants and turquoise jewelry on Home Shopping.

Red Zeppelin March 19, 2010 at 11:43 am

She looks exactly like my 8th grade girlfriend from the 70s who thought Hall and Oates were the epitome of rock music. I think Mooselini is stinting on the blue eye shadow, though, also.

RoscoePColtraine March 19, 2010 at 11:44 am
gertrudis March 19, 2010 at 11:47 am

[re=533816]dannygutters[/re]: I thought of Loretta immediately and you beat me to it. FYI I Googled “Loretta Lynn wig” looking for a photo and your comment is one of the top 10 results. Just thought you’d want to know. :)

blinky_twinkie March 19, 2010 at 11:54 am

Wig, my ass. That’s a Bumpit and some ratty extensions. Hillbilly bitch is *cheap*!

Flanders March 19, 2010 at 11:54 am

[re=533789]maggiegg82[/re]: Let’s put “SARAH” and “LEVI” together.

Cape Clod March 19, 2010 at 11:54 am

Is she auditioning for the movie version of “Petticoat Junction?”

JMP March 19, 2010 at 11:55 am

[re=533852]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Well, she is now a rich bitch girl; and she used to rely on an old man’s money for things like clothes for her kids.

Crank Tango March 19, 2010 at 11:59 am

[re=533863]Flanders[/re]: Nobody doesn’t like Sarah Levi!

An American in Toronto March 19, 2010 at 11:59 am

Of course she’s shelling out for snazzy hair pelts, now that she’s asking for $1 million an episode for her new Alaska’s Snowbilliest Home Videos show on the tee vee:

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3i21cea1586dd4edf544f940a674a874b5

YogaCougar March 19, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Peg Bundy + glasses – charm

Dashboard_Buddha March 19, 2010 at 12:01 pm

This screams for a blingee.

comicbookguy March 19, 2010 at 12:04 pm

This is a teaching moment folks. Always, ALWAYS tip your hairdresser.

herpezhilton March 19, 2010 at 12:05 pm

Oooh… somebody pissed off their last gay.

Ducksworthy March 19, 2010 at 12:05 pm

[re=533814]Hemp Dogbane[/re]: All my fear and loathing of Palin and her followers in one one word, Mooselini. Thanks. Now I don’t have to think about her ever again.

proudgrampa March 19, 2010 at 12:19 pm

[re=533870]YogaCougar[/re]: I THOUGHT she looked familiar:

http://www.brandsonsale.com/womans-deluxe-peg-bundy-wig-013920.html

Oblios Cap March 19, 2010 at 12:21 pm

[re=533814]Hemp Dogbane[/re]:

The Sound of Music,/i> was the first thing that I thought of when I saw that picture.

Now I know why she named that kid von Tripp.

Autoo March 19, 2010 at 12:22 pm

WHO CARES! My girlfriend is 48 years older than me! I met her at agewrinkled@com. My friends don’t quite understand it, but if my woman’s able to walk without a cane, or at least have some sort of artificial breathing apparatus attached to her face, I just can’t get it up! I’ll admit this can make for some pretty awkward double-dates, so mostly we just go to agewrinkled@com and just hang out.

Cesar Px March 19, 2010 at 12:22 pm

How do you keep a moron in wighat suspense?

Oblios Cap March 19, 2010 at 12:23 pm

Stoopid tags!

The Station Manager March 19, 2010 at 12:26 pm

I can’t hate her for this. Everybody could use a confidence hat. A big ol’ hat of confidence.

proudgrampa March 19, 2010 at 12:26 pm

[re=533884]Autoo[/re]: They are the “premiere site for age support.” Whatinhell is “age support?” Sounds like the thing I wear for my hernia.

Suds McKenzie March 19, 2010 at 12:31 pm

Tyra of the North

The Other Sarah T March 19, 2010 at 12:35 pm

A drag queen Peg Bundy

Diana Davies March 19, 2010 at 12:41 pm

But does the carpet match the drapes? That’s the question.

GeneralLerong March 19, 2010 at 12:42 pm

[re=533887]The Station Manager[/re]: Yeah, but preferably our confidence hats won’t also spell out “RETARD” in neon.

Breakfast Bourbon March 19, 2010 at 12:43 pm

I knew it was going to be one of those days when I got behind a truck on the way to work with a personalized “S Palin” tag (and all sorts of Palin-and confusingly, Perot-stickers on it.)

Tarangela March 19, 2010 at 12:43 pm

Is Sarah clubbing rabid bears or what to stick on her idiot noggin?

Zadig March 19, 2010 at 12:44 pm

Only on Wonkette does a semi-literate dating site spammer unwittingly become part of the culture.

One Yield Regular March 19, 2010 at 12:53 pm

Just needs a flower-covered summer hat with a $1.98 price tag dangling off of it to complete the picture.

tripsydaily March 19, 2010 at 1:00 pm

At what point does she hold a giant bottle of Crisco next to her head?

Marlowe March 19, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Now. what’s behind her head?
Is she really outdoors up there in Alaska??

OhBoy March 19, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Actually, she has that “I just pooted” look – on America,,,

Hooray For Anything March 19, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Looks like she was inspired by Clare on Lost this season.

Pithaughn March 19, 2010 at 1:03 pm

Nice work Sara and Sarah. Both of you take the afternoon off.

S.Luggo March 19, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Sarah Palin provides habitat for the endangered Wasilla meth marmot. The animal’s peeing and pooping can cause distractions, however, also.

YogaCougar March 19, 2010 at 1:13 pm

For all the women who once wished to look like Sarah Palin, now you do!

yellowdogdem March 19, 2010 at 1:21 pm

[re=533882]proudgrampa[/re]: OMG, the Peg Bundy wig is listed as “out of stock.” Has Sarah been handing them out to her friends?

El Pinche March 19, 2010 at 1:21 pm

Why does the liberal media hate squirrel habitats?

http://www.fileden.com/files/2009/2/22/2334311//Untitled-1.jpg

GOPCrusher March 19, 2010 at 1:30 pm

[re=533816]dannygutters[/re]: That’s what happens when you only get Hee Haw reruns on your TeeVee.

Gopherit March 19, 2010 at 1:33 pm

she’s totally using a bumpit.

WonkaBee March 19, 2010 at 1:53 pm

You’re all being too cruel. Clearly it’s like the cat who is proud of her kill and wants to bring it to your door to show it off and to share the meal with you. She’s on TV, so she had to put it on her head. Thanks for sharing, Sarah!
Cat owners will understand.

Extemporanus March 19, 2010 at 1:56 pm

[re=533784]Jerri[/re]: [re=533796]nappyduggs[/re]: Or Going Roni.

[re=534012]Gopherit[/re]: She literally is a bumpit.

Mr Blifil March 19, 2010 at 1:57 pm

[re=533884]Autoo[/re]: Fuck you. There is no “agewrinkled.com” as it turns out. GODDAMNIT.

the problem child March 19, 2010 at 1:59 pm

[re=534049]WonkaBee[/re]: I think you’re confusing “kill” with “hairball”. Even cats are disgusted by those.

Gopherit March 19, 2010 at 1:59 pm

[re=534058]Extemporanus[/re]: That is possible. In either case, you can take the twat out of wasilla, but….

Mr Blifil March 19, 2010 at 2:00 pm

[re=534012]Gopherit[/re]: She couldn’t get through the day without the bumpit (actually the use of an entire goddamn wig obviates the need for a bumpit, so the pic may be an exception). She probably has several onhand at all times, safely stored up her hoo-hah.

blinky_twinkie March 19, 2010 at 2:18 pm

[re=533983]El Pinche[/re]: Yay!!

tater tot March 19, 2010 at 2:45 pm

My brother had this EXACT hairdo in 1970 for his wedding.

El Pinche March 19, 2010 at 3:01 pm

[re=534058]Extemporanus[/re]: Going Roni! Hahahaha..that made me snort-laugh out loud…too loud.

Flanders March 19, 2010 at 3:05 pm

[re=534155]tater tot[/re]: Awesome!

Extemporanus March 19, 2010 at 3:23 pm

[re=534179]El Pinche[/re]: Due, your Gopherit Rogue cover made me snort too.

(I am so fucking wired now!)

ejcsanfran March 19, 2010 at 3:24 pm

[re=533901]Diana Davies[/re]: Are you implying that she’s also wearing a merkin..?

slowuncle March 19, 2010 at 3:29 pm

At this rate, Sarah will be sportin’ a full-blown B-52 bouffant by the time the 2012 election cycle kicks in

Jerri March 19, 2010 at 4:21 pm

[re=534058]Extemporanus[/re]: Haha, yes! Exactly that.

Hutch March 19, 2010 at 4:22 pm

[re=533901]Diana Davies[/re]: I hope not length-wise. Or merkin-wise.

Hutch March 19, 2010 at 4:28 pm

[re=534073]Mr Blifil[/re]: Any hoohah reference just makes my day. And come to think of it, with all the offspring, Sara’s must be HUGE by now (bumpits a kimbo). Perhaps she’s trying to balance it all out with that Grenadier Guards bear skin she’s sporting.

Accordion-o-rama March 19, 2010 at 5:26 pm

[re=533983]El Pinche[/re]: Dear Wonkette editors,

Please use this pic for every future story about Sarah.

Lascauxcaveman March 19, 2010 at 5:50 pm

[re=534218]slowuncle[/re]: That could be dangerous. If she became that ironically self-aware I might actually start to like her.

snowlady March 19, 2010 at 6:04 pm
WesternCorrespondent March 19, 2010 at 6:20 pm

[re=533821]southern mark smith[/re]: said, “It could be worse–she could not be wearing a wig. Imagine a bald Sarah making that face.”

There’s a rumor going around E!Insider that Sarah Palin’s husband Todd, aka the former “first Dude”, is g.a.y.

Now…imagine this…Sarah Palin has actually removed that wig. What does she look like? Yeah, a GUY. No wonder last fall when she disappeared from public view for 6 weeks she got her manly jaw cosmetic-surgically tapered to look more feminine.

If she’d opted for a platinum blonde wig instead of dark brown (last week her wig had highlights!), she’d be the spittin’ image of Dolly Parton.

WesternCorrespondent March 19, 2010 at 6:25 pm

[re=533849]JMP[/re]: Speaking of Michele Bachmann, wouldn’t it be a scream if those two — Sarah Palin and Bachmann — got into a cat-fight screaming match during that April fundraiser for Bachmann, and Bachmann pulled Palin’s wig off on stage?

tizzielish March 19, 2010 at 6:31 pm

Women who appear regularly on television but who do not have a staff hairdresser routinely use wigs for their television appearances.

I despise Sarah Palin, honest I do. But I don’t think she is going bald. I think Fox News doesn’t want to pop for a hairdresser.

Tim Was Tim March 19, 2010 at 6:34 pm

“Mommy, can I do your hair?”

Radiotherapy March 19, 2010 at 7:27 pm

Worse than the wig-gle it around in the rectum was the reverb on her voice in that clip. And that was only topped by her regurgitating drivel.

ShiningMathPath March 19, 2010 at 7:28 pm

Edna Boil’s Tundra Emporium

thesheriffisnear March 19, 2010 at 7:41 pm

The ‘do says Laura Petrie but the voice says Millie Helper.

ShiningMathPath March 19, 2010 at 8:04 pm

[re=534485]thesheriffisnear[/re]: nice, but I don’t think you’ve gone far enough … Millie Helper crossed with Uncle Miltie?

desertwind March 19, 2010 at 9:00 pm

Not only is it a wig — it’s a pigtails wig.

For sure.

desertwind March 19, 2010 at 9:02 pm

If Willow were a real American, she’d drop out of high school and go to hairdressin’ school so she can go to work for Ma.

thesheriffisnear March 19, 2010 at 9:49 pm

[re=534496]ShiningMathPath[/re]: How ’bout Marlo Thomas crossed with Sandra Gould

http://macautism.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/gladys-kravitz.jpg

El Pinche March 19, 2010 at 10:57 pm

[re=534450]Tim Was Tim[/re]: Said in Down Syndrome dialect, of course.

MO Inkslinger March 19, 2010 at 10:59 pm

Looks like Sarah found her Davy Crockett coonskin cap in her childhood toy box. Has anyone in Wasilla lost their dog? It may be sleeping on top of Palin’s head.

ShiningMathPath March 19, 2010 at 11:17 pm

[re=534553]thesheriffisnear[/re]: very close — finish off with equal parts Lisa Douglas and Eddie Haskell?

[re=534576]MO Inkslinger[/re]: here’s the canonical head-squatter: [re=533983]El Pinche[/re]:

wildturtlelove March 19, 2010 at 11:32 pm

Perfect. Sarah has always (and loudly) claimed to be a
“Real Merkin”.

ShiningMathPath March 19, 2010 at 11:58 pm

[re=534585]wildturtlelove[/re]: the Real Merkin — that’s beyond perfect.

(Damn, the domain name is taken.)

Potater March 20, 2010 at 1:20 am

One hundred forty some-odd comments about Sarah Palin’s wig: it’s times like these that I miss Princess Sparkle Pony.

http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/resources/2007/12/HairdoElevatedBig.jpg

El Pinche March 20, 2010 at 3:07 am

[re=534212]Extemporanus[/re]: Ok, another rendition, tribute to your comment and one more for the mutherfuckin road:

http://www.fileden.com/files/2009/2/22/2334311//Untitled-2.jpg

pissnvinegar March 20, 2010 at 5:19 am

She got her months confused. It ain’t the end of October.

Alexandre March 20, 2010 at 7:10 am

That hideous wig reminds me of the Mom on the Brady Bunch!

HopeyChangey March 20, 2010 at 2:55 pm

It’s not just the wig, but the expression, for some reason, reminds me of the always over-botoxed, Cher.

MediaMentions March 20, 2010 at 5:47 pm
indygirl March 21, 2010 at 1:10 am

[re=533841]ShamWow[/re]: After those Hawaii pics? I don’t theeeenk so!

Imno March 22, 2010 at 11:48 am

I miss dear old Fess Parker more every day…Sah-rah, Sah-rah Palin, Queen of the Right-Wing Weird…

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