Have you heard that CNN hired the blog Red State to be its new political commentator, to keep up with Glenn Beck or whatever? It is true. And the blog Red State is super-double crazy, which is fine and all, but now it is advocating some kind of insane “The Joker vs. Batman” wave of constant vandalism and harassment and destruction, nationwide, 24 hours a day, if those Democrats who were elected to run the White House and the Senate and Congress try to enact any of that legislation they were elected by wide margins to pass. Says this Red State person who we surely hope is wearing a V For Vendetta plastic Guy Fawkes mask: “They fear the threat of physical pain.” Why does CNN advocate violence against American democracy?
There are several things that we can do here at RedState as protectors, but much of what has to be done now is with our other hat on, as a part of The People. So strap it on, folks. There are many things the People must do very quickly, and continue to do until this is over. The ball is about to start rolling.
First among them is to re-establish that most fundamental of relationships with our elected representatives. Fear.
Yes, strap it on, indeed! Bring the fear. Would either Gandhi or Glenn Beck do anything differently? What?
But not a lot is really speculated about what the People can do…or should do. I see no suggestions of civil disobedience, by open outrage or by stealth and skulduggery, i.e, what can we get away with? (A lot, you betcha) But everyone does agree, we should not take up arms, or even take to the streets with pitchforks. I agree as well. But neither can we, I argue, simply bide our time, or take the Gandhi-MLK Jr-Glenn Beck tack, by linking arms and peaceably protesting and getting in touch with our inner selves if this Slaughter Rule actually materializes. (Right now it is just a floating balloon.) For one, the other side, once secure in power, will be far more ruthless than anything Gandhi or Dr King faced. More importantly, as we’ve seen, after their initial impact, our Tea Party marches and protests and sit-in, while still necessary, did not serve to make them afraid for very long. We saw this after the summer recess. When things got hot out in the districts, they simply left the fief and returned to the central castle, barricading themselves in the manor house, content that we would not only just have to get over it, but we would also have to lump it.
Castles, pitchforks, hobbits, the usual. But what about setting off a fire alarm, or farting on members of Congress?
There are all sorts of things you can do inside his office, and never get caught. We’ve known people to set off alarms and sprinkler systems with cigarettes, then skedaddle. But you may get caught. One alarm may cause a commotion, but five in two weeks will really annoy a lot of people, all with Congressman X’s name on that card. Always leave a card.
(There are even a few flatulence tricks I learned from the Russians, but can’t seem to find any useful purpose for them here. If you do, let me know. I’m always for expanding my repertoire.)
But mostly, the plan is to swat at liberal girls with a newspaper:
I can take my trusty newspaper with me everywhere. I’ve been contacted by various Tea Party groups asking me to join and I say, “But I already come to meetings. I’m the one with the newspaper.” (Being anonymous is twice the fun, and in reading this, you’re beginning to see why.) I even got to use it once, at a rally, when a twerpy little Leftist got in my face a bit too close (both for comfort and for me not to get a good arms-length whack at her), but even a short chop stings. The nice things is, who’s going to run off crying to the cops that some mean old man hit me with a newspaper?
You showed her, nutcase! Just hope she’s not your “death nurse” once the Death Panel sends you to the FEMA rape camp for old Teabaggers, because she has the Power to let you die quickly, or drag it out for several months. And, hooray for CNN, the best political team on television! Everybody call CNN and congratulate them for hiring the Red State to make news more news-y! [Red State]
{ 112 comments }
“Have you heard of this new movie, 300 explosions With Batman And Joker” is still my favorite Ken Layne joke.
I tend to get pretty hepped up when anyone says “Strap it on, folks,” but with Red State I’m feeling a tad queasy instead. Anyone else?
Yeah, punch all the liberal chicks. That show America who the real Americans are.
“Anything good on TV?”
Yes, strap it on! I prefer the “John Holmes” strapon model sold by Doc Johnson’s Love Products.
This column has all the markings of being written by an Internet Tough Guy.
So strap it on, folks. There are many things the People must do very quickly, and continue to do until this is over.
Uhh…pegging?
What, is Erick my ex-husband now?
MLK never had to face anything as brutal as parliamentary rules and health care mandates. No. Never. Not even once.
“For one, the other side, once secure in power, will be far more ruthless than anything Gandhi or Dr King faced.”
Agreed. The Half-Breed Muslin in Chief is just like the Raj and Bull Connor, rolled into one. Bring on the fire hoses!
[re=533097]chaste everywhere[/re]: mmm yea. i’m thinking strap-ons could get real ugly real fast. i’ll just go ahead and say green balloons right now.
This makes me want to get involved in a protest movement, if only to snatch the twerp’s newspaper out of his hand. What’s he going to do, run to the police and say “That mean man stole my newspaper?”
And next will be Freepers blogging on MSNBC?
CNN… the Fox farm team.
Haha, WHAT? “Slaughter Rule”? What in the hell is he even blathering on about? A threat more grave than anything MLK or Gandhi faced? Gandhi faced down the *motherfucking British Empire*, people. That post is 100,000 words worth of crazy packed into edible mini-bite form for the blogosphere.
“We want to rule through the use of fear. Fascists? Why no! Whatever gave you THAT impression?”
Also you can give the Parkinson’s grifters a good beatdown.
Let me see if I have this right:
Put on strap on
Roll the ball
Fart
Swat librul grl with newspaper (aha! someone does still buy them. now we know who!)
I think the order of events is scrmabled. I believe it begins with the librul gril putting on the strap on and ends with the fart.
\
Beck as Gandhi? Kudos Redtstate! You have once again outdone yourself!
where are these peaceful protests that Glen Beck has been leading gandhi-style? i really need to start tuning in again to cnn or something.
Wow. Amerrika may be utterly fucked, but its gonna go down like a shark-jumping sitcom of stupid entertainment.
I’d like to suggest they phone in bomb threats to congressional offices and leave their numbers. Or better yet email bomb threats. That way they can remain anonymous.
[re=533119]Prommie[/re]: Is it just me, or do the worlds of politics and monster truck rallies seem to be coming ever closer to a convergence?
Ken, are you suggesting Red State is like an electronic rodent repeller which irritates the shit out of you forcing you to leave for saner ground?
[re=533109]comicbookguy[/re]: Only if you steal his strap-on also. Also.
So Erick W. Erickson, whose address is listed [COME ON DON'T PUT PEOPLE'S ADDRESSES HERE, SHEESH -- THE EDITOR], is advocating vandalism against property?
Or physical intimidation?
Or exactly what?
Notice that he brings a newspaper but not for actual purposes of reading a newspaper.
They should definitely take a page out of this activist’s book.
OK, it’s still bothering me: What the hell are they referring to as the”slaughter rule”?
[re=533127]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: Or making “terroristic threats” in legalese.
But neither can we, I argue, simply bide our time, or take the Gandhi-MLK Jr-Glenn Beck tack, by linking arms and peaceably protesting and getting in touch with our inner selves if this Slaughter Rule actually materializes.
Strap this on, wacktard, what the fuck are Gandhi, MLK and Glenn Beck even doing in your insane rant? Gandhi, MLK and fucking Glenn Beck? Farting on people? Dude.
It amazes me the lengths these wingnut pussies go to make themselves feel like they actually own a pair.
I believe it was Gandhi who once said, “You must be the strap-on you want to see in the ass,” and that has never been more true than it is today.
For today, my fellow Americans, we are all strap-ons.
[re=533124]Mad Brahms[/re]: This is politics for people who like to see things “get blowed up; get blowed up real good.” This “strapping on,” it appears to be a garbling of the term that army soldier guys use when they talk about putting on their equipment. The imagery, the whole mind-set, is of someone who spent a lot of time playing army with bags of those little green plastic soldiers. And torturing small animals. And renaissance faires, lots of renaissance fairs, or at least Colonial Williamsburg.
I have visions of Tea Partiers carrying rolled up newspapers to rallies. Just watch the union thugs hunker back. Watch the Congressman poop his pants the next town hall when 200 citizens stride in striking the palm of their hands with a rolled up newspaper. When they put up signs saying “Please check your newspapers at the front door” you’ll know they are afraid.
I read most of this in stunned disbelief — mostly at the idea that lobotomized gerbils can type.
[re=533137]Cape Clod[/re]: We’ve all said it before on here, and it’s worth saying again: the ones making the calls to rush to the barricades are seldom the ones who actually stand there waving the flag in the midst of teargas and rubber bullets. All twig, no berries.
And obviously he is the only person at those rallies who values literacy enough to carry some kind of matter that he can pretend he “reads,” that’s how you know who he is. CNN dropped Lou Dobbs only to pick up Red State? This is on the John King show, right? (I knew he was a class A a-hole.) Hope the sponsors are girding up for collapsing sales.
If they corner you, fold your newspaper into a paper airplane and fly away!
Since CNN follows Fox around like a puppy, we should send CNN puppies! No, we should send CNN baby foxes!! No. That’s not it either.
DAMN, it’s hard being Eric “the Erick” Erickson!!
‘Strap on my protector’, he means. If you’re off dueling mad lib girls with a rolled-up newspaper, you might need one of those.
Dyin’ to know what the flatulence tricks are. ‘Iz in ur chambers, settin’ the curtains on fire wif mah gas.’
When a hundred obese Fox News viewers fart in unison, you will know fear.
We seem to have a problem. If the foes of the Red Staters will be greater than those of MLK, and the foes of MLK were Red Staters, then surely destruction is inevitable.
Translation: we lost, now we’re going to bitch and moan and threaten violence.
I was worried that there would be a segment of the population which would literally Lose Their Shit and go Stark Raving Batshit after the election, on account of the president’s blackness. Well, it seems that these things don’t happen overnight, they have to walk around stewing, mumbling, in a constant rage, mind filled with fantasies of revenge and rebellion, they have to marinate in their suppressed racism, venting it as rage over various strange, weird obsessions like birth certificates and teleprompters, before they finally melt down, lose all contact with reality, and start barking like dogs.
Here is his website. And I mean that in the fat spiderman lady kinda way.
http://thesandsinstitute.org/
Take away the perqs of power
“Perqs” spelled that way three times in the piece. Obviously the newspaper is not making this shithead more literate.
Spelling bee FAIL.
[re=533133]Mad Brahms[/re]: aka “deem and pass” or “self-executing.” Apparently it is named after Ryan Gosling: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Slaughter_Rule
I’m sure the redstaters would all love for Empress Sarah to “strap it on” and give them all a good, long, probing investigation. She’d give it to them hard and rough, but she’d let them know who’s boss.
Having seen photos of Red State get togethers, the only things they can strap on is their feedbags or poop sacks.
Slaughter Rule: after the health care reform bill passes you can slaughter all the teabaggers?
Will Erickson now be one of the guys who does nothing but sit behind a laptop computer and spouting off something inane in the five seconds Anderson Cooper gives him or will he now be the one who debates noted liberal David Gergen? Or will he just be turned into a holograph and appear every hour or so to give analysis from the crazy side of the Repubican Party?
[re=533133]Mad Brahms[/re]: The person who came up with the idea of using the Deem and Pass procedure was the unfortunately named House Rules Chairman Louise Slaughter. Thus the “Slaughter Rule.” If her last name was Johnson or Jesus, some of the hysteria would be lessened.
[re=533158]imissopus[/re]: since its an abbreviation of “perquisites,” I have often wondered why its spelled “perks.”
[re=533143]Come here a minute[/re]: HA! Or http://www.brasstacksmadras.com/blog/uploaded_images/SP09_boat-703423.jpg, and row, row, row!
[re=533146]comicbookguy[/re]: “Tea Farty Patriots, at my signal, unleash helllll!”
From the comments:
“It doesn’t take 50% to make a revolution, you know. What it takes is enough people who no longer believe they’ve got anything to lose.
“It’s also not those of us who post on Red State that the current regime needs to worry about. It’s the lone wolves. Once they decide they’ve nothing to lose, the volume is going to go up scary-fast.”
Basically admitting to – in fact counting on – provoking lone wolf nutjobs to do some horrific murderous act which will further their cause and still claim plausible deniability.
Also, notice the call for revolution specifically undemocratic minority rule.
Also in the comments something about the constitution only works with fear to keep people in line. “The objective here is to reestablish fear. Without it, the Constitution is lost.”
Yes, an group organized specifically to use fear to keep the darkies and liberals in line. From the South. A group of white Southerners who want to keep people in fear of their wrath and re-establish their old order.
Trying to find the appropriate amount of snark here…
Newspaper guy, come here a minute. Nothing I like better than defending the honor of a hippie chick.
Batman and Robin is apt, as Eric the Red will be appearing as John King’s comely young ward. Now John King knows there will always be an available pair of lips, even in periods of desperation.
[re=533164]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Strap on for the Johnson Rule! Jesus!
[re=533147]doxastic[/re]: If we can get Redstate and the KKK in a cage match, it would be win-win for the rest of us. But in reality, I think it would be more “strapping-on” than actual fighting.
[re=533133]Mad Brahms[/re]: I didn’t know either,but a quick google search set me straight (I think) It’s named after Rep. Louise Slaughter (D-NY)and it’s a way of passing the bill without actually voting on it, because they’re a bunch of pussies.
It has nothing to do with a modern day Sherman, marching through the Red States and slaughtering teabaggers left, right and center, unfortunately.
[re=533158]imissopus[/re]: I’d give him a pass on that one. The more common slang term “perks” is after all, a truncation of “perquisites.”
It also occurs to one that if they are so eager to mix it up against people who pose a threat to their way of life, there is a Government organization they can approach which I hear allows for such activities, and even provides all expenses paid travel, free health care, and a pension into the bargain…no college degree required!
Strap-ons? “Getting in touch with our inner selves”???
Did Erick just come out of the closet?
[re=533165]Prommie[/re]: Perhaps because it’s an informal shortening?
The author’s bio:
Vassar Bushmills
Biography:
Heads small think tank near Richmond, specializing in third world/command economy style business analysis. Cold warrior since 1968, ex-military (Army-JAGC), upper management Fortune 500 mfg, private consulting since 1987. Specialties: Bureaucratism, agitprop, dynamic analysis, how things work, how things come to be and how things come to be undone; by accident and on purpose
Short version: no job since leaving the Army.
what a stupid lie
More information about “strapping it on” can be found on the internet.
The foes that MLK Jr. and Gandhi faced were much less ruthless than the congressional Democrats, yes; that’s why the both died peacefully of old age. Dicks.
This does remind me of one thing from Constitutional law, though; that incitements to violence are not protected by the First Amendment, and perpetrators can be held liable.
By the way, I didn’t know the relationship between Batman and Robin was so abusive. It’s sad.
[re=533106]comicbookguy[/re]: Um….his famous “Letter From a Birmingham ER Room?”
I love the smell of strap-ons in the morning. Smells like…teen spirit!
Whoa. Wait a minute. Teabagging is supposed to inspire fear? I think they are doing it wrong.
Ah, yes. I was thinking that CNN fucked up in hiring Erk, son of Erk; they should have gone for Joseph Farah instead, as he is both crazier and more extravagantly moustachioed than the Moron of Macon. However, getting RedState’s strapon- and fart-fetishists onboard is clearly change we can believe in. Kudos to CNN – they looked into the abyss, and apparently liked what they saw.
Oh, and the Gandhi-MLK-Beck axis??? One of these things is not like the others, and all that…
[re=533123]Ducksworthy[/re]: My daughter’s first boyfriend (before she was a lesbian) started a campaign of harassment by repeatedly telephoning our house and leaving loathsome messages. He never bothered to use *67 to block caller ID. He called 9 times in about 2 hours. So when I calmly called the police to tell them this kid was harrassing my 13-year-old, and I knew his name and they could come look at my call log, they were only too happy to ride on over to his house and have a chat with his dad.
The calls stopped immediately, but I imagine this kid is gonna grow up to be a Teabagger, if he’s not one already. I guarantee he’s a budding fascist, and a Glenn Beck fan, and full of stoopid. But I repeat myself.
My overall interpretation is, “Modern liberals don’t have to face the brutality, fear, and oppression that MLK dealt with, and we intend to fix that. Attention Lone Wolves: Here’s your chance (hint hint).”
[re=533138]Extemporanus[/re]: You win.
[re=533171]comicbookguy[/re]: Nothing honors the legacy of Gandhi or MLK Jr. like going all Tim McVeigh and rolling up on a federal building in a cement truck full of diesel fuel and fertilizer with a remote control detonator.
Given the level of hysteria, I have to think HCR is going to pass …. Oh, you say they just get crazier and crazier no matter what the imagined provocation is? Well, it won’t be long before they are actually foaming at the mouth ….
[re=533194]Cape Clod[/re]: The original Ambiguously Gay Duo, duh.
Somehow I feel like old Erick doesn’t really know what “strap it on” means…
I am wondering if CNN hired this guy because they never read his blog or read his stuff and LIKED it? Either way is depressingly scary.
Vassar Bushmills, a name you can trust.
Oh, and not to sound like an Internet tough, but as a genuine feminine lib, anyone who smacks me with anything is going to get smacked back. This guy is obvs. full of shit; most women would smack a guy back today, esp. if he hit her with an object, even a rolled-up newspaper. It’s instinct. This guy has never hit anybody, not once.
Hey, you know who else said “All propaganda must be so popular and on such an intellectual level, that even the most stupid of those toward whom it is directed will understand it… Through clever and constant application of propaganda, people can be made to see paradise as hell, and also the other way around, to consider the most wretched sort of life as paradise.”
[re=533164]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Oh, that makes sense! I do think it derives some of its semiotic power by way of invoking FEMA / EPA death camps, where sport fisherman are re-educated to love Gaia or killed, though.
Let me get this straight: expanding the power of the executive branch for 8 years and investing more power in a single leader is good for democracy, but making use of an actual majority in the legislature is… bad? Not to mention the fact that both parties have done this before. They really don’t have any accumulated memory at all, do they?
[re=533206]comicbookguy[/re]: You are correct, sir! Fucking Scots-Irish southern bastards, next thing they’ll be marching through the liberal neighborhoods wearing orange and beating Lambeg Drums screaming “Fuck FDR.”
“I can take my trusty newspaper with me everywhere.”
I feel really sorry for this old bum’s dog. You just know that’s who actually bears the brunt all that newspaper whacking. Pore lil’ pug.
[re=533239]Prommie[/re]: Haymarket 2.0: The Remarketing.
[re=533205]Katydid[/re]: Hey, maybe that’s why your daughter is batting for the other team nowadays. Nothing like a jerk boyfriend at an early age to make one re-think things.
[re=533225]Katydid[/re]: Maybe he was role playing with his boyfriend in drag.
“You know me, I’m the anonymous guy with the newspaper on craigslist”
[re=533219]Way Cool Larry[/re]: I suspect that his proximity to Atlanta may have something to do with it.
[re=533201]Joey Ratz[/re]: Gandhi, MLK, and Glenn Beck ARE all the same, or at least according to the Texas School Board.
[re=533225]Katydid[/re]: And speaking as a lover of hippie chicks, I would enjoy seeing “Glenn-Beck-is-too-far-to-the-left” get his ass handed to him by one.
Ghandi and MLK both died for their beliefs. Do any of those dickless wonders at Red State really think they could follow in those footsteps? The best they can hope for is to push some short bus kid like McVeigh or Oswald into doing something stupid and tragic.
Dear Mr. Crazy Old RedStater dude- Sadly I never got to finish your 3800 word Opus. After you misused the word inferred, as in “the Constitution inferred” and claimed that tarring and feathering is “only slightly illegal” I decided to cut my losses.
But- Just so you learn something today, I will point out that infer is what a person does when considering what is implied by the Constitution, and that the melting point of tar is well beyond a level that a human being could survive if covered with it.
KooKoo.
He still makes more sense than Wolf.
[re=533250]Mad Brahms[/re]: MayDay is coming soon!
As John Stewart said, some people are confusing losing an election with tyranny.
This is so convenient, as it’s often difficult to identify those responsible for false fire alarms or deliberately setting off sprinkler systems. Firefighters of D.C. – when it happens – here’s your guy.
Also, needs to read more Freud. Displaying one’s pathologies like that is like walking out of the hospital with the back of your gown untied.
“…the Gandhi-MLK Jr-Glenn Beck tack…”
Jesus fuck, that has to be one of the stupidest things ever written in history!
Well, Ghandi’s disciples did argue frequently amongst themselves about who was going to have the honor of giving the Great Soul his nightly enema. Is that what Red State is writing about?
Ha! The Batman pic reminds me of http://www.superdickery.com (aka “Superman is a Dick”)
This guy needs a blackboard…
So, Brown Shirts but with whoopie cushions and firecrackers?
– Alex
[re=533171]comicbookguy[/re]: “A group of white Southerners who want to keep people in fear of their wrath and re-establish their old order.” Didn’t they try something similar before, with disastrous results?
Did MLK and Ghandi have Vicks Vaporub back in the day?
Ho-boy. Well, this confirms it, it’s the right wing version of 60′s counter culture, and these guys must be the Scary Pranksters.
My sex life is sadly lacking, as his call to “strap it on” made me immediately think he was asking for Redstaters to don suicide vests, not dildos. Ideally, they’d use both, but fail in their revolution after forgetting to recharge the batteries on their RCVs (Rascal Combat Vehicles, which I imagine would include Rascal scooters, some corrugated aluminum and lots of duct tape). Fuck, I hate these people.
[re=533278]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Please, we all know that the Texas school board would never teach this “racial equality” nonsense.
[re=533252]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Well, she did get her revenge, unintentionally, because when she came out a year or two later, she thought it was hilarious that everyone was going around school saying that this putz had “turned her gay,” and they were all wondering how awful he had to be to do that. Of course it wasn’t true, but it made her happy to see the bastard so miserable about it.
And the great thing was, he couldn’t do a damn thing to mitigate the misery. He couldn’t refute that she was gay, and either she had been gay all along, and he had dated a gay chick, or he had, indeed, “turned her gay.” So he was fucked either way. Oh, and prior to her breaking up with him, he had gone around telling everyone, falsely, that she had given him a blowjob. So he had that to explain as well. Normally I don’t find a teen’s misery smile-inducing, but this kid was a piece of work, and he made his own bed, so to speak.
WTF! Glen Beck = MLK + Ghandi
Yep, these people make my head hurt.
[re=533104]President Beeblebrox[/re]: There are some Internet tough guys you really want to stay on the Internet. Oh, you were trying to be an Internet tough guy with that comment! Sorry I misunderstood. /snark
[re=533149]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: I’m guessing you never had a father who backed Jimmy Hoffa Jr. for President of the Teamsters and then gotten a concrete block through his windshield, have you?
Pro-tip: When every Teamster in the city has to go out of their way to drive by to keep you safe, then talk about threatening violence.
i wish i could see the batman-bomb gif again.
well, i probably could, but i would have to work hard to find it.
[re=533190]Hemp Dogbane[/re]: If this is a reference to licorice, I love you.
[re=533328]McDuff[/re]: To quote MST3K, ” I’d like to confuse Bok Choy with Cabbage, sir!”. And now I’m thinking of Erick, Son of Erik, wearing the awesome 80s costume from that movie, and it makes his whole rant so much better.
[re=533201]Joey Ratz[/re]: How come they didn’t hire Neal Horsley, the Georgia mule-fucker?
Fartons! Fartons!
Qu’un mal odeur,
Infiltre les bureaux!
I’d chide CNN, but I can’t watch it; it’s horrible. It’s even lower to t.v. journalism than USA Today is to newspapers. Faux News, of course, isn’t journalism at all, but whatever it is is more watchable in its awfulness than CNN, which is Teevee News for Dummies. I would be a hypocrite to chide a channel I never watch.
[re=533185]V572625694[/re]: I doubt that’s his real name, either. Perhaps he drinks too much Bushmill’s.
After going through all of these witty and wonderful comments, all I can say which hasn’t been said is: “Kaytydid” sounds like a GREAT PARENT! And, yes, proximity to Atlanta explains it all.
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