COMMIES  4:39 pm March 17, 2010

59,000 Nuns Love ObamabortionCare

by Jim Newell

Whoa. I think I like ObamaCare now.Don’t know about you people, but we trust America’s old virgin nuns much more than we do the Catholic Bishops, who just run an ancient kiddie-rape cult, since they can’t have sex with the virgin nuns and are also pedophiles. And guess what, the old bats love socialism: “Meanwhile, in a rare public disagreement that will reverberate among the nation’s 70 million Catholics, leaders of religious orders representing 59,000 nuns sent lawmakers a letter urging them to pass the Senate health care bill.” And there can’t be many more than 59,000 nuns in this country, right? Who becomes a nun? [AP]

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Jim89048 March 17, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Gotta be a joke about this nun and getting into the habit and all, somewhere.

Lascauxcaveman March 17, 2010 at 4:42 pm

Hey! My wife had an aunt who was a nun. She died last year, at about 120 years of age. So anyway, does that answer your question “Who becomes a nun?” It’s ladies who did it about 80 ago or more.

blinky_twinkie March 17, 2010 at 4:45 pm

I came thisclose to becoming a nun. But then I realized, “Ew.” So I didn’t.

Lazy Media March 17, 2010 at 4:46 pm

But, but, but … that article makes it sound like Dennis Kucinich is NOT the modern Ralph Nader. All those Kucinich voters have been betrayed! He’s not letting the perfect kill the good!

SmutBoffin March 17, 2010 at 4:46 pm

I suppose wingnuts think that this is all because Gibbs gave a briefing wearing a crucifix or one of those nun-hats, isn’t it? At that secret signal, all the nuns and ACORNS and SEIU, uh, nurses/thugs started practicing Stalinist Socialism.

sati demise March 17, 2010 at 4:47 pm

you go girls!

Lazy Media March 17, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Oh, and this is a better nun picture:

SmutBoffin March 17, 2010 at 4:48 pm

[re=532597]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Had an ex-gf whose Mom was a nun for a while. She hadda give it up because she didn’t really believe in God, and that just doesn’t make a marriage work, ya know?.

notreallyhelping March 17, 2010 at 4:49 pm

“Jesus, this stuff is…. Jesus. Jesus! Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus!”

JSDC007 March 17, 2010 at 4:49 pm

Everyone loves Nuns. Flying Nuns, singing Nuns, Nuns who run up and down the Alps.

So, this is a BIG, BIG, BIG win for Obamacare. Those Goddamned blue dogs and rabid dogs and other Democratic canines can now hide beneath the Mother Superior’s habit while voting yea for HCR.

Picture it: Nuns who clean the festering wounds of lepers for HCR on one side; pedophilic Bishops and boy-diddling priests against HCR on the other.

Republicans picked the wrong saintly creatures to mess around with. And the Dems, cowardly and spineless though they may be, were saved. If they now don’t vote yea, puppies and kittens and cute babies will die everywhere.

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 17, 2010 at 4:49 pm

New Catholic advertising pitch: Become a Nun: it’s Habit Forming!

Chickensmack March 17, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Wait… seventy million Catholics in the United States?!

Goddammit, someone with the Catholic church is lying their ass off and inflating the numbers. Just yesterday we heard a doddering old man who swore he’d cast out 70,000 demons. Next thing you know, there’ll be a bait story about how there’s three gods.

WhatTheHeck March 17, 2010 at 4:51 pm

They are trying to make up for smacking kid’s knuckles with rulers for all those years.
It led to so many health issues. Mainly mental.

pdiddycornchips March 17, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Sister Mary Bogart? Is that you?

charlesdegoal March 17, 2010 at 4:51 pm

“In the 2008 US Catholic demographic census there were found to be 59208 religious sisters serving …” So did 208 of them pass out or get married?

SayItWithWookies March 17, 2010 at 4:52 pm

Ohhhh — and ordination was so close. This’ll set back the 600-year-plan back to never.

JMP March 17, 2010 at 4:53 pm

Hey, the nun shortage isn’t that bad; my dad teaches at a Catholic school run by an order of sisters, and there’s still multiple nuns working there. Although both of them are comically old.

Ducksworthy March 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm

This is huge. So these nuns prefer Obama to their pedophile Bishops. I especially like the “false claims to the contrary” part. Does that apply to the Bishops or just Right to Life and/or Bart Stuppak personally? Thanks Jim.

Hooray For Anything March 17, 2010 at 4:57 pm

I bet those communion wafers went really fast when the munchies kicked in

pampl March 17, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Nuns Own

mumblyjoe March 17, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Wait a sec, I’ve watched The Sound of Music. I know for a FACT that the involvement of nuns automatically means that health care == the nanny state.

Also, I’m pretty sure Nazis were involved somehow. Honestly, I always passed out halfway through.

Judas Peckerwood March 17, 2010 at 5:02 pm

“Can’t wait to work “ancient kiddie-rape cult” into the next conversation with my mackerel-snapper relatives! Grazie!

Redhead March 17, 2010 at 5:02 pm

“Meanwhile, in a rare public disagreement that will reverberate among the nation’s 70 million Catholics…”

I’m confused. Isn’t Obamacare exactly the kind of love-you-neighbor crap Jesus preached (in between bong hits)? Aren’t nuns all about feeding the hungry and clothing the homeless and starting orphanages and other do-gooder shit (like making sure everyone has the health care and medicines they need)?

Where exactly is the conflict?

Bronkers March 17, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Sisters, Sisters, there were never such devoted sisters….

And pragmatic, too. As sati demise remarked, “You go, Girls!”

the problem child March 17, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Apparently there are only about 59,000 nuns in the US, so the mothers superior appear to be pretty much in the tank for Obamacare. And pretty much all of them are over 65. So get ‘er done now!

Buzz Feedback March 17, 2010 at 5:11 pm

My cousin Roberta is a nun. With a name like that, it was her only option.

doxastic March 17, 2010 at 5:15 pm

My great aunt Catherine, for one–so, Depression-era Irish with 10 brothers and sisters? There were awesome stories about she and her fellow Sisters frequent trips to Churchill Downs (her parish was a few blocks away).

sati demise March 17, 2010 at 5:17 pm

[re=532610]JSDC007[/re]: synopsis win.

Jim89048 March 17, 2010 at 5:17 pm

Like Father Guido Sarducci once famously said, “if you don’t play the game, you don’t write the rules”.

doxastic March 17, 2010 at 5:18 pm

[re=532608]SmutBoffin[/re]: I think I know more former nuns than actual nuns for sure…I’ve even known 2 different ex-priest/nun married couples.

JMP March 17, 2010 at 5:18 pm

[re=532633]Redhead[/re]: The conflict is that the health care package doesn’t also outlaw abortion – see Stupak, et al.

Extemporanus March 17, 2010 at 5:18 pm

Sister Christian, oh the time has come. And you know that you’re the only one to say, “O.K.

Redhead March 17, 2010 at 5:21 pm

[re=532649]JMP[/re]: I knew that, brain fart. Sorry, I swear I’m not usually this dense.

I’m going to just blame it on wonkett – all the Faux News clips and summaries must be affecting my brain.

Katydid March 17, 2010 at 5:21 pm

My friend said at her Communion, or Confirmation, I don’t know the difference, a nun smacked her in the face and demanded to know whether she’d be a soldier for Christ. So my friend’s not that broken up about the nun shortage.

Another friend says Jesuits beat the living shit outta him throughout school, and he says he’d just better stay away from monasteries.

All my Catholic friends also say if you got hit in school and you told your parents, they’d beat you at home for making the nuns hit you at school. Jebus may love the little children, the nuns and the Jesuits, not so much.

I really can’t bitch on Catholics, though; my people’s God ordered Abraham to off his own son for no reason, so….as a Jewish atheist, all I can say is, religion is just a way to justify violence and hatred. And, unfortunately, that is no snark.

Extemporanus March 17, 2010 at 5:22 pm

[re=532613]Chickensmack[/re]: 50,000,000 Jesus fans can’t be wrong.

Katydid March 17, 2010 at 5:23 pm

[re=532640]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Nah, I have an in-law Roberta. She’s an unbelievable cunt. So tell your cousin there is a choice.

predilectrix March 17, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Now if they would strap on their flight wimples, descend en masse on Capitol Hill, and start pulling some Republican ear, we might get somewhere.

FlownOver March 17, 2010 at 5:26 pm

Sister Mary Elephant FTW!

Lascauxcaveman March 17, 2010 at 5:29 pm

[re=532633]Redhead[/re]: I used to haul out the same argument every time I argued politics with my very Catholic, Limbaugh-listening sister. Now whenever suchlike subjects come up, she gets real quiet and finds something to do in another room.

BarackMyWorld March 17, 2010 at 5:31 pm

[re=532611]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Zing~!

Radiotherapy March 17, 2010 at 5:32 pm

[re=532655]Extemporanus[/re]: Elvis is so conventional.

How about these singing sisters?

Jumping Jim March 17, 2010 at 5:33 pm

[re=532656]Katydid[/re]: Another choice, change your name to Bobbie.

WadISay March 17, 2010 at 5:38 pm

In the immortal words of Earl Butz, “[The Pope] no playa the game, he no maka the rules.” Well, except for the lets-hide-the-child-molesters game.

Joshua Norton March 17, 2010 at 5:43 pm

So get down upon your knees
Fiddle with your rosaries
Bow your head with great respect
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect

Make a cross on your abdomen
When in Rome do like a Roman
Ave Maria, gee it’s good to see ya
Gettin’ ecstatic an’ sorta dramatic an’
Doin’ the Vatican Raaaag!

Radiotherapy March 17, 2010 at 5:45 pm

And that Sally Fields, she was such a wingnun.

An Outhouse March 17, 2010 at 5:46 pm

Nuns are girls. Who cares what they think. I only take advice from male child molesters.

foulmouthed mrscreant March 17, 2010 at 5:49 pm

May every last one
of those 59,000 nuns
take a ruler to the hand
of that dreadful man
in the white shirt

Hooray For Anything March 17, 2010 at 5:52 pm

[re=532648]doxastic[/re]: I always imagined there’d be a lot of inter-office romances blooming in Churches and Monasteries so becoming a nun would be a good way to meet a good Catholic guy. Too bad most of those good Catholic guys are more into good catholic boys.

Extemporanus March 17, 2010 at 5:53 pm

[re=532665]Radiotherapy[/re]: I prefer my sisters a little less merciful, especially since their videos typically end with Neilist getting his self-important ass handed to him.

Gorillionaire March 17, 2010 at 5:53 pm

I just love saying “get thee to a nunnery!”

Buzz Feedback March 17, 2010 at 5:56 pm

[re=532656]Katydid[/re]: Oddly enough I thought you had to become a priest to be a cunt.

GOPCrusher March 17, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Rastafarian Nuns!

Diana Davies March 17, 2010 at 6:11 pm

Sister Mary Dick Butkus slapped me in the 7th grade and I’ve thought all nuns were dicks ever since.

Radiotherapy March 17, 2010 at 6:28 pm

So this is what that kid who unjustly got chastised by the SCOTUS meant when he said, “Bong Hits 4 Jesus”.

Cookie Guggelman March 17, 2010 at 7:06 pm

There was a big article in the NYT’s a few months ago about the Vatican cracking down on American nuns because they were getting too independent, living amongst regular, non-nun people, and doing yoga, or something like that. With the priest shortage they already run a lot of parishes.

natteringnabomb March 17, 2010 at 7:24 pm

As sister Bertha use to say,empty barrels make the most noise so you cocksuckers better sit down,shut the fuck up and vote for the bill or this pointer is going right up your ass.

Sharkey March 17, 2010 at 7:32 pm

Has anyone mentioned Green Nuns of the Revolution yet? No?

Sharkey March 17, 2010 at 7:39 pm

[re=532749]wendykat123[/re]: I wanna check out. That’s for sure.

Redhead March 17, 2010 at 7:53 pm

[re=532661]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: “my very Catholic, Limbaugh-listening sister…”
Talk about contradictions. I thought Catholics were against the death penalty, and against self-destructive shit (the whole body is a temple thing) like abusing drugs. Oh, and aren’t they all big on this whole forgiveness thing (why they go to confession in the first place)? What on earth does Limbaugh say that a Catholic would agree with?

Meh, my sister went to Catholic school… I should know better than to try to make sense of their contradictions.

Dustin de Wynde March 17, 2010 at 8:28 pm

On my last go round in NYC I lived directly behind a now thankfully defunct Nunnery.

On days I spotted them doing there thing in their backyard I made a point of finding the most vocal YouPorn clips I could find and blasting the audio out my window in their direction. It was always fun to pass the Sisters out on the street from time to time with a smirk on my face.

Those were good times.

Now I’m Munich, the epicenter of this *latest* child rape scandal and I’m trying to figure out a way to silence the damn church bells that clang here every Sunday morning at 9am. Legally throughout the country Sunday is a mandated day of rest but those child rapers, in a country where nobody goes to church anymore, somehow still get a special dispensation to screw with everybody’s hangovers.

This fix that Ratzi the Nazi is in might finally just be the angle that I’m looking for.

desertwind March 17, 2010 at 11:38 pm

Yeah. These socialist/Nazi/ObamaSheeple nuns are the ones The Vatican is havin’ a conniption fit about. The “younger” American nuns (below 85 years old or so) are just too free-wheeling for The Ratz.

steverino247 March 18, 2010 at 2:11 am

[re=532775]Dustin de Wynde[/re]: That or Ratzi announces a vision from God revealing that priests spurting their semen on children is more holy than sprinkling holy water on them. Now, there’s some sex tape out of Brazil, apparently. Their behavior is an unbelievable as their dogma.

TGY March 18, 2010 at 5:19 am


Gumboz1953 March 18, 2010 at 7:57 am

[re=532607]Lazy Media[/re]: Sister Bernardine! You found my first grade teacher!

She was great. She let me clap the erasers. She couldn’t put down the sword, you see.

Gumboz1953 March 18, 2010 at 8:06 am

[re=532767]Redhead[/re]: My mom, too. Elderly, very Catholic, and hangs on every word Limbaugh says.

I was raised Catholic and contemplated being a nun. I still think about the attractions of a cloistered life, especially when stuck an interminable interagency meeting, or a five-mile backup on the Beltway.

Gumboz1953 March 18, 2010 at 8:08 am

[re=532749]wendykat123[/re]: Is there nun-on-monk action there? Stay on topic.

Gumboz1953 March 18, 2010 at 8:12 am

[re=532654]Katydid[/re]: I think it was Arthur C. Clarke who said that religion was Satan’s way of keeping us away from God. Or something. If he didn’t say it, he probably thought it.

san March 26, 2010 at 6:40 am

Meanwhile, in a rare public disagreement that will reverberate among the nation’s 70 million Catholics, leaders of religious orders representing 59,000 nuns sent lawmakers a letter urging them to pass the Senate health care bill.” And there can’t be many more than 59,000 nuns in this country, right? Who becomes a nun……

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