59,000 Nuns Love ObamabortionCare

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Whoa. I think I like ObamaCare now.Don’t know about you people, but we trust America’s old virgin nuns much more than we do the Catholic Bishops, who just run an ancient kiddie-rape cult, since they can’t have sex with the virgin nuns and are also pedophiles. And guess what, the old bats love socialism: “Meanwhile, in a rare public disagreement that will reverberate among the nation’s 70 million Catholics, leaders of religious orders representing 59,000 nuns sent lawmakers a letter urging them to pass the Senate health care bill.” And there can’t be many more than 59,000 nuns in this country, right? Who becomes a nun? [AP]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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68 comments

  1. Lascauxcaveman

    Hey! My wife had an aunt who was a nun. She died last year, at about 120 years of age. So anyway, does that answer your question “Who becomes a nun?” It’s ladies who did it about 80 ago or more.

  2. Lazy Media

    But, but, but … that article makes it sound like Dennis Kucinich is NOT the modern Ralph Nader. All those Kucinich voters have been betrayed! He’s not letting the perfect kill the good!

  3. SmutBoffin

    I suppose wingnuts think that this is all because Gibbs gave a briefing wearing a crucifix or one of those nun-hats, isn’t it? At that secret signal, all the nuns and ACORNS and SEIU, uh, nurses/thugs started practicing Stalinist Socialism.

  4. SmutBoffin

    [re=532597]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Had an ex-gf whose Mom was a nun for a while. She hadda give it up because she didn’t really believe in God, and that just doesn’t make a marriage work, ya know?.

  5. JSDC007

    Everyone loves Nuns. Flying Nuns, singing Nuns, Nuns who run up and down the Alps.

    So, this is a BIG, BIG, BIG win for Obamacare. Those Goddamned blue dogs and rabid dogs and other Democratic canines can now hide beneath the Mother Superior’s habit while voting yea for HCR.

    Picture it: Nuns who clean the festering wounds of lepers for HCR on one side; pedophilic Bishops and boy-diddling priests against HCR on the other.

    Republicans picked the wrong saintly creatures to mess around with. And the Dems, cowardly and spineless though they may be, were saved. If they now don’t vote yea, puppies and kittens and cute babies will die everywhere.

  6. Chickensmack

    Wait… seventy million Catholics in the United States?!

    Goddammit, someone with the Catholic church is lying their ass off and inflating the numbers. Just yesterday we heard a doddering old man who swore he’d cast out 70,000 demons. Next thing you know, there’ll be a bait story about how there’s three gods.

  7. WhatTheHeck

    They are trying to make up for smacking kid’s knuckles with rulers for all those years.
    It led to so many health issues. Mainly mental.

  8. charlesdegoal

    “In the 2008 US Catholic demographic census there were found to be 59208 religious sisters serving …” So did 208 of them pass out or get married?

  9. SayItWithWookies

    Ohhhh — and ordination was so close. This’ll set back the 600-year-plan back to never.

  10. JMP

    Hey, the nun shortage isn’t that bad; my dad teaches at a Catholic school run by an order of sisters, and there’s still multiple nuns working there. Although both of them are comically old.

  11. Ducksworthy

    This is huge. So these nuns prefer Obama to their pedophile Bishops. I especially like the “false claims to the contrary” part. Does that apply to the Bishops or just Right to Life and/or Bart Stuppak personally? Thanks Jim.

  12. mumblyjoe

    Wait a sec, I’ve watched The Sound of Music. I know for a FACT that the involvement of nuns automatically means that health care == the nanny state.

    Also, I’m pretty sure Nazis were involved somehow. Honestly, I always passed out halfway through.

  13. Judas Peckerwood

    “Can’t wait to work “ancient kiddie-rape cult” into the next conversation with my mackerel-snapper relatives! Grazie!

  14. Redhead

    “Meanwhile, in a rare public disagreement that will reverberate among the nation’s 70 million Catholics…”

    I’m confused. Isn’t Obamacare exactly the kind of love-you-neighbor crap Jesus preached (in between bong hits)? Aren’t nuns all about feeding the hungry and clothing the homeless and starting orphanages and other do-gooder shit (like making sure everyone has the health care and medicines they need)?

    Where exactly is the conflict?

  15. Bronkers

    Sisters, Sisters, there were never such devoted sisters….

    And pragmatic, too. As sati demise remarked, “You go, Girls!”

  16. the problem child

    Apparently there are only about 59,000 nuns in the US, so the mothers superior appear to be pretty much in the tank for Obamacare. And pretty much all of them are over 65. So get ‘er done now!

  17. doxastic

    My great aunt Catherine, for one–so, Depression-era Irish with 10 brothers and sisters? There were awesome stories about she and her fellow Sisters frequent trips to Churchill Downs (her parish was a few blocks away).

  18. Jim89048

    Like Father Guido Sarducci once famously said, “if you don’t play the game, you don’t write the rules”.

  19. doxastic

    [re=532608]SmutBoffin[/re]: I think I know more former nuns than actual nuns for sure…I’ve even known 2 different ex-priest/nun married couples.

  20. JMP

    [re=532633]Redhead[/re]: The conflict is that the health care package doesn’t also outlaw abortion – see Stupak, et al.

  21. Redhead

    [re=532649]JMP[/re]: I knew that, brain fart. Sorry, I swear I’m not usually this dense.

    I’m going to just blame it on wonkett – all the Faux News clips and summaries must be affecting my brain.

  22. Katydid

    My friend said at her Communion, or Confirmation, I don’t know the difference, a nun smacked her in the face and demanded to know whether she’d be a soldier for Christ. So my friend’s not that broken up about the nun shortage.

    Another friend says Jesuits beat the living shit outta him throughout school, and he says he’d just better stay away from monasteries.

    All my Catholic friends also say if you got hit in school and you told your parents, they’d beat you at home for making the nuns hit you at school. Jebus may love the little children, the nuns and the Jesuits, not so much.

    I really can’t bitch on Catholics, though; my people’s God ordered Abraham to off his own son for no reason, so….as a Jewish atheist, all I can say is, religion is just a way to justify violence and hatred. And, unfortunately, that is no snark.

  23. Katydid

    [re=532640]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Nah, I have an in-law Roberta. She’s an unbelievable cunt. So tell your cousin there is a choice.

  24. predilectrix

    Now if they would strap on their flight wimples, descend en masse on Capitol Hill, and start pulling some Republican ear, we might get somewhere.

  25. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=532633]Redhead[/re]: I used to haul out the same argument every time I argued politics with my very Catholic, Limbaugh-listening sister. Now whenever suchlike subjects come up, she gets real quiet and finds something to do in another room.

  26. WadISay

    In the immortal words of Earl Butz, “[The Pope] no playa the game, he no maka the rules.” Well, except for the lets-hide-the-child-molesters game.

  27. Joshua Norton

    So get down upon your knees
    Fiddle with your rosaries
    Bow your head with great respect
    And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect

    Make a cross on your abdomen
    When in Rome do like a Roman
    Ave Maria, gee it’s good to see ya
    Gettin’ ecstatic an’ sorta dramatic an’
    Doin’ the Vatican Raaaag!

  28. An Outhouse

    Nuns are girls. Who cares what they think. I only take advice from male child molesters.

  29. foulmouthed mrscreant

    May every last one
    of those 59,000 nuns
    take a ruler to the hand
    of that dreadful man
    in the white shirt

  30. Hooray For Anything

    [re=532648]doxastic[/re]: I always imagined there’d be a lot of inter-office romances blooming in Churches and Monasteries so becoming a nun would be a good way to meet a good Catholic guy. Too bad most of those good Catholic guys are more into good catholic boys.

  31. Extemporanus

    [re=532665]Radiotherapy[/re]: I prefer my sisters a little less merciful, especially since their videos typically end with Neilist getting his self-important ass handed to him.

  32. Buzz Feedback

    [re=532656]Katydid[/re]: Oddly enough I thought you had to become a priest to be a cunt.

  33. Diana Davies

    Sister Mary Dick Butkus slapped me in the 7th grade and I’ve thought all nuns were dicks ever since.

  34. Radiotherapy

    So this is what that kid who unjustly got chastised by the SCOTUS meant when he said, “Bong Hits 4 Jesus”.

  35. Cookie Guggelman

    There was a big article in the NYT’s a few months ago about the Vatican cracking down on American nuns because they were getting too independent, living amongst regular, non-nun people, and doing yoga, or something like that. With the priest shortage they already run a lot of parishes.

  36. natteringnabomb

    As sister Bertha use to say,empty barrels make the most noise so you cocksuckers better sit down,shut the fuck up and vote for the bill or this pointer is going right up your ass.

  37. Redhead

    [re=532661]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: “my very Catholic, Limbaugh-listening sister…”
    Talk about contradictions. I thought Catholics were against the death penalty, and against self-destructive shit (the whole body is a temple thing) like abusing drugs. Oh, and aren’t they all big on this whole forgiveness thing (why they go to confession in the first place)? What on earth does Limbaugh say that a Catholic would agree with?

    Meh, my sister went to Catholic school… I should know better than to try to make sense of their contradictions.

  38. Dustin de Wynde

    On my last go round in NYC I lived directly behind a now thankfully defunct Nunnery.

    On days I spotted them doing there thing in their backyard I made a point of finding the most vocal YouPorn clips I could find and blasting the audio out my window in their direction. It was always fun to pass the Sisters out on the street from time to time with a smirk on my face.

    Those were good times.

    Now I’m Munich, the epicenter of this *latest* child rape scandal and I’m trying to figure out a way to silence the damn church bells that clang here every Sunday morning at 9am. Legally throughout the country Sunday is a mandated day of rest but those child rapers, in a country where nobody goes to church anymore, somehow still get a special dispensation to screw with everybody’s hangovers.

    This fix that Ratzi the Nazi is in might finally just be the angle that I’m looking for.

  39. desertwind

    Yeah. These socialist/Nazi/ObamaSheeple nuns are the ones The Vatican is havin’ a conniption fit about. The “younger” American nuns (below 85 years old or so) are just too free-wheeling for The Ratz.

  40. steverino247

    [re=532775]Dustin de Wynde[/re]: That or Ratzi announces a vision from God revealing that priests spurting their semen on children is more holy than sprinkling holy water on them. Now, there’s some sex tape out of Brazil, apparently. Their behavior is an unbelievable as their dogma.

  41. Gumboz1953

    [re=532607]Lazy Media[/re]: Sister Bernardine! You found my first grade teacher!

    She was great. She let me clap the erasers. She couldn’t put down the sword, you see.

  42. Gumboz1953

    [re=532767]Redhead[/re]: My mom, too. Elderly, very Catholic, and hangs on every word Limbaugh says.

    I was raised Catholic and contemplated being a nun. I still think about the attractions of a cloistered life, especially when stuck an interminable interagency meeting, or a five-mile backup on the Beltway.

  43. Gumboz1953

    [re=532654]Katydid[/re]: I think it was Arthur C. Clarke who said that religion was Satan’s way of keeping us away from God. Or something. If he didn’t say it, he probably thought it.

  44. san

    Meanwhile, in a rare public disagreement that will reverberate among the nation’s 70 million Catholics, leaders of religious orders representing 59,000 nuns sent lawmakers a letter urging them to pass the Senate health care bill.” And there can’t be many more than 59,000 nuns in this country, right? Who becomes a nun……

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